An Oklahoma City mother reaches out to Martin Richard's family

[DinahMoeHum]

http://www.salon.com/2013/04/19/it_wasnt_your_fault/

"It Wasn't Your Fault"
"I know the unfathomable grief that Martin Richard's parents must be feeling. I lost my daughter to a bomb, too"


I haven’t been able to watch footage of Boston. When it comes on TV, I can watch a little bit, but then I have to walk away. The picture of Martin Richard, the little boy who died, brings tears to my eyes, because I know what his parents are going through. I lost my 4-year-old daughter, Ashley, in the Oklahoma City bombings, along with my husband’s parents, LaRue and Luther. Eighteen years later, I’m still living with the trauma. The trauma never goes away.

(snip)

Eventually I’ll reach out to the parents of that little boy. Right now, they’re too far in grief and disbelief but when they’re ready, I’ll reach out. What I want to tell them is that they didn’t do anything wrong. They were living their life without fear, and they have to continue to live their life without fear in honor of their boy. That’s the way you move forward. You’ll get angry. You’ll go through all the phases of grief, but eventually you’ll get to acceptance. And acceptance doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ve let go of the person you lost, but you understand where you are now. Eventually his parents are going to have to forgive. Forgiveness isn’t for the person who did it. Forgiveness is for the person who is forgiving. It does not mean releasing anyone from their responsibility. It’s letting go of what holds you to the place where you are.

(snip)

I don’t know how much my experience has in common with what people are going through in Boston. What we have in common is a bomb. But violence is violence, whether it’s a bomb or a shotgun or a knife. It’s random, and it’s unexpected. It takes our loved ones. It rocks our security. I think anyone who has lost someone in an act of violence shares this grief. The bottom line is whoever did this was a murderer, just the same as anyone who murders someone on the street. But every act of violence, regardless of how it’s perpetuated, brings people together. We as a community seek to find answers for loss.

We need each other. That’s why we live together. Do not pretend that you’re disconnected, because you’re not. That’s why we choose to live in communities like we do. We need to be there for each other. Don’t assume that your neighbor is coping. They’re probably not. That’s what we learned in Oklahoma 18 years ago. That we’re stronger in numbers.

(snip)

(much more at the link)
http://www.salon.com/2013/04/19/it_wasnt_your_fault/