What Did Americans Get Stuck In Their Butts (And Other Places) This Year?

[TheBlackAdder]

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We Americans as a people are extremely good at shoving things inside ourselves. We are slightly less good at getting them back out without the aid of trained medical personnel.

For a decade I've been chronicling our country's cavity misadventures, and I've learned several things. First is that it's dangerous to be horny. (The sheer number of sex toys removed in emergency rooms is too high to include on this list, for the most part.) Second is that men are far, far stupider than women when it comes to estimating what will fit and what will be retrievable. This is obvious, but it's nice to have the data to back it up. Third is that the human body is a wondrous thing, but the human imagination is even stronger.

All reports are taken from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s database of emergency room visits, and all descriptions are verbatim. Objects are sorted by orifice, working south:


EAR

2 WIRELESS EARBUDS
JEWEL
“SISTER PUT LONG SLENDER TOY IN PATIENT'S EAR”
METAL PIECE OF SHIRT
ROCK SALT
BERRY
“PATIENT SAYS SHE HAD WAX IN EAR & ATTEMPTED TO REMOVE WITH TWEEZERS & PIECE OF STRING”
PAPER IN BOTH EARS
“PLACED THERMOMETER IN EAR, FELL ON BED”
JUICE BOX STRAW
.
.
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so much more at the jump:
https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/v74mgb/what-did-we-get-stuck-in-our-rectums-last-year

Who says Americans don't innovate?

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[CurtEastPoint]

1. Why yes, that IS a coat hanger up my butt. No, I really don't know how it got there.

Uh huh

[CaptYossarian]

5. What were they trying to abort?

And why didn't Trump's mom think of it?

[Yonnie3]

2. I worked above an Emergency Room quite a few years ago.

They had a drawer with x-rays of all sorts of inanimate objects in various places. Eventually they were told they could no longer maintain the "object file" for legal reasons. That was long before HIPAA. Money, light bulb, soda bottle, and broken drumstick are a few that I recall.

[MuseRider]

3. I was just going to add something very similar

from my years in the ER and also reading path reports in the lab. Amazing what people stick in themselves and others.

[Codeine]

4. Fusilli Jerry.