Not The Onion "American Airlines To Phase Out Complimentary Cabin Pressurization"

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

OK it is The Onion.........

http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-airlines-to-phase-out-complimentary-cabin,35367/


FT. WORTH, TX—Explaining that the costs of the service have grown too high in recent years, American Airlines announced Tuesday that it will no longer offer free cabin pressurization to passengers starting March 15. “Unfortunately, to stay competitive as a legacy carrier in today’s air travel market, it no longer makes economic sense for us to provide breathable air at altitude,” said American Airlines CEO Doug Parker, noting that despite the cutbacks, air pressurization would still be available to first- and business-class travelers as well as those willing to pay an additional fee. “While we regret any altitude sickness, blood problems, dimmed vision, or hyperventilation that may result from air pressure less than a third normal levels, we remind our customers that such effects will diminish as soon as the aircraft descends below 10,000 feet.” Parker added that the company is also planning to discontinue complimentary landing gear on flights under four hours.

[hobbit709]

1. don't give them any ideas.

[liberal N proud]

2. There will be a $25 dollar charge for that option.

Oh and if you want a seat on the inside of the plane, tag on another $75

[B Calm]

3. What I don't get is why you titled your post Not the Onion?

When it clearly is The Onion. .

[Historic NY]

4. Can we still get peanuts, too?

[pinboy3niner]

5. Yes, but you'll have to sacrifice some legrume

[Gidney N Cloyd]

17. ...

[malaise]

21. Bwaaaaaaaaah!

[11 Bravo]

25. Groan!

(P.S. Wish I'd thought of that one!)

[Warren DeMontague]

30. How did I know that was going to be you

you nut

[pinboy3niner]

31. It's like you have ESPN or something!

[Warren DeMontague]

32. Yeah

The Extra Special Pun Network.

[magical thyme]

6. so if I'm not getting flattery from my cabin pressure, where will I get it?

And when are "writers" and "editors" going to learn the difference between "complimentary" and "complementary?"

[RC]

7. Picky, picky, picky.

Warning, Word Police out and about!

The problem is our Teach To The Test, or TTTT schools, dumbing down our kids, that then grow into dumbed down adults.

[magical thyme]

11. I reserve the right to be picky

I made a good living as a writer and editor until I was dethroned and replaced by the newer, dumbed down , semi-illiterate models.

[liberalhistorian]

12. I believe it was used correctly

in this case. And I get being a grammar Nazi, having grown up with not one, but TWO English teachers who trained me to consider all errors as a personal affront. LOL.

[magical thyme]

14. aaack...I need more coffee...

you are right. I was wrong. I have been away from my career and consigned to shit jobs surrounded by idiots and morons for entirely too long.

[liberalhistorian]

16. I think that can describe

a LOT of us nowadays!

[geek tragedy]

8. Spirit Airlines might try it. nt

[leftyohiolib]

9. wtf. not the onion i hate these bullshit headlines

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

10. Oh no, what am I gonna do now?

[muriel_volestrangler]

13. So, your point is that you hate other DUers saying 'Not the Onion', when it isn't,

so you're trying to destroy its meaning by using it all the time? Like people who say 'literally' when they don't mean it?

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

15. No I don't hate anything. It was a simple joke. Which is why the very first sentence in the body of

the post was "It is the Onion". It's a ridiculous headline about an industry that is getting more ridiculous by the day.

[leftyohiolib]

19. why do u deliberately mislead people

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

20. Because I'm evil..... For fuck's sake it's a called a joke. If you actually thought the headline

seemed plausible then the airline industry is more fucked up than I thought or you have much bigger issues than "shitty headlines".

[leftyohiolib]

22. sorry it's a pet peeve of mine no offense to u

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

24. That's OK. I'm kind of an asshole at times. It seemed funny in my head when I first

through of it.

[frylock]

27. fwiw i laughed

[yawnmaster]

18. Sometimes the Onion predicts the future!

the onion, then:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades,11056/

reality, now:
http://www.gillette.com/en/us/products/razors/fusion/fusion-manual.aspx

[muriel_volestrangler]

29. The Onion? MAD Magazine, 1979:

http://imgur.com/a/fDkFb

[kenny blankenship]

23. Oxygen is for WINNERS

You people in coach don't even think about tampering with the air lock door!

[Guy Whitey Corngood]

28. It's called The free Market. Look it up losers!!!!

[FarCenter]

26. PHYSICIAN’S CONSENT FORM - For use of Portable Oxygen Concentrator (POC)

Must be completed and signed by the passenger and passenger’s physician
Additional information can be found at www.aa.com

...

This document is to remain in your personal possession and must be presented to an airline representative upon request. Any changes in oxygen requirements such as a revised flow rate will require an updated statement.

You are responsible for knowing how to operate your portable oxygen concentrator (POC) device, ensuring that your device is in good condition and free from damage or excessive wear and tear.

You are responsible for traveling with an ample supply of batteries to power the POC no less than 150% for the duration of the flight and ground connection time where the POC is planned to be used (per manufacturer’s recommendation) for unanticipated delays. (Electrical power ports may be available on certain flight but cannot be depended upon to power the device. They are not a substitute for fully charged batteries.)

...

(Cabins are pressurized to an altitude of 8,000 feet.)

http://www.aa.com/content/images/travelInformation/specialAssistance/physicians-consent-form.pdf