Can someone help polish this statement for my wife?

[diabeticman]

I cross posted this in the writer's section but hoping this would get more attention faster.


My wife is working with a physically challenged individual who honestly believe the last aid that worked for him did something to him.

My wife has told me that this guy is a completely different man than when she started to work for him.

I began working for Mr. ___________ on October 6th,2012 and found him to be a very different gentleman than I know today. I know Mr. _______ to be a man who quick witted, lucid, man with the ability to think clearly and with wise judgment. However, when I first started to work with _________ on the weekends I found him to be a person who was very slow, groggy and seemed to have some difficulty with cognitive actions.



I believe this statement speaks well but my wife wonders if it should be more.

[Skittles]

1. dm, could you tell us exactly what is the issue, what is the intent of your statement

that will immensely help writers "polish"

[diabeticman]

8. Honestly the guy believe the attendent working with him before my wife was messing with his

medication. The client is also making a list of things that has gone missing since he had basically told the company he only wanted my wife to work for him and no other attendents especially the one who had been working full time.

[southernyankeebelle]

2. Can you give us some more info. What is wrong with the man? Is someone being abused?

[diabeticman]

9. The guy is on a lot of medication so he can actually have somewhat of a fuction to his life.

He is on Oxygen, he has had several bones broken in his life and somewhat limited movement. He can't stand very long.

[southernyankeebelle]

18. All kidding aside maybe the man isn't getting enough of the Oxygen in his system. That could

be a reason why he sounds like he is off somewhat. You can't process things if you aren't getting enough oxygen in his system. He might look like he is abusing drugs. Your wife is doing right by putting them on notice that something is wrong with this man. By the way make sure she keeps a file on this guy with her notes and bring it home. You know if something happens sometimes files have a way of disappearing. I don't know what else she could do but make sure she covers herself.

[HereSince1628]

3. If your going to Polish it the guys name should maybe end in -ski

My advice is to run a grammar checker on the final draft to get out any mechanical things.

In general I think it's ok. Any such report should be honest and in words your wife believes express her observations. I wouldn't worry about trying to make it flowery, but rather have it refer to things she can later give examples of if she is asked to do that.

[diabeticman]

10. Maybe I am extremely tired from my day today but I'm not getting what you are saying.

I work up early had to be at court and sign my lease + I was packing my apartment late last night and part of today.

[HereSince1628]

12. There as some mechanical erros that can be cleaned up with the grammar checker

on your wordprocessor.

The other thing I meant was the words in the note don't need to be fancy or medical terminology. They should be words she believes accurately describe what she has seen in the man she helps.

The -ski thing was supposed to be about the pun between Polish and polish... sorry.

[diabeticman]

14. No prob.

[elleng]

4. Sounds ok,

but I would re-order it, so the timeline is more clear:

In (year/month) I knew Mr. _______ to be a man who quick witted, lucid, man with the ability to think clearly and with wise judgment.

I started to work with _________ on the weekends (when?) I found him to be a person who was very slow, groggy and seemed to have some difficulty with cognitive actions.

[boston bean]

13. This would be better for the first sentence.

In (year/month) I knew Mr. _______ to be a quick witted, lucid man with wise judgment.

[Prometheus Bound]

5. Here's one possibility, though I'm not sure if I got the intended meaning.

I began working with Mr. X on weekends, starting on October 6,2012, and found him initially to be very slow and groggy, and to have some difficulty completing actions which required thought rather than just reaction. I find him to be a very different person today -- quick-witted, lucid, clear thinking and wise (thoughtful?).

[riverwalker]

6. "who WAS quick witted"

you omitted the "was". Also add a bit more subjective observations. Slow groggy in what way? Mr. X could not recall his phone number and forgot his shoes, be specific.

[Warpy]

7. "I am afraid something has changed in his medical condition

and believe he needs an evaluation sooner rather than later."

It might not have been another aide. It could easily be a new medication he's started on that is having terrible side effects that need to be noted. If he has a seizure disorder, his drug levels need to be checked. Or he might have fallen or had a stroke or something else has happened.

Nursing staff are the first people who need to know. If she can't get any action, she needs to call his physician of record and say she is concerned about a sudden change.

The description of his behavior change looks pretty good to me. It would have gotten me flying down to the room to check him out in any hospital I worked in.

In any case, this has to be documented. Suppositions have no place in this, just the fact's, ma'am.

[lonestarnot]

16. OMG.

Did I just read what I read throughout this entire thread and finally read some sense? Fuck me!

[Warpy]

17. Sorry about that

[Nay]

11. My changes to the paragraph:

I began working for Mr. ___________ on October 6th, 2012 and found him to be a very different gentleman than I know today. I knew Mr. _______ to be a man who was quick-witted and lucid, a man with the ability to think clearly and with wise judgment.

However, when I first started to work with _________ on the weekends, he acted very slow mentally, appeared groggy and had trouble with cognitive functions.

[gkhouston]

15. I'd add on to the end of your second paragraph: "For example, he was unable to X or Y, but

now he easily does Z".

I'll add that if this person is a senior, urinary tract infections can have an amazingly bad effect on cognition/mentation. I've witnessed it first-hand in my best friend's mom: when she has an infection, she can barely put sentences together; when she doesn't, she kicks our butts at Scrabble.

[jillan]

19. How about if she just writes Mr ___ has some concerns about the aide that worked for him previously.

Here are his concerns
*
*
*
*

As his current aide, I began noticing a change in his behavior (? don't know the whole story here?) on (or around) insert date.
He is now more_____________________.

How is that?

[msanthrope]

20. Echoing other voices on the thread, insert appropriate dates/times, and make the statement

in chronological order, with specifics...as in, "when I first started to work for 'x' (date/time) he could not do 'y.' We worked out a routine/method that helped him, and by (date/time) he was able to do 'z.'"

You could add these positives, if true:

--the patient has responded very well to your wife's routine. Specifc details are good.

--the patient would like to maintain your wife's exclusive care to minimize his anxiety, to reinforce his routine, and to take charge of his healthcare.