I was involved in a discussion a few nights ago that shocked and silenced me.

[applegrove]

What is your position on spanking your kids?

51 votes, 1 pass | Time left: Unlimited
	Never Okay.
	30 (59%)
	Rarely
	21 (41%)
	1 DU member did not wish to select any of the options provided.
Show usernames Disclaimer: This is an Internet poll

[napi21]

1. I think too many people have way too many definitions of spanking.

I admit, I'm old now, and my kids are in their 40's, but when I smacked a diapered bottom, it got their attention, but never harmed them in any way. IMO, spanking only serves a purpose when you're dealing with toddlers. After that, it's futile and other methods need to be employed.

[LiberalAndProud]

2. ^ this. I agree wholeheartedly.

I am curious about your discussion, applegrove. What was shocking?

[applegrove]

7. Everyone at the table said spanking was okay. I think it is wrong. But then I don't have kids.

[smackd]

12. now see, i dont have kids either...

but i surely know some that should be spanked, lol

my sister and i were spanked, pretty much through mid-elementary school. we lived.

[FourScore]

19. I came from a divorced home -- one parent spanked, the other did not.

I grew up preferring the spankings. I wasn't beaten. I was spanked. It was a rare and predictable punishment. I always knew when I had crossed a line. I knew it before I crossed it. I learned early on from one parent -- here's the line, cross it and you're getting spanked. The other parent -- I couldn't find the line. I behaved much worse because I could. When I did get punished, it was things like being grounded for the weekend, which was long and stupid. All I know, I behaved better and the line was much clearer with one parent - the one who spanked. I loved them both equally though. And still do.

[pnwmom]

35. But it is very possible to make the line clear without spanking.

Not spanking doesn't mean you forgo discipline -- just hitting.

[FourScore]

40. I never felt "hit". n/t

[onpatrol98]

77. I always preferred the spanking too.

It was over quickly and everyone moved on. But when I had to hear about my infraction over and over again...good grief...stop please. I would eventually tune them out. Blah, blah, blah. Both were effective with me though. Neither worked my sibling.

[avebury]

57. While I do not believe in the wholesale usage of

spanking, I am not adverse to a good swat when a child is doing something that is particularly dangerous to himself/herself (or others) in order to drive a point home that what they are doing is dangerous. The child might not be old enough to reason with or too stubborn to listen. To me is it all about their safety.

I am against wholesale usage of spanking because all that teaches children is that a bigger person has the ability to hurt them. You run the risk from being considered a parental figure to being considered a bully and the child might learn the wrong lesson and become a bully.

[grntuscarora]

9. Spanking only serves a purpose when you're dealing with toddlers?

Could you expand on that? It seems to me those youngest children are the ones spanking would least serve, as they are too young to understand the adults' motives for hitting them. So it would seem to me, anyway.

[napi21]

92. I disagree. You're not trying to get the child to understand

an adult's motive, you're trying to get their attention and realize what they did was wrong. Toddllers don't understand motives, nor do they have the ability to rationalize. All they know is that what they just did brought on an action they didn't like.

hen they get older, they aquire some ability to reason & understand. THEN you can use methods like stand in the corner, etc.

[zerosumgame0005]

15. my grandmother used to make

us go pick our own switch and it had better not be smaller then our thumb!

[Le Taz Hot]

46. "Smacked a diapered bottom."

Jesus Christ. Loud noise gets their attention too.

[napi21]

93. So YOU suggest banging a couple of pans together? Yea.

[Le Taz Hot]

95. Are you suggesting loud noises

don't get their attention?

[napi21]

96. No. But it sounded like YOU were.

[Little Star]

54. Yep

[abelenkpe]

59. My father would say the same

But I remember the howls of pain and indignation from my brother (the one who was smacked, for some unknown reason he never spanked me.) I would never hit my kids. I hated my father every time he spanked my brother or sister. I'll never forget it. It was cruel.

[napi21]

94. You're talking about something far beyond "spanking".

That's exactly what I meant when I said too many poeple don't recognize the meaning of spanking, and how it differs from abuse!

[abelenkpe]

97. Yeah, you're correct

What my father did was far beyond spanking. Was just trying to say that it effects more than just the person punished when the adult (in this case my father) doesn't know the difference between spanking and abuse. And now my sister and brother both spank (hit) their own kids. People should be taught the difference, maybe parenting or childcare classes through school or hospital? If the only knowledge and understanding of discipline is based on their own experiences and they come from a home where there is abuse that abuse just gets passed on.

[uppityperson]

3. It depends on the definition. Laid across a parents lap and hit with a ruler for not finishing

washing the dishes in the time set? No. A toddler biting an electrical cord and getting a swat on their diapered bottom by my bare hand? Eventually.

Define the term and I will be able to answer one of the choices perhaps.

[applegrove]

5. Right you are. If it is a matter of life and death of course. Not having children of my own

I tend to think there must be other ways to get a child's attention. I've never been in that position. Not when I babysat. Not with nieces and nephews.

[laundry_queen]

31. I have 4 kids

Never felt like I HAD to spank. I'm adamantly against it. IMO, in EVERY situation there is a better way to deal with the behavior than spanking, even in life and death. Mutual respect and love works far better. I could go on about how wonderful my kids are (and I'm not being biased, people/teachers gush over my kids which I find embarrassing) but I'll spare you (guess I already kind of did though). Needless to say, not spanking has worked for us.

I was spanked and it totally fucked me up. To me, all it does it teach might makes right and fosters resentment. I hated my father (my mother almost never spanked) and used to wish him dead. It gave me trust issues, it taught me to lie and be sneaky, it taught me appearance was more important than who I was as a person....There was so much fall out that I deal with to this day.

I believe in order to get respect, you have to be willing to give it. I don't want to be feared, I want to be respected as a human being, and I believe if I respect my children as human beings, it teaches them to have empathy and respect others. Hitting children, IMO, is only extrinsically motivating them to behave. It does nothing to enable intrinsic motivation or develop empathy, and I believe there is a serious empathy deficit in this world, so just trying to do my part to raise empathy literate children.

[vanlassie]

38. +100,000

[Le Taz Hot]

47. Thank goddess for parents like you!

It's the only way the human race will evolve. I was "spanked" too. 'Course my "spankings" would often result in not being able to go to school for several days because they fucked up and forget to "spank" where it didn't show.

[PotatoChip]

68. Thank you.

You said everything I wanted to say, only far more eloquently.

The one thing I would add, is that I also found it very useful to "catch" my daughter doing something right. On a regular basis, I made a point of looking for positive behavior, and praising her for it. Things such as putting away her toys without being asked, or using good manners when dealing with other people, ect.

I don't know of a single child who does not want to please an authority figure in their lives, as long as that authority figure respects them as individuals. Hitting them is the very antithesis of that, and extremely counterproductive imo.

[Skraxx]

71. You Rock, And Have Eloquently Stated My Position As Well

As a parent of 6 year old twin boys, I have been frustrated, but never, ever resort to physical measures.

[G_j]

76. +/\/\+

[snooper2]

4. probably needs to be a couple more choices for people who don't have kids

[newmember]

6. should be done more often

[customerserviceguy]

41. Yep, that option wasn't there

Too many people try to reason with little kids like they're adults. I saw one guy trying to be "Buddy Daddy" while his kids were fighting with each other in the chair next to him, where he and I were trying to fill out questionaires for a cancer study we had volunteered for.

[stanwyck]

83. Disagree. The message is, might makes right

the stronger (parent) hits the weaker (child). is that really what you want your child to learn? And then the child believes hitting is sanctioned.

[Ikonoklast]

109. Didn't hurt you none now, did it?

So transparent I could read Agate Type through you.

Guns, pibulls, spanking.

Trifecta!

[ZombieHorde]

8. I force my kids to spank each other. nt

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. I used to swat their clothed bottoms if they had really misbehaved.

It was rare, and it worked.

My girls grew up well, and we generally had respectful conversations. I knew how to listen to them, and I did.

[pnwmom]

36. There are alternatives to hitting that also "work."

But they require more self control on the part of the hitter.

[mokawanis]

11. I spanked my son once

when he was a toddler. It bothered me more than it did him, and I never spanked him again. Also raised two daughters and never spanked either one.

I'm not judging what other parents do, maybe there's a sound argument for spanking in some circumstances, but for me the idea of hitting someone on the butt cheek to make a point doesn't make sense.

[True Earthling]

13. "Discipline" is derived from "disciple" which means "to learn"

Never spanked my kids. Always used their misdeeds as a teaching moment.

Results...

No arrests, no drug abuse, and 3 college graduates.

[Pelican]

24. As a side note...

There are many children who were spanked who can claim the same record...

[Le Taz Hot]

48. As another side note,

virtually ever person sitting in prison was spanked. Sometimes children succeed DESPITE their parents.

[Pelican]

63. Yes yes...

I'm sure every successful person who was disciplined as a child was an exception to the rule...

[BklnDem75]

65. I'd like a link to that

Among those I grew up with, it's the ones that never got spanked that was caught selling rock or taking things that didn't belong to them.

[tularetom]

14. It gets their attention

We did it with our kids mostly as a means to stop them from doing something stupid like running out in the street.

As a form of punishment it has a negative value as it just makes the kid resentful instead of inducing him to change his behavior.

And if you do it out of anger it signals the child that you have lost the argument and resorted to violence. He has the upper hand now.

[Luminous Animal]

86. If you were close enough to hit them, you were close enough to keep them from running in the street

without hitting them.

[mick063]

16. I admit that I have at "terrible two" or around that age.

More like a single swat on the butt and I can probably count on one hand the number of times I did. It primarily came when her direct safety was involved and more than anything, I was frightened at the thought of her getting seriously hurt.

My daughter may have no recollection of it. I have not asked her. She is a young teen now.

Like all kids, she can have her faults, but I really have no reason to complain. A rule follower, does well in school, eager to please, and looks for approval.

I seldom have to discipline her and merely raising my voice can bring her to tears. I am careful to do so only when I feel necessary. I refrain from verbal abuse, but my wife can seem to "nag" my daughter more often than I like.

I am concerned about confidence issues with her. I spend more time trying to build her self esteem than anything. One thing I have learned is that her peers can be very cruel. More so than I recall when growing up.

One thing I constantly stress is that this portion of her life is a very fleeting moment when taken in the context of her entire life. Many of the people she must associate with will never be seen again in about five years. What happens right now, with respect to her peers, isn't nearly as important as she thinks it is.

I recall that my "step" aunt was extremely cruel to my cousins when they were growing up. It seemed that my Grandfather was the only family member that openly, consistently complained about it. Of course he was a hero in the eyes of my cousins. Truthfully, they all turned out to be a little dysfunctional as adults. Not criminal, but lived seriously hard lives. I do not embrace or associate with my aunt to this day and it has caused some rifts with my own folks because of it. Perhaps it was from watching her that I am influenced on how much harm excessive "discipline" can do to a child.

[LeftInTX]

17. It depends on the child

Some don't understand time out. I had a "wild one" that would dart in the streets etc. Actually, my preferred corporal punishment was a pinch. Another was a firm tap on the hand. I probably spanked him a handful of times. I think I spanked my other kids about 3 times in their lives.

[Pelican]

32. My mom was master of the nerve pinch...

Right there in the middle of the bicep...

Motivating though... My sister and I had short track records when it came to screaming or running around in stores.

[Nye Bevan]

18. Deliberately inflict physical pain on children? What a wonderful concept.

Good to see all the strict disciplinarians justifying themselves.

[newmember]

22. We are all animals

[Puzzledtraveller]

66. ^^this^^

[pnwmom]

101. I've never seen a mother dog strike her puppies. n/t

[MADem]

103. I have.

I've seen a mother dog belt a puppy that was just clambering too damn much. Just one good whack to get the pooch's attention--not a beat-down.

They use the side of the muzzle to deliver a blow, and it can hurt if they do it hard enough. Mother dogs will also bite their puppies to correct their behavior.

We're not dogs, though, so there's that...I've never seen a human bite their kid, thank heavens.

[The Straight Story]

20. I think it is about communication to some degree

I have never spanked my daughter (she is 12 now).

But had she, when she was 1 or 2 and could not understand the words I was speaking, tried to put something into a wall socket I might have given her a little swat and told her no firmly (voice and physical reprimand she was not used to) for her own safety so that she associated doing something like that with something negative.

When kids are older and can understand things more - no.

Never wanted to, never needed to, never did.

Not saying there are not better ways, but when you are dealing with a young child that you cannot reason with and want to save them from potential harm it might help to scare them away from doing such things (and not some hard ass spanking to inflict pain, but a physical response that shocks them out of the normal).

It has been enough, and still is, for me to raise my voice a little (or more now to let her know what she has done has hurt me/worried me/disappointed me/etc).

One reason I never needed to result to such when she was a toddler is that I watched her like a hawk - and still do even when she is on the court playing with her friends. She did get near things and did some things she should not have as a baby and I used a change in my voice to tell her 'no honey, that hurts you' and redirected her to more pleasant things.

Parenting is hard (I have 5 kids total) especially when you have more than one and are trying to keep them out of things and safe - it should not be about punishment but about protection of them. I would rather they be pissed off at me as an adult for a quick swat on the ass than to have them not grow up at all because I was in the bathroom and they stuck a piece of metal in a wall socket/ate bleach/etc.

[LeftInTX]

33. ^^^this^^^

You nailed it

[HappyMe]

52. Agreed.

[hunter]

21. My all-purpose solution for misbehaving toddlers is to pick them up.

That always gets their attention. First, they suddenly realize you are bigger than they are. Second, they realize you love them. Even if they bite you.

Eventually they reach an age where you can talk to them.

Fear of punishment has never stopped me from doing anything.

I suspect you have to train kids to accept punishment as a valid form of dialog. That's stupid. Then again, parents teach their kids all sorts of stupid things.

[Warren DeMontague]

23. It's not how I parent.

Nor do I think it is generally indicative of good parenting.

But I'm not going to make blanket pronouncements about how other people raise their own kids. (But, obviously, abuse is not okay.)

[Cleita]

25. I never had my own kids, but from my own experience as a kid and

having parents who spanked, it didn't make me behave better. I knew when I was bad that I would eventually be spanked because of their frustration. It would be over with and I could go back to misbehaving until the next spanking. What did work with me was taking away a privilege or a favorite toy or activity for a period of time. THAT got my attention. Now, I'm sure that different kids react differently to various types of discipline, but I was almost ten before my parents discovered the magic thing that got me to behave. I was a very bratty kid, I'm afraid. My apology to my parents, wherever they are, for what they had to put up with.

[LeftInTX]

34. I was like that

Yes, please spank me. It doesn't really hurt, but I'll pretend cry. Finally, they caught on to me. After that I had real punishments, such as no TV etc.

[Recursion]

44. When I was in boot camp, we were surprised they didn't beat recruits up

We asked why and our senior drill instructor said, "First, that never happened as much as the movies made it look like. Second, getting beat only teaches you one thing: how to turn your back." (I later found out that second one is a Bernard Cornwell quote, but I don't feel cheated.)

[stanwyck]

85. You must not have been at Parris Island

my son is a former Marine - eight years active duty. Physical punishment is still part of training - and then there's SERE school. You were lucky in your DI. Not all are as evolved.

[Recursion]

87. 3rd battalion

Parris Island all the way

[stanwyck]

89. Semper Fi

and thanks for your service from a mother of a Marine

[Le Taz Hot]

50. That's EXACTLY right.

I was "spanked" too. A LOT. I misbehaved all the time when I was young. I knew it was coming but it was worth it just to get a few hours of freedom away from the hell-hole that I was forced to call home.

[cherokeeprogressive]

99. I could count all the times I was spanked on both hands, and I deserved it every time.

And I didn't grow up to be a spanker.

[Scootaloo]

26. I don't know

My first response is no, it's never acceptable. I think it teaches your kids that disagreement is best solved by hitting someone, and, in my experience as a spanked, switched, and belted child, it just instilled fear rather than respect, and a tendency towards trying to sneak past my parents' radar. Being paddled in school just made me resentful and angry, more for the public humiliation of it than for the pain in my ass.

That said, I have seen arguments that could persuade me that a telling hand-swat to the ass can send a quick and generally harmless message. So I'm conflicted. There's my gut response, but I could envision some occasion where it's called for.

I take the position that I would not spank my own children, but I wouldn't jump in to stop another parent spanking hteirs, provided the person wasn't like, going to town on them or something. It's extremely hard to quantify or put into words, so... Uh, don't mind me, I guess.

[BlueCaliDem]

27. As Damon Wayans said in his stand-up:

"Some kids need spankiing."

I have three, and of the three I needed to spank ONE, but I got him on the straight and narrow and he's a fine young man today.

[LiberalLoner]

28. I got the belt on a naked bottom until I was 15. I would never do that to a child.

[defacto7]

29. Never.

Ever. Physical violence is never an answer. The appearance of violence is never an answer. I've raised 6, not all my own. One is a military officer, one PhD, one finishing Tech school, one professional photographer, two in grade school. 5 with 4.0 GPA, the other, too young for such foolishness. Am I lucky? Maybe... maybe not.

But the only thing worse than physical violence is verbal violence. That will destroy their soul.

[on point]

30. Spanking (very sparingly and very minimal) helps connect bad behavior with reality

Words are too easy to ignore, but use other methods first like time-outs, tv goes away etc.
Only for the very young where reason is not viable

[Pale Blue Dot]

64. It connect violence with problem solving. nt

[pnwmom]

37. Let's call it what it is: hitting. The euphemism disguises the fact that

a spanking is a bigger, stronger person hitting a smaller person.

There are plenty of other ways to discipline that don't involve hitting. But they might require more thought and/or self-control on the part of the parent.

[vanlassie]

39. Take a poll in prisons. Good luck finding anyone there who wasn't spanked

It is my firm belief, having raised healthy successful children, that all who say they were spanked and "turned out fine" had to find a way to absorb the assaults and go on. The hurt and humiliation rarely goes away, however. It comes back somewhere down the line. Many do to their kids what was done to them as a way of expunging the long term effects.

[bunnies]

42. Same as "spanking" my pets...

Never. Never, never, never.

[Recursion]

43. Those are the two options? (nt)

[Le Taz Hot]

45. If you're resorting to assaulting your children

to punish/discipline (use whatever quint word you wish) them, you're already a failure as a parent.

[gollygee]

49. I do not spank my kids

There is always another way to get their attention. I don't want them scared of me. And I want them to have internal motivation rather than doing things out of fear of being hit.

[G_j]

51. can't we just call it "enhanced" parenting?

[liberal N proud]

53. I popped our children on the butt a few times when they were little

All it took was one little pop and they would straighten up.

I don't think I ever "spanked" them and when they got the pop on the butt, they knew it was serious enough.

I think we found our children to be too amusing to spank.

[deutsey]

55. I rarely "spanked" my kids

and when I did, it was a quick swat on the butt along with a scolding. It was a last resort.

As a counterpoint, when I grew up, I got "whippings" (my stepfather's word), which involved a style of wide leather belt that was popular in the '70 repeatedly across my bare behind.

I am opposed to that kind of discipline. It only instilled in me fear, humiliation, and a deep, seething anger and hatred towad my stepfather.

[beemer27]

56. It is seldom the right thing to do

There may be certain very rare occasions when a quick slap on the butt will get their attention, but an actual "spanking", as most people define it, is nothing but a very poor way to teach a child that violence and force are acceptable ways to end an argument. Many parents are not smart enough to understand the difference. Some parents were brought up in homes where "whippings" were used as discipline. Teaching children is a lot like teaching animals-the first rule is, you must be smarter than the animal. After that it is not that hard.

[Laelth]

58. Violence is never a good solution to a problem.

Thus, I voted that spanking a child is never OK because it teaches children that violence is an acceptable solution.

That said, the SCOTUS has ruled that parents have a fundamental, Constitutional right to rear their children as they see fit, and if said parents believe that corporal punishment is appropriate, then the law of the land supports said parents' rights to employ corporal punishment.

In the long run, I think this is as it should be. I do not want to see any more government interference in childrearing.

-Laelth

[Spartacus Maximus XL]

60. never ever ever is it okay.

The only time is ever appropriate the strike someone is in self-defense. End of discussion. Any other responses condoning abuse. Yes, it is that black and white and it is that simple.

[Laelth]

74. Welcome to DU. n/t

-Laelth

[telclaven]

61. No option for 'whenever necessary'?

Weak push poll.

[Laelth]

75. Welcome to DU. n/t

-Laelth

[Pale Blue Dot]

62. Spanking teaches kids that violence is that way to deal with problems.

I'm a teacher, and my anecdotal evidence is that every student that I know has been spanked is more fucked up and more violent that kids that have not been.

[Puzzledtraveller]

67. I was spanked on occasion

I'm a pacifist, always have been. I have never been in a fight in my life or raised a hand at anyone.

[Pale Blue Dot]

69. Good. I'm glad you learned that violence is not the way to handle problems.

[reformist2]

73. It could be a chicken-and-egg thing...Maybe they were more disobedient to begin with.

Not all children are born with the same disposition. Some are very passive and agreeable. Others, well, are a headache.

[JoePhilly]

70. Spanking is lazy parenting.

If you reached the point where you think the only choice you have is to hit your kid, you failed. And you should own that.

Hitting your kid will teach them to stop doing what they are doing right now. But it doesn't teach them not to do it in the future. It teaches them to not let you catch them.

You have to figure out what causes your child to act in a certain way in certain situations, and then figure out what to change. This can be tough to do. You have to think about it a lot. You have to think about the events that occurred shortly prior. You have to objectively access your own behavior and look for ways in which you might be helping to cause the behavior in question. You may have to change some of your own behavior as you attempt to change their behavior. And that can take some time.

Or ... you can hit them. And they will stop doing whatever it is they are doing.

For now.

Oh, and when you hit them, know that you failed that day. You did not have the patience or cognitive / emotional ability to figure out another approach. At a minimum, owning it will cause you to hit your child less frequently and maybe work just a little harder at parenting.

[Skraxx]

72. Another Great Post On The Subject

[Smarmie Doofus]

78. I voted "rarely" though I never hit my son.

(I adopted him at age three.)

I could see circumstances where it might be reasonably resorted to for the survival of the child.

Example: You live next door to an unswept minefield. You are unable to move to a safer home. Your child has ambulation, language and rudimentary ( at least) reason.

He/She continues to run into the mine field despite repeated verbal warnings and non-corporal consequences.

[think]

79. Remembering the echo down the school hall of a paddle smacking butts.

And watching the paddled limp back into class holding back their tears. Scared the crap out of me....

[Spirochete]

80. I got spanked often as a kid

Got so it wasn't any big deal. But then they changed the system, and started taking away privileges instead, and I was outraged. "Hey, what happened to i do this bad a thing, I get hit this many times. That was a good system, and it was working. What's with this no TV, no going anywhere shit?" I was so not happy when the punishment system changed. lol

[MadrasT]

81. I don't have children therefore I have no position on this.

I remember back when I was in elementary school, teachers had big wooden paddles, and used them regularly.

I guess things are a lot different now?

Edit to add, I looked it up... corporal punishment is still allowed in schools in 19 states. Thirty-one states have banned it.

[stanwyck]

82. if you have to spank, you're admitting defeat, and

you're telling your kids that the way to solve problems is to inflict pain. They'll learn to solve problems by hurting others. This is not what responsible parents do. And, yes, I have a son and a daughter - both are 29 yrs. (twins).

[Luminous Animal]

84. I raised a kid. My friends raised and are raising kids. None spank. Spanking is child abuse.

[marions ghost]

88. I don't think spanking is OK

for anybody to do or to receive.

Ever. Period. The End. It teaches physical abuse.

I was looking this up recently and about 60% of parents still believe in spanking, or they fall into the wishy-washy category of "I don't really believe in it but I still do or did it." People who defend it will insist that it did not hurt them. But it hurts many children in ways too complex to list here.

On the other hand I don't believe in spoiling, allowing too much verbal negotiation or letting young kids get away with bad behavior. You have to be firm and consistent. My mother never spanked but you knew when she meant business. She didn't pelt us with a lot of words or pontificating or lecturing. We just knew where her line was. Our Dad was like Mr. Rogers--it was unthinkable that he would hit us.

I just don't believe it is ever necessary.

[demmiblue]

90. I don't approve of ANY acts of violence in the home. n/t

[Little_Wing]

91. We can choose to break the cycle...

I wasn't spanked much as a kid, but when I had my son in 1987, I chose (as a thinking, logical human) to not continue the practice of utilizing physical violence as a means of "discipline." My son turned out to be a wonderful man.

In the end, hitting children reflects our own limitations. WE are afraid of our powerlessness, and hitting a child is clearly the result of our own frustration in challenging situations. When we are not taught how to deal in an alternate way, we have to teach ourselves. In the best of worlds, the moment we feel compelled to strike out at helpless children is the moment to begin learning the complexities of raising children. No. They are not perfect. They are humans in training and make mistakes. Let's not perpetuate mindless parenting.

Really, there is no evidence that dispensing violence, mild or not, has any effect other than instilling fear (and deception to avoid the physical pain).

Humans are very cool animals. We have a highly evolved brain... we might as well use it, especially as we send the next generations into the future. One small step, etc.

[NaturalHigh]

98. Never spanked either of my kids.

[Demo_Chris]

100. Nothing wrong with a spanking...

Often it's the easiest and most effective way to get a point across quickly. That said, I rarely had to swat my girl as she was remarkably well behaved even as an infant. If you told her not to touch something she just didn't. It was really astonishing in hindsight.

[pnwmom]

102. Spanking is hitting, that's what's wrong with it. n/t

[Demo_Chris]

106. Spanking is hitting, yes...

It is the quick infliction of pain to make a dramatic point -- that this particular bit of behavior HURTS. Not that it might cause one to be in trouble, not that mommy doesn't like it, not that daddy yells... it hurts. It doesn't rely upon the child's understanding or compassion, it doesn't depend upon the parent's Olympian rhetorical expertise, it works on every animal including ones who cannot speak English and it provides the child with the answer to what happens when they ignore their parents. Pain.

I think this new age aversion to spanking is less a response to any negative long term outcomes (as there are none) and more a reflection of many parent's desire to do nothing in any case. It's not that spanking harms the child, it takes effort the parent didn't want to bother with anyway. They talk and they talk and the child still does what it wants, and what can they do? Why, they're powerless in the face of this terrible infant! All they can do is wait for their little sociopath to grow out of it.

In any case, ultimately there are ZERO available "ultimate" punishments that a parent has available that do not involve the application of some kind of force -- including restraining the child. Some parents would prefer to devote an hour to holding the shrieking hellion in a chair while they lecture (and whatever their intentions, most of the time they don't bother), others whack the miscreant on the butt and send him on his way.

[pnwmom]

110. I think it's the opposite. Hitting in any form harms the parent - child relationship.

Last edited Sun May 19, 2013, 02:24 AM - Edit history (1)

Not spanking -- coming up with a better form of effective discipline and exercising parental self-control -- may require more time and effort. But it's worth it because it's teaching the right lesson.

The lesson hitters teach is NOT that a certain behavior hurts -- but that a certain behavior will result in a loved, trusted parent hurting the child. And that it's okay for a loved, trusted person to hit you. Which is a terrible lesson to learn.

[bhikkhu]

104. When I was a kid, I remember getting spanked once

...by my grandpa when he was mad that I'd hurt my little sister (accidentally). I don't think it did anybody any good, as I already felt bad enough. I wouldn't say it did any harm either, but why hit someone if there's no point to it?

My own kids are grown now; a grand total of maybe three spankings for the oldest, who had some behavioral issues when she was very young. Probably that didn't do any good, but at some point you have to "be a parent" and not put up with certain things (or so the reasoning goes). In any case, it made me feel pretty bad and I don't think there was much of a point to it in retrospect.

Talking to them about the issue from time to time, my one rule was that you can never hit a person in anger, and absolutely never spank a child when you are angry. Discipline is one thing, anger is another, and they shouldn't ever be mixed.

If you can't sit down and figure out some way to get the result you want - good behavior - without hitting a child, chances are you aren't going to get the result you want regardless.

[bravenak]

105. It doesn't work on my kids.

My mom would beat the crap out of me when she was having her own emotional issues. I still hate her a little bit for making me hide the bruises and stuff so I just can't bring my self to spank my kids. I don't want them resenting me for making them cover up for me. Or hate me for abusing them, or hurt them.
I spanked my daughter once when she bit her sister, I ended up scratching her, so I think I screwed up big time. She bit her again later.
Then I spent an hour lecturing her. And kept reminding her over and over and over. She hates that.
That worked. It works on her sister too.
But it up to the parents, really.
I'm done with the corporal method of punishment.

[DiverDave]

107. I never want my kids to be afraid of me

and if I see anyone beating their kids, I will stop them.
Christ, being a kid is hard enough without getting tortured by people that are supposed to love them.

[FrodosPet]

108. I used to be grounded! LOL!

Somehow, sitting in my room, reading and listening to the radio seemed like less of a punishment than going outside and getting beat up by the morons in my neighborhood.

OTOH, take away my allowance? That hurt.