Bwhaha! Cheney Receives Heart Transplant; Bush Still on Waiting List for Brain

[DippyDem]

FALLS CHURCH, VA (The Borowitz Report) – Former Vice President Dick Cheney received a heart transplant today, but former President George W. Bush remained on a waiting list for a brain, hospital officials confirmed.

As part of a government contract signed while he was still Vice President, Halliburton performed the reconstruction work on Mr. Cheney’s circulatory system at a cost to taxpayers of $14.2 billion.

The doctor who performed the surgery called the procedure “extremely invasive – just the way the Vice President wanted it.”

snip...

http://www.borowitzreport.com/2012/03/25/cheney-receives-heart-transplant-bush-still-on-waiting-list-for-brain/

[Kali]

1. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

evil fucker

[freshwest]

7. Don't hold back now!

[Vanje]

2. K&R nt

[rocktivity]

3. IF he only had a heart...

rocktivity

[rhett o rick]

4. Rmoney has neither. nm

[freshwest]

5. Hehehe! Andy strikes again.

[HarveyDarkey]

6. Love me some Andy Borowitz

K&R

[malaise]

8. Good one

[Ohio Joe]

9. Awesome

[aint_no_life_nowhere]

10. I'll bet it was an artificial heart made of steel, impervious to wooden stakes

Dick can now go back to rest in peace in his coffin until Halloween, when he has a date with Christine O'Donnell.

[svpadgham]

11. My wife said

His heart was composed of a ring of five hearts taken from newborn babies.

[Grassy Knoll]

12. Did you find a match for Dick Cheney, Soldier ?

...SIR, YES SIR !!!

[craigmatic]

13. The title is so cleaver.

[Justpat]

14. Seen on Wonkette:

"The heart is Mr. Cheney's first."

[Ruby the Liberal]

15. Before I even opened this, my thought was "sounds like an Andy Borowitz-ism"

That boy cracks me up every time.

[RoccoR5955]

16. rotflmaopmp!

I don't think that they have perfected brain transplants.

FYI- The heart that they got for Cheney wasn't really a transplant, it was a meal.

[JoePhilly]

17. This just in ... Transplanted heart rejects Cheney and asks for new donor body.

[dflprincess]

18. +1000

I'd be damned mad if I donated my loved ones organs and found out the heart went to this asshole - unless he was being kept alive so he could be prosecuted.

I can't help but wonder who didn't get the heart because strings were pulled.

[Thinkingabout]

19. I hope this is a liberal heart and it would allow Dick to finally get it right

But on the Bush issue, it needs to be a trained brain but keep the old one on the shelf as a slightly used one.