BROKEN: The Onion Plans to Become a Mainstream News Source

[MineralMan]

Onion to Abandon Satire - Focus on News Reporting

by Bigh Lisne

In a surprise move, The Onion plans to leave the world of satire it has led for many years and switch to reporting news as it actually occurs. A spokesperson for the publication, speaking anonymously, said, "We can no longer compete with the real news as a satire publication. It has become impossible to differentiate satire from news since Donald J. Trump was elected as President. So, since nobody can tell satire from reality, we will shift to reporting real news, as it happens, beginning on August 1, 2020."

Long a source of copy and paste fodder for social media and discussion forums on the Internet, The Onion has become a symbol of irony and humor online. However, since so many people cannot recognize satire any longer, in the face of the bizarre reality of today's political chaos, the publisher has decided to just report what happens as it happens, and leave the audience to figure it all out.

The magazine's spokesperson stated, "If nobody can identify satire any longer, what is the point? Our talented writers and editors will have to shift to straight reporting. In fact, we have been doing straight reporting for some time already, and nobody has even noticed. We might as well make it our goal to report the truth. It's a sad time for all of us."

[spanone]

1. satire about their satire....

[MineralMan]

2. Meta Satire, eh?

[spanone]

3. precisely

[MineralMan]

4. And just when I was thinking about applying for a job there.

Oh, well...

[George II]

13. DAMN YOU!! That was my first thought and you beat me to it!!!!!

[Ferrets are Cool]

5. You know the satire is fabulous when you can't even tell that it IS satire.

[MineralMan]

6. Yes. Unless some people don't recognize that something is satire,

the satire has failed. I've been posting satirical things on DU for a very long time. I finally had to signal each post as satire in some blatantly obvious way to keep people from alerting on the posts or taking them as truth.

Some people, apparently, cannot detect satire at all. For others, if they are fooled by a satirical post, being fooled is cause for an angry reaction. So, now, when I post satire, I have to flag it at the beginning and at the end, which takes away somewhat from the whole point of writing satire.

I refuse to stop using satire, though.

Oh, well...

[Ferrets are Cool]

8. ...

[wryter2000]

9. The problem is

These says some true events are more ridiculous than satire. Would anyone have believed a member of Congress would say, "casting aspersions on my asparagus"? Sometimes, it's hard to separate reality from satire.

[lindysalsagal]

19. You and me, both. No sense of humor, sometimes....

Back in 2004-2008 this place was hilarious.

[erronis]

24. I've been reading about the wiring of the human brain and jokes and satire.

It seems that "getting" jokes means having empathy - mirror neurons.

You go along with the story and then when it turns in a weird direction you're confused. If you can dig the dilemma and have a laugh, you probably are a liberal (or at least non-conservative.)

A whole lot of theory about laughter when someone has a sprat fall and doesn't get hurt vs. a fall when there's blood oozing out.

Basically, we're evolved(?) simians. Some of whom understand nuances and others who are threatened by new stuff.

[MineralMan]

25. Exactly.

[wryter2000]

7. One of their past headlines on this subject

"The Onion Gives Up."

[MineralMan]

10. I missed that. I only see stuff from the Onion here on

DU. It's not a destination in my browser. My introduction to satire was Mad Magazine, back in the late 1950s and early 60s. My parents forbade me from buying the magazine. They didn't like its satirical take on things. i ignored them and bought it anyhow. Every issue. I'd buy it, read it, and then hand it off to someone else. I never brought one home with me.

I've been writing satire for many, many years, mostly on online and internet forums. I used to also produce a satirical newsletter that I distributed at COMDEX in the press room at that trade show. I did that for 10 years, and it was a popular thing in the computer press.

When Microsoft introduced "Bob," their "social interface" for Windows. I programmed a fully functional Windows shell that was a parody of Bob. It was called "Bubba." It took me just 24 hours to program, and my brother-in-law spent about the same amount of time doing the screen artwork for it. "Bubba" was fully functional and could actually be used as a working shell for Windows. The humor was that it took so little work to create. "Bob" was a joke, really, and "Bubba" pointed that out very clearly.

At the COMDEX that followed the release of "Bob," I distributed about 250 3.5" diskettes with "Bubba" on them, complete with a satirical installation program. "Bubba" was released as "freeware" by my tiny little shareware company. "Bubba" got written up by multiple newspapers, including the San Jose Mercury News, and spread around the world, thanks to all the nice folks in the Press Room at Comdex. One Microsoft employee I knew told me that it was installed on many PCs at the Microsoft campus. When Windows 95 came out, "Bubba" was one of the programs listed in Microsoft's official list of older Windows programs that was fully compatible with Windows 95. That listing was a prank by some Microsoft employee, but "Bubba" actually was fully compatible.

At the time, I was writing software reviews for PC World Magazine. Naturally, I reviewed Microsoft applications. I learned that pressure had been put on the magazine to block me from reviewing Microsoft products. Apparently Microsoft didn't enjoy "Bubba," which was unsurprising. Fortunately, the magazine backed me up and basically told Microsoft that they should learn to take a joke.

Anyhow, Microsoft's "Bob" was a bust, and was a laughingstock product that failed before it even got started. My satirical parody simply reflected "Bob's" uselessness and the scorn given it by just about everyone.

That was my most famous and successful satirical effort.

[erronis]

15. Wow, MM. The Bubba author. and COMDEX.

I may have intersected with you back in the late 80's-90's but the fog of memories are just that.

I think that little project would enjoy a rebirth. Could it be done via a web app (JS) now? (So no one needs to install anything.)

Perhaps it could just dance around the pages in a browser offering inane comments and suggestions. And, of course, a Clippy simulacrum.

[wryter2000]

22. I'd forgotten about Clippie

OMG, "Die, Clippie, die!"

[MineralMan]

23. Bubba will still run in Windows 10.

It has a fixed screen size, though at 640 x 480.

[ms liberty]

11. Yes, this is about the third or fourth iteration of "we can't keep up!"

But it's always fresh and funny each time!

[Lulu KC]

12. I thought they already had!

Gotta love 'em. Thank heavens for humor. Without it many more of us would be dead.

[NCjack]

14. I never suspected it was satire. Instead, I thought the Onion printed

the news just before it happened.

[erronis]

16. Pre-print version. Unfortunately I think some miscreants get ideas about evil from places like Onion

and even DU. Our "hypotheticals" feed into their "let's try this"

[Leith]

17. This is another one for the Google search engine

[patphil]

18. No matter how cynical I get, I can't keep up

Lily Tomlin said this a long time ago; don't know when.
But, it's just as true now as it was then.

The Onion carries on in her great tradition.

[burrowowl]

26. Yes Lily Tomlin knows satire

[Mersky]

20. 👀

Love it - am gonna have to buy some merch from them.

[Paladin]

21. Yet another bullseye by The Onion. (nt)