Effective Disaster Relief in 6 Easy Steps
1) Go someplace the disaster did not hit.
2) Go to Walmart and buy a bunch of "relief supplies." Look for the biggest, least dense things for the dollar. Batteries might help someone, but are small, heavy and expensive. Ramen noodles and paper towels are ideal. (And yes, one sheet of Bounty will suck up three feet of standing water in your basement.)
3) Hand out the relief supplies to people unaffected by a disaster with the requirement that they hand them back to you on camera.
4) Make a show on TV of taking all the stuff you already own as donations from "ordinary people."
5) Load the stuff onto your campaign bus and point the bus to some other area unaffected by the disaster.
6) On the way out of town, swing by a dumpster to ditch the crap, because the odds of you eating Ramen noodles is even lower than the odds you will give them to any disaster victim, or that any disaster victim would benefit from them.
Problem solved. Disaster relieved.
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