Are women non-monogamous?

[BainsBane]

Last edited Fri Jun 14, 2013, 12:19 AM - Edit history (2)

Another member raised a behavioral question, and I'd like DUers to weigh in on the subject. Are straight women under 35 inherently unfaithful? Do they by their very nature hate monogamy? And are they more likely to cheat on their spouses than men are. Please note the idea prompting this poll does not reflect my own views.

18 votes, 1 pass | Time left: Unlimited
	Yes, 95% women under 35 will cheat with the right guy
	3 (17%)
	All women, even those over 35, cheat
	0 (0%)
	95% of men under 35 will cheat with the right woman
	0 (0%)
	All men, even those over 35, cheat
	1 (6%)
	Men are somewhat more likely to cheat.
	1 (6%)
	Women are somewhat more likely to cheat.
	0 (0%)
	Some people cheat, some don\'t. Some even have open partnerships
	13 (72%)
	I\'m gay and you straight people are seriously fucked up.
	0 (0%)
	1 DU member did not wish to select any of the options provided.
Show usernames Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll

[mokawanis]

1. Damned if I know

I think it comes down to individual personalities more than it does gender. It's been my observation that among friends, acquaintances, and co-workers the numbers run about even.

[BainsBane]

3. Then the second to last question is your option

[Poll_Blind]

2. OTHER: Women are inherently mongooses. nt

PB

[BainsBane]

6. DUzy

But then this whole poll is going to be a Duzy. I can see it coming.

[burnodo]

4. A broad question

No...you know.... I don't know

[EOTE]

92. Tsk, tsk. Women or ladies. Not broads. nt

[loyalsister]

5. Why not just ask the question about humans?

I think that there is quite a bit of evidence that suggests that serial monogamy is a fairly common practice among humans.

[BainsBane]

9. I hear you

but the poll was prompted by a conversation with someone who insisted answer 1 was true and that therefore women were "disgusting."

[loyalsister]

19. I should have known

The misogyny that appears here needs to be challenged consistently. Thanks for posting.

[galileoreloaded]

7. To clarify my orignal statement that spawned this poll:

"in my experience, 95% of women under 35 will cheat with the right guy"

[BainsBane]

49. You're losing badly

I also would like to see you respond to this post http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=3012597

[Scootaloo]

84. So you've dated at least 100 women

And 95 of them have dumped you for someone else?

Given that you're someone who insists 95% of women chat, I can't imagine how you would arrive at this experience.

What happened to the other five? Did you cheat on them?

[BainsBane]

87. The original post says

"He's had many, many women. . . "

He's quick to point out the inclusion of cheating "for the right guy." We're supposed to believe he's that "right guy." (Editorial comment withheld).

[Scootaloo]

100. Heck of a thing to say on Du

But not much surprises me here anymore

[BainsBane]

108. It's big of you to admit you were wrong

about your claim that 95% cheat with "the right guy" and that their behavior is "disgusting." Oh, wait. You didn't. You ran away.

If women's cheating is "disgusting," what does that say about the man who "had them."

[galileoreloaded]

109. you are like the stalker I never knew I wanted :) nt

[BainsBane]

113. You wanted me to make the poll

Yet you lack the strength of character to admit you were wrong. No stalking necessary. It's my thread.

[BainsBane]

114. Hi, your friendly neighborhood stalker here

I thought you'd like to see what has happened to 400 or so women under age 35 in recent years. The killers evidently shared your view that these young women's behavior was "disgusting."

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=3021983

[galileoreloaded]

120. expand on your thoughts and choose your words please.

so everyone can see how emotions can twist words and opinion into culpability without influence.

statements like this prove my position, not counter them.

this is a wild encounter, glad its only internet based.

[BainsBane]

122. Right because claiming the behavior of 95% of women under 35 is disgusting

isn't at all emotional.

[galileoreloaded]

123. go back and re-read what I said.

you can't make it what it isn't, in spite of your assertions.

i like to think that progressives deal in fact, but i understand some folks need to get it twisted in order to get attention.

i don't believe in what you believe because my worldview is just different. you should go bark up another tree for a reaction because in my view, your beliefs re: gender aren't helping and are only hurting the dialogue.

[BainsBane]

129. I have it emblazoned in my memory

I remember very well. You've "had many, many women" who cheated on their husbands with you, supposedly because you're the "right guy." You consider their behavior disgusting.

There is zero evidence women cheat more than men. Surveys I've seen have said the opposite, but that may very well have changed in recent years. You are the one condemning women based on how you perceive their gender. I am commenting on YOU and YOUR WORDS alone.

[Marr]

121. "In your experience". I'm curious.

Have 95% of your girlfriends cheated on you, or do you consider yourself to have been several womens' "right guy"?

[redqueen]

124. Doesn't seem that your 'splainin did much good!

[galileoreloaded]

125. lol, wasn't my poll :) i do hate being misquoted though. but my my, as in real life

i seem to have attracted a following.

(best Paris Hilton voice) that's hot.

[redqueen]

126. Hahahaha, a "following"... oh, the ego...

Please don't flatter yourself... you have no "following"... It's just your wildly misogynist statements which attract attention.

If you think that's something to be proud of... that's on you.

[galileoreloaded]

127. ah that good old word. the "m" word.

it seems to get used quite a bit when folks are losing an argument, but we agree on one thing...I am wild!

glad i could give you a happy, laugh filled afternoon!

[arely staircase]

8. this will end well

nt

[BainsBane]

10. You think?

I guess we'll find out. The original statement prompting the poll was so ludicrous, I couldn't resist the chance to try to disprove it.

[arely staircase]

14. I missed it and so did others I am sure

you might want to explain a little better in your OP. I kinda figured there was more to it because I know you wouldn't be trying to make a sexist statement with this. nevertheless, I predict a category 5 shit storm. maybe not directed at you, but I feel one of some sort coming on.

[BainsBane]

51. I tired

Unfortunately it didn't allow me the space to do so. Here is the earlier exchange.
http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=3011421

[Raine1967]

11. What behavioral question has come up? From where did said question arise? eom.

[geek tragedy]

12. Neither gender is inherently anything either way. nt

[MadrasT]

16. ^^^ THIS ^^^

I would go even farther and point out that gender is not binary

Binary categorization and characterization is worse than useless

[arely staircase]

20. i, respectfully, disagree. i think men are more prone to cheating and violence than women

don't go apeshit on me, that is just my opinion.

[geek tragedy]

28. They may or may not be raised or taught to behave that way.

Violence is probably more likely due to testosterone etc.

[arely staircase]

31. I have always assumed that (the testosterone)

I read somewhere - I'm not going to go looking for it. But I read somewhere that cases of domestic violence are proportional to the number of men in the relationship - highest among gay men and lowest among lesbians, with straight couples somewhere in the middle. that could be bullshit but I could see it.

[Skittles]

102. total BS

they simply have more PERMISSION to behave the way they do

[BainsBane]

103. What's the distinction?

Isn't the point the behavior?

[Skittles]

104. I'm saying it's not innate

for example, who knows how women would respond sexually if they weren't called sluts and whores

[BainsBane]

105. I think it's difficult to say if any behavior at all is innate

and it's safe to assume this is not among them.

[BainsBane]

53. well, culturally more prone to cheat

Put it that way.

[Skittles]

107. men are simply given more permission

to do things that gals get trashed - and KILLED for

[treestar]

91. +1

It depends on the person.

It's strange how the lite media tries so hard to make rules about how women and men are. It's very controlling. People would read an article on "how to know if a man likes you" or "how to get women in bed" as if the opposite gender is monolithic and if the rules can just be learned, you can control it all.

[LittleBlue]

13. I always thought they tended toward monogamy more than men

Not sure where the opposite view came from

[indie9197]

15. What does the age 35 have to do with it?

N/T

[SomethingFishy]

18. Probably the old biological clock...

Women who want children usually try to do it before 40... Having a teenager when you are in your late 50's can be tiring..

[BainsBane]

38. This was prompted by a conversation with someone who insisted number 1

was a matter of fact. I'm assuming that's because he only dates women under 35, but he would have to elaborate further.

[leeroysphitz]

17. Did you just get dumped? n/t

[BainsBane]

24. No, but I'm thinking the guy who made the claim

in number 1 might have.

[Blue_In_AK]

21. I always preferred to think of myself

as a serial monogamist with, historically, a bit of overlap. I'm quite settled now, though.

[Zorra]

22. I'm not straight, but I would answer no to all 4 questions in the OP. nt

[Spider Jerusalem]

23. I'm not sure where that's come up

I think that humans, generally, are probably "inherently non-monogamous" (insofar as we didn't evolve to be monogamous; it's a social and cultural norm). Statistics generally show that men are more likely than women to be unfaithful in a relationship, though.

[BainsBane]

41. Here is the context

He wants others to be aware of the proper context of his inquiry, so I think he's okay with my linking to it.

[rrneck]

25. It's none of my business.

I don't like to make generalizations like that.

[Luminous Animal]

26. Whoa. Are you equating non-monogamy with cheating? Bizarre.

I was non-monogamous for years but I never cheated.

[BainsBane]

42. Not necessarily. There is an option for open relationships

but the original comment the person made assumed marriage was monogamous.

[MillennialDem]

27. Some are, some aren't. End of thread n/t

[dawg]

29. Women seem wicked, when you're unwanted ...

streets are uneven, when you're down.

Most women are faithful. Most men are faithful, too.

[BainsBane]

40. The wisdom of the Doors.

[Behind the Aegis]

30. What a fucked up poll.

I did notice the "All men cheat," but there is no corresponding "All women cheat." Fascinating.

Of course, non-monogamy does not indicate cheating.

[Ed Suspicious]

32. "Of course, non-monogamy does not indicate cheating."

It would be to me. I would not be comfortable in a non-monogamous sexual relationship. Any woman who entered into a relationship with me who wasn't monogamous... I would feel betrayed. But I'm just a simple mid-western fella.

Luckily I'm married and our relationship seems happily closed.

[Behind the Aegis]

33. The key to your statement; "to me."

A number of people carry on relationships with a variety of people, some which be sexual. If those involved know the relationships are not monogamous, then it isn't "cheating."

ETA: It doesn't mean you're not entitled to have a relationship of your choosing, anymore than others who might find what is termed "non-conventional" relationships, to be more to their liking.

[BainsBane]

35. Yes there is, option 2

[Behind the Aegis]

37. That is NOT the same question.

"All women, even those over 35, cheat more than men." is not the same as "All men cheat.". Nice try at obfuscation though.

[BainsBane]

39. How is it different?

All women cheat. The second one saying all men cheat is shorter because the first preceded it. It's the same question. How would you know anyway? And why would you even care? The poll is meant to test someone's hypothesis that women are by nature "disgusting." I would think you'd approve.

[Behind the Aegis]

43. Games? Really?

The first question says "All women cheat MORE THAN men." The qualifier is the act of being a "cheater." Saying "all men are cheaters." indicates an entire group, not a subset (cheaters), is being described, as opposed to asking about a groups actions. Your first question doesn't presume all women (or men, for that matter) are cheaters. Your second statement declares all men are cheaters. It is clearly NOT the same question.

Why do I care? For the same reason if you had asked if all Jews are cheaters; it is a disgusting overgeneralization.
"The poll is meant to test someone's hypothesis that women are by nature "disgusting." I would think you'd approve. " No, I do not approve or care for your meta reindeer games.

[BainsBane]

45. I fixed it

You see the world through a very ugly lens. That must make for a very unhappy life.

[Behind the Aegis]

46. I see.

It seems you who views life through a very ugly perspective, and it is indicative by your absurd poll and pathetic assertions about my life.

[BainsBane]

48. In my experience people who attribute

sinister motives to others are often projecting their own behavior. This poll was prompted by one of your comrades from the men's group. It's his assertion and his polling question, only since he's not a star member he can't create polls himself. It's quite obvious that the question is highly misogynistic, but naturally you fixate on a perceived insult to men. That takes some doing.

Now, since you pointed out the discrepancy, I change the poll. You could have just pointed that out without accusing me of plotting the next holocaust, the destruction of humanity, or whatever it was you think I'm doing.


Edited multiple times for appalling English.

[Behind the Aegis]

50. You don't even see the irony in your posts do you?

Perhaps one of your "comrades" from the HOF will help you understand.

"Now, since you pointed out the discrepancy, I change the poll. You could have just pointed out what discrepancy without accusing me of plotting the next holocaust, the destruction of humanity, or whatever it was you think I'm doing. "

You have grossly overestimated yourself, or more properly, my opinion of you!

Four fingers.

[BainsBane]

52. This might have been an alternative

The questions you pose are not the same. I suggest you alter options 2 and 4 so they read the same. Presto, wizzo, poll changed without accusing others of acting in bad faith.

Oh yes, I realize I'm not special. I'm no different from any other woman.

[Behind the Aegis]

59. You are no different than any other PERSON. Nice try at a sexist jab.

It is that passive-aggressive crap which is so dishonest. The change you made is fine now, though the age is redundant.

[BainsBane]

62. I don't get the age thing myself

but that was Galileoreloaded's contention. If I were to pick an age, it would not be 35.

I'm not passive aggressive. I'm quite direct, to a fault in fact. I'm just mindful of juries. An observation of sexism is not sexism. Nice try though.

[Behind the Aegis]

63. Yes your posts are.

Maybe what is happening is not "sexism" but "heterosexism." That is certainly my observation in this little exchange.

[BainsBane]

65. This poll is heteronormative, for sure

I tried to fit in an apology about that, but it wouldn't allow the space. That's why I added the last choice, which is my personal favorite. The fact is it was prompted by a conversation about what Galieleoreloaded sees as inherent differences between men and women in heterosexual relations. Here is the exchange. http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=3011421

[Behind the Aegis]

66. And thus leading to the isolation of gays.

Therefore, when a gay person responds, any resulting disagreement is therefore a by-product of a heterosexist assumption of superiority, furthered by a possibly mocking remark as if to make it seem that we, gays, see ourselves as superior.

See how that works?

[BainsBane]

67. Good grief

The point was not an assumption that gay people see themselves as superior. It was a joke about the absurdity of the bullshit in the poll.

[Behind the Aegis]

71. Good grief, indeed. You obviously didn't get the point of my post.

C'est la vie.

[BainsBane]

72. amazingly

You aren't the only gay person responding. You just happen to be the person complaining. Yet after all that kibitzing about the poll, you don't even respond to it. So we come back to http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=3013534

[Behind the Aegis]

73. Nothing "amazing" about it.

Do you think all gay people have the same concerns?

ETA: Any reason you decided Yiddish was needed?

See how that works?

[BainsBane]

74. Certainly not

You act like you think I don't know any gay people.

[Behind the Aegis]

75. That is YOUR perception; making it YOUR issue; not mine.

[BainsBane]

76. Question

Is there ever a point at which you aren't angry?

[Behind the Aegis]

77. Is there ever one where you don't post passive-aggressive remarks?

That would be a more interesting response given your question.

[BainsBane]

78. passive aggressive?

You need to look that term up, since you're using it inaccurately. My question was quite direct.

I'll take that as a no.

[Behind the Aegis]

79. You need to look it up.

Of course, you have already reached a conclusion which fits your parameters. Are you claiming I am nothing more than an angry gay person?

[BainsBane]

80. Perhaps I'll rephrase

to clarify any misunderstanding. Are you always so hostile? I don't recall a single post of yours that hasn't been hostile.

[Behind the Aegis]

81. Then that as in issue for you. I have no control over your recollections.

Work on it.

[BainsBane]

82. Cool story, bro

[Behind the Aegis]

83. Given your brief membership here, I am sure it is.

Do you enjoy manipulating your own stories in which you are the hero?

[BainsBane]

85. You're not hostile

of course not. It's entirely in my imagination. I really prefer not to waste energy on pointless confrontation. Toodles.

[BainsBane]

44. I fixed it

So feel free to find something else to be outraged about.

[Behind the Aegis]

47. LOL!

"O Meta, where for art thou?!"

[TreasonousBastard]

34. After all these thousands of years of cultural pressures...

how could we know what women, or anyone else, are naturally inclined to be?

What we do know is that such studies as there are seem to show women in a relationship fool around slightly less than men but women not so entangled tend to fool around a bit more. The numbers are pretty close to half in all cases.

And then there's this...

http://www.slate.com/blogs/xx_factor/2013/05/23/nytimes_on_lybrido_women_get_bored_with_monogamy_faster_than_men.html

But, passing judgment, as someone did in that comment to you, is always a no-no.

[BainsBane]

36. Very true

to assume behavior is natural, as in biologically determined, is a mistake.

[flamingdem]

54. I cheated! And I was under 35!

Those were da dayz

Now it's too much effort

[BainsBane]

55. Uh, oh

My "friend" who prompted this question would have harsh words for you. I'm not quite sure why 35 is the cut off. I recall a peak in sexual interest in my late 30s.

[flamingdem]

60. I think it's because of still being experimental

and not knowing what you want yet.

In fact in those defining years a choice might be made that takes one across the country to live.

Or helps one decide on a career or get a job.

It might help one break away from what the family wants in a partner for you.

Later on we know ourselves. Then it's more likely to happen due to boredom

[whistler162]

56. Personally I don't get it....

who cares if a man or a woman is for or against monograms. I think they are silly but heck some people mus ike little initials on their stuff!


PS: Do start listening to you Psychologist and take your meds!

[BainsBane]

57. FYI

This was the exchange that prompted the poll: http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=3011421

I think your advice is sound.

[Electric Monk]

58. You may enjoy reading The Selfish Gene, by Richard Dawkins

PDF

To paraphrase, he says that females tend to seek out the more aggressive risk taking males for their mates, but then they gravitate to the nice guys with the more comfortable nests to actually raise the offspring.

[flamingdem]

61. You mean

like Big Bird?!

[BainsBane]

64. Kudos to everyone who voted for the last option

That's my personal favorite, but I couldn't honestly choose it.

[Egalitarian Thug]

68. WTF is it with these idiotic, purposeless, distractions? I'll tell you exactly what women are,

people.

Individual human beings with exactly the same range of wants, needs, desires, foibles, brilliance, misconceptions, filters, blind spots, perceptions, fantasies, appetites, fears, and hopes as the other half of this species of bald monkeys.

[BainsBane]

69. This is the context

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=3011421


And I agree with you completely.

[Egalitarian Thug]

70. Ah, those guys. Sorry, I haven't been here much lately and almost nothing today.

I should have guessed.

Well, I know it's no consolation (not that any is needed), but they are an embarrassment to my half of the species.

Keep up the good fight and don't let the bastards get you down. But also don't forget that in real life, they are just sad.

[HappyMe]

88. Some women cheat, some men cheat.

When I think back, the people that cheated were about about half men and half women.

I never have. I don't think that makes me morally superior.

[BainsBane]

89. If you're female

I guess that makes you only 5% woman, according to the hypothesis put forward by the muse of this poll.

[duuser5822]

90. Not anymore than men, I'd say

Just my opinion, though.

[FSogol]

93. No idea, but....It takes two to Tango.

[rug]

94. This is why I will never play Bridge with a woman.

[BainsBane]

95. How about poker?

I don't cheat, but I probably stand a decent chance of beating you anyway. What say you? Sadly, I've never played bridge.

[rug]

96. Hmmm, I smell a bluff.

Lately I started playing three card poker at the Mohegan Sun casino in the Poconos. Do you play online and what kind of poker?

[BainsBane]

97. I play holdem, Omaha hi lo, and HORSE

Stud is my weakest in the HORSE line up. I used to play a fair bit online but now you can't deposit money at all. I'm meaning to get to a casino where I can play. I wish they'd stop outlawing poker. It's a game of skill.

[rug]

99. Given a choice, I prefer Spades.

The skill there is counting the cards and reading the effect of each trick.

I don't play much poker but, while the play reveals some about the cards, reading the player seems more important than reading the play.

[RedCappedBandit]

98. People cheat.

I also think that most people would at least leave their current partner if they found the 'right' person elsewhere. Kind of a given, if they're really the 'right' person. Whether they'd actually cheat before doing so, I dunno. A lot probably would.

[DesertFlower]

101. i was with my husband for almost 42 years. i never

cheated and i'm sure he didn't. that being said during our marriage there were times when i was attracted to other men and i'm sure he was attracted to other women. my sister had 2 husbands and cheated on both of them. if my husband had cheated i might have cheated too. what's good for the goose .......

[Politicalboi]

106. I just had to choose #4 LOL!

And some people you KNOW will NEVER be monogamous. I knew a few lesbians who I knew I could never keep if we were to start a relationship with, so why try. So it's not just the straight people who are fucked up.

[LWolf]

110. Other.

I am monogamous. I can't speak for any other women. I'm fine with whatever structure individuals choose for their relationships, whether it fits their inherent nature or not, as long as those relationships are with consenting adults, involve no imbalance of power, dishonesty, or cheating.

While my brain tells me that, biologically speaking, males are not wired to be monogamous, and females may be wired only for serial, not permanent, monogamy, I can't discount cultural and social norms, which are just as powerful in their own way, and developed out of perceived needs of one kind or another.

We may be able to generalize about "women" and "men," but we also know that people are individuals and don't always fit stereo-types or norms. That's okay.

There ARE a few animal species that are monogamous; more monogamous than we.

[SwissTony]

111. I'm always slightly bemused by this question and other questions on sex.

For example, men routinely report a higher number of partners than women. How is that possible, given that the number of men is roughly equal to the number of women? Of course is possible that there are a couple of incredibly sexually active women who just never get picked up in the surveys. But, I doubt it.

There may be other reasons, of course. Maybe that drunken Christmas office party shag on the photocopier with the nerdy guy doesn't count for the gorgeous blonde woman but it sure as hell does for the nerd. I can live with that.

I used to very pretty (I'm male - didn't realise that I was pretty at the time). I got lots of invites from married woman. Some of which I accepted. I also got lots of "expressions of interest", some of which I pursued. It is not my opinion that married women (as a group) are largely monogamous.

I know there are women (and men) who would never even consider infidelity. All strength to you.

I hold the same view for married men.

[BainsBane]

112. This poll was prompted

by a completely offensive statement from another member (worst part of it is not communicated in this poll). I posted the poll in order to prove him wrong, which it has done.

[Iggo]

115. Women are human.

They're as different from each other as men are.

Why does this keep coming up? Junior high school's over, right?

[BainsBane]

116. Not over for everyone

This was the exchange that gave rise to the poll

http://www.democraticunderground.com/?com=view_post&forum=1002&pid=3011421

[Iggo]

117. Oh, jeez.

Boys room must be full up today.

[BainsBane]

118. It's a "safe haven"

They can say whatever they want, so juries claim. Imagine getting away with referring to 95% of any other group of people as "disgusting."

[Iggo]

119. Easily the best trash forum decision I've made.

[Benton D Struckcheon]

128. Women will cheat. Why is this a question?

I can't count the number of times I went out after work and wound up the object of attention of a reasonably young married woman. At work, it also happened very often.
At work, all of the gossip was about who was doing whom, where and when (those last two were sometimes a lot more entertaining than the whom).
I've never actually cheated, but that's just me. The opportunities were everywhere. It was seriously shocking, really. And as for women always complaining how it's always men who mess up? I just had to laugh. First of all, the office gossip almost always involved married folks on both sides. Secondly, lots of the women who were making it abundantly clear to me that they were willing were both married and women that, far as I knew, everyone thought were beyond reproach. It takes a lot for me not to be totally cynical about this.

My wife? Trust her completely. Why do you ask?