Working against my principles
Back in early April, as I was reeling from gathering student loan debt and my struggle to find work, I was finally hired part time by a small radio station up here in Maine. I jumped at the opportunity because I needed work, because I thought I could use my creativity and perhaps even have a little fun - and maybe start to balance out the station's programming. Every morning, we play Glenn Beck from 9-12, followed by Rush Limbaugh from 12-3, followed by Howie Carr from 3-7.
As the Program Director (fancy title that doesn't mean much, it's a small, struggling station with only myself and one sales person/general manager) I was hoping that I could make some changes to bring balance, perhaps open up the County a little more to different points of view. The receivers though, were too old to carry any new programming we wanted, which included pretty much every liberal talk show. The cost of a new one would have been in the thousands, more than the Station owner was willing to pay.
So I sit here day after day, running logs, running and monitoring the boards, managing production and commercials... and it is wearing on me that I am actually enabling - even promoting, truly despicable human beings that fight in favor of ignorance, cruelty and selfishness. Listening to Limbaugh arrogantly rant on and on right now makes me feel like throwing things.
Does anyone else have a job that strongly opposes their beliefs? How do you manage to keep at it every day? I've only been here since April, but I feel all of my initial optimism and enthusiasm for the job just draining away, more with every passing week. If I didn't need the job, if I had other options, I'd probably go somewhere else. But when it comes down to either staying here or losing my car, my home, and any ability to go anywhere or do anything... then I see no viable option but to remain here for my 10-20 hours a week.
Having recovered only a year or so ago from a depression that lasted for quite a long time... I worry that I feel myself sinking back into it.
Any thoughts? Am I a rotten human being for enabling the likes of Limbaugh? Or does the need for work justify it? I can't help but question the man in the mirror - and I'm not sure I like the answers I come up with.
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