wall of midlife crisis. when did you hit it and how did you make it thru. edited...
Last edited Fri Feb 22, 2013, 01:35 PM - Edit history (1)
i would like to hear all others experience with the dreaded mid life crisis. it seems that 47 is the magic number. the realization dreams were not met. is this all there is. underappreciation as we age and the stall of a career.
i would really appreciate mens stories. i think men and women hit the wall in a different manner. men more focused on financial accomplishments or lack of. women on aging in appearance. cliches, certainly. but well conditioned in our society.
edit... i may not respond to all the posts, but reading them all and appreciating every word. thanks.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I have always found that regardless of how difficult stuff gets that as long as you hang onto the little things in life you enjoy then you will okay. To many people get wrapped up in the big stuff or self analyse themselves to death or just dwell on regret. Find something simple that takes you back. For me it is just sleeping outside under the stars as it takes me back to my childhood and simpler times that though they were tough i was always happy and loved to snuggle up under blankets amongst the pine trees. Inhope you are doingnokay but i amnwilling to annoy you in a thread if it gets the blood flowing 
I also think its important to always remember that there is always someone who is in a much worse place than you and others who got through whatever is happening to you. Seabeyond i wish you nothing but blessings and may your bowrie be flower laden.
Only in a society where one isn't engaged in raw survival for ones entire life can such a question be posed.
Secondly, introspection and course corrections, if warranted, are traits of a superior mind. Not claiming genius here, just the fact of healthy self awareness.
So buy a effin' sports car! 
Awesome post. 
I had burn out at work ended up sabotaging myself and starting from scratch at 51 I created a new sounder more authentic self that I find much easier to live with for myself and others. Anything worth having is expensive
there might be some truth in that.
Excellent post!
"Smile more. There isn't enough of that in the world."
This!!
I was on the 15-year-plan. People used to say, "Vicki, you're going to be 40 by the time you graduate." I used to tell them, "But I'm going to be 40 anyway." 
And they were wrong. I was 41, almost 42. 
I always figured that B.A. was a goal, not a race. Good on you for sticking to it.
The time is going to pass anyway, may as well end up with a degree! 
a couple of weeks ago: www.coursera.org
They are FREE online course offerings (over 300 hundred) from universities all over the world on all subjects. They just added 90 more classes and 20 more universities. I just signed up for a "Know Thyself" course beginning in March and offered by a professor from the University of Virginia. Anyway, you might want to check it out.
Company I worked for for 13 years went bankrupt last Sunday laying off hundreds of people. Only comparable jobs are out of the country as my industry is way into the offshoring thing. I have two kids age 6 and 8. Maybe this is my mid life crisis but I really dont have time for it. Perhaps I can better answer this question a year from now?
a mid-life crisis. I guess the way we both got through (and stayed together) was talking with each other. Telling each other how we felt and the "problems" that we each had. We didn't belittle each others worries, anxieties, and views. Both were different.
Since you wanted to know mainly about men, hubby's greatest concerns were mostly about his career. Was he doing everything he could to make life good for us down the road? Should he switch jobs? It seemed every other day, a problem arose at work. Mostly, they were minor in my eyes but not once did I let him know I felt that way. Finally, we worked through it together. He now feels very comfortable in his career. Relaxed and happy. We sacrificed some to start IRA's so the financial strain of "down the road" would be less. All is good and we are looking forward to a long and happy life together.
Mine, was just kind of a blimp on the radar. I guess I did hit a brick wall so to speak, but I managed to stop and go around that brick wall; with his help also.
I read yesterday you have something going on in your real life. I hope everything is well for you on that front. 
for sharing so much of your experience. i appreciate it.
sometimes i just need a picture. put a little house in the middle. i want, lol
No crisis. I don't think I'll make it to 100, so I'm passed mid life. I have less stress and less to worry about now than when I was younger. Both parents are gone, no worries about caring for them; no kids!; going through perimenopause finally. All good.
..the color, not the scales...
Tikki
Being self-employed helps one feel more in control and I wonder if that makes a difference? My husband loves, loves, loves what he does and still can't believe he gets paid to do it. There hasn't been any sports cars or flings or career regrets. There are always new projects to start and new things to learn for him which is probably part of why he's content.
I'm not in love anymore with what I do but I don't loathe it. This place is making my asthma kick into high gear in the past few years. The cold weather is hell on my lungs and I've been inside a lot more this winter which has me reflecting about doing something else after my teen goes on to college. But that hasn't felt like a wall - feels more like an opportunity weirdly enough. Its like I'm on the brink of a new fun adventure, I simply have to figure out where it will happen and what it will be.
I read upthread that there's stuff going on in your life. Sorry I missed the scoop on that. Hope you are okay.
--which I picture as a node on the linear graph of it all-- might be something of a luxury.
A time of reflection and redefinition that points an individual on a more realistic course is of course, an opportunity for positive change. Whoever gets the picture and can adjust is fortunate. Most make it through. But one of the worst classic cases I saw of negative response to this moment in life was a brilliant colleague who didn't get the promotion and so drank himself to death at mid-life (50). Nobody helped him.
It makes sense to acknowledge a turning point, but some go from crisis to crisis not having the option to label any one worse than the other. More like "the dark night of the soul." (to use a well-worn but useful term). In my case there were so many crises in my family at one point, crises on so many fronts (you name it)-- that I'm still sorting it out. An extended midlife crisis if you will, that essentially killed many realistic options. Forced to make decisions about very heavy things meant that I could not spend time pondering my own lack of attaining personal pinnacles. Forced to ratchet down goals and aspirations, with no options to move to Plan B or C or D even. I am not particularly bitter about this. Wistful, but not bitter. We are all dust in a vast stream, and we direct our destinies only so much. When you are in the core of a tornado, you give up the idea of permanence and control. You become more flexible. No serious physical illness myself, but I can say that I have faced life-threatening assaults of other kinds and survived. When this happens --many other typical concerns like appearance, status, power, things, even money (as long as one can get by) become irrelevant. There is freedom in letting those things go, and there IS another plateau beyond.
So this has passed finally. Am harder in some ways but more open in some--willing to see, feel, and speak Truth. Learned to trust my own instincts completely--& to instantly tell friend from foe. Became very aware of what is Wrong in social/political situations. And there's some BAD rot at the core of our society. It's normal to feel depressed at what we are witnessing--but I try to align myself with the forces of positive change (DU is one )and I believe we can create a better future here on earth. Not in my nature to give up. IMO this country is experiencing a similar momentous crisis requiring our collective self-examination-- and adjustment--the challenge is to face it. There's company out on this ledge, sharing this viewpoint. So I am hopeful.
Thanks for the opportunity to expound on the Big Picture seabeyond.
yep I see you know what I'm talking about...
What doesnt kill ya makes ya stronger & all that--but it can leave some big chunks missing...lot of innocence and dreams exploded...yeah "mess" is the word...there are all sorts of non-physical gunz...
There is SO MUCH stress and distress in this country now--& how to get through is a relevant topic. Living in America needs a support group. One of the reasons why Tea Bag thinking has taken hold--one way to deal with stress (the simple way). We on the other side of the street (Main St, not so much the aisles of Congress)--we also need strong allies. Gotta keep sane above all. The Bush era should have taught us all where sanity is & isn't...During the middle of my "midlife" crises (plural), I would say..."all THIS, and George Dumbya Bumfuck too...thanks Cosmos...!"
40 was about not being "a kid" any more, although 40 is young compared to being potentially 95 years old.
I think being introspective and thoughtful all my life has helped me deal with the age 40 crunch and my current dilemma. I'm not going to go into details, but basically what to do with my life beyond seeing my son grow up. I turn 55 this year, so another minor milepost. How to give back to the world and how to keep growing emotionally. I think that's a down-to-earth summary. Hope it was a tad helpful.
Response to upaloopa (Reply #76)
to read, at 45. my body basically started its breakdown at that time. it really kills me to have to wear glasses ALL THE TIME NOW, having always had 20/20 vision up to that point. 
another thing is that middle aged women are basically invisible.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose. I liked the post who said she was in menopause we die to the flesh and begin to live our spirit.
In 1984 at the age of 33, I quit my first Houston job as a corporate drone and moved to Montana to go to graduate school. I thought that would give me more of a future.
In 1996 at the age of 45, I quit my latest Houston job as a corporate drone and moved to New Hampshire to spend some time with my son. After a year, I went back to Houston and got a better job. I also took up mountain bike racing.
In 2005 at the age of 54, I quit that Houston job and moved to Austin, taking a month off to drive to Seattle and back to visit my son and his family. Found another job in Austin and bought my lovely home about 40 miles out of town.
Now it's 2013. On Thanksgiving Day I will turn 62. The following Monday I will sign up for Social Security, and on January 2, 2014, I will quit this FINAL corporate drone job and begin ANOTHER career, as an artist. This time, I will spend my time painting and reading and learning all about art. I have taken up painting in acrylics, and time is short!
I say, NEVER miss an opportunity to grow in another direction!
Oh, and here is my studio with my latest work-in-progress:
[URL=http://imgur.com/BFG0GwS][IMG]
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"What a long, strange trip it's been!"
Love ya, Seabeyond!
that simple.
and the post is exactly what it is about. the big stuff. all the other stuff is not that big of a deal.
