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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsWhen it rains, it pours.
My grandpa refused any further treatments, meds or anything other than food since seeing grandma in a vision a couple of weeks ago.
He's ready to join her.
I just hope I can get to see him once more.
Now my dad is in the hospital because his chemo didn't work for his leukemia. His spleen is the size of a football.
I am the one that everyone in the family looks too for emotional support now, why, I don't know.
I just want to go hide and have a good cry right now.
But, gotta be strong.
This is one of those rare times I wish I HAD a shoulder to cry on.
Just needed to get that out.
I don't have anyone I can talk to in person about such things.
I think I'm gonna get drunk tonight and just let it out.
*edit*
Yes, this IS in fact, a shameless attempt to get sympathy, but I don't care, I could sure use some right now.
livetohike
(22,145 posts)nick of time
(651 posts)Try to keep your chin up and know that you have lots of DU'ers, including me, pulling for you.
northoftheborder
(7,572 posts)....you have to take care of yourself, your health and emotional state, first, so that you can be there for them. I've been through many family situations like this.... and send courage beams your way.
malaise
(269,054 posts)The ultimate philosophical truth in life is that every living thing dies and that includes those we love. We learn to deal with the pain of losing them when we remember that are families are replenished with new generations.
We don't always have to be strong but there must be a reason why your folks turn to you.
Remember always - crying is cathartic - it can be good for us and it is cleansing as well.
I share your pain - dealing with a grandpa who is ready to die and a dad who is seriously ill is hard. Make them both as comfortable as you can -let them know you love them and let them see the youngest members of the family if possible.
Remember always - death is as natural as birth
Arkansas Granny
(31,518 posts)Stay strong and
My thoughts are with you and your family.
2theleft
(1,136 posts)It's ok to cry, and cry a lot. Your family will not think you are weak, and you can still be there for them even when you are hurting. Take good care of yourself through this. We all have your back here.
lumberjack_jeff
(33,224 posts)It's a poor replacement for a real shoulder to cry on, but we're here and we're sympathetic.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)Life is not being kind to my family right now, but I know it's only temporary. And there are plenty of other families going through far far worse ordeals.
But still, it sucks right now.
There's a lot of other crappy things going on in my life too, but damn if this situation ain't hurtin me like nothing I've ever had to face.
My grandpa was my default dad for most of my life.
And having the very real possibility of losing him and my real dad soon is a bit much to take right now.
I try to be philosophical about life and death, but this stings more than a little.
etherealtruth
(22,165 posts)It must be overwhelming
DogPawsBiscuitsNGrav
(408 posts)Take a little time to cry. It sounds like you need it. Sending hugs and healing your way.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)but I am gonna have to postpone my crying session.
My roommate has his gf coming over today, and I have to some cleaning before then, and hopefully will be able to maintain my composure while they're here. Put on a happy face and all that.
I would prefer to be alone when the waterworks start.
But since vokka is likely to be imbibed this evening, I don't know how well it's going to work.
HappyMe
(20,277 posts)is give you a hug.
That is a lot to deal with at one time.
nadinbrzezinski
(154,021 posts)Been there...go get a good cry anyway. And if you feel you need to cry with your siblings do so.
<<<<hugs>>>>
Here<------ cyber shoulder.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)but our family is so spread out...we're all 100's and 100's of miles apart.
Except for my brother, but he's not one I could cry in front of, lol.
I have to find a way to get to NC soon.
If my grandpa dies before I can see him again...it will be hard to forgive myself for that.
intheozone
(1,103 posts)it really sucks that you have no one to turn to in your circle. Even the strongest need some one else when troubles pile on. I'm sending support your way, hoping things will improve for you real soon.
Nictuku
(3,614 posts)I doubt this will help much, but this here total stranger's heart goes out to you and your family.
We all have to face this sort of thing at some point in our lives. I can't even begin to think of losing my mother without tears welling.
Somehow, you will be able to get through this sadness, and maybe it will help to remember all of the wonderful things that these loved ones have brought into your life.
Love is powerful, and the Love of Family is even more so.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)All of you, are helping more than you know.
I truly do appreciate you all.
Howler
(4,225 posts)You need a big ole hug! (((HUG))))!
I'm so sorry about your granddad and your Dad.
You should take that time for yourself to let it all out and grieve. If drinking helps Do it. If you need someone to talk to or vent to Pm Me.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)I don't need to drink to be able to cry, but it helps to have the alcohol to blame for getting emotional if I break down in front of people, lol.
Howler
(4,225 posts)What you are going through is very hard.No one could fault you for anything right now.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)but still, you know how some guys are like. Showing emotion is a weakness to them.
Egalitarian Thug
(12,448 posts)ChisolmTrailDem
(9,463 posts)love for you at this difficult time, MynameisBlarney.
kickysnana
(3,908 posts)MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)Fuckin love you bastages.
LancetChick
(272 posts)I remember when my brother was sick with leukemia. Really, really sick. Suffering with infections, exploratory surgeries, fever, chest tubes and no hope of survival. That was the most miserable time in my life, not as much because of my brother's suffering as it was the loss of hope, shutting off the light at the end of the tunnel. Wanting, needing to experience some form of happiness, but unable to do so. I feel as if there is a black scar somewhere on my brain that is evidence of that misery. My whole family felt the same way. I remember my Dad answering the phone when the hospital called to say that my brother died, and he said "Thank god".
But you do have some hope! Talk to your grandfather, and explain how you feel. He may just be depressed. And as for your Dad, the fact that his current therapy failed doesn't mean he's a goner. There are other therapies, and if he can find a match, there is a bone marrow transplant (have you had your blood tested?). Sorry if you've been down that route and feel like I'm trying to teach you the ABCs when you're an expert... I had to mention these things in case you aren't an expert, since I'm not sure.
Hang in there, and please know that I've felt your pain, and although alcohol didn't help me when I tried to numb the pain, I think you should do whatever it takes to get any sort of lift you can (short of killing yourself). You have ALL my sympathy.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)for you and yours to go through, but I bet it was a relief to you all knowing your brother wasn't suffering anymore once he passed.
My grandpa is depressed, no doubt. But he's ready to go be with the love of his life.
He's 93, and told us all years ago, he didn't want to be kept alive on any machines. He's got COPD and is tired of fighting it, and tired of the doctors.
My family and myself totally respect and understand his wishes.
We have been kinda expecting it for years now to be honest.
But my dad, this is kinda unexpected.
He's been having successful treatments for his condition until recently.
And we just ain't ready for him to go yet. He hasn't had a chance to even retire yet and relax, and he deserves that.
I hope that he still has that chance.
Fight2Win
(157 posts)I am so sorry for what you are going through, this sounds horrible.
But I must say, your Grandpa sounds like a sweetie pie, a romantic until the end. I was raised with religion, but did not really believe there was anything more in this world until my Grandma died. I immediately felt her presence, and she told me she was finally free of suffering, that she was in a better place, and I felt peace as well. Your Grandpa is connecting to that place, and he is ready to go, you have to let go. But you too can tap into that energy, by meditating, get some time alone to just BE, and say hello to your Grandma, and ask her what to do for your Dad. It isn't his time to go, maybe there is something more that can be done that has not been considered.
(sorry if all that seems really 'out there' but I felt the need to say it- Take care!)
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)is most definitely a sweety and a diehard romantic.
He raised me for the most part, so it's especially hard not being there right now.
Your comment is not "out there" one bit.
dkf
(37,305 posts)It is so awful to go through this...
What got me through this is thinking and believing that the person we love will be with the others who loved them best. I say I am an atheist, but I believe there is something after we die, so I don't know what that makes me.
I know that is what your Grandpa believes and it makes him happy. So let yourself believe and let yourself be happy for him while you cry. It's good to cry sometimes.
Your poor pops though. I hope he gets better...crossing my fingers and toes.
it's times like these that tend to shake my atheism
WillyT
(72,631 posts)Peace...
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)When my Dad was dying, it did sometimes help to remember that life is like this sometimes....everyone goes through extremes at times and if they made it through, so can I.
You also have to "take right action" as they say. That's really just being wise and gentle with yourself, courageous when necessary, stopping to find loving support when you need to.
Seems you are doing all the right things.
During that time when my Dad moved on...it was a very sad situation--much different than yours-- but a number of things happened that were mystical and gave me assurance that within the pathetic situation he sank into and the fact that I couldn't get there in time , he was not as helpless and diminished as I thought, and the odd things that prevented me from getting there were NOT by chance.
So, be observant for the inexplicable. Don't become dependent on "waiting for signs", though. Keep doing what you're doing and reaching out for love.
You even have love here--we all want to offer our love to you.
Even PM anyone you feel has connected to your life--I know they will welcome you.
Love and support
Cindy
Nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo nam myoho renge kyo
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)but wow, all the stuff going on in my life the last few years is getting to me.
I will get through this, but right now...sheesh...it's fucking rough.
I know that death is a part of life, but dammit. I'm not prepared for this right now.
Been too many people in my life dying lately and I hate it.
BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)Yep. It's a fine balance--gritting your teeth, feeling the pain and crying, pushing yourself "out there" again, hiding under the covers, reaching out to friends when you need love and support, even having fun moments (don't forget to have them, too!), dredging up the courage from inside.......having faith that no storm lasts forever.........
Making it through the next minute.
Yes.
I know.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)BlancheSplanchnik
(20,219 posts)I am here if you need.
840high
(17,196 posts)my shoulder. I have been in your shoes. Cry all you want to. It helps. Hugs.
eggplant
(3,911 posts)Seriously! Hospice offers tons of services for the families, not just the patients. There's no reason to "be strong" by yourself.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)I've always prided myself on being able to handle anything life could throw at me on my own.
But this might be one those times when it's just not smart to try to handle this one by myself.
renate
(13,776 posts)What would be the point of handling all of this yourself? It's not fair, and with hospice you will get help from people whose job it is to get people through times like these. They're happy to be there for you and they'll have lots of useful advice and wisdom.
Life really does get to be too much sometimes. There's nothing to be gained from being the one everyone expects to be strong. You need someone to lean on too; there's no reason not to ask for help and it will make this whole dreadful experience a little easier to bear.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. It really hurts.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)If I get to feeling impossibly overwhelmed by all this, I will call Hospice, or a grief counseling center as someone else here suggested.
I'm not too proud to ask for help.
But I am resilient by nature, and stubborn as a mule. I cannot help but try to face it on my own.
I don't doubt that I will get through this one way or another.
And seriously, this very thread has helped IMMENSELY!
Text can't possibly convey how much this means to me.
eggplant
(3,911 posts)She's a licensed Clinical Social Worker (although this requirement may vary by state -- we're in NY) with a Master's degree. She provided services to the surviving family after the death of a family member, in both private and group settings. Other professionals at Hospice would provide services for the dying and for the family before death as well.
These services are provided specifically for people IN YOUR EXACT SITUATION. Please, avail yourself of them. It is terrible the number of people who are unaware that such helpful services exist. Research shows that it really does help -- it's not feel-good mumbo jumbo.
Depending on your local Hospice, many of these services may be free or paid for by insurance.
If that doesn't convince you, consider this. This may be the first time you are going through this situation. They've helped people hundreds and hundreds of times, and provide research-backed assistance. They are there to help guide you through the process. It's like childbirth. Sure, a woman can birth a kid on their own, but it is a hell of a lot better and safer for everyone involved to have a professional who's been there before to help. And that's not something anyone would consider a sign of weakness.
So please, pick up the phone and call them. You'll be glad you did.
ybbor
(1,554 posts)I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I am praying for you, and DU is here for you to get support.
Playinghardball
(11,665 posts)MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)Cheers my friend!
Playinghardball
(11,665 posts)MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)Playinghardball
(11,665 posts)I used to listen to that song when I was a kid...
It's been a long time since I've heard it...thanks...
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)ProfessionalLeftist
(4,982 posts)Please find a local grief or crisis hotline to call so that you can have an outlet, even if it's just on the phone. Drowning it in booze only adds another problem, most immediately a hangover and physical distress on top of the emotional distress you are in. It's no solution.
http://contactcrisisline.org/about/faqs/ - or google 'grief counseling' or 'crisis hotline' in your area.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)but I'm not in that bad of shape really.
That is for people that really need it.
I don't want to tie up the line for someone that might be suicidal and could use the help.
And I'm of German and Irish descent. If I didn't booze it up at times like this, THEN its time to worry, lol.
I can say that there WILL be Epic Irish Wakes in their honor when they pass.
And this thread is all the grief counseling I need
ProfessionalLeftist
(4,982 posts)And German! So am I actually! LOL! Alright then. Hugs to you!
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)Oh I SO needed that laugh!
libodem
(19,288 posts)Protect your yourself. Those are very tough situations. Stay strong.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)but reading everyones kind words of love and support are already making me feel a LOT better.
libodem
(19,288 posts)Glad you shared and we can commisserate.
xtraxritical
(3,576 posts)I went thru it with both parents but not at the same time. My Ma died from throat cancer and it was hell for a year and my Dad from pancreatic cancer and it was hell for about six months. You will get thru it, there's no choice. "This too shall pass" and you will get your life back. Keep giving them love.
Milliesmom
(493 posts)When my mom died I had no one to hold me and have that shoulder I needed so, I went to the bathroom turned on the shower and got in, then I cried and screamed as loud as I could, it did help some, but 20 years later I still cry. We never get over losing a child or parent, but it does soften some. Good luck and I hope you and your family feel better soon.
Smilo
(1,944 posts)our shoulders are huge and always available to cry on.
Sending you love, hugs and the knowledge that you are cared about.
Your DU friends.
YoungDemCA
(5,714 posts)Hope things get better for you soon! You are in my thoughts.
JNelson6563
(28,151 posts)I saw this thing once about tears. Scientists collected tears and analyzed them. I guess there is a chemical secreted with tears and with that shedding of that certain chemical we humans know relief to stress. So, when you do have a cry you will find you feel much better!
Drink lots of water while enjoying cocktails too! That will help you stay hydrated and lessen your hang-over.
In closing, please know you have my deepest sympathy and support. I went through a very similar thing long ago and it was challenging, to say the least. Please try to make time to take good care of YOU!
Hugs and encouragement,
Julie
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)because she pretty much said the same thing to me the other day.
hrmjustin
(71,265 posts)I took care of my friend who died from brain cancer last year and i was all alone when i did it. I was alone with him when he died. My Grandmother died 3 years ago and my mother and I took care of her for 3 years before she died. As you know this will not be easy, but you will get through it. Make sure you take care of yourself, because in these situations people don't pay attention to themselves. I wish you the best.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)You could use a hug too sounds like.
hrmjustin
(71,265 posts)Please make sure you take care of you emotional and physical needs my friend.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)I know it will get easier.
And I will, I'm not one to be down for long.
hrmjustin
(71,265 posts)MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)and thanks
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)it seems to me, would be that no one needs you.
You are blessed. Accept it. How wonderful that you are able to lighten someone else's load, for a time. It won't last long.
Then do something special for yourself, afterwards. A trip? A day spa? Two days in bed watching DVDs and eating potato chips and ice cream? Or if you're the athletic type, a 5k run with new athletic shoes. Whatever you want. You will have earned it.
Take heart. It will end. BTW, I see nothing wrong with Gramps being ready to join Grandma. He may know in his heart it's time.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)Jury's still out on that blessed part though, lol.
Though you are right about how being needed is way better than not.
I will probably do something for me, when I can.
It won't be much, doesn't take much to make me happy really.
Maybe get the crew together for a game of dice and some grillage.
LittleBlue
(10,362 posts)Happens to us all, you aren't alone.
Only thing you can do is spend as much time as possible with him, and enjoy what you have to the maximum. And it will make you realize that your loved ones aren't permanent, and cherish them much more for as long as you can.
That's all any of us can do. I'll keep your grandpa in my thoughts and hope for a recovery. Good luck, Blarney.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)He's in NC, and I'm in Key Largo, taking time off from work is not a problem, but it's that I can't afford to get there on my own.
Until I can get there, I will just have to talk to him on the phone as best I can, he can barely hear anymore...and it's difficult for him to realize who he's talking to on the phone half the time.
Which is why I HAVE to find a way to get there soon. I have to hug him one last time.
LittleBlue
(10,362 posts)My experience from losing my mother: Think about how you will view this in retrospect, and do whatever it takes to have no regrets.
Best wishes.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)I will
Mojorabbit
(16,020 posts)Skittles
(153,169 posts)you have us, and someone is ALWAYS here at DU for you
Auntie Bush
(17,528 posts)Now GO and have yourself a good cry. That's the best thing you can do for yourself.
Jawja
(3,233 posts)discntnt_irny_srcsm
(18,479 posts)...changes us, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. It's empowering to know that regardless of our reactions to joy or sadness, we get to decide how we change, if we want to.
May there always be work for your hands to do,
May your purse always hold a coin or two.
May the sun always shine warm on your windowpane,
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain.
May the hand of a friend always be near you,
And may God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)a man. If this isn't the time to cry I don't know when it is. You have every right to cry. Go ahead it will make you feel so much better. Do it without the booze. That is just a crutch. You don't have all the answers and your family members should expect you to have all the answers. You need to tell them and work together. I know when my youngest brother died a couple of days before he was 40 it was difficult. He was afraid to die but in the end he was so ready because of the pain. Finally our youngest sister told him it was ok to go whenever he was ready. He finally was able to let go and finally got his peace. Your stronger then you think. Find a preacher if you can't talk to your siblings and for goodness sakes get it out. You need to take care of yourself if you have a family. Its hard but you will do it. But don't hold it in. You aren't weak if you cry. It shows you have a heart. God Bless and I just said a pray for you asking god to help you bear what is ahead. God be with you.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)It's just a double whammy on top of all the other whammy's I've been dealing with lately.
Life just kinda has me back on my heels for the moment.
I'll be fine soon enough.
Sorry to hear about your brother, I couldn't imagine losing a sibling. that must have been hell.
Thank you for your prayers.
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)You know when burdens sometimes are on you, I would pray to god over and over and say God please take this burden from my shoulders. I repeat it until I finally realized god was with me and I was stronger then I gave myself credit for. You are too. I can already see in your response your better. You know there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about my little brother. I felt so bad for him. Our parents had been married over 30 yrs and had 2 sets of kids. The first 4 came every two years. (One set of those where twins). Then there was 10 yr break and then the last 2. So my baby brother was 4 or 5 and my little sister was 11 when our father died at the age of 50. Talk about a burden my mother had. She never paid the bills. She didn't drive. She depended on my dad for everything. She was a stay at home mom. My oldest brother was around 29 and married with a child. We considered him the head of the house since our dad died. Like in most Italian American family I was raised in. But he didn't really want that position. Sure he helped out with the funeral and all that had to be done. After that our mother depended on my twin and I and we were 22 yrs old and the other sister was 20. But we took it on and took care of our mother also. Until we had to wait til all her retirement stuff from my dad's pension came in. Top it all off my mother was from another country. We surprised ourselves because we had to do it. With 2 young kids at home we girls had to pick up the duty life presents you. No regrets because I loved our parents very much. You will do it. Remember there is always someoneelse that is worse off. Good luck. You deserve the good things because you were there when your family needed you and god doesn't forget good works.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)but I'm an atheist, so praying is right out for me.
But that don't mean other folks can't pray for me though
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)it makes me feel better.
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)Last edited Sat Feb 2, 2013, 10:50 PM - Edit history (2)
NOT lessen their pain and, for me at least, makes me feel as if my pain doesn't matter because it isn't as bad. It makes me feel ashamed for seeking support, virtual or otherwise, and makes the chances less that I would reach out again.
Sorry for snapping at first, bad memories. Forgive me?
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)it the way you are saying it. Never. I did reach out on a personal DU-mail in private and apologized to him. I sure didn't want him feel the way you made it come out. I worried about it until I got a return email. I am satisfied he knew I wasn't trying to lessen his pain. I do forgive you. So its ok between us.
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)I was worried, do not like to make anyone feel bad and am so sorry. That was why I edited, though knew you could read it.
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)did what you felt was right. It takes a big person to realize when we make mistakes. When I do I usually write a personal email and apologize. We are ok. Enjoy the day.
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)figure out how she got so old and I haven't aged a bit.
Have a good day!
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)She is 7 yrs old. Time is going by way to fast you know. Are you a grandparent yet? I think that is sooooooo much better, LOL. I can't believe she is already 7. Have a nice day with your daughter and have a slice a cake for me.
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)now. Still waiting on his mother and brother though, as usual. lol
I got to cut the umbilical cord on my oldest, he's the 'son' I never had. We have a blast and still play Chutes and Ladders.
My daughter runs a free clinic in a small city. She has come so far!
Think triple chocolate cheesecake with triple chocolate ganache on top... Gee, hopes she gets here soon, hate to cut the cake without her!
southernyankeebelle
(11,304 posts)Chocolate cheesecake and ganache. You have a nice bunch of grandkids. I only have one. She is my world. She was born on christmas day. You can't ask for anything more. You are a great parent to raise a daughter who thinks of her community. She will be rewarded in heaven. Oh I love Chutes and Ladders. My granddaughter loves to watch Yes to the Dress. Love it so much.
riverbendviewgal
(4,253 posts)I know what you Are feeling. My younger son was suddenly struck with brain cancer at almost 25. Two months later his dad at 52 was struck with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Our son died first 18 months later, than 4 months later our beloved German
Shepherd died. A year later my husband died. In the middle of that I had a severe breakup with my parents who hated us and the cancer brought out all the hatred. Long story.
My older son and I had our friends to lean on.
Your grand dad sounds like a good man and it is wondrous he has seen your grandma. THat is wonderful.
Your dad needs you now.
I had therapy after losing my guys. So many people asked how I did survive but you do what you gotta do. And you will too. Everyone on DU is here for you.
PasadenaTrudy
(3,998 posts)I lost my mom and sister within two months. I'm still feeling that one. Hang in there.
B Calm
(28,762 posts)Grandma died 6 months later. It's was like she couldn't live without him.
My grandpa's death really tore me up. Now when I think back, I remember all the good times I had with him and all he taught me. Grandpa and grandma came to this country from Belgium in 1911. He was a hard working coal miner in Westville, Illinois. He told me how they formed a labor union in the coal mine and all about the rotten bastard who owned the mine. He said he didn't know if he was a republican or a democrat. Then one day the owner of the mine threatened the miners that if they didn't vote republican he would close down the mine. He said from that day on that he knew he was a democrat!
Sounds like your grandpa's number is up and it's time. Peace be with you son and I know by how hard this is for you that your grandpa must be one nice guy. Hopefully soon the pain in your heart will be less and like myself you'll remember the fond memories of him and you together.
arthritisR_US
(7,288 posts)while reading your post. We can use each other to cry on, I know too well that feeling of being at the end of the rope
LiberalEsto
(22,845 posts)We're here for you.
I am so sorry that you are going through all this painful stuff.
tama
(9,137 posts)Murphy's Irish Stout, mmm.
Many warm hearts with you, friend.
Honeycombe8
(37,648 posts)I think buses still take people places, although they may not be safe. We have Greyhound here, but it goes limited places and takes a long time. Still, it's cheap. I wouldn't take it, though, because I think unsavory people take the bus and hang out in teh station. Unlike in the old days, when lots of people took the bus. If I could find someone to go with me, and we stuck to daylight hours, it might be okay.
This is the problem of living far from family. It's happened to me. I didn't get to see my grandma before she passed way. I could afford to fly there, but I missed the plane. I hadn't seen my mother in a while, when she died suddenly from a heart attack. A lot of people have to live with this situation. People have moved to this country from another, or across the country. We are at a disadvantage to see family in emergencies...or them to get to us. It's a cross we bear for moving to where we can find a job.
You mentioned having a game afterwards, to relieve the stress, which means you must have some friends you can talk to.
But then, posting online here is good, too, and a good substitute. I have done it, and it really helped. You reach a lot of people, and we all have different life experiences to share and different viewpoints.
I'm so sorry about your dad. It sounds bad. You mentioned hugging him. Funny you should mention that because one thing I remember about my mother is her hugging me with her chubby arms, and how I'll never feel her chubby arms around me again.
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)he's getting transfusions, because his blood has no immune response, so I don't know if they'll let anyone see him right yet.
And my grandpa lives in NC, I WILL get there, just haven't worked out the particulars yet.
I do have lots of friends, but I could only talk to a couple about heavy shit like this, which, oddly enough one of them stopped by last night, out of the blue.
Drinks were had, tears were shed, dice were rolled.
Bastard wouldn't let me win either, lol
I do feel better today. Feelin a tad hungover though, but not too bad.
Got some fancy schmancy French sourdough bread and am going to make my patented French Toast...which is not sweet, but spicy.
Sooooo good.
randome
(34,845 posts)Does this help cheer you up?
MynameisBlarney
(2,979 posts)yes it does, lol!
Mnemosyne
(21,363 posts)freshwest
(53,661 posts)pacalo
(24,721 posts)idwiyo
(5,113 posts)First hand experience here. I wish there was something more practical I could do to help.
You are welcome to PM me if you'd like someone to talk to.
Also, here we have people like these to talk to:
http://m.macmillan.org.uk/home
There might be a similar organisation in US?
Whovian
(2,866 posts)leveymg
(36,418 posts)malthaussen
(17,202 posts)With all the talk about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, we seem to ignore Ongoing Traumatic Stress Disorder. Funny, that.
-- Mal
easttexaslefty
(1,554 posts)kittcat
(1 post)I know that's a tired cliche, but it really works for me. I am going through some rough times myself, nothing like you dealing with sickness, but other crap that sucks the life out of you. I am a first time poster and felt inclined to join up after reading your post. I am such a fan of this website and feel like I have cyber brothers and sisters here. Take care of yourself. Things will get better. Life is like that. It seems that when there are bad times, they just start coming at you like an avalanche and there's no where to run. You need to take care of yourself. Try to relax, exercise, focus on the good things in your life. You sound like a lovely, caring person. Your cyber friends are there for you.
seabeyond
(110,159 posts)Moostache
(9,895 posts)I hope that you are able to find someone to give you a physical shoulder to cry on and a hug, but I'll send out as much positive energy and sympathy as I can...
MarianJack
(10,237 posts)... !
PEACE to your family and you!
dballance
(5,756 posts)Go lock yourself in the bathroom or a dark closet and let it all out.
Secondly, I liked another poster's suggestion that you talk to a local hospice. They will likely have counselors you can speak with and be able to say anything to which might include stuff you don't want to say to other family members. If you can't find a free one this way check out your health insurance, if you have it, and see if it covers mental health. Find a counselor through them perhaps if it does.
I think that if you are the rock your family depends upon you really need to have someone YOU can talk to freely and openly to take that pressure off of you.
So sorry everything seems to be coming at you all at once and I hope you get to see your grand dad soon.