Do you find superficiality attractive?

[BainsBane]

What do you think about people who fixate on age, weight, tattoos, wrinkles, etc. . ?

[xchrom]

1. oh god yes...the more shallow the better. wanna go shop for shoes?

i am SO the wrong person to ask.

[BainsBane]

2. well hold on now

I didn't say anything about shopping.

[xchrom]

4. A SISTER!....or a brother

[Aerows]

20. Right there with you

on the shoes.

[Warpy]

53. I don't get it

I often have to try every shoe in the joint on to find a pair I can cram my arthritic feet into without enormous pain. It's always been like that for me.

[Aerows]

18. Lord have mercy

let's not discuss shoe shopping in this thread, because I'm doomed.

[xchrom]

38. prada should be having a sale along about now.

and if you're into cashmere{which i die for}

http://www.tsecashmere.com/


{i actually hate her shoes -- but TSE cashmere is too fab for words}

[Tree-Hugger]

56. Love the sweater and shoes

Why is she wearing old gray sweats? Well, hope her neck feels better and she gets out of that brace soon.

[Warpy]

55. There are people my mother described

as being the whipped cream on the strawberry shortcake of life: light, airy, pleasant, and adding something to pleasant experiences.

Just don't rely on them when you're busted back to eating beans again. Whipped cream and beans don't fit really well without a lot of serious culinary tweaking and even then it's weird.

[dogknob]

88. Forget shopping! Look at all my pictures of my shoes I bought! n/t

[SheilaT]

89. I'm with you.

What shoe store do we meet at?

[yesphan]

3. Yes,

but only at the surface.

[hrmjustin]

5. I find that unpleasant. I know what I find attractive but I don't have a specific look that I like.

[MineralMan]

6. I wouldn't hire a superficial person.

I find them annoying, and they might offend my customers.

[BainsBane]

7. what if that person is under 40?

[MineralMan]

54. Only if that person has a tattoo.

[BainsBane]

74. So the wrecking ball is optional?

[MNBrewer]

8. There's all sorts of levels to attractiveness

Some more superficial than others, it's true.

[Lex]

9. I find people who get upset about people who get upset

about being superficial very upsetting.

[redqueen]

10. It's one of the worst things someone can be IMO.

Right next to greediness, selfishness, and cruelty.

[BainsBane]

11. It also tends to be a signal of other attributes

like sexism and racism.

[Mojorabbit]

77. That has also been my experience so I totally agree.

They tend to be fair weather friends at best to boot.

[bunnies]

13. You nailed it.

Sums up my feelings perfectly.

[WCLinolVir]

12. I think they are sad, self-hating, and fear based.

[Warren DeMontague]

16. Yes, but is that just your superficial impression?

Maybe you should try to get to know them as people, first.

[WCLinolVir]

65. No, it is what I perceive their motivation is for their fear of

aging, etc.. I am sure some of them are nice people, but the question was how do I perceive them for having those qualities. At some point in time, when you are uncomfortable with aging, wrinkles, etc.. you will either learn to truly value yourself, or self-hate. Such an attitude or value is indicative of a loss of personal value. It also is indicative of an inward critical process that is projected out.

[JI7]

14. being from So Cal , i see a lot of it

and not attractive at all. to me it's like people going to such lengths to try to be attractive but actually doing the opposite.

also not attractive are those who try to show off their wealth . like some jackass standing in front of some expensive car trying to impress. and i have no problems with people interested in cars and other things .

but my problem is people who do things to try to impress others and i can usually tell people who actually have interest in something from those who are just trying to show off.

[BainsBane]

111. The same in Florida

Everything there is based on money and appearances. The distinction you make about whether people are into something, like cars, out of a passion for it or to impress others is an important one. Everyone has things they love, but to feel you have to buy things to impress others is sad.

[PasadenaTrudy]

118. Yep

Especially out in West L.A., Santa Monica. I avoid the westside at all costs. Pasadena has its share of this too. Seems like every other woman has obvious work done and is driving a Range Rover or Audi.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

15. "Do you find superficiality attractive?" Depends

How does superficiality look in a t-shirt?

[Warren DeMontague]

17. define "fixate"

[BainsBane]

22. Defined

fix·ate (fkst)
v. fix·at·ed, fix·at·ing, fix·ates
v.tr.
1. To make fixed, stable, or stationary.
2. To focus one's eyes or attention on: fixate a faint object.
3. To command the attention of exclusively or repeatedly; preoccupy obsessively: "TV and newspapers were fixated on high-technology as the solution to almost everything" (Jay Walljasper).
4. Psychology
a. To attach (oneself) to a person or thing in an immature or neurotic fashion.
b. In classical psychoanalysis, to cause (the libido) to be arrested at an early stage of psychosexual development.
v.intr.
1. To focus the eyes or attention.
2. Psychology
a. To become attached to a person or thing in an immature or pathological way; form a fixation.
b. To be arrested at an early stage of psychosexual development.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/fixate

Inspired by the slew of threads in GD about tattoos, wrinkles, weight etc . . .

Or to care primarily or greatly about physical appearance over mind, character, and personality. For example, not dating women over 130 lbs or men under 6 ft, etc. . .

[Warren DeMontague]

24. Right, gotcha. I didn't mean the dictionary, I meant what on DU was spurring it.

My superficial take is, that stuff is this week's olive garden.

But boy, as per that definition..... there's a lot of fixation on DU, isn't there?

Personally, I'm not in a position to hire anyone right now, but if I were, the criteria I would use would be capability to do the job, period. Tatoos, weight, piercings, wrinkles, don't really impact that one way or another, as far as I'm concerned.

Although most of the establishments I worked my multitudinous minimum wage crap retail gigs over the course of my sad miserable life, have at least mostly been funky non-corporate indie types of establishments where piercings, tattoos, purple hair, weight and age weren't really factors in employability.

As for what I find personally attractive, well, it doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, yes, I do find physical appearance to be a factor, among other ones, but I'm not in the market anyway, I know that comes as a crushing disappointment to my fan base, but I trust they can muddle through somehow.

I don't consider myself all that superficial, but superficially others might dispute that point. I think Southern California is, en masse, a bit too superficial a place for me. Not sure if that clears any of it up, but here's how I define superficiality:

[BainsBane]

25. I think there is a difference between what one personally finds attractive

and making some sort of public issue over those things. Some people have long lists of criteria for who they will involve themselves with romantically/sexually and sometimes even as friends. I find them vapid.

As for hiring people, much of that is illegal, for good reasons.

[BainsBane]

30. Your fan base?

So I'm out as a groupie? I'm not a brunette (not currently anyway), and I'm definitely heavier and bigger busted than the women featured in your girly threads, older too. Oh dear. How will I ever go on after this disappointment.

No one disputes physical attraction is important in a relationship, but people differ on what they find attractive. For me, personality and the kind of energy s/he exudes play a huge role in how I see the person physically.

[Warren DeMontague]

32. Geez, I guess I need to work on my delivery.

No, that wasn't intended to be directed at you. I don't, actually, think I have a fan base. Or maybe I do, but it's only because Dr. Breen is so damn handsome.

It was meant as self-deprecation, but you know, tone on the innertubes be tricky and all.

I was all set to resp. to the prior post on the topic of tattoos- I don't really judge them on others beyond thinking in terms of myself and whether or not something I would have inked on my skin at 22, I would appreciate a few decades later.

Probably not, is the answer.

[BainsBane]

33. I didn't take it as about me in particular

but I couldn't let the fan base remark get by.

[Warren DeMontague]

34. Well the ladies do love me.

but it's for totally superficial reasons. What can I do?

[BainsBane]

35. Well, I need photographic evidence

to properly evaluate that statement.

[Warren DeMontague]

48. Ha!

Someday, perhaps. But not today.

Oh, okay, fine, just one.




I'm flipping off George Bush, BTW, not anyone else. That's the March For Womens' Lives, April 2004. As you can see, my head was swollen then, too.

[BainsBane]

99. Ah ha . . .

I knew it was you all along.

[Warren DeMontague]

49. One other thing.

I think it's a mistake- I know it is, with me, and maybe this is a broader point worth making- to not differentiate between saying "I find this attractive" and "I find this unattractive". I think those are two different types of statements.

I know for me, when I say I find, say, Sophia Loren attractive, or Monica Bellucci (both relatively curvy women, btw) that does not mean I am saying those are the only physical features or types of people I find attractive, nor am I implying that I find anyone else, by default, unattractive. Does that make sense?

Recognizing attractiveness, to me, is just a net positive- it does not imply anything bad about anyone else or any other types of people.

OTOH, saying "so and so is ugly" or "I don't like people who look like this" is different.

[BainsBane]

63. You did have that sig line

Last edited Tue Oct 8, 2013, 09:33 PM - Edit history (1)

with Sharon Stone, saying people aren't just getting older, they are getting uglier (or something close to that).

I myself wouldn't refer to a person as ugly absent poor character, like the Sleepless in Austin guy we skewered in HOF. While I didn't refer to him as ugly in that thread, if he really meant what the interview recounted, he is ugly regardless of physical characteristics.

Women in the US grow up being told they aren't attractive enough. We don't measure up to media images, and men's tendencies to evaluate women in terms of media ideals is greater here than in some other cultures. It seems to me that in Brazil--at least in the Northeast where I lived--men are more interested in the women around them than those in the magazines. Shortly after I returned from Brazil, I visited my brother in the UK. I remember his friend going on at dinner about Brigit Bardot as the ideal woman. I thought how strange. She's not even alive. What's the point in that? It struck me as a great contrast to Brazil, where men would admire the women around them. It seemed to me that they simply liked women better than English and American men do.

[Warren DeMontague]

66. The sharon stone pic was not related to the sig line, honest.

They were two different statements, although I can see how the juxtaposition might have made you think they were related. Actually, I think I stuck them in there at different times. Some performance on DU; someone's meltdown, not sure whose- reminded me of Sharon Stone in Casino (an epic performance), hence the pic.

I got tired of looking at it, so I took it out.

But the line is one of the funnier ones from (Stuck Inside of Mobile With The) Memphis, Blues Again, the Bob Dylan song. The verse goes like this:

The one was Texas medicine
The other was just railroad gin
An’ like a fool I mixed them
An’ it strangled up my mind
An’ now people just get uglier
An’ I have no sense of time

The joke being, whatever he's done to his brain, he doesn't perceive time, just that people get uglier.. i.e. older. I mean, maybe that's an ageist thing, but it's equal opportunity... certainly Dylan doesn't look like he did at the Newport Folk Festival in '65....and it's got the funny construction that so many of the lyrics in a few of Dylan's songs, have. But, it wasn't about Sharon Stone.

The Sleepless in Austin dude had SO MANY things wrong with him, I had to believe that was some sort of put-on. Especially after the videos of him "rapping" or whatever.

[BainsBane]

69. Oh, I see

I thought they were connected. One was right next to each other. Yeah, I tend to think that guy is a put on. He has been on Judge Judy twice. Plus most douche-bags have some sense of not advertising their douche-baggery quite so openly.

[Warren DeMontague]

72. It really is hard to tell what is performance art, these days.

[BainsBane]

73. I think the aliens left that little "gift" for us at Roswell.

[GreenStormCloud]

19. Depends upon the situation.

I don't have the time or information to make an in-depth evaluation of each new person that I meet and may never see again. So in those situations I do only superficial evaluations, just deep enough for the immediate purpose.

If I am going to be dealing with the person for a longer time, then I know to reserve full judgement until I know more.

[ScreamingMeemie]

21. Three words.

I don't care.

But the threads are often more telling than the respondents to them ever realize

[Tom Ripley]

23. Yes, very attractive

[Atman]

26. Well...will you sit naked on a wrecking ball?

Funny thing is, what bothered me most about that video were all the freakin' tattoos all over Miley. I thought she had just stained her deck and forgot to wash up.

[BainsBane]

31. No, I won't

and suddenly I feel an urge to go get tattoos.

[MineralMan]

57. I will. Will you watch?

nt

[closeupready]

27. As the cosmetics industry knows well, everyone wants to be beautiful.

Young, old, rich, poor - everyone wants to be beautiful.

But to suggest that finding someone beautiful is a 'fixation' is nonsensical, at least insofar as when I find someone beautiful, it can be hard to define what it is precisely I think is beautiful about them.

[Warren DeMontague]

36. It is hard to sell certain things to people, who feel good about themselves.

I think that's fairly obvious.

[BainsBane]

44. certain things

like Maxim or porn? Or do you just mean the products used by women who appear in those media?

[Warren DeMontague]

47. people still pay for porn?

who knew?

[BainsBane]

40. That isn't what I said

I wouldn't think it would be so difficult to distinguish between finding someone attractive and being superficial.

[closeupready]

50. I don't want to pick a fight with you; consider, however,

the very words "attractive" and "superficial" - and "beauty", while we're doing this exercise. There are multiple definitions for each; plus, different methods of employing those words in language. Also, there areas of overlap, i.e., something superficial can, in fact, be attractive and/or beautiful. Something beautiful, however, is typically thought of as "profound" (of a foundation, basic) in contrast to 'superficial' (of a surface, exterior, a fresh coat of paint).

Anyway, I'm getting pedantic on this only because there have been at least a half dozen similar threads both today and yesterday, and so even if you aren't interested in deep talk, I figure maybe someone else here is so interested.

Anyway, thanks, if you read this. Cheers.

[BainsBane]

100. This thread was in response to those half dozen other threads

There is a difference in finding someone or something beautiful and being someone motivated primarily by appearances. Typically, people concerned with appearances care more about how others view their partner, car, possessions. They typically see their status determined by such things.

[oldhippie]

28. There are varying levels of superficiality ......

... and each has to be evaluated on it's merits.

I think people who fixate on age, weight, tattoos, wrinkles, etc. are doing an evaluation.

Evaluations are good, aren't they? We want people to make informed decisions, don't we?

[Bunnahabhain]

29. I find attractive people attractive

Does that make me superficial?

[petronius]

37. If you mean "attractive" in a romantic/sexual/physical sense, then I think

it depends on context: when I am in a superficial mode, then people in a similar frame of mind are attractive - particularly when their specific superficialities mesh with my own.

But more generally, in circumstances or on topics where I prefer a little more depth, then superficiality may be annoying. And on topics that I care little/nothing about, I don't care either way if other people have deep or shallow thoughts...

[Paula Sims]

39. It truly disgusts me

I was raised by a superficial family and in my heart I knew it was wrong. I was told at 16 that no one wanted me because I was ugly and that I might was well just finish high school and be prepared to take care of my family (which was their real goal in the first place). I now have a wonderful husband who loves, respects, and likes me (in spite of my shallow family) and I have a double major BA degree (finance and linear mathematics), an MBA (finance and econometrics emphasis), and a PhD in mathematics (lambda principle). Oh yea, NOW my family is 'proud of me'.

I love my family and forgive them (especially my Grandmother, the root of it all) but I don't necessarily like them.

[BainsBane]

42. That must have been very difficult

I'm glad you were able to overcome that bullshit and build a happy, successful life.

[babylonsister]

51. They did you a favor. You got away in a BIG way!

Props to you!

[Sissyk]

41. I really don't know anyone that is fixated

on one or two superficial features.

I think anyone that is fixated on one thing, is missing out on quite a bit.

However, we all have different features that we are attacted to. i don't think there is anything wrong with that.

[gort]

43. In what context, Charlie?

Nt

[BainsBane]

46. I'm not Charlie

[Liberal Veteran]

45. Only on the surface.

[LittleBlue]

52. Hard to say. It depends on how good she looks

[lumberjack_jeff]

58. I can put up with a lot of superficiality if she's a good cook.

[seveneyes]

59. Opposites attract

Magnetically speaking.

[Blue_In_AK]

60. The Lounge has bled over

into Gd. All these threads should go back there, IMO.

[Go Vols]

85. +1

[Zorra]

61. I think superficiality is, like, ya know, waaay overrated in this country.

[Rex]

62. I find people that freak out over subjective questions

to be interesting.

[BainsBane]

71. So do I

Last edited Wed Oct 9, 2013, 03:22 AM - Edit history (1)

I find it revealing, as are the questions people choose to ask.

[GliderGuider]

64. "She ain't pretty she just looks that way"

I carry an airbrush with me to bars. I can't help it, I'm just a child of my culcha...

[ismnotwasm]

67. It's Boring

Goddam it's boring.

[MFrohike]

68. They should stop beating their wives

People have differing tastes. That revelation doesn't require trotting out the moral high horse and firing up the crusade bandwagon.

[BainsBane]

70. Good lord

Talking about a crusade. There is a difference between one's taste and being superficial. I wonder why the difference between physical attraction and superficiality is so difficult for some to comprehend? I'll just have to guess why that is.

[MFrohike]

75. Move those goalposts!

The point of the thread isn't to discuss quote unquote superficiality, it's to look down on those who don't share your view. It's a faux-moral exercise, lamentably all too common on the left, that attempts to establish the speaker's bona fides at the expense of others. It's a tired exercise and adults really should have grown past this phase. I'm really glad you have whatever opinion on tattoos that you have, given the subtext of the phrasing of the OP, but not everyone is going to share your views. It would be better to just shake your head privately at such unreconstructed heathen, but you went the public, sanctimonious route. I hope it's working out for you.

Man, I love reading my stuff and wondering who the hell talks like that. Hilarious.

[BainsBane]

76. Save yourself a heart attack

and trash the thread. You obviously didn't bother to look around GD to see the context of this. I don't know you from Adam and couldn't possibly care enough to judge you. Deal with your rage elsewhere.

[MFrohike]

78. Funny

That was my advice to you, though in a lot more words. It's pretty funny that we shared a thought while apparently talking past each other.

[BainsBane]

82. No one forced you to come into this thread

How can anyone possibly judge a person they don't know exists? Really, dude. Who you are and what you think matters not one bit to me. This thread like every other is optional. You don't like it, don't participate. Easy as pie.

[MFrohike]

83. Calm down

Relax. I'm just some anonymous dude on the internet. Really, these pixels aren't that big a deal. Laugh at the fact we shared a thought upthread and move on with your life. It's cool.

[BainsBane]

87. Yeah, I'm thinking reading people is not your strong suit

I'm starting to see why this thread hit such a nerve with you.

[MFrohike]

92. This is getting surreal

I've trolled myself in half my posts in this thread and you are still treating this entire exercise as serious business. Honestly, after my second post, where I laughed at the pompous tone I used, I mostly lost interest in the subject matter. Unfortunately, it's really hard for me to resist replying when you continue to be so serious and earnest. So, in the interest of not furthering my compulsion to reply, let me make this clear: I don't like your thread and its veiled air of superiority. That being said, it was really funny that we shared the same thought while we were talking down to each other. Given that amusing coincidence, I think we should call it a night because it's always good to end on a high note, especially one as rare as that.

In another funny coincidence, when I saw you'd replied, I had almost the same thought as you again. I'm not sure if we're working on a grand comedy or what, but I do appreciate humor where I can find it.

[Throd]

79. What the other guy said...

Superficial preening comes in many forms.

[BainsBane]

81. No one forced you or him to come into this thread

Some how you and he think I devised this thread to trap you both or smear you in some way, when the truth is I haven't a clue who you are. It was meant to parody the stream of threads in GD today. Obviously it hit a nerve with you though. So yeah, I don't care for shallow people. I have no doubt they don't like me either. Everyone has a right to be whatever they want in life.

[MFrohike]

93. Oh shit

Did I bite on a troll thread? Hahahahahahahahahaha. Nice work!

[Throd]

94. Actually you did.

The OP was a facile construct founded upon a presupposed and arbitrary base point of superiority. Commentary on superficiality is often a vapid and masturbatory exercise in narcissism.

Oh crap, now this critique has become self-serving and a parody of that which I condemn.

[BainsBane]

96. LOL

Kind of like: Do you find tattoos attractive; do you find wrinkles attractive; what should a child's BMI be? Were you similarly outraged by those?

[KentuckyWoman]

80. A new coat of paint on a sturdy old house is nice

some flowers on the porch is nice too. But a fresh coat of paint on Gitmo can't hide the fact it's a torture prison.

[BainsBane]

84. well put.

[Mojorabbit]

97. Oh! Well Said! nt

[snooper2]

86. Do you have a recent picture

[snooper2]

91. try an Android and see what happens

They usually have pretty bad ass cameras!



Now back to read the Octafish thread 3 more times

[rrneck]

95. I have little tolerance for affectation.

An over emphasis on superficial features of any kind, be they the features of people, environment, or ideas annoy me.

[opiate69]

98. Absolutely not...

Insight into opie ahead...

I'm a hard-rock guitarist who "came of age" in the very, very, superficial 80s... Until I moved from Connecticut out to Washington, almost every audition I went to, I heard the same story - "dude, you're totally the best guitarist we've auditioned, but you just don't have 'the look' we're looking for..."

[loli phabay]

107. for me looks are the most important thing, if there is not that immediate zing i move on

I have a very definite type and when i was dating was very strict.

[BainsBane]

115. Sleepless in Austin

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/24/sleepless-in-austin-thin-girlfriend_n_3984384.html

[loli phabay]

117. not sure what the relevance is, but heyho anyway

[BainsBane]

110. Do you apply that same principle to women?

[opiate69]

116. Of course.. I mean,

Naturally, there are physical attributes/characteristics which I find more attractive than others, but in the real world, I never let physical attraction be the sole factor in my interactions with women.

[Deep13]

101. not really. nt

[Niceguy1]

102. attractivness is

Subjective. Who am I to judge a person for their turn ons? Too judgemental for me.

[BainsBane]

103. By that same argument

aren't others entitled to be attracted to qualities besides the physical? You insist it's wrong to judge those guided by physical appearances, but if someone responds to intelligence and character first, isn't that their right? For me, the absence of superficiality is attractive and its presence unattractive. For someone else it might be hair color, wrinkles, or tattoos.

[Niceguy1]

104. but these threads are aimed at

Judging people based on what they consider attractive. Each person is unique and we should accept them for who they are.... it all started with the tattoo question.

[BainsBane]

106. Yes, and this is a continuation of the those threads

Where people are indeed judging others based on their appearances. There is even a thread about how ugly older women are. This thread is asking if people find that off putting, and some do. We have the right to care about character, even if you resent it.

[Niceguy1]

108. character is #1

But there are turn offs, for me it is smoking...deal breaker.


Others would automatically disqualify a replublican as a possible date.

And there is nothing wrong with that.

[BainsBane]

109. I personally wouldn't call those superficial

They go to issues of compatibility. Nor is there anything wrong with finding a person attractive. That is essential in any romantic relationship. I do have a problem with people who pass judgement on people who have tattoos, are overweight, don't earn a certain amount of money, don't wear what they consider the right clothes, etc. . .

Here is an extreme example of superficiality so you can try to get a sense of what I mean. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/24/sleepless-in-austin-thin-girlfriend_n_3984384.html

Now, I think it's quite possible this guy's shtick is a put on, but there are people who are somewhat similar: For example, men who only date blondes who wear a certain bra size and weigh under a certain amount, or women who only date men over 6 ft tall, drive an expensive car and earn a high income.

[Niceguy1]

112. the last example is petty

But if blonds in general turn you off, than that's ok.

Go in the dating sites... you will see lots.of men and women with qualification lists...yikes!

One woman (a progessive according to her profile lol)
Required you to watch a youtube video and write her an essay before she would talk you. Crazy.

And people wonder why they are single.

I get what you meam though.

[BainsBane]

113. Yes, that is exactly what I mean

I've seen people put complicated math problems or works of literature up and say if you can't answer this or that, they aren't interested. I consider that pretty myopic. There are all kinds of knowledge. A highly educated person is one area isn't necessarily going to know something from another. That essay thing is nuts. Lord.

[Niceguy1]

114. I know

I was rolling on the floor when I read that. I mean, really?

I tried talking to her just for kicks. But who needs a.person lile that. One woman actually got angry and put the messages of guys asking about the qualification lists.

I know men are dogs but what kind of guy is actually going to go through that? Talk about a red flag.

[sad-cafe]

119. joe walsh