The DUzy Awards for March 23rd, 2012

[The DUzy Awards]

[center][big][big][big]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/big][/big][/big][/center]

Your weekly installment of the best of DU, a place where Skittles and canned iced tea exist without fear of persecution and hatred.

This week’s improvement: Delivering enough birth-control pills to Sandra Fluke for 56-rounds of sex. So says Rush Limbaugh, so it shall be.


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by hue
[big] Sen. Taylor sent box of excrement by mining bill supporter [/big]
Source: Today's WTMJ 4 News

MADISON- State Senator Lena Taylor's office has confirmed to Newsradio 620 WTMJ they have a received an "envelope full of human excrement" from a mining supporter.

Senator Taylor Chief of Staff, Erik Peterson told Newsardio 620 WTMJ that shortly before noon, the Senate mail staff noticed a suspicious package in the mail which was believed to be human excrement. Peterson said he could smell the package and called Capitol police and authorities confirmed it was human excrement.

Peterson wasn't sure if a follow up investigation was sought in this case.

He told Newsradio 620 WTMJ that the return label on the package said, "The Milwaukee Trade Unions Want The Iron Mine."

Read more: http://www.todaystmj4.com/news/local/142983075.html
____________________________________

How low can they go??? Wonder if they can do a DNA test on this??

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] SamG
[big] 4. Unfortunately, human solid waste is a very poor [/big]
sample to examine for DNA. Lots of vegetable and animal DNA in it, but few human cells with testable DNA. By virtue of the fact that feces contains mostly broken-down human blood cells, filtered through the liver and/or kidneys, human feces is a poor sampling from which to identify an individual.

DNA breaks down fastest within the animal organism itself, before being excreted. Various animal bacteria and enzymes do a very efficient job at breaking up the organism's DNA, before it emerges from the animal. Undigested food, (meat or poultry or fish and many fibrous vegetables), do retain their DNA, but not so for animal DNA from the feces donor.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Cirque du So-What [/font]
[big] 11. How refreshing [/big]
to find someone who really knows his shit.

LBN, Mar 16, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101476452


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE] In an original post by cynatnite
[big] Repubs brace for possible floor fight at convention...[/big]
CHICAGO — For the first time in a generation, Republicans are preparing for the possibility that their presidential nomination could be decided at their national convention rather than on the campaign trail, a prospect that would upend one of the rituals of modern politics.

The race remains Mitt Romney’s to lose, and if he continues to accumulate delegates at a steady clip starting with contests in Puerto Rico on Sunday and Illinois on Tuesday, he can still amass the 1,144 necessary to secure the nomination before the last primary, in Utah on June 26. But as he struggles to win the hearts of conservative voters and hold off a challenge from Rick Santorum, party leaders, activists and the campaigns are for the first time taking seriously the possibility that neither he nor anyone else will get to that total.

In that case, the nomination would be decided by the more than 2,200 delegates — from obscure local officials and activists to national figures — who will attend the party’s convention in Tampa, Fla., in late August.

They would embark on an unscripted, contentious and televised drama that has not played out in 36 years, a period in which both major party conventions have become slickly produced and highly choreographed pep rallies kicking off the general election campaign.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/18/us/politics/republicans-brace-for-possible-open-convention.html?_r=1&pagewanted=all



[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] TrogL [/font]
[big] 3. I read that as "food fight" [/big]

GD, Mar 7, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002436528


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] stlsaxman [/font]
[big] [View All] is back? No! Please, no![/big]
i hate getting down to the bottom of a long list of replies and then having to scroll all the way back up because the replies are headlines only.

If we have to go back to that- could you please put one at the bottom of the page, also? Please?

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] scarletwoman [/font]
[big]24. *sigh* [/big]
Sheesh! Ya think ya've found a way to make to everybody happy, but NOOOOOOooooooo.

"That's too hard!" "That's too many letters!" "I'm on the internet but I don't understand how it works!" :cry

Okay, how about this? "View OP Only" (or just "OP Only&quot or "View w/o Replies" (or just "W/o Replies&quot - or just use short little acronyms, like: "VAP" or "VOO" (or "OO&quot or "VWOR" (or "WOR&quot .

Then everyone can run to Meta and start threads like, "OMG! WTF does "VAP" ("VOO", "OO" "VWOR", "WOR&quot mean?"

Hours of fun for all!

H&M-D, Mar 18, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124063203


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by grantcart
[big] Why I think Mitt Romney is running for President.[/big]
He has no particularly strong policy positions.

He waffles on both sides.

He is not comfortable with celebrity who dislikes personal questions and hates to be interviewed. When off script he cringes and reveals that he doesn't really like 'the crowd'.

So why is Mitt Romney running for President, especially when he is so poor at it and it inflicts such painful criticism of him before his family.

<snip>

It would also explain why Romney always seems to be trying to get everyone's approval, he wants to be known as the fourth great Mormon, the one that finally brought Mormonism inside of the American establishment.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Guy Whitey Corngood [/font]
[big] 59. Holy magic underoos Batman! Reading some of these replies is like [/big]
watching moths flying into to the flame!

GD, Mar 17, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002436216


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] MineralMan [/font]
[big] Romney is on his way to Puerto Rico. Here are some Spanish phrases for him.[/big]
He'll need some expressions he can use to charm the locals. Here are handy phrases he can use:

For example, he'll want a friendly greeting in Spanish to use when opening a speech. I suggest he say "Chinge Ustedes Todos!" That'll show his mastery of the language, for sure.

He may want to claim that he is a Puerto Rican at heart. For this, he can say "Estoy un Puto Rico!"

Then, of course, he'll want to say some kind words about the children of Puerto Rico. I suggest he say "Comeremos sus niños."

When he tries the local food, he'll want to pay a compliment to the chef. He can say "Este alimento prueba como la mierda."

Naturally, he'll want to ask for their votes. Here's a phrase he can say: "Voto para mí, pendejos!"

I can supply more useful phrases. All he needs to do is contact me.

[font color=#FF0000]The entire thread is pretty funny! READ IT![/font]

GD, Mar 16, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002431964


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] Stinky The Clown [/font]
[big] Transparency: Keeping our dumbitude on display [/big]
I edited a post to correct some typos.

When I was done with the edit, I filled in the little "reason for the edit" box with "Fized typos"

I'm going back to bed, now. I will not be using transparent sheets.

[font color=#FF0000]See, now, if you worked for Sarah Palin, you’d never have to worry about misspellings[/font]

H&M-D, Mar 17, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124062994


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Great Caesars Ghost
[big] Some of my respect was thrown out the window for George Clooney[/big]
For even bothering to go on Fox News for an interview.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Ian David [/font]
[big] 9. He's Batman. He can go anywhere he wants. n/t [/big]

GD, Mar 18, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002439608


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by The DUzy Awards
[big] DUzy Awards for March 16th, 2012[/big]
WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS!


Your weekly installment of the best of DU… 100% free of mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds!

This week’s improvement: Each click of “DU Rec” dispenses a month’s birth control into Sandra Fluke’s medicine cabinet.

<giant snip>

Submitted almost under the wire…,
-Krispos42

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] FailureToCommunicate [/font]
[big] 17. Wait, is getting a DUZY a GOOD thing? [/big]

GD, Mar 17, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002433842


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] LynneSin [/font]
[big] FOUND: Photo of Ohiosmith and his wife!!!![/big]


That's ohiosmith on the left

[font color=#FF0000]Well, the Dutch Oven may not be pleasant, but it beats the Cleveland Steamer[/font]

The Lounge, Mar 20, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101880650


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by sakabatou
[big] Heisenberg at a traffic stop[/big]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] eridani [/font]
[big] 6. What if the cop was a Zen Buddhist? [/big]
S/he would clout Heisenberg with a bamboo stick and say "You see? You don't have to go fast if you are already there!"

Science, Mar 20, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/12284105


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] EarlG [/font]
[big] Pic Of The Moment: Jeb Bush Endorses Romney[/big]


http://www.democraticunderground.com/101479113

[font color=#FF0000]Hey, Elad… I’ve got a nice shiny DUzy award for you! C’mon, put down the PCBs and “Intro to Fortran 77” and unleash the wit![/font]

Video & Multimedia, Mar 21, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101717655


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by unionworks
[big] Transparency for Mr. (and Ms.) Magoo Posters [/big]
Want to really put the brakes on "disruption" on D.U.? Perhaps the present approach is going about it bass-ackwards. How about transparency for people whose posts constantly cause people to respond to them in such a way that causes the response to be hidden by a jury? Simply count the number of responses to a given person that have been hidden by juries once it gets over a given limit. This could serve as a much needed warning to posters who get mad enough to respond harshly to these passive aggressive baiters, who never get a post hidden but are experts at manipulating others to do so. Mr. Magoo never gets in an accident. Everyone around him does. Time for some fair transparency. perhaps display a mousetrap or skull and crossbones icon next to their handle once more than 20 posters have fallen into their clutches

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Quantess [/font]
[big] 23. I responded to Mr Magoo and got a post hidden! [/big]
View profile
He was a jerk right from the beginning. I called him an asshole. The rest is history.

True story!
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Kaleko [/font]
[big] 26. The war against the Magoos has left many veterans [/big]
with many a post that was hidden from view. (Only to make it that much more tempting for generations of readers to click on them, of course). But it was all worth the trouble and we bore our burdens with something bordering on who-gives-a-fuck?.

Ah, the stories we will tell our grandchildren once they're old enough to understand!
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] unionworks [/font]
[big] 27. what amazes me [/big]
...is when a Magoo is being a total ass trumpet, and finally someone can stand no more, and gets like 4 or 5 posts hidden. Fascinating. even more amazing that the Magoo just rambled right along, as if not noticing the swath of destruction in his path...
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Kaleko [/font]
[big] 30. LOL. Ass trumpet? I had to Google that as soon as I saw your reply. [/big]
How vividly descriptive can you get?

Thinking further along the same lines, I also find it astounding that Magoos usually come online surrounded by a whole big (br)ass band, trumpeting their little hearts out, marching to the beat... and all of this more or less in unison! A spectacle no one can ignore for long.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] unionworks [/font]
[big] 32. Wow [/big]
View profile
I thought noone else noticed this! I have done my share of ass trumpeting, but usually after having one too many or making a joke that noone else finds funny. The Magoos don't get posts hidden. If you see more than one on a thread, usually you see a train wreck of multiple hidden posts from more than one poster. Sometimes it is quite spectacular. I know it will never happen, but I think a count of replies to a poster that have been hidden would be emminently fair.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Kaleko [/font]
[big] 33. Really? [/big]

I thought noone else noticed this!

How can anyone overlook the Big BrAss Bands parading up and down thread after benighted thread?

Earplugs won't help... blindfolds maybe?
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] unionworks [/font]
[big] 34. Perhaps [/big]
... big rubber plugs for the ass trumpets might work.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] 50000feet [/font]
[big] 35. One of the reasons I rarely post [/big]
is that I did order a large quantity of industrial strength buttplugs soon after I signed up in this joint. But then I realized that there's no way to shove them where they belong -- belatedly, alas.

H&M-D, Mar 20, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/124064012


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] trotsky [/font]
[big] If it pleases the football gods... [/big]


Sports, Mar 22, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/12049026


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Amerigo Vespucci
[big] "These pancakes are just as big as my win in Puerto Rico last night?"[/big]
Oh, Mitt. WHO said you are awkward in front of humans? WHO said you don't know how to relate to people? Your love for CHEESY GRITS in the South didn;t bring the harvest of votes you'd hoped for, but I am CONFIDENT that your love of ILLINOIS PANCAKES will CERTAINLY put you over the top in THAT state.



[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] cthulu2016 [/font]
[big] 4. "Tie it to the roof!" [/big]
“I’m looking forward to getting one of these pancakes. Can I get one of these on the way out? Not the super big one, I can’t fit that in the vehicle, all right,” Romney joked. “The car’s only a Chevy SUV.”

The large breakfast crowd began to chant, "Tie it to the roof! Tie it to the roof!"

(Yes, I added that last sentence)

GD, Mar 19, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002441346


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE] Hissyspit
[big] Trinity Broadcasting Network ‘Funds Owners’ Exorbitant Lifestyle’[/big]
Source: The Guardian

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2012/mar/23/us-christian-tv-channel-owners-lawsuit?cat=world&type=article

Trinity Broadcasting Network ‘funds owners’ exorbitant lifestyle’

By Peter Beaumont, The Guardian
Friday, March 23, 2012 13:20 EDT

The world’s largest Christian TV channel, the California-based Trinity Broadcasting Network, has become embroiled in a multimillion dollar financial scandal after members of the family that founded it alleged widespread embezzlement.

The claims – by Brittany Koper, whose grandfather Paul Crouch founded TBN, and by Joseph McVeigh, another family member – describe exorbitant spending on mansions in California, Tennessee and Florida, private jets and even a $100,000-mobile home to house the dogs of Crouch’s flamboyant wife, Janice.

The network, which claims to broadcast in every continent except the Antarctic and has 18,000 affiliates, was set up by Crouch in the 1970s and preaches a so-called “prosperity gospel” which promises material rewards to those who give generously.

- snip -

According to the lawsuit, reported in a number of US newspapers, Paul Crouch Sr obtained a $50m luxury jet for his personal use through a “sham loan”, while church funds – many of which come from donations during events like its “Praise-a-thons” – paid for the mobile home housing his wife’s dogs.

Read more: http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2012/03/23/trinity-broadcasting-network-funds-owners-exorbitant-lifestyle

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Rob H. [/font]
[big] 12. "flamboyant"? The author has a gift for understatement [/big]


Having that much cotton candy wrapped around her head must make for an awfully convenient snacking experience.

LBN, Mar 23, 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/101481047


Thanks to: Canuckistanian, 2ndAmForComputers, a2liberal, hootinholler, eridani, gkhouston, babylonsister, Devil_Fish, zbdent, TBF, 50000feet, rocktivity, and meow2u3!


Ha! Made it!
-Krispos42

[ellisonz]

1. K & R

[one_voice]

2. I love these!

k&r

[CaliforniaPeggy]

3. My week is complete!

Thank you!

[Kaleko]

4. Hee! I loved eridani's reply to the Heisenberg traffic stop.

Werner, Niels and Hans Peter Dürr would totally get what she said and why. These guys were incredibly high ans still are, as far as I can tell.

[eridani]

7. Check the rest of the thread too

Good stuff in there.

[Kaleko]

15. Thanks for the tip.

I never imagined to find people on DU who can seriously grok the hilarity of Quantum Physics.

[tavalon]

5. Bless you for allowing me to brush up on my Spanish.

I would hate for mittens to be embarazado.

[MineralMan]

10. Now, that would be a miracle!

O un milagro, as they say in Puerto Rico...

[sakabatou]

6. Finally, I got one of the new DUzy's!

HUZZUH!

[FailureToCommunicate]

8. I'd like to thank the Academy, and.....Devil Fish, and Krispos, and...

Seriously, TWO DUZYs in a week! My ego is so INFLATED I'm going to have to only use ADA approved doorways for awhile!

DU people are the best! (See I almost wrote "DU folks" there, but I didn't want to get indignant posters hijacking this thread)

[MineralMan]

9. I DU Recced this thread, but only because I got a DUzy.

So there!

[HappyMe]

11. k&r

[Rob H.]

12. Yes! A DUzy!

Cotton candy for everyone!

[50000feet]

13. Hey, threre's more DUzy-worthy stuff

accumulating in the Transparency for Mr. and Ms. Magoo thread.

The wickedness simply won't be stopped until some Magoo swoops in with hammer and tongues!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/124064012

[Canuckistanian]

14. K... and... R

Good stuff!

[northoftheborder]

16. Thanks for many great laughs this week!!!

[ellisonz]

17. Kick.

[TrogL]

18. Is that my first or 2nd Duzy?