Said on the TeeVee
Leno
Kid Rock has formally endorsed Mitt Romney. Doesn't Kid Rock look like the guy that Mitt Romney's neighborhood watch group would call the cops on?
Conan
Mitt Romney has accused Rick Santorum of saying outrageous things just so Santorum can appeal to the most extreme voters. Santorum denied this and said, "That's exactly the kind of misrepresentation I'd expect from gay abortion doctor Mitt Romney."
Letterman
Rick Santorum is saying the kids that go to college are snobs. Rick Santorum has a new program for children. It's called Every Child Left Behind.
Top Ten Other Things Mitt Romney Says He Likes About Michigan's Trees
10 "I seem less wooden standing next to one"
9 "In a pinch, sap makes a great hair gel"
8 "They're also just the right width"
7 "It's fun hiring illegal immigrants to rake up their leaves"
6 "They're not gay, like palm trees"
5 "They don't shed their foliage as quickly as those slutty Rhode Island trees"
4 "They look great next to my wife's Cadillacs"
3 "Trees don't whine when strapped to your car roof"
2 "They're not afraid to stand up to the auto industry"
1 "Like me, they lean whichever way the wind blows"
Ferguson
The Romney campaign says they can't figure out why the people of Michigan aren't embracing their native son. Hmmm, let's see. Could it be this editorial he wrote four years ago: "Let Detroit go bankrupt"?
That shows Romney had the vision to put his foot in his mouth years before his competitors.
It's nothing compared to the piece Romney wrote last week for The Arizona Republic: "Accept your new Mexican overlords."
Fallon
Mitt Romney accused the other GOP candidates of pandering to voters to get support. Romney was like, "I would never pander to voters. I mean, unless you guys want me to."
