Man admits having sex with 1,000 cars

[The Straight Story]

Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways.

"I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love," he said.

"Maybe I'm a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it's just wonderful.

"I'm a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what's in my heart and I have no desire to change."

He added: "I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference."

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2000899/Man-admits-having-sex-with-1000-cars.html

Hook him up with SyFy and make a Sharknado movie with him and the cars in it. I'd watch it.

[mysuzuki2]

1. Motorfucker.

Better stay away from My Mother the Car!

[burnodo]

3. LOL

I like that

[enough]

6. !!! (nt)

[OneGrassRoot]

27. hahaha!!!! n/t

[meow2u3]

74. DUzy!

[Bay Boy]

2. I told you this would happen...

...legalize same sex marriage and next thing you know guys are wanting to marry their cars.

[Gman]

12. Yup.

[chollybocker]

4. 1,000 cars? That's a lot.

[flamingdem]

34. He's promiscarous!

[pinboy3niner]

73. If he's like guys I know, it's really only 67 cars

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

5. So how, exactly, does one do that?

Or maybe I don't want to know.

[The Straight Story]

9. Male cars have stick shifts, female ones have dual exhaust pipes

Or something like that .....

[Electric Monk]

13. TLC had an episode of My Strange Addiction where a guy was....

well, see for yourself

http://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/my-strange-addiction/videos/my-car-is-my-lover.htm

[The Straight Story]

14. At least if they split up he won't have to worry about breastfeeding and kids

[opiate69]

48. God help him if he opens the garage door for "her"

[lumberjack_jeff]

78. Heh.

[Liberal_in_LA]

60. i remember that episode. creepy guy stroking and laying underneath cars

[hootinholler]

26. Your question reminds me of the idiot terrorist sent to blow up cars

Kept burning his lips on the tail pipe.

[WinkyDink]

7. It's actually a mental disturbance with a name:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Object_sexuality

[bluestate10]

8. On the bright side, he can't give or get VD. nt

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

22. But he could get rust

or a leaky head gasket.

[Initech]

29. Or he'll have to have his junk changed every 20,000 miles.

[Warren DeMontague]

42. yes, but what about

V8?

[NickB79]

83. I hope he used a rubber. nt

[hrmjustin]

10. He certainly gets around!

[DetlefK]

11. That's a rare psychological disorder, but it's documented.

When I first read about it, they brought up an example about someone being sexually attracted to robots.

[Vinnie From Indy]

15. The Wilt Chamberlain of car lovers!

eom

[tularetom]

16. Sex? Like with a happy ending?

OK, I don't want to know anymore details about this, but I would like to know what happened to his previous cars so I don't buy one by mistake.

[The Straight Story]

18. Well, before buying, get a carfux

[flvegan]

17. Hitler's car for the people...named Vanilla.

Oh boy.

[pinboy3niner]

19. Gives VW's Fahrvergnügen slogan a whole new meaning

[Initech]

30. Farfrümfücking

[pinboy3niner]

36. Differential strokes for differential folks

[11 Bravo]

65. Fahrvergnookie!

[GreatCaesarsGhost]

20. new meaning to where the rubber meets the road.

[Blue Owl]

21. Autoerotic fixations can lead to strange places...

n/t

[markiv]

23. whenever someone has to say 'they're not sick' more than once...

well....

"Before Vanilla, he had a five-year relationship with Victoria, a 1969 VW Beetle he bought from a family of Jehovah's Witnesses"

said 'Victoria' 'It's been a rough go, but better than having 'The Watchtower' shoved in my face every day'

[edbermac]

24. I'm getting very disturbing images of him and a stick shift.

[Initech]

25. Bet that is exhausting!

[The Straight Story]

28. Gives the term 'pumping gas' a whole new meaning

[Arugula Latte]

51. He enjoys a good fuel injection

[Arugula Latte]

54. As a boy, his nocturnal emissions always involved cars.

[Initech]

58. Oh won't somebody please think of the carbon emissions?

[Arugula Latte]

63. "Every puff of smoke is sacred

Every puff of smoke is great
When a puff of smoke is wasted
God gets quite irate."

[LeftofObama]

31. He better use a head gasket or he might end up

with an STP.

[The Straight Story]

33. And if he doesn't use enough oil could get a blown head gasket. Though he might like that

[hootinholler]

32. Is it legal in Va?

The republicans have been going all bestiality, how long will it take for them to ask if they can marry their car?

[pinboy3niner]

37. Only if if the upholstery is "rich, Corinthian leather"

[darkangel218]

35. I prefer big huge trucks over cars

OMG they're so sexy!!

[pinboy3niner]

38. That's called a Semi Autoerotic Fixation

[TheCowsCameHome]

39. Ed old buddy, the back seat is meant to have two people necking.

Not just one.

Get the idea?

[Turbineguy]

40. I thought

the Defense of Marriage Act was supposed to prevent that sort of thing.

[NoGOPZone]

41. I wonder if he likes the song "Long May You Run" nt

[TheCowsCameHome]

43. Hoo-boy. Try getting just one cum stain out of a cloth back seat

[pinboy3niner]

45. That's why true connoisseurs pick only genuine rich, Corinthian leather

Or so Ricardo Montalban told me.

[unreadierLizard]

44. Well if it makes him happy.

I say go for it. He's not hurting anyone unless he shoves his willie into a hot exhaust pipe.

[Warpy]

46. I think he was featured on National Geo's "Taboo"

along with a woman who was in lust with the Berlin wall.

I guess it happens. At least that kind of kink doesn't hurt anyone else.

[Arugula Latte]

47. Whatever revs his engine ...

[TheCowsCameHome]

49. Tipping one onto it's back would be enough to wear me out.

Ed, you must really be da man.

[Arugula Latte]

50. Pickup lines:

Hey, baby, did you pop your airbags or are you just happy to see me?

Did I ever mention I'm good with manual?

Would you like me to give you a lube job?

[Half-Century Man]

52. If he buys the cars he sleeps with...

..are they automotive sex slaves?
If he gives you a hundred dollars to sleep with your car, are you a car pimp?
When the cars are in a committed relationship, do they sit around and get fat cause they don't have to try so hard anymore?

[On the Road]

53. Did He Burn His Lips on the Tailpipe?

[pinboy3niner]

55. I guess nobody told him that 'tappet' is an auto part, NOT a command

But it does give 'auto service' a whole new meaning...

[In_The_Wind]

56. Exactly ... how does one have sex with a car?

[pinboy3niner]

67. Auto-Motively?

[In_The_Wind]

68. Obviously I have bonded with my little tracker ... but sex, no, never.

Although we have slept together many times over the years.

[pinboy3niner]

70. Well, who knows your butt better than your Tracker?

If that ain't intimacy, I don't know what is.

[In_The_Wind]

72. Right

BTW ~ The car smells so sweet! [img][/img]
I finally got the AC fixed yesterday.

[Lancero]

69. First...

You take your stickshift, put it in the tailpipe and then change gears, Drive and Reverse -, repeatedly - at about 69 miles per hour.

[In_The_Wind]

71. It didn't come with a stickshift.

[URL=.html][IMG][/IMG][/URL]

[surrealAmerican]

57. So, apparently he's not monogamous.

Does Vanilla know about the others, or does he just cheat on her a lot?

... or maybe they have three-(or more)-somes.

[bluedigger]

59. Some guys just can't resist a little junk in the trunk.

Who are we to judge?

[Wounded Bear]

61. He apparently hasn't met Christine yet....

[uppityperson]

76. I agree, some people have peculiar hobbies.

[Kali]

82. !

[uppityperson]

84. Did he leave us already? Was it peaceful?

[PCIntern]

64. If he likes a Taurus, is he gay?

As opposed to a Sable.
(Same car, marketed to different genders, for the uninitiated)

[nomorenomore08]

66. Surprised nobody posted this yet...

"Got a feel for my automobile..."

[dogknob]

75. "Talkin' 'bout luv! Talkin' 'bout lo-woo-woahve!"

[lumberjack_jeff]

77. Paging Roger Taylor...

[Spirochete]

79. Didn't his mother ever warn him

about Christine?

[NuclearDem]

80. And that's how hybrids are born.

[d_r]

81. Baby you can screw my car

if you wan to go that far

[Major Nikon]

85. The heart wants what it wants.

-- Woody Allen