Southern Governors Argue Covid-19 Good Christian Virus That Wouldn't Dare Spread During Church

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

TALLAHASSEE, FL—In a bold affirmation of faith during a time of widespread global pandemic, the governors of several Southern states confirmed Thursday they have exempted religious services from their shelter-in-place orders, arguing that Covid-19 is a good Christian virus that wouldn’t dare to spread during church. “As far as I can tell, this coronavirus is an upstanding and righteous disease that knows better than to continue its deadly outbreak within a house of God,” Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis said in a statement later echoed by Govs. Bill Lee of Tennessee, Greg Abbott of Texas, and Tate Reeves of Mississippi. “If we were talking about some sort of secular, atheistic virus, churchgoers might have cause for worry. But I believe in my heart this highly communicable pathogen will show respect during services and not do anything to harm the Lord’s flock on our day of rest. Now, what the virus does to the wicked, sinful people in our community—that’s between it and God.” At press time, sources confirmed Southern governors had taken steps to ensure all mosques would be closed indefinitely.

https://politics.theonion.com/southern-governors-argue-covid-19-good-christian-virus-1842665057?utm_source=TheOnion_Daily_RSS&utm_medium=email

[Jamastiene]

1. Well, you got me.

The story sounded real enough, because that is truly how they think.

I heard people talking in the grocery store They were saying their prayers were keeping the county safe. We haven't had a single case so far in my county. They are going about business as usual here. I don't know of any churches here that are not meeting in person. None of them are doing it online or following any protocols for safety. They really do think their god is going to magically protect them.

You got me. Well done. The Onion isn't far from the truth at all. They only slightly exaggerate the truth. Only slightly.

[GemDigger]

2. It's a great day for fishin'. :)

[Terry_M]

3. Some of the batshit crazy Onion Articles are sadly

only inches away from what's really going on.

It makes it a little harder to laugh when you read them =/

[msongs]

4. if it does not bring cash it is not welcome nt

[keithbvadu2]

5. Faith healing service cancelled.

Faith healing service cancelled.

[keithbvadu2]

6. Spell says if anyone in his congregation is infected with the virus, he will heal them through God.

Spell says if anyone in his congregation is infected with the virus, he will heal them through God. "I'm going to address that by laying hands on them and praying for them and depending on God to heal their body," Spell said.

https://www.democraticunderground.com/100213199127