Ha! Romney Slowly Turning Into $100 Bill (Onion)

[trailmonkee]

Romney Slowly Turning Into $100 Bill



TAMPA, FL—Campaign sources expressed concern today over Mitt Romney’s green complexion, papery skin, and slowly flattening body frame, prompting increased speculation that the Republican presidential candidate has been gradually transforming into a $100 bill.

Staff members said the Republican candidate—whose skin pigmentation has now been fully overtaken by optically variable ink and whose spinal column has slowly shifted into an outline of Philadelphia’s Independence Hall—has been undergoing the transformation throughout the campaign and now more closely resembles a banknote than a human being.

“When Mitt’s skin began changing, everyone was worried he was suffering from some sort of strange health condition,” said an anonymous Romney staffer, who went on to describe the loud crinkling noises the candidate now makes whenever he walks, and the potent smell of paper stock that has overwhelmed campaign headquarters since mid-April. “But when one of our aides noticed Benjamin Franklin’s head starting to protrude from Gov. Romney’s chest, it became clear that he was actually becoming money.”

“We’re not really sure how or why this is happening, and Mitt himself has yet to acknowledge it,” the source continued. “With that being said, he has to realize something’s wrong. I mean, he clearly has the phrase ‘federal reserve note’ running straight down his face, for Christ’s sake.”

The first signs of Romney’s metamorphosis into the denomination of U.S. currency were reportedly observed during a November 2011 campaign stop in Alexandria, VA, when a mixture of black and green ink begin flowing out of the candidate’s nose and ears. Aides said they became worried again later that month after spotting what initially appeared to be large, bold tattoos of serial codes and Timothy Geithner’s signature on Romney’s arms.

mo': http://www.theonion.com/articles/romney-slowly-turning-into-100-bill,30211/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default