For Robert, and the man who loved him ...

[NanceGreggs]

For those not on FaceBook, I thought I would share HillWilliam’s own words on FB upon the passing of his beloved Robert:

“My beloved, my anchor, the love of my life, the wind in my sails, my advocate, my chief adviser, my trusted ally, the one who always-always had my back passed from this earth around one o'clock. I never knew a person could hurt so bad and still keep breathing.”

Anyone who believes that two men are incapable of the depth of feeling for each other that only heterosexual couples can possibly know should read those words – and, in the doing, recognize that true love IS truly love, and knows no bounds.

HillWilliam and I became friends here on DU, a friendship which continued through our contact on FaceBook. He often shared his thoughts on his Beloved Robert with me – thoughts that spoke of mutual respect, equal partnership, unwavering support of one for the other; laughter shared, challenges faced together, and the joy to be embraced when two people find their true soul-mate and revel in the fact that they have done so.

I cannot stop weeping since hearing the sad news. HillWilliam’s devotion to his Beloved Robert, for me, has always epitomized what a loving couple should be – always in each other’s corner, ready to take on the world together when necessary; always ready to take on the nay-sayers who insisted their union was somehow unrecognizable as true devotion, or somehow deserving of being dismissed or diminished because their marriage was not ‘acceptable’ according to archaic and bigoted beliefs.

My heart goes out to HillWilliam tonight. The loss of one’s beloved life partner is as devastating as it gets.

I have no more words. I wish I did. I wish I knew the words that would ease the pain, but I don’t. I wish I knew the words that would somehow make things all right, but I don’t. If I knew them, I would say them – a thousand times over. And so would many here.

We are with you, HillWilliam – tonight and every night. Your Beloved Robert did not pass unnoticed, nor has your love for him gone unrecognized.

Peace be with you both, until you meet again.




(Edited to add: I have sent HillWilliam a link to this thread. You have all expressed such incredibly loving thoughts; he should see them all and know that he is not alone in his grief, and that his DU friends are with him in spirit at this unbelievably sad time. Thanks to all who have taken the time to respond.)

[hedgehog]

1. Please pass on my condolances.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Thank you, my dear Nance, for this beautiful post...

You have said all of it so eloquently! Much more so than I ever could...

I hope HillWilliam will see this. I know it will help him immeasurably.

[MADem]

3. Deepest sympathies. nt

[niyad]

4. although I did not know either of them, please know that HillWilliam has my deepest sympathies

and condolences. I know there are no words to ease the pain, but perhaps knowing how much people out here care might help just the tiniest bit.

[malaise]

5. How sad

Love is love!

[one_voice]

6. .

[babylonsister]

7. Lovely, Nance, thank you for sharing.

And HillWilliam, if you read this, my deepest condolences. NanceGreggs eloquently put into words how we all feel about your loss.

[AnotherMother4Peace]

8. A beautiful tribute to Robert, and to a devoted loving couple. I'm so sorry HillWilliam.... nt

[Mnemosyne]

9. How terribly sad. May William find peace and comfort.

Thanks for bringing this up, Nance. Nice to see you.

[sabrina 1]

10. I wish there were words to help comfort HillWilliam.

Maybe there is some comfort in knowing that people do understand his pain, small comfort I know.

RIP Robert

[Cha]

11. Thank you for your loving

tribute to Robert and HillWilliam, Nance.

[Irishonly]

12. A beautiful tribute

I only know HillWilliam through his posts on DU and know how much he and Robert loved each other. I have no words either. I can only offer my love and support.

[Protalker]

13. Hillwill bless you and your partner in life and beyond

Saturday I found my best friend in life dead. Although were gay we were not lovers. He was closer than a brother. You put into words my feelings. Thank you so much.

[NanceGreggs]

25. I am so sorry for your loss.

My best friend passed, very unexpectedly, three years ago.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of her - of the laughs we shared, the confidences we entrusted each to the other, the joy we always found in each others' company.

From the time we met, many years ago, we always watched the Oscars together. It was one of our many 'traditions'. We were both movie nuts, and often exchanged film dialogue as a form of communication.

A favourite for both of us was "Moonstruck". I remembered last Sunday night a line from the film, Cher (as Loretta Castorini) explaining the death of her husband: "Who knew that man was a gift I couldn't keep."

Those we love are often a gift we cannot keep. We can only remember that they were indeed a gift - and be grateful they were ours for the time we had them in our lives, as fleeting as that time may have been.

[Protalker]

34. Thank you.

I am relatively new to DU. One of the 7 Habits of Success ful People: it is better to understand than be understood. I appreciate your time.

[HillWilliam]

60. Perfect movie, perfect line

I'm a movie nut, too. I troll the $3-$5 bins at the dollar stores for hidden gems, old favorites, filling holes in my collection. I rip them down to my portable drive and listen to them at work. I don't even have to see them. I know every scene by heart. "Moonstruck" is one of my very favorites. When asked about Robert, I very, very often quoted the line, "Yeah, Ma, I love him awful."

[pacalo]

14. This is a beautiful tribute & I hope your loving expression will bring much comfort to HillWilliam.

I wish HillWlliam comfort & peace.

[pkdu]

15. I did not know either man , forgive me if this is considered inappropriate..but can't help but think

of this scene by John Hannah..

&sns=em


Best wishes Robert.

[NanceGreggs]

24. I, too, thought of that scene

when I heard the news of Robert's passing. It is very appropriate, and a lovely addition to this thread.

Thank you for posting it.

[FLyellowdog]

16. Heartfelt words about a wonderful couple. nt

[Ken Burch]

17. My deepest sympathies to your friend.

A love that deep is rare.

If he's reading this, let me add:

HillWilliam, I do not know you, and never knew the man you loved so deeply, but the bond between the two of you is clear in the pain-seared words you wrote above. Be well, and let yourself feel what you will feel.

[The Wizard]

18. Well put and touching.

Condolences to the bereaved. Life gets shorter every day.

[cliffordu]

19. Beautiful, Nance.

Thanks for sharing their story with us.

[Raine1967]

20. ...

[solara]

21. Sending my condolences and deepest sympathies

Nance, you are right, there are no words, but if there were I would join you in saying them

My heart aches for you, HillWilliam..Bless you and your beloved Robert

[DollarBillHines]

22. Beautiful...

Thanks, Nance...

There is still a bottle of Four Roses and a pack of Lucky Strikes...

Riding 'cross the Caprock...
DBH

[nolabear]

23. Go with love, Robert. And I hope HillWilliam feels ours.

Thank you, Nance.

[HillWilliam]

26. Thank you Nance for your unwavering friendship and support

You wrote the blessing for our wedding. Funny, I was just re-reading it not a few days ago and had a warm, glowy smile on. We were still so much in love.

I managed to sleep for a couple of hours this evening before startling awake, realizing again I'm alone and I'm not supposed to be. Everything's wrong, it's not supposed to be like this. There's an energy missing and there's a hole in the atmosphere.

There's a hole in me.

Rob was a tall, tall man on earth. There was none the like of him anywhere else to be had. So many years I wandered the earth like Diogenes with a lamp, looking for one honest man. I alone was the lucky man who found, fell in love with, and was privileged to live beside one such for 17 wonderful years. He was a strong, strong Democrat, a champion of the weaker ones. Though he was disabled and his health had been failing the last couple of years, he never stopped fighting for people in worse shape than he was. He was the kind of man who would stop to assist elders on the road, even though he had to stand with a cane.

The angels got envious, I suppose, for they have him now and here I sit, chain smoking between fits of sobs and housecleaning.

As I said, I managed to sleep for a couple of hours, passing out from the exhaustion of sobbing through the evening in between pulling myself together to answer a slew of phone calls, negotiating arrangements with his divorced parents who don't get along (thanks Amendment One, NC, sigh). I awoke a few minutes ago with sobs again in disbelief that G'd would give me such a beautiful gift only to take it back so soon.

For a tiny space in my life my every emotional need was answered -- somebody *loved* me, just for me, just for existing. Nothing to prove, just to be me, somebody it was safe to love with all my heart, mind, strength and soul.

This morning, I looked into the future and saw future. Now I'm just terrified. Here I sit in a bigole house we bought together to fix up with seven rescued furkids. How can I finish this dream alone? My advisor, my rock, the better brain, the clever one is gone.

And what about him? Is his spirit safe? Is he comfortable? Is his pain eased? Will he wait for me until my time? He knows I have to stay until our last rescued furkid crosses the bridge and that's going to be a long while. (We just adopted a youngun less than a month ago, sigh...)

I worry most about his aide dog. She's curled up on his side of the bed and won't budge, hasn't eaten, hasn't moved since I got home. She knows. I don't know how she knows, but she knows. Those two were so devoted to each other. I'm afraid she's thinking about following him. She's twelve, retired, and tired. I poured much soul into her as a pup and she poured much into him keeping him interested and alive. Her focus (and mine) has left the building.

Somehow, strength always comes. Right now it looks a longdamnway out from here.

Again, thank you all for having our backs all along. The rush of love is keeping me going now.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

27. Thank you for this! It is so good to see you here...

Know that we all are here for you in whatever way we can be...



My deepest, deepest condolences to you as you walk through this time of loss...

[bigtree]

32. oh, HillWilliam

your words . . .

[panader0]

33. Deepest condolences HillWilliam

I lost my friend of 44 years in October. It really is like a hole in your life.
Each morning as I shower, I rinse my face three time with handfuls of water. First one is Body, to get the soap off. second is Mind, to clear my thoughts, and third one Spirit, is for Greg, my oldest friend.

[riderinthestorm]

41. I am so, so very sorry to hear this HillWill.

Your beautiful love with Robert shines through... what a tremendous loss.

[FLyellowdog]

43. It's been a bad week for losing loved ones...

But a good one for knowing they are at peace.

[grantcart]

47. What a wonderful tribute.

I wish I was in your neighborhood so I could stop by and help with the housecleaning and walk the dogs for you.

Peace.

[Sissyk]

51. Tears are streaming down my face,

HillWilliam! I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I hope you can find some sort of peace and comfort from sharing this with us.

[susanr516]

52. Condolences to you, HillWilliam nt

[Warpy]

28. Thank you, Nance. I know HillWilliam only slightly

but he's in my thoughts. It's devastating to lose a partner, gay or straight, through death or divorce.

My hope is that he gets through this and comes back to find out how many people are with him in his grief.

[loudsue]

29. Deepest condolences, HillWilliam.

Words fail.

[Scurrilous]

30. K & R

[samplegirl]

31. HillWilliam

I am so sorry for your loss...those words always seem to ring hollow until you've experienced it yourself. Wish there was more that I could do to ease your pain. Your Robert has peace now and you will too someday again. Hold on tight to the friends you have like Nance they will be good listeners. Anyone who has lost someone so dear has to say nothing to know your pain right now. I feel helpless for you.....but I listen well. What they do have to do........is be there for you and they will. True friends will take some of your pain and turn it into laughter again. Until you can laugh again...I wish you love, support and good friends who will stand by your tears and fears and pull you up each and every day for however long it takes.
I do not know you or your beloved Robert.....but I know the pain of losing someone you love so much.
I am here my friend.

[prairierose]

35. Love is love and the loss.....

of a loved one hurts. Gender does not matter; love matters.

Hillwilliam It takes a very long time for the loss to begin to subside. But, please know that there are people who will listen and care about you and give you when you need them. Take care.

[polly7]

36. I'm so very sorry, HillWilliam.

[redqueen]

37. I'm so sorry, HillWilliam.

I can't imagine the pain you must feel. I wish you peace, and I hope you have friends and loved ones close to you to help you get through this. Please take care of yourself.

[Rowdyboy]

38. My heart is breaking too. When you know true love even the idea of losing it is unthinkable

Now my dear friend has to experience the unthinkable and there's nothing I can do to help. And the realization hits me again that someday either my partner or I will experience that anguish. I cannot begin to fathom his grief.

.

[LoisB]

39. A beautiful love story - my condolences to HillWilliam.

[HappyMe]

40. A beautiful tribute to a loving couple.

My sympathies to HillWilliam.

[BeeBee]

42. Sending positive thoughts and my deepest sympathy. n/t

[maffl]

44. condolensces and a thought

HillWilliam,
My deepest sympathy to you for your loss. As Nance said, the words to ease the pain are hard to find. That you found Your Beloved Robert is a miracle. A quote that brought me some comfort; "I will love the light for it shows me the way, yet, I will endure the darkness for it shows me the stars." May Your Beloved Robert rest in peace. May the hole in you heal with the knowledge that the two of you had found love in each other.

[DollarBillHines]

45. Well, Nance, that was purely beautiful.

A toast to Lifelong Love.

And Friendship.

By the way, I still have that bottle of Four Roses and a pack of Camels in the console of my convertible.

[joeybee12]

46. This is so very sad...our thoughts are with HillWilliam

[rhett o rick]

48. All my best. nm

[Smilo]

49. Dearest HillWilliam

May the memories held deep within your heart, help to soothe you.

My sincere condolences.

Sending you hugs

[AlecBGreen]

50. much love to you HillWilliam

Its trite but true - it REALLY IS better to have loved and lost then never have loved at all. I hope you find peace, even now under these circumstances. Much love to you, brother.

[glinda]

53. HillWilliam. I am so very very sorry this has happened.

No words will be able to say how sad this is.

[mecherosegarden]

54. My deepest condolences!

[Tom Ripley]

55. My deepest condolences to HillWilliam and to everyone who knew and loved Robert

[LiberalAndProud]

56. Oh, no. I am so sorry.

(((((HillWilliam)))))

[TxDemChem]

57. My condolences, HillWilliam

Your relationship is one we should all strive for, and for those fortunate enough to obtain it, we should remember how you and Robert inspired us all. Thank you for allowing us in DU into your wonderful world.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

58. HillWilliam. I do not know you, but I am stopping to think of you now.

I am.





Peace.


:,(
Cindy
BlancheSplanchnik

[GoCubsGo]

59. I'm so sorry, HillWilliam.

[sibelian]

61. Thank you, Nance

You make the world a better place.