Grandpa OS meets granddaughter Charlee Rayn (Rain) the old adoption system worked to perfection!!!!

[Omaha Steve]

Last edited Mon Jul 8, 2013, 02:18 PM - Edit history (2)

Things have changed in the last 40 years on how adoptions are handled. It was for the good of the child that things have changed I'm told. The old system worked so well in my first born daughters case. Her birth mom and I could not have hand selected a more loving home. Bobbi grew up an only child. Imagine her surprise when she learned she had FIVE siblings!


Charlee Rayn and Grandpa didn't have to wait 30 plus years to touch:


A short time after our first meeting, I gave Bobbi a ring. The ring says "always my daughter, now too my friend"



I joined an adoption support group after meeting Bobbi. Most members were looking for parents or children they didn't know anything about. Been there. Done that. I was very active and even joined Bobbi's adoption parents in Lincoln, NE where the three of us spoke to an adoption group. The Omaha group has since disbanded.

Charlee's dads mother is part Cherokee like me. We both agree it sounds very native and love it.

DU on June 8th: When Bobbi was born I only saw her once. After leaving Roberta Flack's First Time Ever I Saw Your Face from the summer before was playing on the car radio. Every time I heard the song after that, I always went back to that moment in time when I saw Bobbi. Often causing tears. Now that Bobbi has her first child, I'm sharing this memory with her for the first time.

Bobbi's adoption mom's birth announcement: Her name is Charlee Rayn. Charlee is after my dad, Charlie Brown and Rayn is from her daddy's name, Ryan.

She weighed 6 lb 1 oz and was 19 1/2 inches long.
This was taken this morning (Tues).
Darned parents wouldn't let me bring her home with me. I swear she smiled at me!!!!! And no it wasn't gas!!!!

Betty


For those that don't know Bobbi was closed adopted out at birth in Jan 1973. I posted about our first meeting and the first time I touched her on the DU in Dec. 07:


Dear friends it is time I told you this is my Christmas Eve, I could use an opinion

Along time ago before I met and married Marta, I had a relationship with another teenager. From that relationship an unmarried couple produced a child. Because of our very young age and circumstances, that child was placed in the care of an adoption agency. Always wondering what ever happened. Always knowing it was the right decision for the best of the child. 8-9 months after her birth, her mother and I broke up. Her dad would not allow us to see each other.

A phone call a few weeks ago let me know my daughter was in contact with her birth mother. My oldest daughter's name is Bobbi. She is in town and visiting her birth mom today. I will see her for only the second time in 30+ years tomorrow. I will touch her for the first time ever. My other children have known about her since they were teenagers. I'm nervous. I'm thinking of surprising her with some stupid sentiment. She was born in a Salvation Army Hospital. Because of that, I have never past a Christmas kettle without putting in something, no matter our families circumstances. Is it dumb to throw some change in a kettle with her tomorrow? Wish me luck. I'll be back online sometime Sunday afternoon.

And this: Things are going great with my family reunion


Yesterday was such a wonderful day. Bobbi was freshening up when we arrived. I was out in the kitchen when somebody tapped me on my back. I knew who it was and turned slowly around. A quick smile followed by a very long hug. After photos with her birth mom's family, I took Bobbi straight to a Salvation Army kettle. Marta stayed in the car. After telling Bobbi why we were there she had a glowing smile. I didn't tell Marta what we were doing until later. Now you know why I asked for advice about the kettle.

We brought Bobbi by to see our house. Out came the photo albums and an exchange of presents. Bobbi gave me a figurine of a father & daughter sitting next to each other. I will cherish it always. We gave her a butterfly necklace.

Off to Madison's birthday party. Our youngest daughter Beanie and her husband Aaron were already there. Our son Steve, his wife Lilly, and my mom came in about 10 minutes later. Another 10 minutes and Krissy's husband Sean's parents arrived. A wonderful night of stories and photos to fill in all the blanks we've had for so many years. Our daughter Krissy was cooking and Bobbi went right to the kitchen to help. It was as if Bobbi had always been in our family. On the plane ride in Bobbi was talking to the people around her about why she was coming to Omaha. It was right out of the wedding singer scene at the end. My mom told Bobbi of how she cried for days on end until she had no more tears when the decision was made for Bobbi to be adopted out. Future visits are already being discussed.

Today breakfast with both sides of her extended family. Unfortunately our granddaughter Bobbi can't be there. It is her weekend with her mom, so the two Bobbies won't get the chance to meet yet. I'm sure we will still have plenty to talk about. Then off to the airport to see her off this afternoon. I probably won't get photos online until at least tomorrow. It might take me a day or two to get up to speed on the DU again. Thanks to all my friends here for the encouragement and advice.


I'll post some more about my trip after I get caught up on e-mail, yard work, etc.

With love to my extended family on the DU,

Omaha Steve

[BumRushDaShow]

1. Awwww

Was waiting for the picture post! What a sweety, all comfy and peaceful.

Enjoy and hope you have an uneventful trip back too!

[Worried senior]

2. What a wonderful story

and how great it is that it went well.

Bobbi is one lucky lady, she has two wonderful sets of parents who love her.

[msanthrope]

3. All the best, Steve. That little girl is richer for having you in your life. nt

[Triana]

4. Awww. She's perfectly angelic!

Won't be long before she gets her little fingers in that beard to give it a good tug. LOL!

[libodem]

5. Wonderful story

Nice picture.

[Iliyah]

6. Thank you OS!

[peacebird]

7. Thank you for an upbeat and uplifting post! I really needed that today.

[life long demo]

8. Charlee is beautiful

And what a wonderful story for a Sunday. Thank you. Looking forward to more photos.

[AtomicKitten]

9. Congratulations Grandpa Steve.

What an amazing story of love that binds your extended family together. Thank you for sharing this wonderful story here. I would be remiss if I didn't demand MORE pictures!

[ReRe]

10. Now, that's what an angel baby looks like!

You're so lucky, OS. Holding your little miracle baby in your arms. And so lucky daughter Bobbi is too. Baby Charlee has two sets of grandparents! Too much to take in. Bless all of you in love and peace!

[Omaha Steve]

11. I forgot to mention...

I had practiced singing a few lines of "First Time Ever I Saw your Face". I knew I couldn't get through it without stopping to cry, so I decided not to sing it.

OS

[AtomicKitten]

12. How about this one? :)

[Omaha Steve]

14. Great Choice

[mntleo2]

13. Adoption Process is WAY different now ...

...there is funding that is forcing children to be taken away from their low income families and placed in upper income homes. Just recently in my state there was a very commonly done termination of parental rights with some friends that is nowadays considered routine ~ especially for low income families. It took their 4 kids without even having to prove a shred of evidence that there had been any true abuse. The kids were taken because supposedly the parents are "slow learners", one at birth directly from the hospital. While this case was going on, right down the road they were digging up the graves of some kids who were beaten and starved in their "forever home". Forever home is a very unfortunate term here, but quite common for kids who are taken from their families and placed in adoption where they are 3-5X more likely to be physically, sexually, and/or emotionally abused than if left in their families and the families given services.

In the 1990s laws were passed that took $Billions out of Social Security solely for adoption and foster care. It is within Title IV and its mandates say that in order for states to get the money, they HAVE to keep taking more and more children. It says in essence "The more kids you take, the more money you will make. If you return those children home to those families, you will LOSE your present and future funding for any children who are returned to their families ..." In the meantime states are cutting terrible needs from low income families with "discretionary" funding and replacing it with this Title IV funding. As a matter of fact, they are now coming in and taking kids from the adopted adult and god forbid, with foster kids who were raped, beaten and starved using terms like "imminent danger" where the the victim's children have not been abused, but they *might* be abused because the adoptee/foster kid was abused.

Usually adopted children do not do so well as your daughter ~ I have a grand nephew adopted into a wonderful family. But even with the loving support of this family, this child is struggling, homeless, unemployed, and depressed. I am close to both the birth mother who is my niece and her adopted mother who was one of the first to decide to have an "open" adoption, which is why this child grew up knowing me. While this child received good treatment and a lot of love, they often do not fit ~ even within the best intentioned families, as was the case with this child. I spent a lot of time over the years coaching the adoptive mom about our family because she could not understand the reasons why this child was the way he was. I love this adoptive mom deeply because she tried so hard to love this child for who he was but she was is rare IMO. Many adoptive parents simply do not "get" the kid and are angry when they cannot conform to the family patterns. This mom did not do this, her son just does not believe he "fits" with her or her family, it is his choice. But many adoptive parents turn the child out at 18 brushing their hands together in relief it is over because they believe they have fulfilled their parental duty. This is why adoption should be only done under very specific and rare circumstances, it not be used as the "solution" for kids in poverty.

I have written a lot about this because I am an activist for low income people and have lived through some of those traumas with family members. I see so many struggling parents who want their kids and just need support, but instead get their kids taken away because at this time the funding available will support everybody else in the world BUT the parents. Social workers actually get up to a $5000 bonus for every kid they take, foster parents and adoptive parents get financial and other supports, hospital personnel get money for reporting kids and extra money while "working" with the family, mega-non-profits stand to make $Millions. But to actually support the parent with any of that funding? Oh no! The couple I describe were required to pay child support AND try somehow to afford the things that were demanded by CPS without a shred of assistance, who demanded this couple suddenly become middle class when both of them worked McJobs. Meanwhile the state received over $8000 PER CHILD PER MONTH, garnering over $32,000 a month and that does not included the $Thousands they paid for the court costs and their "contractors" such as the "experts" they pay to mouth whatever it is that is required to legally take the kids. Nor does it include up to the $100,000 per child the state will receive for the actual adoptions.

I am so glad you get to re-connect with this young woman and actually be Grandpa. I support and understood why at the time you and the mother made the decision you did, it was the most loving thing to do as you wanted the best for her. It is a miracle you get to see her since for most parents, once the child is taken into state hands, it is an actual death to the family as these children will lose their family name, their history, and the parents will never see them again. In short the tiny miracle you hold in your arms is one that will need you too! This is a beautiful thing!

Love, Cat in Seattle

[IdaBriggs]

15. So happy for you all.

Tears....

[cordelia]

16. Thank you for posting this.

It's so nice to read a lovely story like this.

Wishing Charlee Rayn a long, healty, happy life.

[HappyMe]

17. Thanks for an uplifting story.

What a sweet angel baby.

[Omaha Steve]

18. Just Charlee, Bobbi, and I on 7-5-13