Now I've seen everything: Jesus Halloween candy

[AnnetteJacobs]

I was browsing through Halloween stuff at my local Big Lots store when I came across some bags of Halloween candy, labeled "Jesus Candy." I thought it might have been a prank until I found these on the web:

http://www.retailhellunderground.com/my_weblog/2013/10/jesus-halloween-candy-found-at-walgreens.html



What's next? Jesus firecrackers for the Fourth of July?

[gopiscrap]

1. cany corn ought to sue for copyright violation

[gopiscrap]

2. BTW welcome to DU

[AnnetteJacobs]

14. TY

[gopiscrap]

17. you're welcome

I hope we learn from each other and you have fun being a part of the DU community.

[SammyWinstonJack]

3. Ugh.

[lpbk2713]

4. Probably made in China

With dubious ingredients.

[Capt. Obvious]

5. Way to make Candy Corn even more hated in your treat bag

"Do you have any apples or popcorn balls instead?"

[snooper2]

6. Did somebody say Jesus?

Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."

Moses turned toward the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.

Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.

But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' silliness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.

When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

LOL

[BlueJazz]

7. Hi Kiddies: A Holy reminder to be good little workers or You'll burn in Hell for eternity.

...and don't forget....make Mommy and Daddy put lots and lots of money into the church plate!

[pipi_k]

8. So I'm sitting here

wondering what sort of Halloween costume Jesus would wear...


Anyway, there are all sorts of ways one can bring Jesus into one's daily life.

[Demo_Chris]

13. It's a miracle! nt

[LongTomH]

27. Please tell me that "Daily Bread" toaster is a photoshop joke!

[NuclearDem]

31. I've seen cornier.

As my Lutheran "This is Most Certainly Brew" coffee will attest to.

[Tom Ripley]

9. The Greatest Zombie Story Ever Told

[nadinbrzezinski]

11. DUZY!!!!!

[AnnetteJacobs]

12. The zombie that flew up to heaven

Or, flew to America (if you're Mormon).

[randome]

10. I would so love to post Lewis Black's rant about candy corn.

But, alas, I am at work.
[hr][font color="blue"][center]You should never stop having childhood dreams.[/center][/font][hr]

[msanthrope]

20. Here---

http://www.comedycentral.com/video-clips/zsz1so/stand-up-lewis-black--candy-corn

It starts at :34.

[Solly Mack]

15. lolol

[Atman]

16. On that it was Onan that spread his seed?

Jesus could walk on water, turn water to wine, loaves to fishes, but the best he could do for Halloween is was CANDY CORN? What a gyp!

[pinboy3niner]

18. Sweet Jesus!

[Liberal In Texas]

19. WWJGOOH*

*What Would Jesus Give Out On Halloween

[Dr. Strange]

21. Chick tracts

[Xyzse]

22. Until I see Prophylactics with Jesus or a Cross in them...

I haven't seen everything yet.

[Ilsa]

23. "Scripture on every packet."

Why can't grownups just let kids have fun without constant indoctrination? Maybe I'll take the candy walk with my kids. If any of this crap ends up in their bag it'll end up in their yard.

[MisterP]

24. Jesus Ween is Jan. 1...

[IcyPeas]

25. lots of xians don't celebrate halloween

because it's EVIL. so this is quite the irony.

[jmowreader]

26. That's not Halloween candy, it's "Harvest Festival" candy!

Fundies don't celebrate Halloween, dontcha know?

I'm going to assume Psalm 137.9 (happy is he who dashes your children against the stones) or Matthew 6.6 (And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.) are not to be found on these little bags.

[SirRevolutionary]

28. Jesus' Pieces?

The most high fructose syrup...

[Lint Head]

29. Corn doesn't digest.

[Blue_Tires]

30. Does anyone really want to consider the prospect of sharting out Jesus late at night?

[MindPilot]

32. So the kid who couldn't bring candy corn to school...

Should have told the teacher they were "Harvest Seeds" and as long as she kept them under her shirt like the rosary, there wouldn't have been a problem.