Look at me, I'm like pure man meat. If Mitt Romney, not a conservative, came to CPAC I'd have to throw down. I'd be like, hey Mitt, welcome to the jungle. You know, like the song. The song by Guns N Roses. Welcome to the Jungle. I'd be like welcome to the jungle, baby, you're gonna die. I'd take off the sport coat. I'd be sporting the Jim Jordan, not a closet wrestling coach pedophile, look. But it don't end there. Then the tie comes off. Real men, Mitt, don't wear ties when engaged in fisticuffs. They don't were mom jeans either. And I don't want blood on my shirt so off that goes too. There we are Mitt and me, pure bread white male straight from Arian stock. So we'd be stripped down to our trunks by our seconds. Then we'd be oiled up, of course. Lots of hot steamy oil. After a good wet down, I'm standing there, practically naked, shouting at Mittens, that's his nickname, I'm like Mittens what are you going to do when the Macho Man comes for you. Remember Macho Man, remember him. I'm like, Macho Man! Only better. So, what's he gonna do. Then I imagine Mitt putting up his fists in rage. He's going to throw down. I crack my knuckles ready to take his first hot steamy oiled throe.
And then I have my lawyer, Stephen Biss, send his lawyer a very stern letter telling him if he doesn't apologize for being so not conservative then I'll sue him for 500 million dollars. You know, the way real men do.