Update on my daughter being slapped at school for celebrating President Obama's win

[Mortos]

I have spent a lot of time during the last two days talking to my daughter about what happened and what she thinks should be done to resolve it. She is very bright and contemplative. She asked me not to go to the school and raise hell until she tried to talk to the girls involved. She did and made a little bit of progress with them. She communicated to one girl, who has been a friend up until that point, that she didn't like being smacked and the girl half ass apologized. My daughter is not exhibiting signs of fear about going to school or trying to get out of going and every day I greet her arrival from the bus we talk about what happened and how she is feeling. She has friends at the school and there are other kids who are either different races, sexual orientation, political affiliation or religions who deal with many of the same issues she has.

I am going to have lunch with her Monday and sit at a table with at least one of the children involved...and we are going to have a discussion about accepting people's differences and how very inappropriate it is to use physical violence against anyone, especially a friend. I am going to look directly into the eyes of the child that hit mine while I am saying this without yelling, threatening or directly implicating her. I am also going to wear my Obama t-shirt and talk about how proud I am of our president.

My daughter wants me to help her start an anti-bullying club. I am going to talk to the administration about how we go about doing that. We talked about the goals of the club and how we could get people involved. I am very proud of my daughter and her resolve to make something positive out of something negative.

I am not going to call the police, the secret service, my right wing red neck southern baptist congressman or sue the school or teacher over the misguided actions and brazen schoolyard talk of 11 and 12 year old kids. I am going to attempt to teach my daughter a valuable lesson about overcoming adversity and sticking to principles especially when it gets difficult and other people don't agree with you and even when they attack you. Hopefully, together, we will teach the same thing to some of the kids at her school and start a movement that will help to protect other kids from similar harassment now and in the future.

Thanks DU for you passion and advice. I read all the comments and considered many of the things you guys suggested.

Here is the original post:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021764928

[Tennessee Gal]

1. You are a fine mother.

I hope you get the results you are seeking and I wish much peace to your daughter who seems to be an exceptional young lady.

[Mortos]

2. I think I am an ok mother

but I am a pretty good father Thank you for your kind comments.

[Tennessee Gal]

3. oops .... my bad. nt

[babylonsister]

7. I was gonna say...

hi, Mortos! Glad you're still here; I think you're handling this very well, and you sound like you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter.

[Mortos]

9. I am glad to still be here

and my relationship with my daughter is better every day. I really like the person she is becoming and this incident of assholery has opened up a lot of dialogue between G and me and I am grateful for it. She is a good person and I hope she remembers this incident as ultimately positive. Thanks for the feedback Babylonsister.

[Cha]

21. I was going to say..

all this time I thought you were a "father"!

And, indeed, you're an amazing father. Sounds really the best way to go about it and I wish you the Best of luck with all concerned.

[tavalon]

37. Aw, don't sell yourself short ;)

that's some fine parenting. Dads sometimes don't handle these things with the finesse you're showing and I can see how someone might have made the assumption that you're da mom. Just goes to show all of us that parenting is evolving to the point that we can't always tell the sex of the parent by the method of parenting. And that's really great, actually.

[Scuba]

4. Your daughter is fortunate to have such a mother.

[mecherosegarden]

34. I think that Mortos is a dad :)

I agree with you: His daughter is fortunate to have such a good father.

[Walk away]

5. There are a lot of benefits to having a rational, intelligent and loving Dad.

And it must be even better to have a daughter with the same attributes.

[Mortos]

6. I was not very rational at first

but I have learned over the last several years that acting rashly usually doesn't work out well for anyone involved. I am trying to be more Zen in my approach to life and I am much happier because of it.

Still, when anyone puts a hand on your kid, you kind of want to go medieval on them.

[Walk away]

11. You remind me of my brother. He was always a cut above but he really found his center...

when my nieces were born. The result is two of the smartest, coolest and kindest young women I have ever met.

Good job! You should be proud.

[tavalon]

38. Amen!

I call that "bringing out Mama Bear" and no one wants to see her!

[kelliekat44]

8. Damn! If only the nation had more like you.

[flamingdem]

10. +1 what a chance for a teaching moment

[Heather MC]

12. Bravo Mom!!!

As mother when you hear about someone hurting your child it's very easy and understandable to lash out in angry. It takes greater wisdom and strength to creat a positive out come/ As a mother you are my Hero
way to go!!

[elehhhhna]

14. he's a guy

[Heather MC]

57. opps Bravo Dad!!!!

[kath]

15. Mortos is a dad. An AWESOME dad!

[LeftofObama]

13. I wonder how many people,

myself included, would have loved to have had a dad like you! Your daughter is one lucky girl!

[avebury]

16. It is great that you are allowing your daughter

to work through this situation with your assistance.

As to not calling the Secret Service, may I make an observation. Actions should have consequences. Stop and think about the Nixon era. If Gerald Ford had not pardoned Nixon and if Nixon had faced legal ramifications for his actions, it is possible that we might be living in an entirely different world then the one we live in today. Too many people in Government have been involved in heinous behavior without a second thought because they know that they will not be held accountable. I realize that school children are not the same as Government officials but without consequences for any wild threats made against our President, the de facto lesson they will have learned is that their words are acceptable. Words can result in action, maybe not against the President but against anybody that disagrees with the ultra right wing nuts.

We live in a time period where there is the possibility that some people will spin out of control. We should remember the saying "All that is necessary for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing." To put it bluntly, it is not acceptable for anybody to think that it is acceptable to make any kind of threats against the President of the United States. At minimum, a comment to the Principal that the Secret Service COULD be called in should drive home the consequences of what has been occurring in his/her school.

[kerouac2]

17. So sad. My 6-yr old was so excited about Obama's win.

On election night, he woke up at around 3am and called out for mommy/daddy. We went to see what was up and the first thing he said was "did obama win?" We said he had and he gave us a "yay," asked for a drink and went to bed. The next morning he was excited and happy about the Obama win, as well as the Al Stirpe win (local). Before school he colored the electoral map blue and red and learned about electoral votes.

The sad thing (that relates to OP) is that before he went out to the bus stop with us, I spoke to him about not being too excited about Obama's win in front of the other kids. I explained that other kids might not be so happy and that their parents may have been supporting Romney. I explained that they aren't wrong for supporting their guy, it's just that we have different opinions on things (which we had talked about quite a bit, respectfully) and he had to be a good sport.

But the saddest thing is that my primary concern was for him not being beat up by the older kids on the bus whose families may have supported Romney... the level of hate toward Obama supporters has been just deplorable -- and I felt bad all day for putting a damper on my son's excitement for something we should not be afraid of having supported.

[The Wielding Truth]

29. The internet is full of derogatory things about him and us. It is a campaign of hate with

complicated stories with no credible sources. Gossip blogs that feed off each other and get more and more twisted and dark. I wish that there could be accountability in media. That in order to act like a genuine news outlet they had to back up their stories with checkable sources.

Until then we must strive to keep the truth to the forefront of the lies and protect our selves and our children from the culture of mistrust and hate.

This is supposed to be a tolerant melting pot. FOX NEWS and the rabid right wing have monopolized the national media and have swamped it with political and religious propaganda. There used to be accountability for using the national media. It needs to be reinstated for the good of our country and it's children.

[NYC_SKP]

18. You know best. And, I trust whatever you do.

Nobody on this board will have the context, and I think you realize that others' advice needs to be tempered with your reality.

Stay strong, thank you, and I know you'll do the right thing.

[Kaleva]

19. Rec'd

[meeshrox]

20. That's amazing news

And you have an amazing daughter. Well done, Mamma!

[Tigress DEM]

22. It's a wonderful Plan A - but be prepared.

Make sure you have ways for your daughter to always be safe in this situation. Teachers at the school where she can go if someone decides to get physical with her again.

It is wonderful that you are taking a stand, but don't be Pollyanna thinking that because you have the integrity to do this that you will automatically get that same response from the others. HOPE for it, PLAN for it, Pray for it, BELIEVE in the possibility, but prepare yourself in case things back fire and have 2-3 options as PURE safety, including having the local police and the FBI number on you at all times.

It's a wonderful lesson, but NONE of this is worth your daughter's physical well being. It can go either way, so be prudent.

I am a great believer in PEACE and if this works then I will celebrate for days and days.

I also understand that I can't control other people's choices, only my response to them or plan to take care of myself and my loved ones. If you never need Plan B, then that is AWESOME. If you need it and don't have it, then this could get very ugly.


Good luck.

[FirstLight]

23. Fuck YEAH, momma!

That's how it is done!

for you and your daughter....thanks for taking such a PROactive stance and action ....a fine example, our Prez would be proud

[tblue37]

47. A dad, it turns out, not a momma. nt

[Egalitarian Thug]

24. Good luck and success to you and your daughter. n/t

[jtuck004]

25. You da 1!! Sounds like a very good plan, keep us posted as to the reaction.

Watching potential change in action is great...

[heaven05]

26. you

are a very skilled mother and human being. Great person.

[antigone382]

50. skilled father actually, but otherwise you are quite astute :) n/t

[heaven05]

56. sorry

I assumed, everything still stands.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

27. Maybe google the goals of the proposed "Department of Peace" for specific ideas.

[StrictlyRockers]

28. This is definitely a "teachable" moment.

Great use of it, Mortos!

Thumbs up!

[ErikJ]

30. Some karate classes would be advised too.

[Buzz Clik]

31. In the minority here, but do NOT go to lunch on Monday.

Stay out.

Helping your daughter organize an anti-bullying club? Okay. But do it from home.

Be there for her when she gets off the bus. If things escalate, talk to the administration behind the scenes.

You standing up to your daughter's friends validates their concept that she is weak.

[bettyellen]

49. I disagree- and bet that kid has NO good guidance from home and teachers will just

Not make a real principled stand either.
Someone who cares about truly cares about ethics and kindness needs to have a talk with this kid. For probably the first time in her life. Its not about scaring the bully or who is weak, but what is just and kind. Mortos is a fine person to deliver the message.

[Buzz Clik]

53. Agreed, but it should not be the parent of the victim.

[bettyellen]

54. Well, I'm glad someone is stepping up and I bet Mortos will

Handle it just fine. This kid was apparently a good friend of his daughter and she needs to have in made clear to her what is not going to be tolerated any more- both in and outside of the school. The kid would likely be a guest in the Mortos home, so I think it's valid that he talk about this.and better at school, where it can be observed or mediated because god knows what BS her parents might start if he admonished the child privately. But teachers are often pushed to minimize or dismiss these issues where possible. If I was a parent and not pressing charges, I'd be there too to draw lines in the sand that even a ten year old would understand. It's that important.

[elbloggoZY27]

32. Very Ugly

Whom ever attacked your Daughter should be charged with a Civil Rights Violation.

We have become an very intolerant Country and that is just the facts.

However, does your school system have a Diversity Program or a Program on Intolerance?

[DeSwiss]

33. We are first (as children) mostly the culmination of our relative's pasts.......

...so when young people lash-out like this, they do so to in almost a reflexive effort to protect the sanctity of the lessons and stories (mostly stereotypes & prejudices) of those who first instilled that hate in them. Just as their parent's parents instilled that hate in them. And so on and so on, ad infinitum. They do so not because they know that those relatives were right in their hatreds and prejudice that they passed onto to them, but rather because they love those fickle, prejudiced people who raised them. Warts and all.

- It doesn't excuse them nor their behavior. But it helps us all to understand from whence it comes......

K&R

[MsPithy]

35. I remember the morning my daughter came into my bedroom

and told me a plane had flown into the World Trade Center. We live on the west coast and the second plane hit before she left for school. She was 15 and I knew I had to say an important thing.

I told her that no matter how much we hated President Bush and thought he was a fool, on that day we were all Americans. Whatever was going on, (because we didn't know) we had to pull together. We, especially, had to put our hatred aside and give the President a clean slate, a chance to be America's leader.

It was hard.

I'm telling you this because I know it is possible to put hatred of the President aside for the good of the country. We have every right to expect that from the other side. They do not have to like him, they do have to accept that he won the election and he is the President. Twice, President Obama won more electoral college votes and a higher percentage of the popular vote than both Bush victories.

And we definitely have the right to expect nonviolence, always!

I think you are on the right track. Good on you!

[tavalon]

39. The saddest thing about your story is we all gave him a clean slate

and he used us. It doesn't mean what you told your daughter was wrong, it was 100% right and Bush et al, were 100% rotten and took our goodness and used it against us.

[Mortos]

40. I clearly remember that day too

I thought "I didn't vote for this idiot, but he is our idiot and I am going to support him." It lasted about a week.

[Blanks]

36. You probably already know about this, but...

I was watching a documentary recently and there was a story about a boy that was bullied until he committed suicide. Very tragic story. His mom got a hold of the governor (Florida Jeb Bush) and apparently they have a bullying law on the books now.

http://www.bullypolice.org/fl_law.html

I just thought it might be a starting format. Your daughters situation sounds more like a disagreement with folks she is normally friendly with, but bullying can destroy lives, and young people need to respect one another. We could all take a more active role in it.

[sibelian]

41. Your daughter sounds like a very strong and very decent person.

And it sounds like she takes after you.

[kydo]

42. Kudos to both you and your daughter!

Love beats hate every time. Good for both of you to stand up to bulling. It won't stop the problem right way, hate runs long and deep. But it is an important start!

[Dont call me Shirley]

43. What a wonderful role model you are for your child. Rachel's Challenge is the anti-bullying

program at my daughter's school.

[vlyons]

44. Get other parents involved in the anti-bully club thing

I'll bet you're not the only parent, whose children have experienced abusive behavior. All those disabled, gay, ethnic kids have parents too. The 2012 Obama campaign has taught us that there is strength in numbers.

Fired up! Ready to go!

[mahina]

45. Awesome!

Love it. Proud to know you. Let us know more as this emerges. Best possible outcome, imho!

aloha

[yardwork]

46. Those sound like very good solutions. I am impressed.

Starting an anti-bullying club, in particular, would be a longlasting tribute to your daughter's courage. The actions you are taking will not allow the bullies to claim to be victims, as they would if they were punished by authorities.

[cynzke]

48. A Wise Start!

You have accessed the situation and started on a calm and prudent course. You still have stronger options open and available if further actions become necessary. Part of the problem today in this country is that we are bombarded with news, movies, TV shows, etc. telling us that it is not only acceptable but necessary that we resolve our problems with violence. That every difference of opinion, conflict should be viewed as a personal affront requiring a physical response. Pistols at Dawn mentality! This is having a dangerous affect on this country that we have not addressed satisfactorily.

[Uniblab]

51. Excellent!

Wow, what a great response to the situation.It means everything to your daughter that you have her back. It's great to hear your daughter wants to start a anti bullying club. Sounds like you taught her well unlike those misguided brats. Please keep us updated and good luck.

[nadinbrzezinski]

52. You do well

By your daughter.

[Horse with no Name]

55. Most states already have anti-bullying laws on the books

for the schools and those policies can only be enforced when reported.

I found myself in a similar situation several years ago without the benefit of these laws...that started out with a simple slap, then bullying and verbal abuse and ending up escalating into death threats against my child.

Why? Because she had better grades than another child.

I understand the reticence of not wanting to make a big deal about it...I had the full support of witnesses and others who had similar issues with these people that begged me to do something about it at the first slap. I didn't, after all, it was a little slap--no harm no foul. Kids were friends again...what else could happen?

But..the laws against bullying are there for a reason. It is now zero tolerance in schools and there is a reason for it.

My child didn't feel safe for a very long time after it was all over and slept with a knife under her pillow. Do I think the death threat was real or seriously might have been carried out? I don't think so--but do you want to take that chance?

For the sake of your own child, or someone elses child, please schedule a meeting with the counselor or principal and get this incident documented.

You aren't doing anyone any favors by trying to handle this yourself.

Good luck.

[Odin2005]

58. You are a good dad!