Dallas Cowboys Halftime Show Features Execution Of Texas Prisoner

[iandhr]

ARLINGTON, TX—Marking the Cowboys’ season opener against the Giants in traditional fashion, Dallas fans were reportedly treated to a thrilling halftime show Sunday night that featured the execution of a Texas state prisoner. “That was the best halftime show I’ve seen in years—there was this awesome light show with Toby Keith’s ‘American Ride’ playing over the sound system while a priest administered the last rites,” said 46-year-old Cowboys fan Alan Kierstead, adding that he especially enjoyed when Cowboys cheerleaders formed the shape of a skull around the stage and performed an elaborate dance routine before the convicted felon was injected with a lethal dose of pentobarbital. “My favorite part was when he finally went limp and all those fireworks shot up from the top of the stadium. I just wish I were one of those lucky people on the field who got to watch it close-up.” Delighted fans also told reporters that the halftime execution was far better than any other such event at Texas Stadium, noting that the view of the inmate’s last breath was much better on the venue’s state-of-the-art 72-foot-tall LED jumbotron.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/dallas-cowboys-halftime-show-features-execution-of,33782/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1 efault

[cthulu2016]

1. So that's what that was! (Had the sound off)

[pinboy3niner]

2. I wish they'd used "Pentobarbitron"

[liberal N proud]

3. The headline is so off the wall

I could almost imagine it happening.

We are not far from that.

[R. Daneel Olivaw]

4. We live in interesting times.

[dixiegrrrrl]

5. Carlin did.

In one of his later routines, what we call his "dark but real" period.

[Nanjing to Seoul]

7. It's off the "You Are All Diseased" album. . .his Suicide channel.

Also, off his "Compliant and Grievances" album.

Wouldn't you love to listen to Dan Dreidorf explain why the nails have to go in at a certain angle?

[dixiegrrrrl]

11. ahhh...thank you.

Wasn't sure I could recall that correctly.

[davidn3600]

6. The sad reality is that everyone would cheer

I've seen conservatives say such a thing on several occasions. They want public executions.

[seabeyond]

21. the truly sad thing is suggesting everyone would cheer, as if that is a truth.

Last edited Mon Sep 9, 2013, 09:10 AM - Edit history (1)

living in texas, having two cowboy fan sons.... you are far off the mark.

i get why the onion wrote the article. but no, not even close to everyone. so not, that is not a "sad reality"

and living in texas for two decades and actually having poltiical conversations regularly, a whole lot of them, i have never once heard someone suggest public execution as a form of entertainment. not once.

[Iliyah]

8. Wecome to the DU

[Nevernose]

9. I'm in total favor of public executions.

Because rather than deter crime, I think it would deter approval of the death penalty. This idea that we can murder hundreds of people a year in our name and then pretend like it's invisible is almost as immoral as killing people in the first place.

[jmowreader]

10. Why do you think France never changed from the guillotine?

Eventually, no one could bring themselves to order someone cut in two no matter how heinous their crime was.

But to really make public execution a deterrent, they'll have to use a much more violent method of doing it than lethal injection. Oh, lethal injection, you just give them a shot and they fall asleep once and for all, like putting down an old dog. I recommend hanging.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

16. The guy who invented the guillotine was guillotined....

I guess justice was served.

[whopis01]

22. That is not actually true

Joseph-Ignace Guillotin (who actually did not invent the guillotine) was not executed. He worked as a doctor and died of natural causes in Paris.

The actual inventor, Antoine Louis, was not executed either.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

23. Funny how folklore permeates history...

http://www.accessible-archives.com/2011/03/the-fate-of-doctor-guillotin/

[struggle4progress]

24. Nope -- that wasn't the same Guillotin

[DallasNE]

15. In Florida They Already Have That

It is called Stand Your Ground.

[Baitball Blogger]

12. Can the Hunger Games be far off?

[gordianot]

13. Crucifiction appears to still be around as I learned very recently.

Actually if they knew what it contained the various Psuedo-Christians and Conservatives might just enjoy some of the more gruesome aspect of Sharia law.

[DallasNE]

14. The Scary Part Is That

Texas is so screwed up that this was almost believable. Hats off to Onion writers.

[gopiscrap]

26. Welcome to DU

[NYC_SKP]

27. Well, we packed his bags.

We didn't want to catch buttitch.

[jmowreader]

18. Several movies have already explored the spectre of execution as entertainment

The Running Man, the "Monday Night Rehabilitation" scene in Idiocracy, and The Hunger Games spring immediately to mind.

It's feasible, but...well, y'know, that's what they do in Sharia Law countries...could someone explain to me, besides the symbol on the roof of the church, the difference between Sharia and what the teabaggers want?

[davidpdx]

19. Texas Practices Executebuation During Half-Time Show, Crowd Cheers

[B Calm]

20. The Onion. . . .