I found my Dad dead this morning

[RedRocco]

went to take him his coffee and found him face down on his keyboard. Coroner left about 30 minutes ago...

[seabeyond]

1. i am so sorry. it is such a shock.

take care of you.

[Ohio Joe]

2. My condolences...

RIP

[treestar]

3. so sorry

for your loss and that experience.

[My Good Babushka]

4. I'm so sorry

My deepest condolences on your sad loss.

[ananda]

5. I'm so sorry.

Condolences.

[deutsey]

6. I'm so sorry to hear this, RedRocco

[sharp_stick]

7. I am so sorry

I hope you have people with you to help.

[LiberalEsto]

8. I'm so sorry for your loss

and for the way it happened.

[Ichingcarpenter]

9. yikes.. I'm so sorry

hope you get support to process your shock and grief.

[gwheezie]

10. Very sorry for your loss

n/t

[hobbit709]

11. I'm so sorry.

[PasadenaTrudy]

12. Holy shit!

How horrible for you. Please keep us posted. You must be in terrible shock

[el_bryanto]

13. That's rough - hang in there. nt

[woodsprite]

14. So sorry. Sending thoughts and prayers for both you and your father.

Take time for yourself to work through the grief process.

[cyberswede]

15. Aw geez - I'm very sorry to hear this.

Please take care of yourself.

[RedRocco]

16. I'm not really sure how I feel TBH

But that's how my relationship with my Dad was. When I was a teen, he always told ppl in public that I was his brother.

[PasadenaTrudy]

24. It's okay

to not feel anything, too. I lost my mom 3 yrs ago and I don't miss her or mourn for her, really. She was mentally ill and abusive so in many ways it was a relief when she passed. There's no etched in stone way that we have to feel.

[RedRocco]

38. I think it is going to take a little while

to wrap my head around it.
I have no idea what to do about funeral arrangements. He was a veteran though. If anyone could tell me how to go about getting a funeral for him I would surely appreciate it. We really don't have the funds for anything else.

[Lochloosa]

45. Start here...sorry for your loss...

http://www.cem.va.gov/burial_benefits/

[PasadenaTrudy]

48. Contact the VA

Also notify social security. Do you know if he had a will and life ins. policies? It can take some sleuthing going through a person's paperwork. We did cremations for our parents and sister. It is less expensive. But, the VA may help with the expenses, so I'd start there.

[enlightenment]

57. RedRocco,

Yes, you should contact the VA - they are very helpful. Here is a link to the Office of Survivor Benefits:

http://www.va.gov/SURVIVORS/Contact_Us.asp

One step at a time. Regardless of what your relationship was with your father, this is a shock and it will take some adjustment. If you are "in charge" there are many steps you'll need to take to get his affairs sorted out - but for today, don't try to do that. Just sit down and try to start absorbing this change in your life.

I lost both my parents within 7 months of each other and served as the executor of their estate (sounds fancy - it's just a term for "person in charge of doing all the things that need to be done&quot . It isn't easy and it isn't fun, so take this bit of time to give yourself a mental respite.

[RedRocco]

67. thanks for the links guys

I think the horror of it is how damned ordinary everything else is today. Hell, there's a county work crew putting a water line in in front of my house. Life is both changed and unchanged for me. I'm just glad my girlfriend was able to leave work to be here.

[eShirl]

76. when my dad passed last year,

somehow it was a shock that our town continued to exist and go on without him. how can it be?

so sorry

[PasadenaTrudy]

82. I know...

It always seems so surreal that the world just goes on as usual. I remember this pissing me off especially after losing my sis. It seemed so unfair.

[japple]

92. Make lists, write things down. Do you have siblings? Other folks who need to be notified? Both of

my parents were WWII veterans. VA furnished the cemetery markers. It's nothing fancy, but it is what they both wanted. They both chose to be buried and it was not cheap, but their estates paid for it. My husband chose to be cremated and that will be my choice as well.

Ditto the advice to call social security and VA. VA is very helpful. Call his lawyer if he left a will.

[RedRocco]

98. no siblings, I sent my Mom (who I haven't talked with since '98) a message on FaceBook n/t

[No Vested Interest]

239. So sorry for your loss, especially the shock to you.

You may want to make sure your Mother has received/opened your FB message to her.
Some people do not read or open FB for days.
If the relationship was strained, it would still be hurtful to her to have to find out via the newspaper or people outside your family.
Did your Dad have any living siblings, nieces, nephews? Again, people always appreciate being informed.

Others will help you through this. Glad your girlfriend is there with you.
Peace.

[uppityperson]

122. It is surreal. Everything is different and everything goes on the same. Glad you have support and

best wishes to you

[ColesCountyDem]

209. I'm so sorry for your loss! About the benefits....

When my aunt (a veteran) passed recently, the funeral director was incredibly helpful, as were the American Legion and Veterans of Foreign Wars. Don't be afraid to ask for their help.

[kag]

277. That's how it is.

I lost my mom when I was sixteen. It was the worst day of my life, and I remember thinking "Why is there a cereal commercial on the TV? Don't they know my mom just died?"

Surreal.

I am sorry for your loss.

[Solly Mack]

96. You should contact Casualty Assistance at your nearest military post.

They set up and authorize money for funerals, military funerals, as well as offering guidance and advice.

Casualty Assistance can also tell you if survivors receive any benefits.

If you live a long way from a post/base, the VA will give you the necessary information about who to contact.

[Chaco Dundee]

107. I feel your pain

Mom had Alzheimer disease for over ten years.went to europe for 2 years to take care of her.sadly she is still with us.

[mrmpa]

127. Good Recommendations here...........

I know about burials only. If there is a VA cemetery near you, your father can be buried there at no cost (burial only) with headstone. I am so sorry for your loss.

[RBStevens]

134. Echoing Pasadena Trudy - contact SS right away!

If he was receiving benefits that is. They will just keep sending the checks (or doing direct deposit) and if any of those are cashed you have to pay it back. It can be a real nightmare and that's the last thing you need.

I'm sorry that you had to find him suddenly like that.

[Nay]

138. So sorry, Red, for you to have to find your father like that. Take comfort

in the fact that it happened fast.

Please make sure to get 8 or ten certified copies of his death certificate; you'll need them for the various agencies (SS, VA, etc.).

[Feral Child]

139. Respect, RedRocco.

I don't want to start a controversy or threadjack with an argument about religion, so I won't respond to any argumentative posts here.


IF you are not religious (and I mean no disrespect if you are) you should consider cremation. My mother's "funeral" cost $500 in the late '70s.

In actuality, she wasn't religious (a disenchanted Catholic) and cremation was her wish, but the cost of caskets, embalming, etc would have been about $10,000. I always considered that kind of thing a macabre waste of money the living could use better, but some folks need the closure of the ceremony and I wouldn't deny them that.

BTW, in Missouri at that time an urn and a burial plot were still required, even w/cremation; your state may have different regulations. She had already purchased a plot, the $500 included the urn.

I believe that the VA will allow internment of cremains in a national cemetery, in fact, I believe it's easier to find space for cremains.

Respect to you and your family and I hope this doesn't offend.

[rbrnmw]

179. Call the VA and check with Social Services

or local churches.

[Common Sense Party]

185. Also call your local American Legion post.

They will want to be there for the funeral.

[abbeyco]

244. Contact your local funeral home

My father was a WWII and Korea vet and while we paid for his cremation, his burial plot, my mother's burial and their headstone are all courtesy due to his service. If you have a national cemetery close to you, your funeral home can help make the arrangements. They'll need his SSN, service dates and the ability to get his discharge paperwork, a DD something - I can't remember the exact name.
If you need anything at all, please feel free to PM me as we went through this for my Dad several years ago, we just went through with my Mom a month ago.
My deepest condolences to you - losing a parent without any forewarning or notice is damned tough and while I'm still grieving, I'd like to reach out to you and help in any way you need it.
Peace and hugs

[Feral Child]

125. Good advice, Trudy.

My experiences were similar. I felt nothing when she passed, not even relief. It was as if a stranger died.

My father was her enabler, by absenting himself as often as possible to avoid her.

[calimary]

229. Truer words were seldom spoken. We all mark, and deal with, departures in our own ways.

There is no one single "correct" way. No one-size-fits-all. Everyone's situation is different.

[msanthrope]

36. You don't have to be sure of your feelings, and you don't have to have the "right" ones.

A bit of advice--focus on the practical duties that face you over the next week or so. They are tasks to get done.

Do not judge yourself. Do what you think is right, and what you think will give you peace and closure. Do not accept the judgments of others.

When the practical tasks of your father's death are done, make sure you recognize that you have a task that remains---the care and feeding of you. Grief and loss are real. Do not be shy in asking for help. Be gentle on yourself.

DU is here 24/7.

[jeff47]

72. You feel the way you feel.

First, I'm sorry.

Next, the thing to remember is there's no "right" way to feel in this kind of situation. You feel what you feel.

And it is very likely that you will be "not really sure how you feel" for quite a while. It's a very large change, with large and complex effects on you. Rushing to a conclusion is only good for being wrong.

[giftedgirl77]

118. I'm sorry you had to find him the way you did, I'm sure

that had to be a shock for you. But don't feel like there are any preconceived notions on how you must deal with this loss. Your mind & body will deal with it the best way for you. I wish you the best in the days & months to come.

[Skittles]

211. be good to yourself, RedRocco

losing a parent is tough no matter how the relationship was

[lumberjack_jeff]

17. Crap. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[MoonRiver]

18. OMG so sorry!

[MineralMan]

19. I'm so sorry to hear that. My thoughts are with you today.

[warrior1]

20. I'm so sorry for you loss

[Adrahil]

21. Very sorry to hear that.... NT

[jwirr]

22. Very sorry. That has got to be hard.

[polly7]

23. Oh, no ... I'm so sorry, RedRocco

[bigdarryl]

25. FUCK!!! that is horrible

May he rest in peace

[The Blue Flower]

26. What a horrible shock

Very, very sad for you. Sending love and thoughts of peace to you.

[opiate69]

27. I'm very sorry for your loss.

[MerryBlooms]

28. My condolences.

[msanthrope]

29. I am so very sorry, RedRocco. I will be thinking of you and your Dad today, and I hope

that you are able to find some peace and comfort.

[hedgehog]

30. I'm sorry for your loss.

[aikoaiko]

31. So sorry to hear this news.

My condolences.

[xchrom]

32. May Peace be with you at this difficult time. nt

[NaturalHigh]

33. Very sorry to here that RR.

My condolences to you and your family.

[MADem]

34. How upsetting for you. You must be in shock.

Now, the mind-numbing stuff kicks in; notifying relatives and friends, making arrangements for a funeral or memorial service, etc.

It won't hit you fully for awhile. Keep family and friends close, it helps.

[City Lights]

35. Oh no! I'm so very sorry, RedRocco.

[Mz Pip]

37. What a shock!

It not what one expects. So sorry for your loss. Sending good thoughts your way.

[malaise]

39. Deepest sympathy

That's hard for you and the rest of the family but it must have been quick for him.

[oneshooter]

40. My condolences to you and your family on your loss. n/t

[RKP5637]

41. I'm sorry to hear this happened.

[myrna minx]

42. What a terrible shock. I'm so sorry.

[Brigid]

43. No words.

[Jackpine Radical]

44. My deepest condolences.

[fadedrose]

46. Sounds like maybe wasn't an old man . . .

Computer first thing in the morning, still enjoying coffee, and a great kid to bring it in to him.

I hate to sound callous, but he probably died happy, on his computer. Years from now as you see more and more old people die, attached to machines and tubes, kimo, dialysis, etc., you will be happy that he went as he did. How old was he?

I am so sorry that you have to deal with his loss. It's something that takes a lot of time to get over, not to mention the mundane and financial aspects - a busy time, funeral/cremation, friends, cards, forms galore to fill out, and the grieving will start in earnest after all this stuff is taken care of. You will be busy as well others in your family. This sounds like it was quite unexpected.

I feel for you....get it all cried out. It helps.

[RedRocco]

70. He was 72

and had moved in with us 6 months ago after his living situation became untenable.

[glinda]

190. You were a good son to help him and to give him

a good life. Bringing him coffee was very sweet of you. I am so very sorry for your loss and also how you found him this morning. If you need advice and help give us a yell!

[Chorophyll]

202. You did right by him.

Please take care of yourself, too.

[uponit7771]

231. I pray he died fulfilled

[Iwillnevergiveup]

232. Totally agree with Fadedrose

Your dad was beginning the course of a normal day in his (relatively) new home - at his keyboard, anticipating his morning coffee. My 92 year old dad has lived with me for 3 years now, and it's not inconceivable I could experience what you have. Of course, your dad was 20 years younger, and so definitely more unexpected.

But still, probably due to your good care and consideration of him, he was not in a hospital hooked up to machines, or in a board and care or nursing home. He was home, with his family and passed on peacefully. You can take a lot of comfort in that.

I wish you all the support and love you need in the coming days, and please accept my condolences on the loss of your father.

[Sheldon Cooper]

47. Oh my goodness.

So sorry for your loss.

[libodem]

49. Very sorry for your loss

And the unexpected shock of finding him.

[gopiscrap]

50. OMG you have my prayers and condolences

there is not much one can say...just know that I have been there also and in some way, understand the pain and loss! May you heal and good memories of him!

[hrmjustin]

51. I am so sorry!

[Tuesday Afternoon]

52. So sorry, RedRocco. My condolences to you and your family. May he rest in peace.

[arthritisR_US]

53. I am so sorry

My thoughts and warm vibes go out to you and your family, what a horrible shock for you

[TBF]

54. My condolences -

will be keeping you in my thoughts today. ((hugs))

[Glorfindel]

55. I'm so sorry.

Peace and love to you at this time of loss.

[Proud Liberal Dem]

56. Oh my

So sorry

[mercuryblues]

58. So sorry for

your loss. Please take the time you need to relieve the incredible amount of stress and grief you will feel over the next few weeks.

[berni_mccoy]

59. Very sorry for your loss

[Bettie]

60. So sorry for your loss

That had to be really hard. I'm so sorry.

[BrotherIvan]

61. Ask for as much help as you need

Everyone here, myself included is willing to help in whatever way they can. I just lost my mother and it was hard, but it is a process. Lean on any friends and neighbors that offer to help. Be gentle with yourself as you process what is going on. I wish you all the best.

[ChisolmTrailDem]

62. Oh, no! I'm so sorry for your loss and that you had to experience finding him, RedRocco.

I lost my mother in October. Dad had just left the kitchen where she was mopping and returned to his room. He had just spoken to her and there was no indication she was about to go. A couple of minutes later he heard a thud in the kitchen. She had a history of heart issues and it finally just gave up.

My thoughts and prayers will be with you today, RedRocco.

[Sissyk]

63. I'm so sorry, Red Rocco.

That is very hard to deal with. Take time to think of you.

DU will be here when you need us.

[polichick]

64. So sorry :(

[CFLDem]

65. My deepest sympathies.

We're here for you if you need us.

[NikolaC]

66. I am so sorry

My condolences to you on your loss.

[peace13]

68. Oh, I am so sorry!

My heart goes out to you! I send you love and energy to get through this. Peace, kim

[Mira]

69. I am so very very sorry RedRocco.

Even if anticipated a death of a parent is horrible. I don't know his condition or age, but isn't that how we ultimately want to go, since we must?
I'm happy for him, and so sad for your loss.

[TDale313]

71. I am so very, very sorry

[Sarah Ibarruri]

73. Oh God, I'm so so sorry.

Blessings to you, my friend, and to your dad. There are no words to say, except I'm with you in your grief.

My mom and dad passed within 2 days in November 2013, and I'm mourning as well.

[sheshe2]

74. My deepest sympathies.

[democrank]

75. So sorry, RedRocco

May he rest in peace.

[intheozone]

77. So sorry for your loss. nt

[badtoworse]

78. I am so sorry. Prayers and thought are with you.

It sounds like he didn't suffer - take comfort from that and celebrate the time you had to together.

[AllyCat]

79. Oh no Red! How tragic. I'm so sorry.

[Mojorabbit]

80. I am so sorry

I found my husband dead in Dec. Having all those people invade the house on top of it all was such a shock. Sending you a huge hug.

[RedRocco]

94. I had 2 firetrucks, 4 cops, and EMT here

then 2 cops while we waited on the coroner's truck

[Mojorabbit]

114. Yes, same here. It felt so surreal. Hug. nt

[RedRocco]

120. at least the cop that waited inside with me was young and unjaded n/t

[RebeccaBeasley]

81. so sorry

Peace to you and your family RedRocco.

[UtahLib]

83. So sorry for your loss.

It is good that you have someone to comfort and support you through such a traumatic experience.

[GeorgeGist]

84. My condolences to you and your loved ones.

[meegbear]

85. :-(

[LoisB]

86. I am so sorry for your loss. A hug to you.

[riderinthestorm]

87. I am so sorry for your loss. Its a good thing you have someone with you though

[question everything]

88. I am so sorry

This is frightening.

All I can hope for you, that as time passes, this will not be your lasting memory of him. That you will cherish happier memories.

If coming here helps, do so. Most of us will look forward to your visits.

[one_voice]

89. So very sorry for your loss...

peace and strength to you and yours.

[Solly Mack]

90. Oman. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[MadrasT]

91. So sorry for your loss.

[joeybee12]

93. Very, very sorry to hear this.

[brett_jv]

95. Sorry for your loss ... that must've been really awful ... I cannot imagine ...

Any idea what it was? Did he have heart problems or the like?

[RedRocco]

108. COPD and high blood pressure

he had a heart attack several years ago while undergoing a procedure at Dorn, but nothing since then.

[daleanime]

97. ........

[sinkingfeeling]

99. I'm so very sorry.

[JaneQPublic]

100. Wishing you strength.

And hoping peace comes to you very soon.

[villager]

101. So sorry. Many condolences to you. Lost my dad last fall....

...but that came at the end of a two year process so we were expecting it, as much as you can "expect" these things.

Yours sounds even more wrenching, and shocking.

Take good care of yourself. Keep checking back here as needed.

[RedRocco]

109. yeah, he was fine last night

I kinda feel bad that his last meal was a sloppy joe

[villager]

119. On edit: Never mind my follow up question

Was asking how old your dad was, but you answered that elsewhere in this thread.

Yeah, 72 is much too young. My dad was just shy of his 82nd birthday when he passed, and that was too soon.

Again, please keep taking care, and checking in as much as you need to to deal with the shock, grief, etc...

[progressoid]

181. A sloppy joe sounds lovely.

Sloppy Joes are my favorite food;
Once I eat one, I’m in a good mood.
Mix some ketchup, onions, and meat;
Put it in a pan and turn on the heat.
Cook it, stir it, put it on a bun,
Serve it on a plate, and now you're done!

-Molly, Grade 4

[Jesus Malverde]

102. .

[Triana]

103. OMG. I am so sorry!

[Faygo Kid]

104. So very sorry.

This will take time.

[malthaussen]

105. Please accept my condolences.

That must have been a terrible shock.

-- Mal

[MinneapolisMatt]

106. I'me very sorry for your loss.

[Nika]

110. So sorry for your loss.

[KitSileya]

111. I am so terribly sorry for your loss.

You have my deepest sympathies, and I do hope that you have somebody there with you, that you are not alone.

[loudsue]

112. Oh my God, RedRocco!

I'm so sorry!

[Viva_La_Revolution]

113. I'm so sorry RedRocco..

peace to you and your loved ones.

[AgingAmerican]

115. Im so sorry

It's hard losing a parent. I sure miss my dad.

[Chaco Dundee]

116. leT me know what I can do to help

[barbtries]

117. oh i'm so sorry.

what a terrible shock for you. how old was he?

[niyad]

121. so very sorry to hear this. reading some of the responses, you have gotten some excellent advice.

be good to yourself, take care of yourself, and then deal with everything else.

[dembotoz]

123. it really sucks that our parnets get old--so sorry for your loss

per your mom
does not sound like you two are close but unless you know she checks facebook often it might be a good idea to call her.

[kairos12]

124. My heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

[mwrguy]

126. Sorry to hear that

Please accept my condolences.

[freshwest]

128. Sorry about this shock. I can only say that he was lucky to have you in his life. Take care of you.

[magical thyme]

129. I am so sorry for your loss, and the shocking way

and yet, as others have written, it sounds as though he left peacefully. While it's hard for you now, may that be comforting to you to know.

Peace to you and your family. Of course you don't know what you feel...you are still in shock. You will feel what you feel -- there are no right or wrong feelings.

[RedstDem]

130. I'm saddened by your loss

Was it something expected, or out of the clear blue sky?

[William769]

131. May he rest in peace.

[handmade34]

132. ((so sorry))

[CherokeeDem]

133. I am so sorry....

I lost my mother recently but it was expected and still hard to deal with. To lose someone unexpectedly is very difficult.

My thoughts and prayers to you and your family.

[Rod Beauvex]

135. Here's hoping...

...everthing gets squared away with Little fuss. My condolences.

[Sunlei]

136. So sorry for your loss. Such a shock for you and your family.

[840high]

137. My condolences.

[mckara]

140. I Had a Similar Experience

At least, our dads died peacefully, at home, around people who loved them.
I'm sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, we'll never stop missing them.
Keep in mind that your most memorable times with loved ones have an everlasting quality that keep their presence in your heart for the remainder of your life. His grace, dignity, compassion, courage, and love will never fade from your life.

[bigwillq]

141. I am so sorry for your loss

[TM99]

142. That is so sad.

I am sorry.

[N_E_1 for Tennis]

143. When all is said and done....

the niggley little details, please take time to mourn. Cry, cry your eyes out.

Your situation takes me back to my Dads passing. He went in for a heart by-pass, never recovered.
I saw him 20 minutes before he died. As I was leaving his hospital room I felt something.
It seemed like his hand reached out and went into my back and made me turn towards him. I went back and kissed him, told him that I loved him. He was out of it heavily sedated. It seemed impossible, now, and at the time.

He was supposed to be fine, fixed, healthier than ever. That was not to be.

My mother, bless her, could not handle his ashes in her home. I could never understand that, so I was in charge of his ashes. I thought it was an honor. We talked every day till his eventual burial, three months later.

One day when I thought I was in complete control do the situation, my Dad and I went for a walk.
We walked, his ashes and I, along one of my favorite paths. He a city person, me an outdoors lover.
We went to a place that I considered sacred. One of the highest points in the county we lived. I always wanted to take him there to show him just why I was like I was.

We sat, we talked, we remembered. And I cried. I left my heart and soul out on that bluff, I left my grief out there.

Over thirty years ago that happened, it seems like the day before yesterday now.

Sorry for the screed, sorry for your loss.

It will get better, your feelings of immediate loss will subside, but never lose the memories, that's immortality.

Take time for yourself. Grieve as you deem appropriate. But please take time to mourn.

[another_liberal]

144. You have my sincere sympathy, RedRocco.

No words . . .

[lunatica]

145. My son died almost 4 weeks ago

I went to see if he wanted something to eat and found him dying. 911 medics did CPR for 12 minutes and they sent for a cardiac machine to get his heart going. The police came and the Coroner came and took his body. The reason they took him was because he was relatively young and hadn't been to a doctor since 2007.

I'm sorry for your loss. I know how painful it is.

[adirondacker]

162. I'm so sorry to read this Lunatica.

I'm dealing with a bit of survival guilt from the death of my sister from cancer and my mother being near death from dementia. We were all very close and it is indeed painful losing part of yourself.

[PasadenaTrudy]

186. I lost my sis

too, to pancreatic cancer. Right on the heels of losing my mom. So hard

[lunatica]

279. I know what you mean

When my brother died (a long time ago) my reality came crashing down and I felt it was so unfair to cut his life short. My mother died of Pancreatic cancer and she had Dementia. She died at home under the care of Home Hospice. It took a huge burden of me and my son who had been her primary caretakers for 5 years.

[roguevalley]

171. oh god, lunatica. I am so sorry. I am so very sorry. :*(

[lunatica]

280. Thank you so much for your words

They truly help and I appreciate them more than you can imagine. Thank you.

[Yo_Mama]

247. That's horrible

Losing parents is at least in the normal scheme of things. Losing kids is not.

I can only wish for you that the good memories cast some light through the grief.

[lunatica]

281. Good memories are my lifeline right now

I've had to call people who were his best friends and a man who was like a father to him and they said such nice things about him after the shock and grief that came out of them when they heard he died. Invariably the conversation eventually turned to experiences they had with him. We were able to even laugh a little. It does give peace to talk to those who know and love him.

[Rider3]

146. I' so sorry to hear this

Peace be with you and your family.

[Glimmer of Hope]

147. So sorry RedRocco.

[LibDemAlways]

148. Sending condolences to you and your family.

I'm sure that was quite a shock. I hope memories of good times shared will provide comfort in the days ahead.

[ctsnowman]

149. So sorry

[MrScorpio]

150. My condolences, I'm so sorry nt

[Worried senior]

151. So sorry for your loss.

I am glad your girl friend was able to come be with you.

[get the red out]

152. I am so sorry

I lost my Dad almost 4 years ago. Thoughts for you and your family.

[gademocrat7]

153. I am sorry for your loss, RedRocco.

[virgdem]

154. My deepest sympathy to you for your loss...

May your Dad RIP

[Cleita]

155. My sympathies.

May he rest in peace. Could you tell us something about him?

[sibelian]

156. That's awful, Rocco, I'm so sorry this has happened.

All best wishes and well... I guess what happens next is what happens. It never really feels right, no matter what...

(((RedRocco)))

[MynameisBlarney]

157. I don't know what to say

Except that I'm so very sorry for your loss.

[DFW]

158. I'm really sorry it happened this way

It happens to most of us sooner or later (happened to me sooner), but there are still no adequate words.

Hope you're OK when the shock wears off. Don't hesitate to come and and talk about it (or to anyone in real life) if you feel the need.

[crim son]

159. I am so sad for you and your family.

May he rest well.

[WheelWalker]

160. That's heavy.

One day you wake up, like every other day; but this day, your life is forever changed. Blessings to you in your grief.

I cared for my terminally ill mother for four years in her home. One Sunday morning she was having pain... really the first bad pain she had to endure. She asked for a cup of coffee before breakfast. I went to the kitchen to pour her a cup. I returned less than two minutes later and she was gone.

And the wheel turns.

[Third Doctor]

161. I'm sorry for your loss.

[B Calm]

163. So sorry for your loss.

[rury]

164. My condolences. Be blessed RedRocco!!

[Pakid]

165. Very sorry for your loss

[Blue_In_AK]

166. My condolences.

[lillypaddle]

167. Damn, that's tough

So very sorry for your loss.

[DreamSmoker]

168. So Sorry for the way this went for you

I too have been here just two months ago..
Two days before Christmas.. I found my Wife on the Couch about 10am..
I over slept. I always wake to her making the morning coffee around 9am...
She was cold.. She had passed hours before I found her..
She appeared as if she was still asleep comfortably..
No sign of any Pain what so ever...
Her name was Irish here.. A member for many years..

I said a Prayer for you.. I know well that life will change.. But in many ways it will be better..
Time is your Friend right now..
Use it to stay busy and working toward positive changes..

I am doing just that every day...
Nothing will make you forget.. But time helps deal with the loss and Pain..

May God Bless you...

[VA_Jill]

169. So sorry for you.

This happened to my son several months ago. He went to check on his father at his house and found him. It is always a shock. My condolences.

[roguevalley]

170. My mother fell down dead in front of me. I take it now as a privilege to be with

her in her most extreme hour. Maybe in time you will feel this too but until then I wrap you in all the love I can feel. Take care and know you are loved. It will get better. But not today or a while.

[anneboleyn]

217. This is a great post, roguevalley, thank you for sharing your very tough story with the OP and

the rest of us. You lived through such a painful situation, and I want to thank you for your wisdom.

[Lebam in LA]

172. May you and your family find peace

in your memories of him.

[Tom_Foolery]

173. So sorry for your loss...

[PumpkinAle]

174. Dear RedRocco

I was so sorry to read about your Dad you must be devastated. Speaking for those on DU, please know that we are with you and are here to give you strength when you need it.

[Xyzse]

175. Damn, that never gets easy.

I am so sorry.

[cate94]

176. So sorry for your loss

What a shock for you!

[RainDog]

177. condolences to you and (((hug)))

[rbrnmw]

178. I am so sorry for your loss

I found my mom in full cardiac arrest I started cpr the squad came but it was really already too late. It is one of the worst moments of my life. We had watched my dad pass on hospice exactly 4 mos before. I hope you have lots of support around you.

[bravenak]

180. My sympathies.

[yuiyoshida]

182. So sorry to hear that....

[applegrove]

183. Vibes to you and your family. (((Hugs))) too.

[defacto7]

184. ...

[DesertDiamond]

187. {{{{{HUG}}}}} I hope you feel his warm life essence right there with you. He's there!

[sakabatou]

188. My condolences

[A Little Weird]

189. I'm sorry for your loss n/t

[Harmony Blue]

191. Sorry for your loss

[ReRe]

192. Condolences

[NEOhiodemocrat]

193. I am so sorry RedRocco

Wht a terrible shock for you. Will be thinking of you and your family.

[SaveOurDemocracy]

194. My sympathies to you.

[Egalitarian Thug]

195. So sorry for you. Remember to be good to yourself over the next few days. n/t

[azurnoir]

196. I'm so sorry to hear this

may strength see you the coming days and may healing come in the days ahead

[tavernier]

197. Oh no...

You are surely still in shock!

Sorry.

[grahamhgreen]

198. Much love:

“Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal."

- From an Irish headstone

[steve2470]

199. so sorry for your loss

[Chorophyll]

200. I'm so sorry, RedRocco.

[nadinbrzezinski]

201. hugs

[Not Me]

203. My Mom passed away last Spring...

I was fortunate to be with her in her last hours. I am so sorry that you weren't able to share those final moments.
My deepest sympathies.

[Dustlawyer]

204. Better at home, hope he didn't suffer.

My dad was on oxygen for years and could not leave home except to go to the doctor/hospital. The bills ate them up, he suffered long and hard as did my mom. No one should have to go through all of that.
Peace.

[Chellee]

205. I'm so sorry.

[SummerSnow]

206. Im so sorry. ((hugs))

[westerebus]

207. My condolences to you and family.

[knitter4democracy]

208. Oh, I am so very sorry.

May his memory be eternal.

[SalmonChantedEvening]

210. I'm so very sorry.

Please accept my condolences. Love to you and all those who knew and loved him.

[DonCoquixote]

212. condolences

I wish you well.

[radhika]

213. So sorry....n/t

[toddwv]

214. Wow...

As a relatively young sufferer of severe congestive heart failure, it's one of my fears that my parents will find me like that.

My condolences. I don't know if anything more can be said.

[liberalmuse]

215. I am so very sorry you had to find him like that.

It doesn't matter how weird or extremely difficult a relationship with your family member may have been. You will miss them, and wonder how you can just go on without them. It's a shock to find a loved one dead like that, but having watched my mom suffer for so long, it seems dropping dead like that, doing something you enjoy would be the ideal way to leave this life. I was the one who got the call when my brother died and it was not even real, so I'm trying to imagine how less real it would have been being the one to find him, and to be honest, I can't. I'm glad you have a supportive girlfriend to help you deal with this.

[anneboleyn]

216. Very sorry for your loss and your pain. I hope your family and friends can help support you

(and each other) during such a difficult time.

[DainBramaged]

218. There isn't a lot to say,but one of the reasons we thrive is to help when you need it

May the next few days be kind to you, may you always remember the good things about him.

[Ilsa]

219. I am so sorry for your loss, RR.

I hope his passing was quick and painless. Youll be in my thoughts.

[IrishAyes]

220. Bless your heart. Nobody can ever really be prepared for such a shock.

[life long demo]

221. My condolences to you and your family

That was a heart breaking moment for you. Prayers to you.

[wildbilln864]

222. so sorry! n/t

[Oilwellian]

223. I'm very sorry, RedRocco n/t

[Denis 11]

224. Sorry for your loss.

[cntrygrl]

225. So very sad at your loss. RIP RedRocco's Dad!

[kelliekat44]

226. Condolences. Peace be unto you. nt

[Lefta Dissenter]

227. Words can't express how sorry I am.

I hope you find good support and love to help get you through. And whatever you are feeling or NOT feeling is all part of the process and the shock. I sure wish I could give you a hug. I'm just so, so sorry.

[calimary]

228. I'm so sorry to hear this, RedRocco. All our love and sympathy to you and all your loved ones

who survive him.

Words are never enough. But just know you do not mourn alone. DU is here with you, and we will buoy you up.

[Uben]

230. That's a tough row to hoe...

....but most of us have to endure it sooner or later. So sorry for your loss.

[brer cat]

233. I am so sorry, RedRocco.

What a shock! I hope that you have support to get through this. You can always talk through it on DU if you need us.

[pacalo]

234. I'm so sorry!

I wish you strength & comfort in getting through this difficult time.

[MannyGoldstein]

235. Peace to you

And to all.

[phylny]

236. How difficult for you!

I'm sorry for your loss.

[joesdaughter]

237. Condolences

It was touching to read all the posts expressing sorrow and comforting thoughts. Some of your Dad's last thoughts had to be joyful- anticipating spending time and sharing a cup o' joe with a beloved child.

[Warpy]

240. I'm so sorry

Sudden death like this is the worst.

[denbot]

241. Condolences

Peace to you and yours.

[Lifelong Protester]

242. I offer my condolences, too.

So sorry for your loss.

[Dorian Gray]

243. Good God, redrocco

how terrible. so sorry.

[Yo_Mama]

245. So, so sorry

You must be very shocked and grieved.

[BeatleBoot]

246. I am truly sorry for your loss...

Honor him by hanging tough everyday and remembering him everyday.

[July]

248. I'm very sorry. A few thoughts about wht happens now.

I've recently dealt with the estate of my beautiful brother.

You need to think of yourself first.

Do not give any personal information to creditors. You do not own your father's debt, if there is any.

You will probably need a few death certificates (from a town or city clerk, a few bucks apiece) to close bank accounts and credit cards. Do not be in a hurry to make any payments once you have notified cards/banks of his death, and do not pay them out of your own money.KEEP RECORDS OF EVERY PHONE CALL AND PAYMENT.

Find out if there is a will and consult an attorney before paying ANYONE.

I say this as someone who has seen just about every weird twist there could be in the estate of someone who had no money.

I am very, very sorry for your loss.

[GigiMommy]

249. I'm so sorry

I'm so so sorry.

[lunasun]

250. I know 2 people who found their parent just after they passed and neither was expected

at the time
Condolences to you
RIP Dad

[diabeticman]

251. I am so sorry.

[Aerows]

252. I'm so sorry.

I don't know what to say, because there really isn't. Peace to you, my friend. You have love and friends around you on DU.

[cantbeserious]

253. Condolences

eom

[Jasana]

254. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[allan01]

255. reI found my Dad dead this morning

condolences .

[WillyT]

256. (((((((RedRocco)))))))

Peace...

[lexington filly]

257. What a very hard thing for you to have experienced.

I'm sorry.
When my father died, I closed his eyes and that stuck with me for a long time. But I was glad to have been there to do this last thing for him.
You aren't on a clock right now unless you're bound by a religious timing tradition. Questions about estates, taxes, and much of the business of dying can take second place to your loss for the time being. Nowadays, people can create death ceremonies in ways that are most meaningful to the loved ones. Big or small, private or public. Even the timing is up to you. Take a breath. Then another. It will all work out.
Again, I am sorry.

[highplainsdem]

258. I'm so sorry for your loss. My condolences.

[Fearless]

259. ........

[Maraya1969]

260. My sincerest condolences. I am so sorry.

[DesertFlower]

261. my condolences.

[mahina]

262. Sorry man.

Really rough. Wishing you well.

[Joe Shlabotnik]

263. I'm so sorry for your loss.

[AverageJoe90]

264. Sorry to hear that, Rocco. ='(

Sending some good vibes your way, my man.

[mahina]

265. You'll need his DD214

and it takes some doing to get it.

Aloha RedRocco. I find the grief still moves through me like a wave sometimes, but it's easier. Wishing your heart healing and your Dad safe journey, if he believed in that sort of thing.

[juajen]

266. How horrible for you. Remember the good times. They'll help get you through.

[Surya Gayatri]

267. Wishing you strength and courage to face the days and months ahead.

Losing a close relative is extremely stressful physically and emotionally. Be sure to look after yourself with special attention right now.

[pablo_marmol]

268. Warm thoughts, RedRocco. NT

[johnlucas]

269. I feel for you RedRocco. I'm thankful you were there for him.

I'm sure your Dad appreciated you looking out for him.
Something as simple as bringing him a cup of coffee shows your love for him.
He passed knowing you loved him & that is the most important.

John Lucas

[Ghost in the Machine]

270. Condolences to you and your family in your time of grief...

Peace,

Ghost

[colorado_ufo]

271. I am so, so sorry.

Wishing you the strength to get you through this extremely difficult experience.

[TxDemChem]

272. I am so sorry.

Our condolences to you and your family.

[irisblue]

273. I am so sorry.

[emsimon33]

274. My heart goes out to you and your family

What a terrible loss--so very sad.

[RoccoR5955]

275. sincerest condolences

to you and your's.

[Octafish]

276. Please accept my deepest sympathies and sincere condolences, RedRocco.

Love and peace to you and yours.

[Stellar]

278. Whoa...(((RedRocco)))!

So sorry to hear that. Lost my dad this past Christmas morning at home too.

[Eleanors38]

282. My sympathies. I don't know what's worse: Expecting it or not expecting it.

[cinnabonbon]

283. I am so so sorry for your loss. :(

It sounds like it was really sudden.

[RedRocco]

284. I want to thank you all

reading the comments in this thread has helped me a lot. I started this thread because I couldn't think of anything else to do. I never expected such an outpouring of sympathy and support.