Ted Cruz Suddenly Realizes That He Is Insane

[n2doc]

Ted Cruz has said a lot of wacky things these past few weeks (not to mention his entire political career), but to be clear, this article is a work of fiction.

A small cluster of reporters wandered over to Ted Cruz as he left the Senate floor, hoping to pick up a quote for the stories they were about to file.

“Don’t quote me on this, but boy have I been crazy lately,” said Cruz (R-Tex.). “I mean we told a bunch of scientists to stop researching cancer for reasons that honestly escape me right now.”

A few more reporters wandered over. It seemed Cruz was giving one of his impromptu press conferences.

“Do you stand by your stance that we should only fund the government if we defund Obamacare?” chirped Mike Allen of Politico.

“Stand by it? Mike I’ve done enough standing lately. That 13 hour speech that you watched all of—I don’t even know what the heck I was saying! At one point, I was thinking, gee, I’m hungry, and I started thinking about what I would have for dinner. I realized I didn’t know what I had just been talking about, so I thought, I know, I’ll bring up the Nazis! It was offensive nonsense, but hey, I know my base. That guy who waved the Confederate Flag in front of the White House? He’s my base.”

more

http://www.carbonated.tv/news/ted-cruz-suddenly-realizes-that-he-is-insane

[louis-t]

1. Giggety.

[thelordofhell]

2. Censure

He spoke at an event where the confederate flag was waved in front of the White House and another speaker openly called for the President Of The United States to be overthrown

[immoderate]

3. A tough assignment -- staring down Poe's Law.

Writing satire about Cruz is no small task.

--imm

[Qutzupalotl]

4. As a sarcasm-detector-challenged American,

I appreciate the disclaimer.