Missouri man arrested at hospital for refusing to leave gay partner

[kpete]

A gay man was arrested at a hospital in Missouri this week when he refused to leave the bedside of his partner, and now a restraining order is preventing him from any type of visitation.

Roger Gorley told WDAF that even though he has power of attorney to handle his partner’s affairs, a family member asked him to leave when he visited Research Medical Center in Kansas City on Tuesday.

Gorley said he refused to leave his partner Allen’s bedside, and that’s when security put him in handcuffs and escorted him from the building.

“I was not recognized as being the husband, I wasn’t recognized as being the partner,” Gorley explained.

MORE:
http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2013/04/11/missouri-man-arrested-at-hospital-for-refusing-to-leave-gay-partner/

[Nye Bevan]

1. Exhibit A for why we need full marriage equality (nt)

[Arkansas Granny]

2. How cruel!

[RedstDem]

3. family squabbles

I'm guessing things would have turned out the same even with proper legislation.
The restraining order sounds like an overreaction tho.

[cali]

7. no it wouldn't have.

None of this would have likely transpired had he been legally recognized as husband.

[RedstDem]

8. didnt sound like the family gets along

Someone would have been asked to leave I think, but no way a restraining order would be granted against someone with legal standing, I think.
Guess it really depends how unruly the scene was.

[gollygee]

15. Tell me any situation

where a mother-in-law or father-in-law would think they had the right to keep a husband or wife away form his/her opposite-sex spouse. They might squabble, but they'd never ask them to leave, and they'd never have the ability to file a restraining order. If anyone could file a restrainign order, I imagine it would be the spouse.

[Hassin Bin Sober]

24. Absolutely! A mother-in-law asking husband or wife to leave would be luaghed out of the hospital

[RedstDem]

32. theres no justifcation for it

Especially a restraining order

[jeff47]

34. No, it wouldn't.

If there was proper legislation, the family would have been thrown out. That's just a wee bit different.

[RedstDem]

35. no telling really

i think if police are involved, it would be up to the policeman's discretion as to whom would be removed from the situation.
something like that is possible to be out of the reach of any legislation...kinda like in the realm of domestic disturbance.

not saying it would be right or wrong either way.

[jeff47]

37. No, the spouse's right to be there trumps the family's right to be there.

So no, it wouldn't be up to the policeman's discretion. In spouse vs. family, spouse wins.

[RedstDem]

40. i think the spouse was the one causing the trouble

which is why he was the one removed.
if that's not what happened, it would be deplorable.....

[gollygee]

42. If my parents tried to kick my husband out of my hospital room

I sure hope he'd be causing trouble.

There would be no trouble to cause if he had a right to be in that hospital room. His parents would have no argument to have him removed. If they argued, the parents would be the ones who had to leave regardless of who was most upset.

[RedstDem]

43. i think the spouse was getting between the patient and the staff

Thats what got the hospital staff involved, and in turn the police.
Its too bad they all can't get along and love one another.

[gollygee]

45. The article says that he was asked to leave by his partner's family and refused to leave

and so the family called hospital security, who called the police.

I don't know what you're speculating, but the article seems pretty clear about what happened.

[RedstDem]

46. i read on the hospital website that they called security

Because the spouse was interfereing with treatment Two sides to every story I guess. Either way its a sad ending

[niyad]

49. and naturally, the hospital is going to cover its ass. the hospital knew them, knew the poa's-

because allen had been there several times before. I find it interesting that this is even on their website.

actually, there are three sides to every story--yours, mine, and what objectively happened (read "rashoman&quot

their smarmy statement about families being involved in treatment--these two are a family, and the patient's biological family would have no legal rights at all with true marriage equality. this sort of scenario plays itself out over and over and over again. I have seen it with some of my own friends, and it is heartbreaking.

[blueamy66]

4. Complete and utter bullshit

This story makes me sick.

[niyad]

5. a big boooooo to the judge who issued that restraining order. and to the nurse who couldn't be

bothered to look at the records, and to the homophobic family member. why wasn't THAT person removed?

[blueamy66]

9. Funny....nobody asked me for a marriage cert

or PofA when my guy was hospitalized. He said I was his wife and I was allowed in the ICU.... no more questions asked.

[SwissTony]

13. Same with me when I was in hospital a couple of years ago.

My wife walked in, asked where to go and was welcomed in a friendly and accommodating manner.

Had I had a husband, would he have received the same response? I'd like to think so.

[blueamy66]

21. No, if you had a husband, you probably wouldn't have been treated in the same manner.

Maybe some nurses/doctors/hospitals would treat you respectfully, but not all.

I just cannot believe that people are treated this way.

Question: Do PofAs include clauses that specify who can be at the bedside? Probably a dumb question, but.....

[Hassin Bin Sober]

27. That's a good question about POAs.

To add to that question, how does the specific state policy affect or override such POAs between same sex couples?

I know some backward ass states specifically outlaw any agreements trying, in their words, to mimic a marriage. Wouldn't surprise me if Missouri was one of them. These are the situations where the real ugly rubber hits the road in the anti-marriage equality debate.

[blueamy66]

30. What purpose does this serve? Why bother enacting state legislation for something so mundane?

If the couple has their wishes in writing, just let it be.

The people that make our laws never cease to amaze me.

[nadinbrzezinski]

48. A year back I became an advocate for a member of the LGBT

Community.

[niyad]

18. years ago, a dear friend was in the icu. I told the hospital I was his wife, and they never batted

so much as an eyelash. he had no family members in the state, so i was it, and able to keep his children updated on his condition until they were able to come down. we maintained the story even after they arrived.

[blueamy66]

22. And I'm sure that his children were very grateful that you did so...

I kept my guy's brother and sister and son in the loop. If I hadn't been there, none of his family members would have known, cause he was really out of it for about 4 days and they live across the country.

Something has to change and it has to change quickly.

And what kind of family wouldn't want their sick loved one's husband/wife/partner in the hospital room with them? Who acts that way? How does one become so nasty?

[Hassin Bin Sober]

25. Yeah, I did that for a friend - told the nurses I was his brother.

My friend needed an advocate and we didn't feel like jumping through hoops. Fuck em', I say.

[Botany]

6. As a straight man I can't tell you how pissed off I get when I hear that "the gays" just ....

.... want special rights because what my GLBT friends want and deserve is normal
human rights and that includes the right to visit a loved one in a hospital. And please
don't tell me that this is not homophobic discrimination and that "the gays" have all
the rights of the straights except for marriage because if this couple was married this
would never have happened.

I hope the sick man's family will put down the hate and love their sick family member
and understand that he is just gay man and that there is nothing wrong with that.

[warrior1]

10. sue the hospital.

[progressoid]

23. Unless the laws are changed, he'd likely lose.

It's maddening.

[gollygee]

26. This is almost certainly absolutely legal

In fact in some states I think the way their individual state defense of marriage acts are written, the hospital probably has a right to not recognize same-sex couples as real couples. It's an example of why same-sex marriage needs to be legal, and on a federal level. All couples need the same rights.

[southernyankeebelle]

11. Well I don't know how sick this man is but I sure hope they have all legal papers

in order so his family can't steal what they built together.

[niyad]

14. the fact that they have poa's, etc., and the idiot family member still got a restraining order,

shows that even the right legal paperwork doesn't seem to matter.

several years ago, before civil unions were recognized, a friend died. he and his husband had wills, everything they thought they needed. but, his family managed to ignore all the paperwork, the wills, and turned his partner out in the cold. it was absolutely heartbreaking.

[southernyankeebelle]

31. Do you know how sick this man is? If this man who is sick it would be wise for

them to take anything of value out of the house and put it in storage and the should also get a restrainning order when he is better.

[niyad]

12. in another article (from faux, no less) it was indicated that Allen had been there several times

before, in the psych unit. (and, amazingly enough, faux said husband)

[HockeyMom]

16. My daughter's SO

was allowed to stay by her bedside overnight in ICU after her surgery in NY 5 years ago. My husband and I live in another state 1,000 miles away and could not be there. My daughter would have had NOBODY there with her. I was very grateful that my future daughter-in-law was there with my daughter to keep her company, and keep me updated on her condition.

Blame both the family AND the state for not recognizing Marriage Equality. Would that family member, or the hospital, been able to prevent a straight married spouse from visitation?????

[gollygee]

17. This is absolutely horrible

I can only imagine how I'd feel if I were kept from my husband in a situation like that. If my parents had the ability to keep him from my bedside in the hospital and then did, I would absolutely cut them out of my life forever.

But of course they couldn't because the law protects me.

[niyad]

20. when my friend betty's husband was dying, his family (who had never really liked her) were furious

to learn that she was, in fact, NOK, and in charge of medical decisions. even after 20 years of marriage, his family assumed they had the right to come in and make decisions, especially since those decisions were contrary to what betty and her husband had determined long ago. I was glad that the hospital knew the laws, and backed her up.

[HappyMe]

19. Very sad and cruel.

People need to wake the fuck up and realize that love is love, and they should keep their antiquated noses out of other people's business.

[Vinnie From Indy]

28. What a load of horseshit!

Terrible story! I hope the restraining order gets lifted asap.

Cheers!

[MotherPetrie]

29. Heartbreaking and outrageous

[lunatica]

33. This kind of story really makes my gut hurt

from the knot of rage I get. What about just respecting their son's wishes. What a horrid family.

[ismnotwasm]

36. Are there even words for this?

How unbelievable cruel? I can't find them.


I take care of Gay men and there SO's, spouses, partners, regularly at my place of work, and all I can say is I hope I will never be placed in the position of working for a place that does this.

And I think what would I do? I know I would personally refuse to call security, I'd call risk management and every upper management person I could think before I would allow this to happen to anybody under my care.

If this man's beloved was Power of attorney, it's the family members who objected to his presence who should have been escorted out in handcuffs.

[Robb]

38. Fucking infuriating.

[MineralMan]

39. Unconscionable. It is that simple.

Marriage equality is the only true solution.

[etherealtruth]

41. Heart breakingly sickening

[LadyHawkAZ]

44. Awful

[riderinthestorm]

47. Hello??!! SCOTUS are you listening???!!!

[backscatter712]

50. Some firsthand description of what happened at this Reddit thread.

http://www.reddit.com/r/atheism/comments/1c4yff/my_father_in_law_was_arrested_for_refusing_to/

Apparently, this was a mental-health thing. The brother of the person hospitalized instigated the incident by calling the police and falsely claiming the patient was suicidal, causing the patient to be hauled to the hospital's psych ward for for a 72 hour hold (I guess in Florida, the term is Baker-acted.)

Then, said lying brother shows up at the hospital, and gets the nurse to throw the patient's partner out - apparently the nurse is a homophobe as well, so she wouldn't even look at the partner's POA - just called security and threw him out.

[Blue Owl]

51. It's called love. Accept it, haters.

n/t

[Thinkingabout]

52. This is so very wrong, the one with the POA should have allowed to remain so if there was any

Medical decisions to be made he would be informed. Apparently the partner had made the decision to have the partner have control. This is where I disagree with only informing family members of the condition of a sick one. In the last couple of years my friends and I have been the friend to the end to one because of her uncaring nieces and brother incapable of seeing to her comfort in her last days, and we were only friends but was on location as needed.

[Ilsa]

53. Maybe the PoA wasn't specific enough to cover healthcare

matters? A specific healthcare proxy might be better for them until we get marriage equality legalized everywhere.

[xmas74]

54. I will never use Research Hospital ever again.

I've already written a letter and plan to send it.

Not only that, but after I passed this story around FB earlier today and explained about writing the letter a number of locals also agreed. They are passing the story around to other locals and are planning on contacting Research, letting them know why they no longer plan to use their hospital.

I don't know if there are any procedures that are done at Research that cannot also be done at Truman or KU Med.

[backscatter712]

55. Was this the nurse at that hospital?

[niyad]

56. . . .