What the fuck are "activated almonds?"

[MrScorpio]

[lob1]

1. Warning! Warning! Never activate the nut! Never!!

[Indpndnt]

15. Yeah, bad things happen!

[url=http://www.cosgan.de/smilie.php][img][/img][/url]

[msanthrope]

24. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. nt

[DirkGently]

38. There's a reason nuts come de-activated!

... someone could be hurt.

[CoffeeCat]

106. There are experts who devote their lives to activating nuts...

...and they take their work very seriously!

[pangaia]

2. What, no pizza?

[limpyhobbler]

3. emu meatballs? LOL

[FrodosPet]

44. Two, maybe three days of that diet

Would zap my food budget for the month.

Emu meatballs?

[appal_jack]

100. You need the emu balls to turn-on ('activate') the almonds.

Last edited Mon Nov 5, 2012, 01:24 PM - Edit history (2)

Those almonds fancy the emu-dudes.

Who are we to judge?

We may find the emu dudes tiresome, what with their skinny black jeans, hair flopping asymmetrically into one eye as they run around the barnyard, and ceaseless complaining that life is just a short, meaningless journey to the slaughterhouse and meat grinder. But every nut needs someone to love... someone to take you out of your shell and sprout new beginnings.

As long as it's between two consenting foods of the proper ripeness, I say whatever activates your almond is OK by me...



-app

[eShirl]

4. I'm guessing "sprouted" (raw almonds soaked for a number of hours)

[Fawke Em]

16. That is what they are. eom

[freshwest]

76. That's them. They cost more at the store and are supposed to be 'better.'

[Xithras]

121. There's a reasonable argument for activating them.

Nuts are healthy, but the nutrition in a nut comes from its endosperm, which is all starch and protein bound with a bit of oil. They also contain enzyme inhibitors that help to preserve the seeds and keep them from decaying. Unfortunately these inhibitors also block us from digesting most of the nuts proteins. By activating the nut, you begin the process of sprouting. This converts a substantial portion of those starches and proteins into glucose, enzymes, and antioxidants that are also beneficial to the body. More importantly, that activation process wipes out the enzyme inhibitors, allowing our bodies to absorb more of the proteins that remain.

I tried it out a couple of years ago. They taste good and are healthy, but who the hell has time to activate all of their nuts? It takes at least a day and a half to properly activate ONE batch of almonds...24 hours to soak, and another half day in your oven (because gas and electricity is SO cheap) to dry and activate. You can skip the oven and just let them dry for a couple hours on the counter, but ONLY if you're going to eat them the same day.

I still eat them from time to time when my local health food store has them on sale (in a half dozen flavors, no less), but that's it.

[freshwest]

125. I do that every time I make almond milk at home, but no oven, I keep them raw.

BTW, I didn't mean 'better' facetiously, am familiar with the power of enzymes in food for energy. I prefer my food that way but and don't want to preach.

[BumRushDaShow]

5. "liver pate"

I thought anyone who ate what was described above would avoid anything "pate" (based on what they do to fatten those livers).

[nobodyspecial]

37. Or anything liver

The liver is a filtering organ. Guess where a bunch of residual toxins end up? Never eat kidneys or livers.

[Vanje]

89. The combination of liver pate and licorice tea.......

.......Let the purging begin!

[progressivebydesign]

48. and his angry response was that he avoids "dead" food. So perhaps the liver is alive?

or perhaps activated. I'm pretty sure that the poor EMU is dead, as well.

The the guy goes on to talk about being a parent.. and I'm thinking.. 'great, impose your food craziness to your poor kids, when all they want is a bowl of Lucky Charms and a cheeseburger."

[Arugula Latte]

113. I would definitely lose weight on this diet because the thought of liver would make me throw up.

[Ikonoklast]

6. Eating like that must make you dorky-looking.

[pinboy3niner]

7. You have to call the 800# to confirm you've received your nuts before they activate them

[HereSince1628]

12. Security question: What was the name of your first nut?

[cliffordu]

46. Well, for YOU maybe.....

[eShirl]

8. wait a minute... alkalized water + cider vinegar

that's like my 5th grade science project volcano

[NickB79]

66. Glad I'm not the only one who noticed that

What's the point of adding an acid to your alkaline water? Won't you just end up with...plain water?

[muriel_volestrangler]

85. water + salt

such as sodium ethanoate.

[Fawke Em]

9. What average person can either

A. Find these ingredients and;
B. Afford these ingredients?

[trotsky]

83. Exactly.

At that point it becomes another form of conspicuous consumption - something we surely don't need any more of.

[savebigbird]

10. Almonds soaked in water and allowed to sprout...

That guy's diet plan is making me queasy.

[XemaSab]

63. Like the man says

it's a helluva way to lose weight.

[smackd]

11. blech

[Junkdrawer]

13. "Went to eat a snack but my almonds are just sitting there, lifeless. What to do now?"

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/news/activated-almonds-line-lights-up-twittersphere/story-e6frf7jo-1226510506842

[Arugula Latte]

117. Try meeting your almonds at the door wearing nothing but some negligee...

[Robb]

14. Reserve almonds that get called up.

[Posteritatis]

32. Hee. (nt)

[pinboy3niner]

33. And sadly, they are especially susceptible to Shell Shock. nt

[Robb]

36. That's nuts.

[Junkdrawer]

17. Almonds that can now download updates....

Genuine Advantage.

[hootinholler]

18. The new age reply to the California Raisins?

[sufrommich]

19. Whatever you do, don't show them the

queen of diamond card.

[IMG][/IMG]

[surrealAmerican]

20. "alkalised" water?

What's wrong with the neutral kind? What does he add to it to "alkalise" it anyway? Lye water?

[jmowreader]

59. You put it in a $1500-$2000 machine

Apparently, this machine electrolyzes some of the water, driving off one hydrogen atom from some of the water molecules and causing the remaining water to gain a pH of 9.5.

You then put it in your mouth, swallow it, and it runs right down into this big fleshy bag in the middle of your tummy that just happens to be FULL of strong acid...which instantly neutralizes the alkalinity you spent two bills to get!

[Retrograde]

119. Ah, but you've shown you have $2K to spend on a pointless machine

which gives you more hip cred than stirring a large spoonful of baking soda into a glass of water.

[jmowreader]

131. Or you could do this...

Go to Goodwill and spend $7.50 on a used bread machine. Scrape the words "bread machine" off the side of it, and install a spigot off an old sun tea jar. Then tell all your friends it's a water alkalizer. Water alkalizers and bread machines look enough alike you could get away with it.

[nolabear]

21. WW Ambassador? That diet could singlehandedly bring it down!

It looks like he's just going for as weird as he can get. I mean, cacao nibs and liver pate?

In a quasi-word, ew.

[mick063]

22. I work in the nuclear industry

It means they have absorbed so many nuetrons, they have become radioactive.

[UtahLib]

23. LOL Thank you

I should have saved reading these responses last tonight. I could then go bed laughing and happy. You people are killing me. I simply must read them all over again.

[sadbear]

25. Dude, that stuff must cost $100 a day.

[rurallib]

26. you can eat once every couple weeks

guaranteed to lose weight.

[Odin2005]

27. Hipster douchebag fad diet shit for rich idiots, looks like

Alkalized water? Spirulina (a cynobacterium)? Maca? Chia? Cultured Vegetables? Cacao nibs? EMU MEATBALLS???

That day of weird shit probably costs what I spend a week on groceries!

[rad51]

51. +1

[fadedrose]

65. You give him a +1 and I don't know what the hell he's talking about...

More proof that I'm just too old for this group....

[rad51]

72. You're not to old, maybe we're to young!

[frylock]

28. emu meatballs?!

the fuck?

[Matariki]

29. "cultured vegies" - What The Fuck Food

That guy should be embarrassed.

[Barack_America]

30. That stood out to me as well.

WTF is a "cultured" vegetable? I seem to recall that vegetables are grown.

[Buns_of_Fire]

42. They are -- but these were grown at Oxford and heavily immersed

in impressionist art and opera.

[HiPointDem]

56. lol

[Odin2005]

79. LMAO!

[eShirl]

74. i think cultured means they were planted in an oyster

[Arugula Latte]

112. Also, the lack of the second "g" in "veggies" is bothering me.

[Barack_America]

31. Who the hell has time to eat 6 times a day?!?!

This man must spend his entire day preparing and eating food.

[TwilightGardener]

34. Liver pate with avocados. Emu meatballs. Water with

a splash of vinegar. I am pretty sure he was born without taste buds, and this is the diet that results.

[Matariki]

35. And then, there's this

http://now.msn.com/smoked-water-is-a-new-restaurant-food-fad

serious stupid...

[jsr]

39. DIY recipe:

[Matariki]

40. lol gross

[FrodosPet]

120. And another:

http://bitly.com/VO6P2B

[Barack_America]

43. I think I just read something about a new love affair with carrots...

...on the NYC food scene. As in you go to a fancy restaurant and they basically plop a raw carrot on your plate.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/31/dining/carrots-gain-bigger-roles-at-some-restaurants.html?_r=0

[begin_within]

49. Reminds me of "fig-gate" in San Francisco

From Bon Appetit:

"San Franciscans still smart over "Fig-Gate"—the bicoastal war of words ignited by Manhattan chef David Chang's griping at a food conference in late 2009 that "f---ing every restaurant in San Francisco is serving figs on a plate with nothing on it." Translation: Bay Area chefs can't stop worshipping at the Alice Waters altar, eternally showcasing local produce without interference—or, sadly, innovation—from the kitchen. Chang had a point. San Franciscans knew it, and lamented that New York had become the center of the American food universe."

[TwilightGardener]

62. I read about that trend in Sunset magazine--that the new thing is to prepare

carrots in weird but minimalist ways so that you concentrate on the very essence of the carrot, or some such horseshit.

[Matariki]

70. Uh-huh. Use enough words and you can sell a shaved carrot for $40 a plate

Just smear some crap on the plate, add a single thinly shaved carrot, write a bunch of b.s. on the menu and voilà - $40 carrot.

[Arugula Latte]

116. The elementary school lunch ladies have been on this for years. "Carrot coins" anyone?

[HiPointDem]

57. another sign that this segment of the population has too damn much money. smoked fucking *water*

[CoffeeCat]

105. Brought to you by Chevron...

Is this the gas industry's PR effort to shore up the demand for water that you can light on fire?

Quench your thirst, or roast a brisket over it. Your choice, your water.

[Retrograde]

41. No acai?

Or is that passe by now? Pretentious, much?

[progressivebydesign]

45. Is that a joke? Live pate? wtf? Who fucking eats like that???

Way too much work.

[spinbaby]

84. I eat liver pate all the time

We call it chopped liver. Don't know about the other weird S#!* he eats.

[begin_within]

47. If you ate like that, you'd live to be 150, but you would hate your life.

[Barack_America]

50. This guy cooks/eats 6 times a day. Eating crappy, tasteless food IS his life.

yuck.

[codjh9]

52. Never heard of 'em, and I'm a bit of a foodie. I just saw that he has 'Emu meatballs' on his

list though, too, along with 'cultured vegies' (which should be 'veggies' anyway) ... so it's a pretty hoity-toity little menu he's got there.

[susanna]

53. How many trends can you fit into one advertisement?

Well, you just found out. Kudos, MrScorpio for finding this.

And this guy is a chef? I work in a high-end kitchen and I have yet to eat emu meatballs at 6:30pm, presumably when I'm slinging pans to serve my customers. And the very night I get to relax at 8:30pm with a whackadoodle health-fad muffin and spot of chamomile tea, I'll know only one thing for certain: I'm not working the line anymore.

[LittlestStar]

54. I'd rather be fat than eat Emu meatballs. nt

[Retrograde]

123. I hear it tastes like ostrich

I don't think they're endangered, and for all I know they're farmed in Australia. If they are like ostrich, emu would be a lean red meat: that would be one of the least pretentious and closest to mainstream things on his menu.

I actually like liver pate, although I don't eat it often. A lot of the stuff on the menu makes him sound like the health-nut answer to Sandra Lee: no taste buds, doesn't know when to stop.

[HiPointDem]

55. let alone 'cultured' vegies & alkalised water. the guy eats emu meatballs for chrissake. Emu?

isn't it endangered or something? why would you eat emu in the US?

He looks like a serial killer.

[muriel_volestrangler]

87. I think he is Australian

The derision he's suffering over the internet is centered there: http://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/mkr-hosts-nutty-snacks-activate-twitter-torrent-20121105-28t4k.html

[HiPointDem]

108. apparently living and working in the us, though.

[muriel_volestrangler]

109. "Seven Network" is Australian

As is The Sunday Age, and 'ABC' means Australian Broadcasting Corporation in this case, I think.

[HiPointDem]

110. my error, then.

[Canuckistanian]

58. I've sworn off inert almonds

They're just not that exciting

[OneGrassRoot]

88. LOL....

I was scanning down this thread and laughed out loud. Had to give you a hug of thanks for the chuckle this Monday morning.

[Canuckistanian]

126. ..

[XemaSab]

60. It's gettin' REAL

[jmowreader]

61. Y'know, the problem is...

after eating $75 worth of food in one day, he still looks like the poster child for Biafra Relief.

[Le Taz Hot]

64. I had to look this up:

Cultured Vegetables: Cultured vegetables are made by shredding cabbage or a combination of cabbage and other vegetables and then packing them tightly into an airtight container. They are left to ferment at room temperature for several days or longer. Friendly bacteria naturally present in the vegetables quickly lower the pH, making a more acidic environment so the bacteria can reproduce. The vegetables become soft, delicious, and somewhat "pickled."

http://bodyecology.com/articles/cveggies.php#.UJdZk4aj7q0

Just ick!

[Matariki]

71. And *that* is called *fucking* sauerkraut by non-assholes

[susanna]

73. Or kimchi. :) n/t

[LeftyMom]

67. *I* think that dude eats some weird shit.

[Tabasco_Dave]

68. This diet will help you lose weight

because you will not be able to afford groceries for the rest of the month.

[SaveAmerica]

98. or because you won't want to eat it (unless you add Tabasco!)

[jmowreader]

134. How much Tabasco would you need to consume that?

They have gallon jugs of it at institutional food stores, but most people frown on using a whole one a day.

[NickB79]

69. Anyone want to hazard a guess at what this all costs?

I have a feeling that, even if I could find these ingredients, they'd be ridiculously out of my price range.

[trailmonkee]

75. man, his shit is probably healthier than half the stuff I eat....

[MadrasT]

77. Pretentious asshole. n/t

[A HERETIC I AM]

78. Exactly. You beat me to it.

The answer to the OP's question is;

It means he is pretentious.

[lonestarnot]

80. A new kind of enema. You can eat it or just read it. Either causes a movement.

[liberal N proud]

81. That's nuts

[HappyMe]

82. Ack!

Of course you would lose weight. You would blow the grocery budget in a day or so. You would spend a bunch of time running around the kitchen trying to get this mess prepared. I would have quite the time trying to choke that stuff down, and keeping it down.

[WilliamPitt]

86. This thread is my favorite thing in the whole world.

[Jamastiene]

90. Apparently there is a hidden button on almonds that you have to press to make them healthier.

I never could find the button. So, none of the almonds I have ever eaten were activated. The damn batteries were probably dead in all my almonds anyhow.

[HappyMe]

96. The 'free' batteries that come

with the activated almonds are really crappy. You always have to run out for some Duracells.

[LiberalEsto]

91. This diet sounds almost obsessive-compulsive

I mean, does he spend his entire day making these things and then eating them?

[TwilightGardener]

93. He has to spend part of the day grinding up emus. And then

it's time to alkalize his water...

[LiberalEsto]

127. First he has to catch and kill the emu

then he can start grinding it.

[jmowreader]

135. You can buy emu pre-killed, but I'm not sure you would want to

http://buyexoticmeats.com/emumeats.html

One pound of ground emu is $29.95. He probably gets four meals out of a pound, which means not only does this part of his daily diet cost him $7.50 but he subscribes to the same culinary theory as the chef in one of the restaurants in town here who makes meatloaf out of Kobe beef...using $30 meat to do what $3 meat will do just as well, makes the dish ten times better.

[Arkana]

92. Dude sure eats a lot of activated almonds.

[WilliamPitt]

94. Posted this link on my facebook page

Favorite reply so far: "hilarious. who are these people I need to be with them everyday"

[GoneOffShore]

95. Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.

What a vitalist nut ball.

[Hissyspit]

128. Really. You know how I lost 65 lbs.?

I just didn't eat as much and stayed away from fast food. I did have a daily healthly smoothie, but then grazed/nibbled on anything else I wanted. I did replace most sugar with stevia, but that's no biggie.

[ceile]

97. he must spend all day "cooking"

What living, breathing person eats like this...?

[ceile]

99. "Pete Evans cops Twitter rampage after activated almonds meal diary"

http://www.hospitalitymagazine.com.au/food/news/pete-evans-cops-twitter-rampage-after-activated-al

"The hashtag #activatedalmonds has overtaken 'Melbourne Cup' in the Twitterverse, trending at number one, according to The Age, with sarcastic tweets including "whilst #activatedalmonds have been copping it, I'm a little disturbed by the elitist overtones of 'cultured vegetables'" by @ohno_its_Hayley and "Just as well #Pete Evans eats all those grains and #activatedalmonds - means his colon squeaky clean when he disappears up it" by @cocococo10."

Read the comments.

[mindfulNJ]

102. LOL

Love this:

[Jamastiene]

103. So, basically, from that article, it says:

"Activated nuts are raw organic almonds that are soaked for 12 hours to deactivate the enzyme inhibitors in them, then dehydrated for 24 hours to make them crunchy again."

Couldn't a person just eat the almonds immediately and not waste 36 hours (12 wetting them and then 24 drying them back out again)? That's just ridiculous. No wonder he is losing weight. Half the crap on his list sounds like the stuff you'd either want to bury or throw in the face of whichever pretentious asshole invented it. Some people have too much money and too much time on their hands.

[A HERETIC I AM]

104. Too funny

Love the guy that edited it down to "coffee, pancakes, chips, coffee, lasagne and Tim Tams". My throat hurts from laughing !!

Thanks for that link.

DAMN that's funny.

I love how in his own defense he says people are "offended" by his food choices. No they're not you pretentious nitwit, they think they are ridiculous.

[randome]

101. 'Activated' almonds are brainwashed cashews who have been awakened with a special cue word.

The word is: Brobdingnagian.

[Tommy_Carcetti]

107. Emu meatballs? Cacaou nibs? Goij and Stevia muffin?

[Arkana]

122. Wanna meet the guy who has to harvest the emus for this dude.

He must hate his life.

Seriously, this whole menu oozes "Hi, I have a personal chef and I make gabillions of dollars a year, because otherwise I would literally go on a serial murdering rampage with a spoon if I had to prepare all this shit myself".

[Javaman]

111. Frankly, it's the deactivated almonds you should worry about...

[Dash87]

114. The pretentiousness is burning my eyeballs.

[demwing]

130. It's indistinguishable from a comic stereotype of pretense

I didn't believe this was real at first

[cynatnite]

115. Were they sleeper almonds before they were activated? n/t

[Gidney N Cloyd]

118. 5th column almonds?

[Gidney N Cloyd]

124. OMG! "Manchurian Almonds!"

http://nileshsupermarket.com/almonds.html

[demwing]

129. What a bunch of pretentious activated elitist horseshit

Can't find, couldn't afford, wouldn't enjoy

Emu meatballs? Why emu? Turkey won't work?

By the way, technically, eggs aren't free range. Chickens are free range...eggs just sit there.

[libguyob_19556dd]

132. Ughh, that food sounds revolting

emu meatballs? No thanks.

[libguyob_19556dd]

133. Ughh, that food sounds revolting

emu meatballs? No thanks.