Welcome to DU!
The truly grassroots left-of-center political community where regular people, not algorithms, drive the discussions and set the standards.
Join the community:
Create a free account
Support DU (and get rid of ads!):
Become a Star Member
Latest Breaking News
General Discussion
The DU Lounge
All Forums
Issue Forums
Culture Forums
Alliance Forums
Region Forums
Support Forums
Help & Search
General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsYour friend, "Mitt"
Mitt "Mitt" Romney says:
November 3, 2013 at 11:20 am
Gosh, my friends, what a fantastic morning Ann and I were having here in one of our various domiciles around this once-great nation, until I heard that someone has been writing scandalous things about my presidential campaign. Youll recall my son (I believe it was Tagg, although it could have been Crom, or Hork, Im not sure) pointed out was undertaken not because I wanted to be president (because I didnt believe you me), but only for the good of the country. I simply felt that it was time to bring, um, light back to Amercia, to pull it from the shade, if you will, of the darkness that had
well, Im sure you get the idea.
Anyway, there Ann and I were, about to enjoy her delicious breakfast specialty (plain Cream of Wheat; I like to add just a touch of salt to mine to kick that thing up a notch or two as Chef Elmo likes to say), when I learned about this scurrilous piece and I immediately came here to rebut these allegations:
1. First, I want to be clear that I have the utmost respect for Governor Christie. How anyone of that inhuman girth is able to roll himself out of bed each day, let alone muster up enough energy to govern an entire state, is beyond me. Hes to be commended, really.
2. I did not simply pick Paul as my running mate because he reminded me of the upstanding young men I had mentored at Bain, but also because his views on the proper distribution of wealth in this country so closely mirrored my own, and those of the upstanding young men I had mentored at Bain.
3. We briefly considered Howard Baker, but then he let us know quite emphatically that he would not want to be posthumously baptized into the Mormon faith, which was a non-starter for us. Still, I have great respect for Senator Baker and look forward to posthumously baptizing him into the Mormon faith.
4. Im not sure who these people are. We did lose a VP options binder somewhere in the sub-basement of a Ramada Inn near Des Moines, Iowa, so its possible that they were in there and, if so, I apologize to their families for their disappearance.
5. Again, I have the deepest admiration for Governor Christie. I feel like I should send him something to express my respect, but I cant seem to find a pizza establishment in Trenton that can deliver a thousand pizzas to Drumthwacket in time for dinner tonight.
6. If Barack Obama is so smart, my friends, why were Paul and I leading in the unskewed polling all the way through Election Day?
I hope this has helped to clarify these scurrilous tales and put them in their proper context. Thank you for reading and God Bless Amercia!
Your friend,
Mitt
Anyway, there Ann and I were, about to enjoy her delicious breakfast specialty (plain Cream of Wheat; I like to add just a touch of salt to mine to kick that thing up a notch or two as Chef Elmo likes to say), when I learned about this scurrilous piece and I immediately came here to rebut these allegations:
1. First, I want to be clear that I have the utmost respect for Governor Christie. How anyone of that inhuman girth is able to roll himself out of bed each day, let alone muster up enough energy to govern an entire state, is beyond me. Hes to be commended, really.
2. I did not simply pick Paul as my running mate because he reminded me of the upstanding young men I had mentored at Bain, but also because his views on the proper distribution of wealth in this country so closely mirrored my own, and those of the upstanding young men I had mentored at Bain.
3. We briefly considered Howard Baker, but then he let us know quite emphatically that he would not want to be posthumously baptized into the Mormon faith, which was a non-starter for us. Still, I have great respect for Senator Baker and look forward to posthumously baptizing him into the Mormon faith.
4. Im not sure who these people are. We did lose a VP options binder somewhere in the sub-basement of a Ramada Inn near Des Moines, Iowa, so its possible that they were in there and, if so, I apologize to their families for their disappearance.
5. Again, I have the deepest admiration for Governor Christie. I feel like I should send him something to express my respect, but I cant seem to find a pizza establishment in Trenton that can deliver a thousand pizzas to Drumthwacket in time for dinner tonight.
6. If Barack Obama is so smart, my friends, why were Paul and I leading in the unskewed polling all the way through Election Day?
I hope this has helped to clarify these scurrilous tales and put them in their proper context. Thank you for reading and God Bless Amercia!
Your friend,
Mitt
yes, it is snark, snarky-snark:
http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2013/11/mitt-romney-is-a-nice-man/comment-page-1#comment-753156
InfoView thread info, including edit history
TrashPut this thread in your Trash Can (My DU » Trash Can)
BookmarkAdd this thread to your Bookmarks (My DU » Bookmarks)
3 replies, 905 views
ShareGet links to this post and/or share on social media
AlertAlert this post for a rule violation
PowersThere are no powers you can use on this post
EditCannot edit other people's posts
ReplyReply to this post
EditCannot edit other people's posts
Rec (9)
ReplyReply to this post
3 replies
= new reply since forum marked as read
Highlight:
NoneDon't highlight anything
5 newestHighlight 5 most recent replies
Your friend, "Mitt" (Original Post)
kpete
Nov 2013
OP
I love satire. There certainly are plenty of elements of truth in this piece.
dimbear
(6,271 posts)2. The giveaway is that Mitt doesn't have a son named after Conan the Barbarian's favorite god.
gopiscrap
(23,765 posts)3. Willard can go fuck himself
he's so in love with himself, he'll probably like it!