The Rude Pundit: Random Observations on Dick Cheney's Fox "news" Sunday Appearance
1. So it was that former Vice President Dick Cheney slithered from the vat of feces and baby tears in which he is kept preserved to heave himself into the studios of Fox "news" yesterday and speak, sputum spouting from his mouth hole, to Mike Wallace's product of a broken condom, Chris. Cheney was in full snarl, rasping about the damage done to American security by NSA leaker Edward Snowden, who, it seems, Cheney wishes to snatch with his claw-tipped tentacles and pull him into an embrace so that the acid slime that coats Cheney can dissolve Snowden into an easily digestible liquid he can absorb through his skin.
2. Apparently, terrorists use Rolodexes. A Rolodex, children, was a series of notecards arranged in a circle that contained your friends' and associates' contact information. (Note: Look up "notecards" on your own.) Cheney said, "
W)e could get (Khalid Shaik Mohammed's) Rolodex and see who he was talking to inside the United States." Perhaps this is why we've caught so many terrorist - they use fuckin' Rolodexes. Who knows what information we'd find? (Although, many people found it odd that Mohammed kept ordering pizza from Little Caesar's.)
3. 9/11 is the alpha and omega of American history for Cheney. For this Dick, everything going on in the United States happened because of the terrorist attacks on 9/11 and everything that we will do from here until forever will be influenced by 9/11. What? You don't remember 9/11? Well, Professor Cheney is here and school is in session. Line up, drop your drawers, and get your caning: "Two-thirds of the Congress today, Chris, wasn't here on 9/11 or for that period immediately after when we got into this program. And the reason we got into it was because we've been attacked -- and worse attack than Pearl Harbor. Nineteen guys armed with box cutters and airline tickets." Oh, that 9/11. Thanks, Dick.
4. No? You don't get it? 9/11, motherfuckers: "We made the decision based on 9/11 that we no longer had a law enforcement problem, we are at war." And thus the worst decision in modern American foreign policy history since "Yeah, fuck those North Vietnamese" was made.
5. Anyone who agrees with Snowden's actions would have told the Nazis that the United States broke their code, says Cheney: "If you think about what we were able to do in World War II, reading Ultra, the Germans' coded communications. Vital in our success in that venture. We could have announced it to the world, could have had this kind of debate, but obviously it would have destroyed the ability to collect it." By the way, anyone who calls World War II a "venture" probably has no business talking about World War II.
6. And on and on and on Cheney went, his vile new hog's heart was pumping away. Benghazi is a "cover-up." Obama blows turtles. The IRS thing is the worstest abuse of power ever. Wallace lapped it all up like cum gobbler in the center of a circle jerk. Fuck, Wallace even let Cheney get away with talking about weapons of mass destruction. How can you do that? How can you hear Dick Cheney use those words and not fall on the floor, pissing yourself from laughing so hard?
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yes I know, gallows humor. 
