'Relax righties, it's not yoga, I'm just stretching', the wave of Conservative Political Correctness
It’s that time of year again: Girl Scout cookie boycott season!
WorldNetDaily today reports on the right-wing organizations that are boycotting the Girl Scouts for such offenses as tweeting a HuffPost Live video in which someone mentioned Wendy Davis, promoting “ardent feminist” writers, marching in a gay pride parade, and incorporating “labyrinths, global warming, yoga, avatars, smudging incense, Zen gardens and lesbian role models into their teachings.”
The American Family Association sent an email to its members last week urging them to “just say, ‘No, thank you” when a girl scout comes to their door selling cookies. “It’s hard to say no to those little girls in the green and brown sashes,” writes AFA president Tim Wildmon, “but buying Girl Scout cookies serves only to further facilitate a very liberal pro-abortion agenda.”
The Family Research Council has also urged its members to boycott the cookies.
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/right-boycotting-girl-scout-cookies-over-yoga-climate-change-lesbian-role-models
Now you might wonder, how can I avoid offending these conservatives out here?
Here are some helpful tips:
Avatars: Refers to the descent of a deity to Earth, good catch being offended by that, right wing, as we'd know you'd never be for teaching that a deity ever descended to Earth, right?
Wendy Davis: It's She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named unless you are spreading lies about her, then it's all good. Pretend her children who have since debunked right wing lies about her don't exist. If you acknowledge their existence, then you hate children and families.
Teh Gay: Don't have gay or lesbian role models, just say you don't know any gay people. Period. Or you could even say that gay people are a fabrication of the liberal media. This might calm their frazzled nerves.
Labyrinths: Should have known mazes would be too complex for the average right winger, should just ban them to protect their fragile egos. Should also tell the mice to stop making fun of them, it's not nice. (Fun Fact: Describing the labyrinth as some sort of 'pagan symbol' doesn't make much sense seeing as how Christians throughout history and today in the Middle East use them as well. There are also some OTHER things that both Pagans and Christians use...)
Other Languages: To appease the righties on this based on the recent thing Coke did, we should just call our language "American" and combine all other languages into one super-language called "Foul Foreign Tongues". Also, while we're on this, we should probably try something similar with religions they don't approve of.
Yoga: If they catch you doing it, just say you're stretching and make sure every possible right winger around you knows as they might be afraid your Yoga Radiation might penetrate them or something.
Zen Gardens: Don't have gardens that promote inner peace and calmness, righties only want gardens that fuel you in your quest for violent vengeance against your enemies. Get a War Garden today.
And remember, don't say "Happy Holidays" either, or else a conservative will appear inside a labyrinth!
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