Michael Sam's father not taking it well after learning his son is gay

[davidn3600]

As much as we’d all like to believe that a person’s decision to come out as gay is a non-issue in 2014, it is. For some, it’s a very big issue.

Michael Sam already has found that out, based on his own father’s reaction to the news that Sam is gay. Michael Sam Sr. tells the New York Times that he learned of his son’s sexual orientation last Tuesday, and that Sam Sr. has been struggling with the revelation.

The news came via a three-word text message — “Dad, I’m gay” — received while Sam Sr. was eating at Denny’s.

“I couldn’t eat no more, so I went to Applebee’s to have drinks,” Sam Sr. said. “I don’t want my grand kids raised in that kind of environment.”

Sam Sr. explained that he’s “old school . . . a man-and-a-woman type of guy.” To illustrate the point, Sam Sr. said he took one of his older sons to Mexico so that he could lose his virginity.

http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2014/02/11/sams-father-struggles-with-his-sons-revelation/

[madaboutharry]

1. I hope he sees how fortunate

he is to have such a fine and dignified son.

[treestar]

2. Why does anyone have to go to Mexico to lose their virginity?

Can't that be done here in the good old USA?

[Skittles]

7. not everyone, just guys

parents certainly don't take their daughters for such activity - they reserve that special privilege for the gals they consider to be "whores"

[davidn3600]

11. Fathers take their sons to a hooker, and then take their daughters to a "Purity Ball"

[Skittles]

18. yes

it is sickening

[RedstDem]

13. well, you know sometimes

You just want Taco's

[Le Taz Hot]

39. Incredibly offensive and racist.

Welcome to my ignore list. Keep telling those "funny jokes." Here's hoping your stay will be a short one.

[RedstDem]

46. you will be missed

have a day!

[defacto7]

15. In some cases I would

call that abuse. At the least it's defines the value of male sexual attitudes in an abnormal way.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

33. Nothing's made here anymore.

[Le Taz Hot]

36. So he had to go to Mexico

because that's where they "make" prostitutes? Your joke isn't funny, it's offensive as hell.

[Gidney N Cloyd]

48. No...

I was referring to the son getting 'made'

[Boom Sound 416]

38. Freakin outsourcing everywhere you look these days

[lumberjack_jeff]

54. Something something "work that americans won't do" something something. n/t

[HangOnKids]

3. Dad sounds like a jerk

“I don’t want my grand kids raised in that kind of environment.”

[Hassin Bin Sober]

4. "Sam Sr. said he took one of his older sons to Mexico so that he could lose his virginity."

"I don’t want my grand kids raised in that kind of environment.”


But you don't mind your kid getting gonorrhea or the clap.

Five bucks says he has "religious" problems with teh gay..

[panader0]

29. Gonorrhea is the least of the diseases you can get at a whore house in Mexico

Some years ago the hookers across the line in Nogales were tested and over half were HIV positive.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

40. I don't like the man's attitude toward homosexuality....

and his attitude toward heterosexuality is pretty disgusting, as well.

Here's hoping the Michael Sam is a better man that his father.

[Arugula Latte]

51. Them's some good Family Values right there! Yessirree!

[steve2470]

5. I feel sorry for Michael now

Hopefully his Dad will come around.

[chillfactor]

6. Michael's father is a waste of humanity......

I would be very proud to have a son like Michael..what an asshat his father is....

[Alkene]

8. "...so I went to Applebee’s to have drinks."

The birth of a new internet meme.

[Behind the Aegis]

9. This may not be popular, but I am willing to give his dad some slack for now.

He just found out his son is gay...in a text! As GLBT people, we struggle, sometimes for years, to come to terms with our identity, so we have to understand others will also have to struggle with the new identity. To make this worse, this isn't a private matter, this is now a "national" issue. He may come around; he may not, but for now he is adjusting.

My mother, who is one of my best friends, who had gay and lesbian friends in the 60's (!), first words to me after I was outed to her were..."I wouldn't let anyone stick anything up my ass!" To borrow a phrase, "She's come along way baby!" She loves my partner, was pissed when we decided not to have children, and about had an aneurism when I said if my partner and I got married it would be in jean shorts and tuxedo t-shirts (that was a funny scene). This didn't happen overnight; it took a long time. Other members of my family adjusted at different rates. My grandmother chose to tell me "I love you and don't care who you love" while we were pounding mixed drinks in The Bahamas. My youngest brother responded with "no shit! Can I have your room?" So, everyone has their reactions, and their adjustments.

So for now, let's see how it goes and continue to support Sam Jr. for his being courageous enough to live openly and honestly.

[Cha]

10. Yes, you've been through it and the

evolution, BtA.. so you can be more understanding.

My reaction was.. when he said he couldn't eat was.. "of course not".. he just got some news that's life altering. After thinking of his son as one way all these years growing up he gets this news.. "in a text" as you pointed out.

Is there a reason Michael Sam texted his Dad instead of telling him in person? Kinda knew the ol Dad?

".. no shit!" "Can I have your room" rofl

[Behind the Aegis]

12. Why Sam Jr chose a text, I don't know.

All I can say is we all have our own ways. Jr. may have thought it would go really badly, also, it is really difficult to tell a loved one you are gay, even if you think they may know. My partner and I will celebrate our 12 year anniversary next Saturday. He has never come out to his parents. He is an only child. I am sure they know, we have lived together for 11 years, and moved 4 times together. But, it is his family and his choice.

Though my partner and I had been together for three years, my mom still didn't want me to go see my favorite aunt when we were on a trip. She was afraid she wouldn't understand. We still went and saw her; we didn't make an announcement or anything, just stopped by for a late lunch. Seven months later, she was gone. My family was devastated. I even wrote about here on DU2. I sent the post to my cousin, which meant she would also now know I was gay. My cousin's response, "Mama knew. She was so happy I met such a handsome man who clearly loved me and treated me like I deserved to be treated." Needless to say, I broke down and sobbed for almost two hours, I am actually tearing up now remembering it. It just goes to show some will surprise you and not always in the way you think, but it is an adjustment for all involved.

The "room" brother is also the same one who walked out on the porch when I had told my other aunt (not the one above) and saw she was crying. He asked why and I told him that I just came out to her. He doubled over in laughter, walked back into the house, "Holy Shit, Aunt didn't know "BTA" is gay! Where the fuck has she been?!" Needless to say, I am actually one of the more sensitive ones in my family, but still as crude.

[Cha]

17. I can imagine you were

tearing up remembering it, BtA.. I teared up just reading about it. So sweet.. so glad people can surprise us in the most awesome ways!

"My cousin's response, "Mama knew. She was so happy I met such a handsome man who clearly loved me and treated me like I deserved to be treated."

Your favorite aunt sounds delightful.. it's wonderful you and your partner got to see her one last time before she passed.

As for your "room" brother.. he sounds really really cool and funny!

[kelliekat44]

21. This must be the first time i ever agreed with you. Nice post. nt

[Marrah_G]

24. I am too

Time often has a way of fixing things...in a couple years you may see this father alongside his son as an activist.

[leftynyc]

25. Great post, Aegis

You've given everyone something to think about.

[Major Nikon]

30. If he's just now finding out about it, that does't say much about him as a father

It tells me either he had no idea who his children really are, or he created an environment where they couldn't tell him that, or (most likely) both.

By the time my son told us he was gay, I already knew. I realize we live in a homophobic culture and people can get by with just claiming they didn't know any better (even though they should), but to carry that hate over to your own kids is inexcuseable. It tells me he hates gays more than he loves his children, or in other words he's a bigger turd than your average piece of shit homophobe.

[Doremus]

34. My thoughts as well.

How does a parent raise their offspring and not know this? He didn't want to know, that's how.

[Behind the Aegis]

49. I have to disagre.

Though I respect your opinion both as a parent, of which I am not, and just for the time I have known you at DU, I disagree that his statements say anything about his being a father. I am sure it well could, but as you said, we all live in a homophobic culture. Those messages are hard to shake; look how difficult it is for gay people to come out, even in this day and age. You seemingly had time to prepare, this man got a text on his birthday! We will soon see if his homophobia wins out or if, like my mom, and as someone mentioned below, Cher, comes around and embraces his son for who he is.

I have known gay parents who have freaked. GAY parents! Why? The homophobic culture is so engrained, it is only now starting to erode, so even gay parents and siblings have had negative reactions to a child/sibling coming out to them. Granted, it usually only lasts a few days, but it happens. Were I a parent, I would be disappointed for awhile if my child were gay, not because I feel there is anything shameful about being gay, but because I would fear for his/her safety and well-being. While I can be fairly certain this in not the reason for Sam Sr.'s reaction, there has to be a learning curve. Perhaps he will be like my own father, who three years ago, in tears, apologized for calling me a "faggot" when I was 17. My dad suspected too. After I was outed, my mother threatened him with divorce if he ever said anything negative to me. He had time to process (I didn't know he had been told), so when I did come out to him, he was ready.

If you want an example of "big homophobic turds" one only needs t look to those parents, who kick their children out, cut them off financially, after years have passed still refuse to recognize their partners/spouses, or how about that asshole Congressman in KY (I think) who is working to pass an anti-gay marriage bill despite having a gay son who has been out for years...those are turds!

My patience and understanding of Sam Sr.'s reactions and feelings are limited and conditional.

[Major Nikon]

53. I think it's just a matter of degree

Certainly there are those who are worse. I just get the impression that his dad was never around, and then when he does find out he says hateful things publicly about his own son. I do believe in change and redemption. Maybe his attitude will change some day, but for now he's just proven himself a turd and a shitty father.

[Jeff In Milwaukee]

41. As I recall...

Cher (of all people - CHER) didn't respond positively when Chaz came out back in 1995.

Clearly, she's come a long way.

[justabob]

45. you're right

Just a few months ago friends of mine had their college age son come out to them, and it was difficult for a few days. These parents are not homophobic, bigoted or any of that, they just weren't ready for it to be their son. The son had a very hard time too and had already decided his parents were going to hate him etc, even though this is a tight, loving family. Fortunately, one of our mutual friends is gay and stepped in to help interpret and mediate some of the emotional stuff between the family members and also stepped up to help the son as a mentor. They just needed a little help to sort it out.

[TroglodyteScholar]

14. Sad for the younger Sam...

...but fuck Sr. That guy acts as though this is something life is doing to him.

Your son is still your son. If you choose to see it otherwise, you are unworthy of his (or anyone else's) love.

[JI7]

16. if he is old school doesn't that mean he thinks they should wait until marriage to lose virginity

? or is that only for girls ?

[Iris]

19. this sounds like something from The Onion n/t

[bemildred]

20. Dad is just going to have to deal with it. nt

[LWolf]

22. My sons aren't gay.

If they were, though, they'd have no problem talking to me about it. They would have done so back in their teens, at the latest. They talked to me about everything else, including things I expected them to go to their dad about.

They know the meaning of unconditional love and acceptance, and recognize it in me, their mother, who has never wanted anything for them except health and happiness, has never expected anything but that they would be true to their own selves.

I'd like to give a hug, and some of that unconditional love and acceptance, to every son or daughter who hasn't experienced that from their parents.

[Marrah_G]

23. It's new, it's public, I think he will change his views

I hope he will change his views.

When I see stories like this, I try to remember that with every generation there is less and less of a stigma. Baby steps forward, but they are steps forward.

[mythology]

26. I kind of agree with him about not being able to eat at Denny's

But going to Applebee's to get drunk?

Couple those two things with not being cool with his son being gay, and it sounds like poor decision making all around. Hopefully he'll get over it.

[enough]

27. Interesting illustration of the connection between homophobia and misogyny. (nt)

[Feral Child]

28. No sympathy.

He needs to buck up and accept reality.

[riqster]

31. My late son was trying to figure out his sexuality before he passed away.

The message we had for him: "whatever makes you happy". I mean, what parent wants anything other than happiness for our kids?

[Paladin]

32. Michael Sam Jr. is one of 8 children.

Of those 8 children, 3 are now dead, and 2 are in prison. Michael Sam Jr. spent a portion of his young years living in the back seat of his mother's car. When visiting his home town, Michael Sam Jr. has chosen to stay with friends rather than at his family's residence.

Somehow I'm not too concerned over Michael Sam Sr.'s whimpering that his star football player son happens to be gay.

[Le Taz Hot]

37. And he's upset that his son is gay?

THIS is what's important to him? Dude isn't exactly going to win Father of the Year, is he?

[Paladin]

44. I wish Capote or Mailer were still around to write a book about it. (nt)

[sammytko]

35. Too bad for him

Grow up!

[CFLDem]

42. You'd think he'd start sucking up

to his soon to be wealthy son.

Ignorance is expensive in many ways.

[former9thward]

55. Sucking up to someone just because they are wealthy???

Your post says far more about you than anyone else.

[CFLDem]

56. Ok. And?

[former9thward]

57. I don't suck up to someone just because they are wealthy.

I don't care if it will bring me benefits later on.

[CFLDem]

59. Ok.

Good for you. Here's a cookie 🍪

As for myself, I'm interested in networking with more fortunate individuals because I'd like to have financial security one day and maybe do something fun for a living.

[Bluenorthwest]

43. Pardon me while I look to the sky and thank my own father for being the loving man he

was. Thanks Dad.

[truebluegreen]

47. This is the father of two sons who have been in and out, and are currently in jail;

another son who died of a gunshot wound and a fourth who went missing and had to be declared dead.

But this is the son and/or the environment he's concerned about?

My high level of respect for Michael Sam just went up several more notches, given his background and the parenting he had.

[KamaAina]

50. Well, there goes the big house

that athletes often buy their parents after they sign their first pro contract.

[Politicalboi]

52. I hope one man and one woman daddy

Has enough money for his own. How could he take money from "that kind of environment".

[JRLeft]

58. I know people are upset now, but give his father time. If we've learned from

recent history, people tend to come around.