Pierce: Imagine Running Public Relations for Lysol Right Now

[mcar]

Imagine Running Public Relations for Lysol Right Now
On Thursday's edition of the Five O'Clock Follies, the president* was one step away from telling Dr. Birx to find a virgin to throw in the volcano.

BY CHARLES P. PIERCE
APR 24, 2020

One of the mental exercises I do to stay relatively sane in this strange, aquarium-like existence we’re all living these days is to put myself in the place of someone else. For example, on Friday morning, I imagined myself working in the corporate communications office of Reckett Benckiser, the British-based company that manufactures Lysol.

Working from home, you come into your kitchen. You put down your coffee and your morning copy of the Times of London, and switch on your computer to check your email. There’s one there right at the top of the queue marked, “URGENT,” and it’s from the executive board of the company. Concerned, you open the email, read it twice (because you didn’t believe it the first time), and then set yourself to the task of doing what your bosses want you to do. An hour or so later, the company shares the statement you’ve written with the world, and with NBC News.

"As a global leader in health and hygiene products, we must be clear that under no circumstance should our disinfectant products be administered into the human body (through injection, ingestion or any other route). As with all products, our disinfectant and hygiene products should only be used as intended and in line with usage guidelines. Please read the label and safety information.”

...Then, with every spark gap in his mighty brain sizzling and cracking, the president* launched into the above improv while, over on the sidelines, Dr. Deborah Birx suddenly found herself in a thousand memes, looking as though she’d been hit on the head with a polo mallet. El Caudillo del Mar-a-Lago was really rolling, folks. He was one step away from advising Birx to go out and find a virgin to toss into a volcano.

https://www.esquire.com/news-politics/politics/a32267188/trump-inject-disinfectant-coronavirus-cure-sunlight/

[Dread Pirate Roberts]

1. They're going to have to replace the warning labels with "nutritional facts" labels!

[sop]

2. No, Charlie..."El Pendejo de Mar-a-Lago" or "El Hijo de Puta de Mar-a-Lago"

[Jamastiene]

3. Lysol and all of the UV light companies

should sue the fuck out of Trump from here to eternity. Seriously. They should sue him ahead of time to cover the costs if anyone is stupid enough to take his advice and to point out where the idea came from in the first place.