BREAKING NEWS: Sarah Huckabee Sanders to headline new ABC reality competition show this spring.
Former White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders will be following the example of her predecessor Sean Spicer, as ABC has announced that she will be one of several contestants on a brand new celebrity reality competition airing this March on the broadcast network.
Huckabee Sanders will appear on "Kicking Random Strangers in the Nuts with the Stars," alongside several other names, including musical artists A$AP Rocky (the subject of a recent Swedish prosecution for assault) and Bhad Bhabie (best known for her appearance on Dr. Phil where she famously proclaimed "Cash me outside!" ), Youtube personality Timothy Franklin a.k.a. "LordFartFace69420666" (whose account reviewing old episodes of Power Rangers from the 1990s after inhaling helium currently has over 4.2 million followers), and anywhere between 2 to 4 Kardashian-Jenners.
Also initially announced to appear on KRSITNWTS was highly controversial former neighborhood watchman George Zimmerman, who was acquitted of charges of murdering unarmed teenager Trayvon Martin; however, a spokesperson for Zimmerman stated his client would not be appearing on the show after all, citing "scheduling conflicts."
When Zimmerman's spokesperson was asked about the nature of those scheduling conflicts, he stated it was due to "legal issues," adding, "Not any specific legal issues; it's just with George we pretty much have to assume he's going to be stuck up to his neck in some legal issue or another every couple of months."
Details at Eleven.
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Dr. Martens?
your thread title came dangerously close to not being satire. Great writing though. 
