Powerful, powerful article on being a beaten woman. "He could have gotten to his guns..."

[nolabear]

Last edited Fri Jun 28, 2013, 12:56 PM - Edit history (1)

TRIGGER WARNING:

This hurts to read. It should. Imagine what it feels like to live. I can't say enough about how we need to take care of one another, so those who are harmed have the courage to stand up, and so those who are small and vulnerable never have to grow up thinking that this is the way one treats another human being.

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/30/fashion/the-view-from-the-victim-room-modern-love.html?pagewanted=2&_r=0

[janlyn]

1. She put into words things

I never could. Like her I didn't want to be classified as a "victim". I wasn't a victim! He could have killed me but, I kept my wits about me and I got away. That makes me a SURVIVOR!!

[nolabear]

4. GOOD for you! You are as much a survivor as a veteran of war, imo.

It takes great bravery to get away. Congratulations.

[lunatica]

10. I never thought of myself as a victim

I prefer to say that I was victimized. Everyone can be victimized. Everyone.

[Lordquinton]

11. Victim has been demonised in our culture

the term, that is. It's been forged into something that is weak, and that is your fault, when it just describes someone who was hurt by another. There is nothing wrong with it, and people should be able to say, without any shame, that they were the victim, and let that hold true. Sadly it's become one of those terms that flags you as not worthy, like Entitlements, or woman.

[raccoon]

2. Thanks for the link.

"an emergency order of protection... was easy to get after the Respondent put into writing details of how he would like to torture, mutilate and kill me, and then sent these details to me in the mail. He ended that written missive by reiterating his love. "

Why do these abusers do this?

[nolabear]

3. Because they are genuinely ill, and desperate, and frightened. That's NOT excusing it.

But people can twist things up terribly, particularly when they themselves have been damaged badly. That's why it's so important to take exquisite care of our children, boys and girls, so neither one will tolerate either giving or receiving such behavior.

[lapislzi]

5. I would say, "trigger warning," but everyone needs to read this.

The triggers are there, all right, so do be warned.

But this is a powerful piece of writing about what it means to survive, about what it means to discover that the person who's supposed to love you can hurt and kill you.

[nolabear]

6. Good point. I'll add that.

I am fortunate indeed not to have to think about being triggered by it. Thanks.

[ismnotwasm]

7. That's was very powerful

And thank you so much for posting.

[Solly Mack]

8. K&R

[niyad]

9. k and r for this urgent and important topic