Camera manufacturers vigorously rub their product on their assholes before shipping to stores.

[ZombieHorde]

When someone touches a camera, the asshole cooties infect the person which causes a serious bout of narcissistic-asshole tendencies in the camera person.

You'll be having a lovely time with your friends/family when suddenly one of them touches a camera or camera phone. That person, who is normally very cool, will become a self-centered asshole who will then demand everyone to stop whatever activity they are enjoying and pay strict attention to the camera person. Not only will this camera person demand everyone's strict attention, but this controlling asshole will also demand everyone make a specific facial expression. This extreme narcissism is not usually found in the same person before and after holding the camera. The asshole cooties wear off very quickly, but they also infect very quickly. They're similar nitrous oxide gas in this regard.

I am not yet sure how to clean the asshole cooties off a camera, but if anyone has any suggestions, please post them here. Gloves don't always seem work. The cooties can seemingly just bypass them, but the gloves do seem to slow them down slightly. Mittens do seem to be a better defense, but even these are no guarantee against infection.

[Atman]

1. Asshole "cuties?"

Are those the young porn starlettes who've undergone anal bleaching?

[Blue_In_AK]

5. Does he mean cooties?

As a photographer, I think I'm supposed to feel some kind of shame, according to this post -- but I don't. Now, STOP EVERYTHING and smile, damn it.

[Atman]

8. I'm more of a candid guy.

Unless I'm specifically taking portraits or group shots, I'd prefer everyone ignore me while I shoot. I love the natural expressions and interesting angles you can get.

[Blue_In_AK]

12. Actually, I am, too.

I just couldn't resist poking a little fun.

[ZombieHorde]

6. Oh shit! Thank you! nt

[MineralMan]

2. Don't you mean 'cooties?'

Vs.

[In_The_Wind]

3. Bookmarking!

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[UtahLib]

13. Please, I need one of those tissues. I cannot stop laughing

...and loving ZombieHorde

[Mnemosyne]

4. Do you mean cooties? When I have a camera I don't want anyone paying attention, missed me. nt

[Wounded Bear]

7. If they're handing out cuties...

I gotta get me one of those.



Oh, shit. Now all the gender warriors will be on my ass.

[Atman]

9. What's wrong with being on your ass??!

Are you some kind of homophobe? Typical of your kind! You probably hate women, too. And kick puppies! Asshole!

Do I need "the S tag?"

[RandiFan1290]

10. I'll bet they've handled one of my ass pennies

i win

[ZombieHorde]

11. I love that show. nt

[Glassunion]

14. I knew Leica has about 40 different recipes for their lens glass

Who'd a thunk that they polished the lenses with their assholes. You learn something new every day.

[ZombieHorde]

21. The more you know, the more you grow. nt

[Shankapotomus]

15. The best photographers

you never even know they were there until they come back a day later with an incredible black & white of you they developed in their own darkroom.

[Pretzel_Warrior]

17. With a note explaining how much

you'll have to avoid prints seeing the light of day.

[Shankapotomus]

18. ha!

In my case I was only running around outside on a friend's front lawn and it was an older kid from the neighborhood who later went on to become a renowned rock photographer. No note thankfully.

[Pretzel_Warrior]

16. Huh? You must be a joy to be around at parties

Grammy: "ok, guys. Let's all gather round the Christmas tree for some pictures."

Zombiehorde: "Quit being such a self-centered asshole, grammy! I'm trying to enjoy my nog!!"

[ZombieHorde]

22. Ha! nt

[pipi_k]

19. If I don't want my picture taken...

And there's enough time, I turn my head and flash a big middle finger

There are now way fewer unwanted photos being taken of me...

[Coyotl]

20. IGNORE

[jmowreader]

24. Don't blame the camera if you take shitty pictures, either

The asshole cooties do another thing: they make people believe that if they buy a fancy camera they'll instantly torn into Annie Leibovitz. Then they run out and line up the kiddies in the middle of the driveway and shoot while standing up. And then when the pictures come back looking terrible..."it's this cheap camera, it must be broken."