Why is divorce more likely when the wife earns more money than her husband?

[davidn3600]

According to statistics, the chances of divorce increase significantly when the wife earns more money than her husband.

Source: http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/women_divorce_cur_SfyEHTdYT8khsy625mbJOL

and: http://www.everydaymoney.ca/2010/03/study-substantially-higher-risk-of-divorce-when-wife-earns-more-than-husband.html

So what's the reason? A bruised male ego that can't accept that his wife makes more money? Or is it women who even in the feminist era still expect men to be the breadwinner of the family? Or is it something else? Maybe people simply have unrealistic expectations or they get married for the wrong reasons today.

Regardless, this is quite interesting social question here as we go forward considering young women make up most college degrees today and we move to close the gender wage gap.

[immoderate]

1. So she can marry someone who makes more money?

--imm

[Iris]

2. Women who can support themselves are free to leave.

Couldn't it just be that simple?

I like how it is assumed that somehow it always comes around to bruised male egos and women who expect men to be bread winners. Whatever it takes to sell papers or get website hits or tweets or Facebook shares or what-the-hell-ever.

[mainer]

6. Yeah, your answer seems pretty obvious to me, too.

If you don't need his financial support, and he's a jerk, you can just walk away. Financial independence means the freedom to make your choices.

[Squinch]

16. Yep. Simple as that.

Thank all the gods in heaven that we have options.

I cannot imagine what life was like when women couldn't walk away when they needed to.

[Scuba]

9. Ding, ding, ding. We have a winner.

[Honeycombe8]

19. I think that's at least part of it. It's possible that marriages stay together because of the wife

her loyalty and determination to make it work, as well as her inability to leave and support herself & her kids.

But with a significant income comes more freedom for the woman to make another life for herself. I think it may be human nature to put up with less crap, when you don't have to, when you have other options.

[ohiosmith]

12. This post was alerted on!

[Honeycombe8]

20. Oh, darn. I missed it. How bad could it have been? Must've been pretty snarky.nt

[ohiosmith]

22. I actually voted to leave it!

[Jackpine Radical]

28. You can sneak back & click on "show"

& you will see it.

I did. I always have to know what's being hidden. I guess I'm sick.

[Honeycombe8]

30. I'm ashamed to say that I never noticed that feature! And I've been here for years.

Oh, well.

[Lasher]

4. New York Post

That's the kind of right wing bullshit I come to DU to avoid.

[Iris]

5. +10000

n/t

[Squinch]

17. ^^^^^^^

[MadrasT]

7. $$$ means a woman can walk when a marriage goes south.

I know more than one woman who would file for divorce if she had any idea how to support herself.

[Blue_Tires]

8. That's not new...

A childhood friend's mom (she was in healthcare or insurance or something) left her family and two kids behind because her husband's "career ambition" was nothing higher than being a schoolteacher, which he loved...So she essentially "traded up" to a higher economic strata with a new family, and this was almost 30 years ago...

[Warpy]

10. It's no mystery to me.

The reasons women want out of their marriages are the same at all levels of income. High income women just have the means to get out quickly, without facing poverty afterward.

So they do.

[LittleBlue]

11. Ridiculous assertions from a Murdoch rag. Maybe it's because they have economic independence

They don't feel dependent on a man for their livelihood. The NY Post is a filth Murdoch outfit promoting the idea that women will break up their own marriage if they strive to succeed. Look at the trashy headline implying that successful women are "cursing" their marriage by making a good income. So they find some rent-a-quote at Western Washington U to back up their agenda.

[davidn3600]

14. Other sources...

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/23/fashion/23whopays.html?ref=style&pagewanted=all&_r=0

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1310275/High-earning-wives-likely-end-divorce.html

http://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/news/article-1703752/High-earning-wives-more-likely-to-divorce.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/08/its-all-about-the-money-s_n_777338.html

http://www.care2.com/causes/are-relationships-where-women-earn-more-unstable.html

http://www.demogr.mpg.de/papers/working/wp-2004-010.pdf

http://www.marieclaire.co.uk/news/thebigdebate/499075/could-high-earning-women-be-heading-for-divorce.html

[Xipe Totec]

31. Missing the forest for the trees

According to a study published in the American Law and Economics Review, women have filed slightly more than two-thirds of divorce cases in the United States. There is some variation among states, and the numbers have also varied over time, with about 60% of filings by women in most of the 19th century, and over 70% by women in some states just after no-fault divorce was introduced, according to the paper. Evidence is given that among college-educated couples, the percentage of divorces initiated by women is approximately 90%.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce

Salary differentials among males and females is larger in lower educated populations. In other words, the more educated the couple is, the closer the salaries, the higher the chance that the female partner earns more than the male partner. So, if the likelihood of female initiated divorce goes up with education, salary differences are a side-effect, not a cause.

[Benton D Struckcheon]

13. Host of reasons in individual cases

But if you're talking on the statistical level it's gotta be the freedom thing, followed by bruised male egos making it a hell, followed by golddiggers (yes, they do exist). In other words, as in all things, sometimes it's one partner, sometimes it's the other, sometimes it's just you just can't get along.
In our marriage we started out with me making more just 'cuz my wife was still interning. Then she made more for a while, then I did, and now she does again. Other than sorting out who pays for what, we never really gave it much thought.

[mostlyalurker]

15. If you make more money you realize quicker that you can support yourself and your children.

Then you can start to evaluate your marriage in terms of happiness, mutual respect, common goals etc. and not "I have to stay to survive." So you don't put up with lack of respect, bad sex or any of the other crap. This was always true for men and now it is more true for women.

[davidn3600]

18. Then why get married at all?

If what you say is true, why do we even still have marriage?

Is it obsolete? Is marriage nothing but a piece of paper where two parties are joined for financial reasons and as soon as the woman has enough money of her own, she'll bail? That's what it seems like you are saying here.

Whatever happened to love?

[Honeycombe8]

21. Because you're in love and want to make a life together?

But it doesn't always work out, as we know.

As for asking why get married in the first place...did you ask that, when it was just men who had the option and financial wherewithal to leave? The only difference for the masses, now, is that now there are more women who also have that option...not just men. When it doesn't work out.

[davidn3600]

26. Men have always had the financial option to leave, but many times do not

Women file for divorce far more often then men. Why are women bailing on the marriage in higher numbers?

My parents got divorced when I was 9 years old. And my mother straight up tells me the reason why....money and debt. In the end, the only people that ended up winning were the lawyers who put both my parents even further into debt.

And yes, I admit. The whole mess has left me a bit scarred today. I promised myself when I was that little kid that I was never going to go through that when I grow up and subject a child of mine to that mess. If I ever get married, it's going to be the right person, at the right time, and it's going to last. Money is not going to play a role. And if I never meet that person...so be it. At least I'll live a happy life.

[Honeycombe8]

27. There are reasons women file for divorce.

#1 - More husbands are unfaithful than wives. #2 - More husbands are abusers than wives. #3 - When men want to leave, oft times they allow the wife to do the filing, when she's ready to accept it. These days, who does the filing is often a matter of agreement and convenience. It's irreconciliable differences, so it doesn't matter who files.

My mom filed for divorce...after Dad left to live with his girlfriend and said it's over.

I don't recall if I or my ex filed for divorce. But I did the leaving...for good reason. He had no reason to leave me. Think of a reason for me to leave, and I'm sure that was involved. He covered it all. Except for hitting me.

My sister may have filed for divorce (not sure)...after her husband left to live with his girlfriend.

My brother has been married & divorced three times...I think all 3 times he let the wife file for divorce. It just looks better for the wife.

By and large, I think that women are more loyal and are more responsible for keeping a marriage together. Not always. But I think that's part of our nature...nesters and such, feeling more responsible for the kids maybe, things like that. It's not a bad thing that people have the freedom to live a life they choose, including leaving a bad marriage. Men have always had that option, when the women did not. At least now, women also have that option...and men still do, too.

It's better when both people choose to stay together, as opposed to forced to stay together, don't you think?

[mike_c]

23. I know better than to respond in threads like this one, but here goes....

First, let's acknowledge that there are LOTS of individual reasons that people seek divorce.

However, having been through a couple myself, I recall that one troublesome factor leading up to the decision was the knowledge that after the divorce, I'd be living entirely on my own wages, without help from my former spouse. I think that knowledge is more likely to impede the decision to seek divorce for women who make low (or simply lower, in practice) wages than their spouse, at least until other factors outweigh the potential loss of living standards.

On the other hand, women who make more money than their spouses-- while still likely to consider the potential loss of joint income-- are more likely to dismiss that issue sooner, since they are already the primary breadwinner in the couple. It's simply easier to face that consequence when you have less at stake personally. I know this in my own case because in my recent divorce (well, 2004) financial instability on my own was something I thought about, but in the end was not too concerned about. I presume that women in the same position make similar considerations and decisions.

on edit: looking over the other responses in this thread, I don't feel so exposed-- it looks like lots of other DUers think similarly!

[mokawanis]

24. My wife makes about 40% more than I do

and we've been together for 32 years. I really don't know why couples split over money, or why it matters which partner makes the most money.

[Grateful for Hope]

25. My youngest son

is married to a woman who make twice as much as he does. He seems to accept this very well. However, my DIL does expect him to do the lion's share of the housework because she gets home much later than he does from work.

While my son deals with this very well (I suspect he is a neat freak anyway), I wonder if this might contribute to the divorce factor.

[robinlynne]

29. The way this is phrased makes it sound like cause and effect. It may be, for example, that

people with higher degrees of education get divorced more often, and those same families have women who earn more.

It may be that couples where the women earn more than the men is a very small subset of marriages. Within that small subset there are more divorces.

It could be so many things. but this "statistic" makes it look like women earning more than men is a cause of divorce.

In fact, maybe women with smaller incomes don't get divorces when they should.
Maybe poorer couples divorce less.

[krispos42]

32. This is what I am going through

My GF makes about 2x what I make. More, actually, although she's going to leave her job and change over to nursing; she figures the money will be similar and she'll be a lot happier (she hates her job).

Now, I've only been at the job for a year or so, so I'm due up for a review and such in a few weeks, and they seem to have plans for me. From quality control to engineer, and they've signed me up for for Six Sigma classes so I'll be a 'Black Belt' by the fall.


But this is what I've been getting:

I don't have any money saved up; she does. If we buy a house, the down payment money will come from her, and she asks how we can afford a mortgage when we have kids and she takes off a year for each kid on my modest income. And no, she's not going to let herself get sucked dry by me.

Basically, if I'm happy with essentially stagnating at my current level, she's not interested in carrying me. Obviously, the future with my company is still growing and uncertain, but the point remains.




So, I'm going back to college. Going to turn my college credits into a general studies bachelor's, while re-taking the calculus classes I suffered through in engineering school. After I get my BGS and my Six Sigma certificate, I'll be much more marketable. Even more so if I'm able to finish engineering school.



This is a big step for me; I've been living hand to mouth for a long time and am, frankly, scared to reenter engineering school.

[Cleita]

33. The husband was probably a Republican.

Most liberal men don't have that ego problem when the wife earns more than them. I have known a few successful marriages where the wife was better educated, had a better job and made more money. Their liberal husbands were proud of them and did what needed to be done so they would continue to be successful.

[rustydog]

34. My wife makes doube what I do

She has for the past 8 years. We've beenmarried 23...so far so good...Of course, there's always an exception to the rule.

[dem in texas]

35. Married 56 years

I have been married 56 years, got married when I was 18 and had my first child when I was 19 and went on to have 2 more by the time is was 23. My husband didn't make much money and he worked two jobs. I had no skills and we decided if I worked, all the money I made would have gone to paying a babysitter. So, I stayed home with the kids. babysat for working mothers and took in sewing. When my youngest went in first grade, I started to business college on a 1000 dollar government loan. I had read the want ads in the paper and saw that bookkeeping paid well, so I studied bookkeeping. After 14 months, I graduated. The average wage for a working woman was $250 a month at that time, I told my class I was going to make $600 a month and within a year I was. I was lucky and found something that I did well (accounting). I worked a full-time job and went on to college, taking classes at night. My husband fully supported me and was glad to babysit the kids when I was at school. I was soon making more money than he did and continued to make a higher salary the rest of my working career. We were always a team, sometimes he was the big earner and sometimes I was. Sometimes he was the better parent and sometimes I was. Sometimes I was cautious and sometimes he was bold in some of our business deals, but we worked as a team and balanced each other. We are still a team today, I am disabled and he helps me. He has had cancer treatment and I help him. Forget your egos and work as a team and make decisions that are for the good of the team and not for your ego.