Horrors!!!! Newt Gingrich and Crossfile to ride from the dead together....to eat our brains!

[LongTomH]

Wonkette has the story: CNN Taking Revenge On Snarky Viewers by Inflicting Newt Gingrich On Them.

CNN, the fallen child prodigy of television journalism, has spent the majority of its time after the Clinton Impeachment periodically re-branding in an increasingly pathetic attempt to stave off the inevitable decline into irrelevance. The most recent iteration of CNN has involved copying their meth-ed out stripper of a sister channel “HLN” because nothing says “respecting your audience” like savaging them with non-stop Casey Anthony updates. However even this effort ended terribly as CNN continually bungled its Boston Bombing coverage to the point where even your mom was getting decent cracks at their expense on Twitter.

Obviously this sort of awfulness calls for a desperate attempt at salvation, and since CNN has no confidence in the intelligence of its viewership, the idea of just recycling an older crappy show makes sense. So it was in that vein that CNN announced earlier this year that they are taking full advantage of Jon Stewart’s temporary absence from TV to re-introduce “CROSSFIRE”, a show featuring the same commentators that you hate in other shows but with MOAR SCREAMING.

TV Gold right? Well obviously that depends on the hosts that CNN’s new head, Jeff Zucker (aka the man responsible for the war crime of keeping Donald Trump relevant), chooses from “the right and the left.” But judging from the rumors about who these individuals might be, it is apparent that CNN is done trying to woo viewers and is now just going to hate fuck them into compliance with performance art levels of absurdity. So look out world because Newt fucking Gingrich will be scaring your children while grifting from your grandparents on the tee-vee this summer.

Did you think that Jon Stewart drove a final stake through the heart of that shambling corpse of a TV 'debate' in 2004? Well, actually he did; but, it looks like CNN's minions have pulled the stake out (Purists may complain that I'm mixing vampire and zombie tropes; but, what the hey!).

They're also also talking to Newt the Impaler (Gingrich) to represent the right and former Obama deputy campaign manager Stephanie Cutter to speak for the left. Oh, joy!

Couldn't they have gotten someone like Stephanie Miller to represent the left? She's more of an authentic liberal.....and sexier.

Love the closing paragraph on this post:

Remember next time you are watching CNN while weeping over your non-existent retirement fund that Jeff Zucker is paid in dump trucks full of gold bullion every year to think up of these genius ideas.

Oh, stop the presses!!!!! It seems the guy inside that creepy elephant suit is the even creepier Adam Savader! Remember, he's the Paul Ryan intern who was 'sextorting' girls with nude pictures they had posted to the internets.

[spanone]

1. cnn needs to take 'news' from it's name.

[frazzled]

2. Suggestion: lose the "sexier" remark

First of all, you made no comment on the relative sexiness of Newt Gingrich (which perhaps goes without explaining).It's not appropriate to make comments on women who are contending for the other position. And there's nothing wrong with Stephanie Cutter's sexy quotient anyway: she's very attractive.