Men! Get These Fashion Accessories for your AR-15 Now!

[MineralMan]

Last edited Thu Mar 21, 2013, 11:09 AM - Edit history (1)

ETA: For those who have failed to get it: This thread is satire. Broad satire, at that. Uff-da! I hate having to identify a satirical post.

Do people laugh at you at the range or militia meeting? Is your plain-Jane AR-15 rifle hurting your image? The solution is accessorizing your weapon. Add the right accessories and the laughter will end and you'll be able to hold your head erect once again. And it won't cost you an arm or a leg, or any other essential body part. Here are our recommendations, selected by our AR-15 fashion team. Don't miss out on respect and admiration again.

While it may seem like a small thing, personalizing your AR-15 with an updated pistol grip can give you that hard "edge" you're looking for. Inexpensive and understated, it makes a real statement about you.
An accessory rail, complete with sling mounts is a must-have accessory. With it attached to your bayonet lug, you're on your way to building a unique look for your precious companion.
Need that special feature to give you a unique, uplifting boost. Our golf ball launcher is just the ticket. You can fire blanks while sending a golf ball up to 500 yards. You'll be the hit of the range with this.
For those nights out at the range, this lovely mesh evening bag will catch all your spent cartridges, keeping your personal space free from embarrassing clutter and your area squared away.
You're an expert with your AR-15. You know that. Show the world with this unique and charming multi-tool. Featuring 11 must-have tools, it folds up neatly to keep your shooting outfit free from unsightly bulges.

[Scuba]

1. The "cartridge catcher" is also useful for keeping crime scenes free of unsightly evidence.

[MineralMan]

2. But, that's not its function.

Neat and tidy does it at the range, you know.

[Peter cotton]

6. A dangerous accessory. Ban it.

[Iggo]

30. I'll settle for the gun.

They can keep the accessories.

[Hoyt]

56. That's one fear of gun cultists, leaving spent casomg at scene of say shooting an unarmed teenager.

Hence, opposition to any form of micro-stamping, etc.

I think many of the gun cultists know that one day they might make a mistake and shoot someone "who looks like a mugger," who really isn't.

[formercia]

45. That's why the Mafia prefers a Revolver, at least the old-timers do.

Revolvers don't throw spent cases all over the place.

Il Lupo (The Wolf) is another old-time favorite, a short double barreled Shotgun.

[MineralMan]

77. And, oddly enough, they both worked fine for murdering people.

It just goes to show you...

[tridim]

3. That golfball launcher can't be real, can it?

Unreal.

[MineralMan]

5. It is real, and it's also useful at the

golf course, too, to compensate for your weak swing. You'll get your balls where they're supposed to be if you have one.

[Recursion]

27. There's a paintball system too

The problem with both of them is that the blanks don't have enough gas to power the reload system, so you have to pull back the charging handle after each shot.

[slackmaster]

46. Of course it's real

Why not? Messing with duffers is fun.

[Remmah2]

68. It's real. Used with blanks.

High tech version of a spud gun.

[tridim]

82. If you want to shoot a spud gun, make a spud gun and be done with it.

Nothing says "Look kids I'm a toy!" like converting a death machine into an actual freaking toy.

Can you tell me why any responsible gun owner would buy that? Why is that even remotely legal?

[Remmah2]

84. Neither are a toy.

Both are annoying and dangerous.

[RKP5637]

4. I have an AR-15. Built it myself! Here's a picture!

Heathkit AR-15 Stereo Receiver! Funny ... this is a legendary receiver. I was looking it up the other day and Assault Rifles kept coming up. Didn't happen a few years ago.

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=&imgrefurl=http://www.vatgia.com/raovat/7300/3973643/heathkit-ar15-hang-dep-long-lanh-moi-98.html&h=600&w=800&sz=120&tbnid=M3vkKya6aASY7M:&tbnh=90&tbnw=120&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dheathkit%2Bar-15%26tbm%3Disch%26tbo%3Du&zoom=1&q=heathkit+ar-15&usg=__4T4mOVWLWC7tph4kYb7KWtNTXOk=&docid=-N-OrGdl1CHENM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=Iw5LUd_WA9LJ4AOLHw&ved=0CC8Q9QEwAA&dur=103

[MineralMan]

7. You can adapt that to fit on the bayonet lug, you know.

Strap a generator to your back and enjoy the music at the range.

[RKP5637]

8. "Warning!!! Sonic Stereo Blast Adapted!!!"

[MineralMan]

9. It's powerful, alright!

Enough power to be heard over even semi-auto fire.

[The Straight Story]

33. I remember heath kit. We used to go to their store all the time

Dad built our first color tv and we would go there to use the tube testers

[RKP5637]

58. Yep, Heathkit really had some incredible stuff. This AR-15 I have is

absolutely amazing. It sounds as good as most of the stuff out there today.

[MineralMan]

64. I built a number of Heathkits.

I also built Knight kits from Allied Radio, starting with a shortwave receiver when I was 12. I loved that stuff!

[oldhippie]

70. I also used to peruse the Allied and Lafayette catalogs as a teenager ...

And the Newark catalog. I built dozens of Heathkits and Knightkits in my teens. Looked forward to the issue of Popular Electronics each month to read the latest adventures of Carl and Jerry. Remember them?

[MineralMan]

73. I remember Carl and Jerry very well.

Looks like you and I were reading the same stuff. I miss all of that. It was great fun.

My favorite electronics memory, though, was the day I got a package with four CK-722 transistors in it from Allied when I was 12. I turned those into many, many homebrew projects. I still have them, in a zip-lock back. The lead wires are much shorter than they were when I got them, though, having been in and out of many fahnestock clips over time.

[oldhippie]

88. OMG! Fahnestock clips ......

I haven't heard or thought about them in decades! I was 14 years old in 1962 in upstate NY when I got my first ham license. It pointed me to engineering school (Clarkson College, now Clarkson University) and a career in military electronics.

Thanks for the memories.

[MineralMan]

90. They're still available.

A lot more expensive these days, but still available.

Newark has them, and so does Micro-Mark. Here's a link that should stimulate your memory.

http://www.micromark.com/Fahnestock-Clips-Pkg-of-25,8941.html?sc=WGB&utm_source=GoogleBase&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=GoogleBase&gclid=CNe3hbDDjrYCFa9aMgodom8Axw

[RKP5637]

81. Same here, all kinds of stuff. A lot of the stuff I built was Eico. There was a store in the area,

one of the great old time electronics stores that had about every component known to mankind. They specialized also in Eico stuff ... had in stock about everything Eico had. I looked them up the other day, still there, all these years later in Delaware. I sold most of my stuff on eBay a few years ago, then wondered why did I did that ... so at an estate sale they had a lot of well-built Heathkit test equip fairly priced, so I got it.

Allied Radio! I loved that catalog. As I recall 100 N. Western Ave. in Chicago. I used to live in that catalog! I've still got a lot of stuff here, can't get away from it ... I was working on an old Motorola the other day ... thinking how great it was when you could look under a chassis and know / see everything going on ...

[MineralMan]

83. That was great fun. I was a nerd, for sure.

And you're right, being able to understand how the whole thing worked was great. I miss that, in my old age.

[oldhippie]

89. My first transmitter was an Eico 723 ....

.... crystal controlled CW transmitter kit. My dad bought it for me at a ham store in Schenectady, NY in 1962. I still remember the shakes during my first CW contact on 40 meters with another novice in Ohio.

[RKP5637]

94. Yep! There's a big difference between this and doing the internet today. n/t

[The Straight Story]

37. And I have built and AR-15 gun before with a friend who bought the kit

Was actually fun to put together. It got easier the more we drank

[RKP5637]

60. Yep, I think I would find that fun too!

[frylock]

87. that is beautiful

[RKP5637]

95. They are beautiful sets, especially with all the lights out and just the front panel glowing

in the dark!

[Peter cotton]

10. You want accessories? I've got accessories...

[MineralMan]

11. Wow! With all those accessories,

a guy could spend all day just playing with them and changing the look of their AR-15s. The number of combinations are almost endless. An AR-15 sleepover could be the event of the week!

[GoneOffShore]

12. And if they come with lubricant think of all the fun one could have!

They'd slide on and off with ease!

And off and on.

[RKP5637]

24. KY cums to mind! LOL

[Clames]

57. CLP

KY is water-based and is a no-no with ordinance steel

[RKP5637]

61. ...

[Peter cotton]

18. It reminds me of a running gag comparing the AR15 to the AK47 to the Moisin-Nagant rifles

AK47: You can accessorize you rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.
AR15: Your rifle's accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle.
Mosin: Your rifle's accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it's buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.

Some other fun bits:

AK47: It works though you have never cleaned it -- ever.
AR15: You have $9 per ounce special non-detergent synthetic Teflon infused oil for cleaning.
Mosin: It was last cleaned in Berlin in 1945.

AK47: When out of ammo your rifle will nominally pass as a club.
AR15: When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat.
Mosin: When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent pole, or firewood.

AK47: You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.
AR15: You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith and it's under warranty!
Mosin: If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.

[Paladin]

38. Gun enthusiast humor. Hyuk, hyuk.

Hey, this kind of stuff is a big hit, down in the Gungeon.

[RC]

42. What's that thing in the lower left hand corner?

It looks like what causes that bulge in their pants.

[Hoyt]

62. One of many similar "works of art" (or porn) in gun cultists' homes/compounds.

[kudzu22]

79. Come now, let's not be sexist

Women like AR-15s too, just usually with different accessories

[pintobean]

13. A rather sexist post. nt

[MineralMan]

17. Not at all.

It's about the look. Just compare the two AR-15's in the photo below. The lower model is just a plain-Jane AR-15. The one on top, though, is uniquely accessorized. Which one would you want to be seen with? Really. Appearances are everything. Everyone knows that.

[Recursion]

28. I would find the top one too front-heavy, and I don't like forward grips

So, the second one.

[MineralMan]

31. Me, too. The overall weight is an issue, too.

The standard issue M-16 was just fine when I qualified with it. Lightweight, effective, and simple. Junking the thing up just doesn't seem like a great idea to me. Hence this satirical thread.

[Recursion]

32. Did you see the chainsaw attachment in an earlier thread?

Personally I'm about to give my friend (who mods his AR constantly) a cupholder and see if he can mount it on there some time.

[MineralMan]

35. Well, with the right mounting bracket, I don't see

why it wouldn't fit. A nice latte would go down nicely on a break.

Edit to add: It's already available, apparently for the Picatinny mounting system:

[Nuclear Unicorn]

23. But girls don't like guns -- because they're girls!

Remember just a few short weeks ago we were celebrating the fact that women could now serve equally in the armed forces? I'm guessing the OP doesn't.

[MineralMan]

15. Not that one. It's designed specifically for the AR-15.

It's useless for anything else. It shows who you are and what you own, even if you're not carrying.

[Arcanetrance]

16. Ahh i withdraw my comment than I didn't know they made them specifically for guns

Shows what I know about guns sorry

[oldhippie]

19. I don't have the golf ball launcher yet .....

[MineralMan]

20. It's an essential part of any AR-15 outfit today.

Order Now! Act Fast! Supplies are Limited!

[bluedigger]

21. Do you have anything that isn't black?

I'm looking for something less formal, and let's face it, darling, the whole goth look is terribly overdone. What with Memorial Day fast approaching, I need something to go with my summer whites at the Club.

[MineralMan]

22. Well, black is de rigeur for AR-15

accessories. Flat black. No pesky reflections to alert the targets at the range that you'll be firing on them.

Still, if you like, some standard stock items for the AR-15 are available in bubble-gum pink.



Wood-grain and an assortment of camo colors are also available if you want a unique look.

For your summer whites, though, it's hard to beat this look:



Don't try that one after Labor Day, though. It's just not done.

[bluedigger]

40. The winter twig is very nice, and useful year round!

Now if I can just find something with a nautical theme in case I have to deal with any pirates out at McPhee Reservoir...

[Tierra_y_Libertad]

25. How about a rear view mirror and mud flaps with nekkid ladies on 'em?

[MineralMan]

26. Well, the rear-view mirror is genius,

but I think the nekkid lady mudflaps would just be tacky.

[madokie]

29. Ah but that last one won't do anything for that embarrassing bulge in their jeans

they get when they caress that awesome killing machine (-:

[MineralMan]

34. This is not a gun porn thread. It is a fashion thread.

Firearms are tools. They're all just tools.

[madokie]

36. You're shittin me

its all about the porn

[MineralMan]

39. No, it's all about the look.

What turns a simple semi-auto rifle into an assault weapon? The accessories. Accessories make the difference. That's why accessorizing is so important for that all-important image.

[madokie]

41. I'm having fun

and you're serious,
mybad

[MineralMan]

43. Actually, I'm being facetious and satirical.

Serious is something else. I'm serious a lot, too. But this thread is satire.

[madokie]

44. I understand

Peace MM

[Eleanors38]

51. "...or are you just glad to see me?"

[slackmaster]

47. Automatic DU Rec for posting gun porn in GD and calling it "satire"

I see what you did there.

[Eleanors38]

54. The late great gun writer Jack O'Connor decried etchings of

"Venus at bath" on his precious Model 70.

[Paladin]

85. Jack O'Connor Is From Another, Better Era.

Back when guns were solidly-designed, serious instruments, rather than flimsy, juvenile, militaristic playthings. We are all poorer for this sorry devolution---when there's a shift in enthusiasm from guns designed for killing wild game to guns designed to kill people, the fantasies darken and you get the sorry conditions we now have.

I once had books by O'Connor on a shelf, and I owned a couple of Model 70's. Today my guns are in a closet, gathering dust. I no longer use them, because I don't like the company I would have to keep in doing so. I used to be a full-blown Second Amendment absolutist, but I now recognize the need for serious restrictions on firearms. I grew up. I may not live to see the sort of controls that need to be in place, but I have no doubt they will happen.

[progressoid]

48. I'm getting the ZF-1

[MineralMan]

49. That image is really, really slow to load.

Looks pretty deadly, though. Do be careful where you point that thing, OK?

[progressoid]

52. I Should have posted this demonstration video...

[MineralMan]

55. Quite impressive. I'm heading for Walmart right now to get mine.

Thanks!

[hootinholler]

50. It's piss poor satire

Certainly not relevant to the ground rules laid out in Skinner's pinned thread.

It makes no statement about gun control or pending legislation and one of the GD hosts should lock it.

[MineralMan]

53. Thanks for your assessment. I did see your TOS alert.

I disagree with you, though. The thread is about what turns an AR-15 into an assault weapon, but taken to a satirical extreme. Accessories are the difference between a simple semi-auto rifle and an assault weapon, apparently.

Differences of opinion are just part of the deal on DU.

Since not everyone recognized the OP as satire, I added a note to that effect. Satire doesn't always get recognized as satire.

[hootinholler]

63. U mad bro?

It still fails to meet Skinner's big news standard. It says nothing about what you claim, and makes no statement about this is what makes an assault weapon.

[MineralMan]

65. Nope. Never.

I've been called worse.

It takes a great deal to make me mad.

[hootinholler]

72. I'm sure I can rely on that you have been called worse.

If the message you are trying to send about the AWB was clear, I wouldn't have a problem with this thread.

[MineralMan]

74. That you have a problem with the thread is

not a concern of mine.

[MineralMan]

71. Discussions about what turns an AR-15 into an assault weapon

are all over the place on DU. It is the accessories, frankly. A pistol grip. A bayonet lug. A flash suppressor. We've been talking about that for a very long time. The connection is obvious and clear.

You don't agree? OK. You don't agree.

[hootinholler]

75. That's why you focused like a flashbulb on those things then

You have a replacement pistol grip in your OP. None of the other items have anything to do with AWB proposals.

But hey, carry on. You apparently are a special case.

[REP]

93. Actually, what would turn an AR-15 into an assault rifle would being converting it to select fire

AR-15s are assault style rifles; they look like assault rifles but aren't. Assault rifles are select fire (able to fire both fully-automatic and semi-automatic); converting the semi-automatic only AR-15 to select-fire is highly illegal.

[Eleanors38]

59. Uh, yeah it's about AWB. Big time. Big as a truck. It's everything.

[hootinholler]

69. Ok, how many of those items are mentioned by any AWB proposed? n/t

[Eleanors38]

92. I really have no Earthly idea, maybe the quadraveen headlamps.

Mist of that stuff is too butt-ugly to be porn.

Now, the Ought-Three .22 (made in 1905) in my safe is pretty enough to be porn.

[datasuspect]

80. i've taken funnier dumps

keep your day job, kid.

[ChoppinBroccoli]

66. Where's The Attachment For Shooting Down Police Helicopters?

Simpsons fans should get that reference.

[MineralMan]

67. I'm afraid I don't watch The Simpsons.

My loss, I guess.

[ChoppinBroccoli]

76. Your Wish Is My Command

[MineralMan]

78. Thanks for the clip!

It was very well done, I think.

[FSogol]

91. "I don't need to be careful! I have a gun!"

[KamaAina]

86. ...