Captain the Kidd
Once upon a time, in merry old England, there were some gentlemen who found they had more money at hand they actually needed instantly
Now, as you probably know, people can react in very different ways to a discovery like that!
Some people, for example, might say Hey! I know a hungry beggar who needs some cheer! and then drag the beggar to a nearby pub for a nice plate of steak and potatoes with a flagon of stout to help wash it down
Others would quit their jobs for a quick jaunt to the shore and enjoy the sea-breezes until their surplus was gone
And there are those who will want to spend to fix the barn and buy an extra milk cow or two
But we should add that the particular gentlemen, under discussion here, found that they had so much extra money that they could take several long holidays and fix all the barns in the shire and buy every beggar a cow -- with money left over
So, naturally (for them, at least), they did none of those things but decided instead they needed even more money
There are, of course, many ways they could make more money: they could learn carpentry (say) and then build barns, or they could learn to milk cows and then sell cheese
But because they were gentlemen, they did not consider options requiring too much familiarity with work and instead thought for other approaches to the problem of growing their estates
And finally, they hit upon piracy as the perfect solution
This had the advantage of armed robbery: no special skill is required to amass a real fortune, because one simply takes valuables from other folk
Unfortunately, of course, robbing one's neighbors has the disadvantage that they might find you -- and if they do, they are likely to let you know how displeased they are with you
But on the high seas, you can cast your new acquaintances adrift and sail away in their boat, after scuttling your own, happy in the knowledge that you are unlikely ever to cross paths with them again
Thus having conceived the perfect plan, the gentlemen of our story hired lawyers to draw up charters and contracts, so that no one might be cheated; they outfitted a ship; and they hired the great English patriot William Kidd to sail about the world, defending merry old England by seizing the property of any evil fellows he might find defiling the waves
Kidd and his crew were to take their own share from whatever they might confiscate; and the rest was to come back to the original gentlemen, by-passing any customs declaration, so that no fruits of their labor be lost to taxes
Perhaps bobbing about for months in a tiny ship, surrounded by mates dreaming only of pillaging any passing vessel to return home rich, can make people grumpy sometimes
Whatever the cause, warm fuzzy feelings between Kidd and his crew did not endure: Kidd thought his crew undisciplined and mutinous; and the crew, similarly, acted as if Kidd was not a pleasant and virtuous man
Meanwhile complaints came back to merry old England, suggesting that Kidd's gang was not patriotically defending the national security by attacking evil-doers on the high sea but merely playing pirates
Eventually the slow-grinding law was sent after him; and he was brought back for trial as a murderous thug
The gentlemen, of whom we have previously spoken, had their investments to protect and therefore defended Kidd and his crew, as great men in service to God and country
Kidd has his lawyers; and they presented that no one had witnessed the murder and that Kidd, anyway, was justified in the act, on the grounds that he was putting down a mutiny
The court was not satisfied by this defense
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