Heroic Broken Sewage Pipe Floods Congress With Human Waste

[ehrnst]

WASHINGTON—Calling the busted cylinder a national hero, sources confirmed Wednesday that a sewer pipe in the U.S. Capitol building valiantly burst open, pouring more than 1.5 million gallons of raw sewage into Congress and flooding the Senate and House of Representatives with human excrement, sludge, and wastewater. “Someone or something had to step up and fight for the American people, and when I heard that explosion and then saw congressman after congressman get swept up by a massive wave of feces and urine, I knew that sewage pipe had done something truly brave and extraordinary,” said one congressional source, adding the pipe’s heroics were evident from the outset when the initial explosion splattered Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) with wadded-up toilet paper, sanitary napkins, vomit, and cholera-containing pathogens.


http://www.theonion.com/articles/heroic-broken-sewage-pipe-floods-congress-with-hum,34237/

[Brickbat]

1. Ladies, don't flush your pads!!

[Cirque du So-What]

2. The Onion is feckin' with us

http://www.theonion.com/articles/heroic-broken-sewage-pipe-floods-congress-with-hum,34237/

Updated link.