Wall Street execs ridicule and share "epic" resume from summer job applicant.

[LeftinOH]

Personally, I'd interview this young person. Wall Street execs have lots of nerve ridiculing *anyone* for having too much "hubris".

(snip)
Since Thursday, February 2, when a Bank of America Merrill Lynch director forwarded the cover letter out to his entire team, offering drinks "to the first analyst to concisely summarize everything that is wrong with" the note, it has passed through more than a dozen firms.

Already investment banking and accounting teams at Goldman Sachs, Morgan Stanley, Nomura, Citi, Deutsche Bank, PricewaterhouseCoopers, KPMG, Wells Fargo, Keefe, Bruyette & Woods, Perella Weinberg Partners, and Barclays Capital have read the note, along with the student's relatively robust resume.

http://l.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/qWESr3tHM1E1AxXX_YkmUg--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7cT04NTt3PTYwMA--/

http://finance.yahoo.com/news/tenacious-summer-analyst-applicant-got-laughed-at-by-everyone-else-on-wall-street.html

[Angry Dragon]

1. I think your first link is broke

[Brickbat]

2. I see a few typos, but other than that, I thought it was kind of cute and earnest.

It would certainly stand out, and that's what cover letters need to do.

[Yo_Mama]

17. Always spray paint your hair pink and apply glitter highlights when applying for a job!!!

That way you'll really stand out.

It's incredibly inconsistent and the terrifying efficiency at office tasks doesn't seem to extend to proofreading, now does it? In a profession in which a hundredth of a percentage point is a really big deal, this is a lot like tattooing a swastika on your head before applying to the local Jewish community center for a summer job.

Or perhaps I am just behind the times and it is recommended to refer to two different companies in the course of one application letter? If this was sent to BofA, we get three at the same time!

The applicant also seems to be attending two different universities simultaneously, so perhaps he just likes to get around. How learning Java would place you out of the two (courses) listed as including three? is not clear.

Few triple majors could get away with taking a grand total of two (2) count 'em courses in a semester, even if they are honors courses. Let's just say there are a few minor self-contradictions here.

I think this letter is a deliberate prank. If not, someone needs to either lay off the caffeine or see a doctor and get treated for the manic phase.

If it is a joke it is a very nicely done one. I laughed aloud at the applicant's ample experience in the professional world. It reminded me of the Flint movies, which I so loved. I suspect it was written in order to make fun of HR departments just looking for buzzwords, because the letter incorporates many, doesn't it?

Of one thing I am certain. Job applications should never include the adjective "terrifyingly".

[Nye Bevan]

3. Not sure why your version has so many redactions.

Here is the full version:

1/23/2012

J.P. Morgan

Dear Sir or Madame:

I am an ambitious undergraduate at NYU triple majoring in Mathematics, Economics, and Computer Science. I am a punctual, personable, and shrewd individual, yet I have a quality which I pride myself on more than any of these.

I am unequivocally the most unflaggingly hard worker I know, and I love self-improvement. I have always felt that my time should be spent wisely, so I continuously challenge myself; I left Villanova because the work was too easy. Once I realized I could achieve a perfect GPA while holding a part-time job at NYU, I decided to redouble my effort by placing out of two classes, taking two honors classes, and holding two part-time jobs. That semester I achieved a 3.93, and in the same time I managed to bench double my bodyweight and do 35 pull-ups.

I say these things only because solid evidence is more convincing than unverifiable statements, and I want to demonstrate that I am a hard worker. J.P. Morgan is a firm with a reputation that precedes itself and employees who represent only the best and rightest in finance. I know that the employees in this firm will push me to excellence, especially within the Investment Banking division. In fact, one of the supporting reasons I chose Investment Banking over any other division was that I know it is difficult. I hope to augment my character by diligently working for the professionals at Morgan Stanley, and I feel I have much to offer in return.

I am proficient in several programming languages, and I can pick up a new one very quickly. For instance, I learned a years worth of Java from NYU in 27 days on my own; this is how I placed out of two including: Money and Banking, Analysis, Game Theory, Probability and Statistics. Even further, I am taking Machine Learning and Probabilistic Graphical Modeling currently, two programming courses offered by Stanford, so that I may truly offer the most if I am accepted. I am proficient with Bloomberg terminals, excellent with excel, and can perform basic office functions with terrifying efficiency. I have plenty of experience in the professional world through my internship at Merrill Lynch, and my research assistant position at NYU. In fact, my most recent employer has found me so useful that he promoted me to a Research Assistant and an official CTED intern. This role is usually reserved for Masters students, but my employer gave the title to me so that he could give me more work.

Please realize that I am not a braggart or conceited, I just want to outline my usefulness. Egos can be a huge liability, and I try not to have one.

Thank you so much for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Best,

Mark

[LeftinOH]

10. My version was from Yahoo- they (or someone) edited it

..probably to preserve the anonymity of the writer.

[TwilightGardener]

4. Well, he does sound like a real tool. He'd be perfect for them.

[Blue_Tires]

5. I don't know what they are laughing at..He's just their type

[gratuitous]

14. You're not supposed to brag until you're in the door

Sure, these folks have an undeservedly high opinion of themselves, and they like to associate exclusively with others who are similarly endowed with an inflated sense of self worth, but you're not supposed to let on about it until you're in the club. Then, you spend most of your time stroking each others' egos (when you're not sharpening the knife you will one day plunge into someone's back).

[riderinthestorm]

6. Proof that Wall Street is an insiders club. It's who you know, not what you can do

And they're only going to let those into their "club" that they select, promote or are related to.... Its disgusting and their "ridicule" of this candidate stinks.

I'd interview him. He'd be bored out of his mind working on my farm but I'll take ANY employee who wants to work their ass off, has the intelligence to be creative acting with some degree of initiative, and who is willing to learn. I like him. He gets no ridicule from me. The Wall Street gang however gets my utter scorn.

[bongbong]

12. Absolutely!

> Proof that Wall Street is an insiders club. It's who you know, not what you can do

I worked in IT on Wall Street. After just a short time (a couple of weeks) I figured out that getting onto a trading floor was like finding buried treasure. If you got there, and then minded your work, didn't upset the apple cart, and let the senior guys (age usually late 20's or early 30's) abuse the f--- out of you, you stood to make literally - and I mean literally - tens or hundreds of millions. So I asked a young trading floor trainee how he got his job.

"My dad knew so-and-so".

This was ALWAYS the answer that I got from the fresh-out-of-college guys.

[Sheepshank]

7. Nervous hysterical laughter

boy are they worried he may show them up!!!!

[aquamarina]

8. I think they are laughing

because the letter is addressed to J.P. Morgan but at the end of the third paragraph he writes that he hopes to augment his character by diligently working for the professionals at Morgan Stanley...

He probably sent this to all the finance houses in NY but didn't edit his letter so all the references to where he was applying were consistent.

[Chiyo-chichi]

16. Exactly.

Thus negating all his arguments about what an intelligent hard worker he is.

This happens every day. Years ago, I was part of the management team at a local Barnes & Noble. We got cover letters from people who told us how badly they wanted to work at Borders.

[Locrian]

9. sure this wasn't an intended joke?! nt

[Rex]

11. I am sure the dinosaurs laughed at the approaching comet.

"Haha, look another light in the sky."

[Snake Alchemist]

13. Asking to be hired by Morgan Stanley while applying to BOA was probably what cost him the job. nt

[Snake Alchemist]

15. Impossible is nothing!!!

http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/impossible-is-nothing

[Yavin4]

18. He Should Start His Own Hedge Fund

I tell young people all of the time, create your own occupation, create your own path. Stop sucking up to established companies that only want to work you to death and leave you high and dry.

[Zalatix]

19. You really have to compete like crazy for these jobs. You gotta stand out.

That just CREATES an atmosphere where people are encouraged to go too far and get ridiculed in public.

That and it is COMPLETELY UNPROFESSIONAL for corporate officers to pull a stunt like this. Even redacting names only makes it SLIGHTLY less than utterly reprehensible.