Was I the victim of gender segregation ?

[karadax]

I'm a stay-at-home dad. I willingly chose to be there for my kids because I had a deadbeat father.

Today I witnessed something that I thought was a myth in the world of raising kids.

As any parent knows in today's times, playgroups or structured play is pretty common. The kids have fun, parents share advice on a variety of issues. Everything's great, right ?

Recently in a playgroup in which I had been a member for a long time it was discovered that I was there by the newer folk. While I was sleeping it was a wedge issue that caused all sorts of turmoil. In the end two groups were formed from the one and I was invited to join the other which included dads (me).

The reasoning given was that the majority wouldn't feel comfortable discussing some issues that a guy could read. I get that and respect the explanation to a degree.

In the end I decided that I couldn't participate in either group due to this spontaneous evolution. I interpreted the act as treating me, a dad as a secondary parent figure.

The more I think about it the more it angers me that the kids don't come first.

It seems lots of moms don't easily accept dads. It's a tough reality pill to swallow. Is it the threat of taking something away ? Equality is a two way street.

[CFLDem]

1. I don't think so.

They wanted women time which is perfectly in their right. Same thing if guys only wanted guy time.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't like I'm missing much but not hanging around the women having women time.

Especially soccer mom types.

[etherealtruth]

2. It is very unfortunate that the "moms" made this decision.

When either parent gives up their career to raise their children they are making a huge sacrifice (but, receive huge benefits, too).

If they truly have the best interest of their children in mind they would welcome all parents ... your presence serves as a good model for the children ... both parents can and should be care givers and nurturers of their children and it is irrelevant which parent has the larger role in this.

It sucks and I am sorry

[Nye Bevan]

3. As long as people are OK with groups of men excluding women from country clubs etc.,

on the grounds that they want to discuss "guy things" that they are not comfortable talking about in front of women, everyone should be fine with this.

[el_bryanto]

4. Can I ask a clarifying question?

Is it a message board or a physical place where you take your kids to play with other kids?

Bryant

[karadax]

8. It was a message board.

They're used for discussion, event planning, etc.

Now that I reflect upon it, perhaps it was happening at parks too but hard to notice due to little ones running around every which way. People were probably just being polite.

[lumberjack_jeff]

9. If the message board excludes you because you are a man, it's not really a "parenting" group.

It's not about the kids, it's about them - the moms - as women.

Frankly, if they're uncomfortable talking about their issues around a dad, they probably should be, because they are not actually parenting issues.

[lumberjack_jeff]

5. Wait till your first school conference. n/t

[gollygee]

6. I've been in moms groups that had stay-at-home dads there as well

and it's always been a positive thing. Sorry you had a bad experience.

[seabeyond]

7. i am confused, though i would like to understand. maybe there were some women that

wanted a group of women to actaully talk about womens issues. you know, what happens with the body, breast feeding ect... and they would not be comfortable with you, which i would think you could understand.

and maybe the other women, that formed this second group did not have issues they needed to discuss, that they would be more comfortable with women only, ergo... welcoming you to their group.

really.... i do not know if i am clear her what you are saying. so please correct me.

if a stay at home is looking to connect with others, in their day, yea... cause just having an adult around to discuss concerns is a big help. and they do not come often.

so i could understand some women wanting to use the time for women only....

sorry you felt bad. and yea that other parents were there to allow you to have the group. and sorry you did not feel comfortable using them.