The White House responds to Texas' petition to secede

[meegbear]

[jschurchin]

1. K&R. +1000!!!!! nt.

[SharonAnn]

83. Spelling of "Mediciare"?

[Generic Brad]

89. That's how it's spelled in Moran

[eridani]

105. True dat. If at frist you don't secdee--- n/t

[merrily]

119. Good one!

[F. Kafka]

2. Heh heh.

[calimary]

97. Welcome to DU, F. Kafka!

This is just too amazing to watch. Just too amazing to watch. I'll be 60 next year, and I can't remember the political scene being THIS sick on the GOP side.

Glad you're here. We need you. Obviously our fight against these assholes is FAR from over!

[BlueCaliDem]

3. Brilliant satire!

[cali]

16. not really. Satire needs to be fact based to be brilliant.

Texas hasn't in any shape, way or form, petitioned to secede.

[dixiegrrrrl]

35. Actually, news reports say Texas is one of the states listed in petitons to secede.

All told, petitions have been filed on behalf of 20 states: Alabama, Arkansas, Colorado, Florida, Georgia, Indiana, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Montana, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, North Dakota, Oregon, South Carolina, Tennessee, and Texas.
http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-250_162-57548572/states-petition-to-secede-from-union/

AND
The petitions were filed through the “We the People” White House website and it promises:

If a petition meets the signature threshold (25,000 signatures in 30 days), it will be reviewed by the Administration and we will issue a response.

Each state has "peacefully" asked to be removed from the United States of America so that they can create their own government. As of Monday evening, Texas has reached the threshold with over 32,000 votes. Louisiana has approximately 18,000 signatures and needs 7,000 more by December 7.
http://www.examiner.com/article/20-states-file-petitions-to-secede-from-usa-texas-reaches-threshold-signatures

[cali]

41. really. a bunch of nutfuckwad people is not the state. does not have the authority of the state

these petitions are not on behalf of the state.

gad.

[Caretha]

67. Guess what

that wasn't a letter really signed by the President either. heheheh

Lighten up Frances.

[renie408]

73. LOL!!

[Indpndnt]

42. Some posters here said they've signed different states' petitions for a giggle.

Anyone can sign any petition in any state - or all of them. Place of residence doesn't matter. Not exactly real petitions, especially for Texas when Perry won't even endorse it.

[Orrex]

39. Really? For what possible reason?

Satire need only evoke the spirit of the satirized subject, and even that's more of a guideline than a hard-and-fast rule.

Even if we were to adhere to your arbitrary guideline, Perry's previous comments re: secession would be sufficient to justify the current satire, as would the 50 or so states with residents who have petitioned to secede.

[AlbertCat]

44. Texas hasn't in any shape, way or form, petitioned to secede.

That is not true. The " in any shape, way or form" part.

But I don't think it's "brilliant"... I think it's obvious, to anyone without a tea-soaked brain.


Teabaggers are like children. They think everything is the way it is because....it just is that way and has always been.

Morans

[BlueCaliDem]

45. WTF?? Texas has not only petitioned, but they have the largest total of

signatories for secession from all the states that have petitioned! I believe it's at 60,000 or so since last night, according to Tweety.

[KatyMan]

59. That is not Texas

it is a very minute minority of our population.

[Doctor_J]

116. I checked the Senate race results

it's not a minute minority

[KatyMan]

117. Yes it is

the number of people signing the petition is a small minority of Texas. Perhaps you didn't do well in math.

[gateley]

4. These people need to see this -- they have no idea...

[CakeGrrl]

49. EXACTLY!

That's the fun part about the secession nonsense. The poor nutters who want to run away from the scary black President really have NOOO idea what they're asking.



I don't know, though, why a few people here are getting offended as if those poor few whiners actually speak for an entire state or as if it might actually occur. They don't, and it won't.

[Cannikin]

5. Excellent.

[oswaldactedalone]

6. Awesome!!

Have ALL Repoopyheads, with the exception of the Huntsman family, gone completely crazy?

[Scurrilous]

7. K & R

[Tarheel_Dem]

8. I Love It!

[PatSeg]

9. "P.S. Attached is your portion of the bill for the national debt"

I almost missed that! This is brilliant.

[Dark n Stormy Knight]

96. Good one! Suggestion: Reword to "Attached is a bill for your portion of the national debt."

[NoOtherMedicineNovel]

113. Yup!

A+

[Frustratedlady]

10. Texans will now understand they "Didn't Built That by themselves...

These points have been my reply to Repug friends who have asked what I thought about all the petitions. It quiets them up pretty quickly when you point out the military facilities, highways, federal funding for education/medical care, etc.

These people have been fed so much misinformation they can't think for themselves. I know Texans on both sides of the fence and it has affected their friendships. Pretty sad, actually.

[Le Taz Hot]

11. Brilliant!

[FailureToCommunicate]

12. Instant classic!

[Dustlawyer]

13. Fuck that! How can I emigrate!

[nadinbrzezinski]

18. Having been there done that

You could apply for a green card.



And that satirical letter is just that.

[Liberalynn]

55. We could deny KKK KARL his and forbid him to travel anywhere in the remaining US

NO Greencards or Visas for you Karl.

[nadinbrzezinski]

56. That s the upside.

[Ikonoklast]

21. Hmmm. You look furrin' to me.

You be one of them thar Texican fellers?

[Doctor_J]

115. There will be an amnesty period during which you can import yourself

What will be left in TX is a bunch of old racists with no money coming in from the US government.

[outsideworld]

14. LMAOO K&R

[Turborama]

15. LOL! But hang on... This could be a template for a real letter that would have to be sent

What does that make this, art imitating fact?

Loved the bit about,"so suggest you form your own navy immediately", like it's a Just bit of friendly advice at the end.

[coalition_unwilling]

85. Secessionist Coast Guard:

[Turborama]

102. LOL! love the Facebook name, too

Citizens Untied.

Genius!

[rasmus11]

17. Zero States have petitioned to secede

Not one state legislature has voted to secede from the Union. The petitions are all filed by the usual moronic, racist Tea Partiers.
It's funny, but not as funny as it would be if the State of Texas had filed a petition.

[calimary]

98. Welcome to DU, rasmus11!

Glad you're here. Yeah, these are all knuckle-draggers and other assorted Troglodytes, Morans, and Sore Loserman. (I don't know why we aren't tarring and feathering them with that "Sore Loserman" meme, and laminating it onto them publicly!)

Let's make sure we build upon the gains we made on Election Night - and start turning some of these states completely blue. Marginalize these idiots even further.

[markbark]

19. Here is a slightly more lucid take on the matter:

With Friends Like These...

[hogwyld]

26. Excellent read! thanks.

One of the reasons I love DU so much is the wealth of information presented from other sources that I don't have time to find myself.

[BlancheSplanchnik]

28. he is one smart guy....good writer, too. n/t

[LynneSin]

20. What annoys me is this - Texas isn't all whacko nut jobs

And there are alot of amazing liberals from this state. And I suspect the urban areas like Houston and Austin would prefer sticking with the USA.

[GTurck]

109. Ditto...

I am a liberal living in Texas but first an American. Please stop painting us with a broad brush it hurts to be pushed into the same pig sty as the retros/teabaggers.

[santamargarita]

22. I hope it happens!!!

Even though this is satire.

[Bucky]

23. This isn't satire; it's a reality check. Anyone saying "let 'em go" needs to read this first.

[lunatica]

24. Snort!

[beyurslf]

25. They should rely with a note that says the federal prosecutors in their area

will be following up on charges of treason for those signed the petition.

[BlueMan Votes]

27. I'm surprised that he didn't specifically mention NASA...

or postal services.

[Manifestor_of_Light]

29. So if Texas is a republic again,

then I can get out my Land Grant from The Republic of Texas, signed by Anson Jones in 1845, and I can claim a whole bunch of land based on it, presuming that I am descended from the grantee, since I found it in the attic of my 130-year-old house in Texas????

I'm gonna be land rich!!!!

[KatyMan]

57. Maybe so,

but it will have to be in west Texas, since the rest of the state is pretty populated. So good luck out there!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

62. It's in East Texas starting at the Neches River. We got some large

stretches of nothing, like ferinstance Leon County, although of course not nearly as large as West Texas.

[KatyMan]

63. perhaps you are correct....

they would fit right in with those already in East Texas

[Horse with no Name]

91. If you own Leon County

Can you evict some assholes there for me? LOL

[Manifestor_of_Light]

122. I know one asshole hates me. she is the District Clerk.

She whines about “not getting anything worth recording” from grandma’s estate. Like a house and a swimming pool. I said “Well, that’s more than I got.” I can't even look up a deed in her office without her whining at me.

[SmittynMo]

30. Excellent.

Texas to secede? I wouldn't expect anything less from a state that actually elector Perry as Governor. What a bunch of idiots.

[coalition_unwilling]

86. 41% of Texans voted for Obama in 2012. Careful not to brand an entire

state. I say this as one who used to do so with regularity here. I have since seen the error of my ways and, while I still poke fun at the regional idiosyncracies of the South, will not dismiss its working class people as 'idiots'.

[tavalon]

111. I brand no copatriots with my brush

I am befuddled by those who don't want to run screaming from the state I was imprisoned in for 20 long years. But some people actually like that place. I don't. People were friendly, not always all that smart, but mighty friendly. I have fond memories of many places there and may actually darken Texas again (once) for Flipside (Austin's Burning Man - it rocks!!!) but otherwise, buh bye, Texas, I don't miss you at all.

[marsis]

31. Aaaah, if only this were true.

[Texin]

32. Like the fit a six year old throws before he "runs away from home" or

the tirade of a sixteen year old who threatens to file for emancipation from his parents. Freedom from one's tyrants sound good until reality hits and they realize they have to pay to feed, shelter and secure themselves.

[McCamy Taylor]

33. Texas would be crippled without DOD spending.

[BlueStreak]

34. Oh, and one more thing, your colleges can no longer play football games in America.

[TexasTowelie]

46. That settles it!

Request denied.

[BlueStreak]

47. I thought you might see things my way. :)

[superpatriotman]

36. Though this is satire

I think many Texans would welcome this as their 'freedom' from government 'tyranny'

[KatyMan]

58. you are wrong

Texas' population is 25.6 million, only 65,000 have signed the petition. That is not even one small city or one large town in Texas. To put it in perspective, it is about the same number of people who live in Baytown, Tx. So enough already. Every state has their share of weirdos and nutjobs.

[AnneD]

68. Just when I do a...

over something that happens in Texas...Fla, or Miss, or AL, or LA restores my faith that Texas is not alone.

But one thing I will say...we do it larger. We have a lot of space in which to screw up.

[ashredux]

106. Wrong...very wrong

Such a child-like mind set is why so many woke up Nov 7th and were surprised Mitt got crushed . Try and be a critical thinking grown up.

[AlGoreRhythms]

37. this is absolutely amazing!! n/t

[WilliamPitt]

38. Dupe deleted.

No need to shout.

[montanto]

40. Sweet!!

[Smilo]

43. Can the US secede from Texas - if so where do I sign?

Brilliant letter - mirroring my thoughts and those of millions of Americans.

K&R

[Grins]

48. Texas should first tell us to get that "foreign" military out of Texas!

From a simple, back-of-the-(literal)-envelope search, I found the military in Texas, plus NASA Houston, comes to about 112,000 jobs, not one of which pays minimum wage. And that doesn't cover the Coast Guard, Veteran's Admin., Border Patrol, and more; nor the tens of thousands of private contractors. There are plenty of other states that would welcome "home" those people - and all the money they generate in local economies. If fact, I'll bet those states would help pay for the move!

The 3rd Amendment says we do not have the right to "quarter" troops, so Texas should first tell us to get out of Texas.

Oh, and good luck coining your own currency. It's unlikely it will be worth a fart in a windstorm, but at least you're proud and free.

[Politicub]

50. Awesome. Texas will need to rustle up some horses and bayonets until it has a proper navy, though.

[coalition_unwilling]

87. I have just the thing for Texas:

[Liberalynn]

51. That is funny but exactly how the White House should respond

should they ever receive such a request.

[bigwillq]

52. HA! That's great!

K and R

[Incitatus]

53. BTW, the border wall will now be going around your state.

have fun with the cartels.

[Coyotl]

54. For a very, very blue America!! Oklahoma is just going to love that, and all the new wall jobs.

[KatyMan]

60. This is getting a little old

ALL 50 states now have petitions to secede. How about we start a thread on say, California? or New York? or Pennsylvania?

[Wednesdays]

90. And it bothers you...why?

[KatyMan]

118. It bothers me

because I am a Texan. I am a progressive. I know many other progressive Texans. To single out Texas is ridiculous. Texas, as a state, has in no way petitioned to leave the Union. As stated in a previous post, more Texans voted for Obama than many residents of other states. So lay off Texas. We are working hard here and will be a blue state in the next 10-15 years.

[mshasta]

61. and all US dollars

are not longer your currency...start making you own "Laredo pesos"

[Mad_Dem_X]

64. Love it!

[drynberg]

65. WAIT A SECOND, DUers...

This "petition to secede" from Texas seems valid for 25,000 signers, what about the ten of millions of Texans who did not sign this petition? I'm not a Lone Star Guy, really, but I think the signers should be put up in front of Texas with their (poor loser) petition to take their ball home...and see just how many Texans would want to permanently lose their USA citizenship. Then, when they are humiliated by this ballot showing, then we give them a chance to move to some U.S.A. island and say byebye forever to the USA. I'm saying "Put Up or Shut Up". I actually enjoyed the above letter...but this ain't about my enjoyment, this is serious stuff, real serious.

[TheAmbivalante]

66. That made me laugh and laugh and laugh!

Thank you FOX News for making secessionists a source of such rich comedy.

[cui bono]

69. Forgot to tell them they need to pay for any infrastructure built while TX was part of the USA

and that we would send them the bill.

Why are they allowed to apply for SS and Medicare? If they secede they don't get it, period. Their choice to give it up.

Great letter though!

[The Jungle 1]

70. Minus 38 republican electoral votes

I say let um leave. Then we won't have to even try for their 38 electoral votes
Democrats would be unstopable.

[shenmue]

71. Easy answer

Exile all the people who signed that stupid petition. Keep everybody else, and the state land.

Everybody's happy! No money spent, either!

[Thinkingabout]

82. I think this is what Rmoney was saying self deportation.

They do not want to be citizens of the US and we can make it easy for them to leave. The intelligent of Texas (I voted for Obama) wants to stay in the United States of America. BTW, I am sorry for the terrible eight years everyone had to live under the Bush administration.

[spanone]

72. fucking brilliant.

[onehandle]

74. Not good enough. We need a Massive reclamation project there.

To tear down and extract every ounce of federally funded infrastructure.

Roads, bridges, buildings, vehicles, utilities, fixtures, and the million things I can't think of. Tear it down and truck the raw materials out of the state.

It would be a huge jobs programs for real Americans.

Why wait for them to secede? Let's do it now.

[greymattermom]

112. no need to tear it down

just stop maintaining it, don't build anything new.

[underpants]

75. + Your textbook (over)buying will no longer effect progress in math and science in our states

AND the Texas Rangers (baseball and law enforcement) are on their own

[Window]

76. OMG! Love it!

[patrice]

77. KICK! Kickarian Kicktion, Kickery, Kickety Kickness!!!

[MFM008]

78. here we go again

Dont want states to go, just the RWNJs IN them.

[Heathen57]

79. K&R

This is what the 'baggers down there have yet to realize. The Federal government do so much they completely forget about.

The Social Security and Medicare are something that I had not thought about and the retired folks have as well.

[ProudProgressiveNow]

80. Very good!

[hrmjustin]

81. Love it!

[coalition_unwilling]

84. Secesh Coast Guard:

Last edited Thu Nov 15, 2012, 11:31 PM - Edit history (1)

[lonestarnot]

88. K & R!

[AnnieBW]

92. And when a hurricane hits the Gulf Coast

You're on your own, folks. No FEMA money for rebuilding Galveston, Corpus Christi, or Beaumont.

[Hekate]

93. In other words...

Don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya!

California: the so-called land of fruits and nuts and flakes that is in fact a Donor State, one that pays way more in Federal taxes than we ever get back!

Hekate -- a Californian

[katmille]

94. We in Austin want to secede from Texas

[Gabby Hayes]

100. Just noticed the petition now has 17,000 signatures

https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/peacefully-grant-city-austin-texas-withdraw-state-texas-remain-part-united-states/TDD212hQ

[Gabby Hayes]

101. Don't tell anyone,

but The OCIA (ObamaCare Intelligence Agency) actually launched the Texas secession petition in order to collect the names of subversives. The names and addresses are being stored in microchips on the back of Interstate Highway signs for use by UN troops. The sweep is set to begin on December 20. Petition signatories will be taken to FEMA camps where they will receive standard vaccinations against childhood diseases before being released.

[LynneSin]

114. Damn well be better get the media in full alert lockdown over 0.068% of the Texans who want to leave

[ashredux]

108. Keep it weird

[MisterScruffles]

95. Secede?

Why can't we just sell it to the Mexicans?

[calimary]

99. And we have the perfect name for their new country: Dumbfuckistan.

It's been test-driven for years and works perfectly!

[Up2Late]

103. Yeah, no kidding.

[catbyte]

104. I'll bet the baggers would just love to pay FedEx $10 to mail a letter

No USPS, idiots.

[Up2Late]

121. Yup, all kinds of hidden cost in stupidity

I think they would need to add a Texas Army to this list, I seem to remember Mexico having an old claim to the land that is now Texas.

[ashredux]

107. This is really funny.....I may "steal" it with your permission :)

[tavalon]

110. Except that our President wouldn't have misspelled Medicare

this is Onion worthy. I lived in Texas for 20 years and only five of them in the sane part of the state, Austin (South Austin, to be exact). The Tourist Council once had a tourist book that claimed Texas was like a whole other country. I never doubted them.

[underoath]

120. I didn't know Medicare was actually spelled Mediciare?

thought everyone had spell check??