Have any of you lost good friends because of politics or religion?

[Poiuyt]

I have an old friend who has always been very conservative and very religious. We have made a bit of a deal to never discuss these items and to focus on what we have in common, which is a lot. Lately, he and his wife have become more radical in their views to the point that they almost seem unhinged. Some of my other friends are saying how difficult it is to be with them because everyone needs to walk on eggshells in their presence.

I don't feel comfortable ditching an old friend because of his political views, but on the other hand, these are the facets that define our character, vision, and moral principles. Is it possible to be friends with someone whose core values are so different from our own?

[Sea Glass]

1. "Is it possible to be friends with someone whose core values are so different from our own?"

No.

I don't think so.

Personally, I need to have some respect for someone's intelligence in order to be friends with them, and any rightwing/Trumpfan/religious loons automatically disqualify themselves, IMO.

[evertonfc]

2. Never

We have are occasional debates and arguments but my friendship with them is thicker than politics. We agree to disagree. My close friends don't even talk politics much. We may joust each other every now and then.

[OhNo-Really]

3. Yes, several sadly

Trumpists’ need “to be right” seems relentless & they got angry with me for not agreeing. One has a PhD & a religious zealot. Too old, walked away. Solitude is good ✨☺️✨

Why can’t zealots just go find a quiet place to practice? Why the need to be control freaks? A mystery 🤷🏻?♀️

[Sherman A1]

4. Yes, during the Clinton impeachment

We talked for awhile on the phone from time to time and after his ranting one day, I just never called back nor did he. It was sad as we shared a mutual hobby, but I wasn't going out of my way to listen to a bunch of right wing crap.

As to you situation, you will have to make your own choices, but as described it wouldn't be so much a point of you ditching them as them ditching the group of friends you described.

I will be respectful of others points of view and the social situation of the moment but at this stage of my life I am damn well not walking on egg shells for anyone.

[maxsolomon]

22. Good time to call him up and ask if he's willing to be consistent.

Or will he apply the IOKIYAR principle to Impeachment?

Probably no point to it, as we all know the answer.

[Sherman A1]

23. Not able to do that

he passed away a few months ago.

[catbyte]

5. I'm sad to say that it was not possible for me to remain friends with a guy I've known for almost

50 years because of his support for that thing currently infesting the White House. He kept quiet during the Obama years, but once that thing got selected he went a racist rant about the Obamas & on a tirade about how nice it will be to have a "classy First Lady" again and I just lost it. I haven't seen, spoken or had any contact with him since November 10, 2016. I had no idea he was so full of hate. He hid it well but I guess he felt liberated to express all the ugliness that was apparently bottled up all these years. That thing seems to have that effect on people.

I thought I might miss him. I don't.

YMMV, though.

[Heartstrings]

6. I hadn't spoken with my gun thumping trumper older brother for almost 2 years....

I bit the bullet and called him last week. I kept the conversation away from politics and focused on our health and families. It was good to hear his voice but I think differently about him now...sad to say. It has affected my perception of both friends and relatives. I “see” them now for who they were all this time since trump gave them credence to become vocal.

[malchickiwick]

7. Lost pretty much my entire family when I apostatized Mormonism; further lost my Mom to FOXNEWS.

She says that if she is brainwashed (which she is, twice over) she is happy that way.

[virgogal]

8. Nope,and never will. Some have different religions too.

[Jake Stern]

9. Only one so far

She was such a kind spirit and then she joined the Army. She came out the other end a hard right Trumper Type. All her Facebook posts ranted about how nice it was to have a president who supported the military and puts America first, blah blah blah.

Another thing she goes on about is how she “don’t trust civilians”.

Just couldn’t take it anymore.

[11 Bravo]

10. No.

The truly good friendships that I enjoy have been forged over decades. I don't require their abject obeisance to my point of view to appreciate their company.
That would make me Donald Fucking Trump.
It can get heated at times, but the same dynamic has applied over the years to my immediate family. I never stopped loving any of them, and I've never seen a reason to abandon a good friendship over similar disagreements.
(It's also possible that you and I share different definitions of what constitutes a "good friend".)

[Sea Glass]

59. Trump supporters are either 1. racist or 2. just fine and dandy with racism

(which pretty much makes the number 2s into number 1s). They are also fine with sexual assault (from Trump, Kavanaugh, etc.). I really don't understand how you can look past that in a friendship.

[AncientGeezer]

66. My SIL isn't a racist...she would vote against any Democratic candidate though.

She is AA..unabashedly Conservative woman, in Upstate N.Y. that will hit you in the mouth if you say the N word or any other racist crap.

She's my family...and my friend.....I don't broad brush.

[Sea Glass]

67. By voting for Republicans like Trump, though, she is 100 percent enabling racism.

Pure and simple.

[AncientGeezer]

68. BS......but hang with that.

[Sea Glass]

71. I will. Because it's true.

She supports racists and her support and her votes allow them to enact their racist policies, like ripping families apart at the border.

[MarcA]

77. Agreed. Enablers and Quislings. n/t

[11 Bravo]

88. Welcome to DU.

I've been waiting for someone to show me the light.

[hlthe2b]

11. yes... With some I have been able to achieve a mutual detente' but others

it just isn't possible to maintain any level of mutual respect.

[tenderfoot]

12. Yes.

eom

[Olafjoy]

13. Yes

Broke off friendship with one couple who are all in for the idiot. They are not the people I thought they were.

[bluecollar2]

14. Yes...I no longer associate with a lot of people....

You stated, "I don't feel comfortable ditching an old friend because of his political views, but on the other hand, these are the facets that define our character, vision, and moral principles. Is it possible to be friends with someone whose core values are so different from our own?"

I had that philosophical battle when Bush made the decision to invade Iraq.

It got worse when the Tea Party racists and bigots took over the Republican party during the Obama administration.

I agree with you that it's about core values. I have chosen that those who do not share the same core values are not worth wasting any more time on.

[CountAllVotes]

15. Yes

They made their choice, me or dump.

They chose dump.

They can have him.

At least I know!

[True Blue American]

55. I lost a whole Church

And many good friends. I have not seen or heard from them in 3 years.

One I called when she was ill because a mutual friend asked me to. She was not friendly. I had taken her to have eye surgery twice, stayed with her right up to the surgery. Not even a thank you. Beginning of the end.

[CountAllVotes]

63. It takes what it takes

My god, by the time it was all boiled down you sure found out.

What a waste of time!

Glad you are free of these parasites.

You are the winner now!!

Welcome to the "Good Riddance Club" so to speak!

[mitch96]

16. Same here. Lost a long time friend to crazy conservative views

Known him for 55 years and over that time he changed. Anti war hippy in the late 60's and now a gun loving tRump humper. I have other conservative friends and it all works. We just don't talk politics... My one friend just can't stay away from talking shit about Liberal ideas and whats worse is he has it in his mind that he is gonna "change me"..... ahhhhhh no. I told him repeatedly to just cut it out and he can't help him self. I had to cut him off.
I really miss my friend and were did he go?? The guy I knew long ago is not the guy I know now..
m

[GusBob]

17. Yes. Friends, Family, and business associates. All without regret

It was a pleasure to punt them losers out of my life

[Efilroft Sul]

18. I've totally shut out my Trump-supporting family members. No great loss, really.

Plus, I ditched about half my college friends when they were more concerned about their guns being grabbed after Sandy Hook instead of all the children who died there. Again, no loss to me.

[Raine]

19. No, never

I don't expect everyone to think the same way I do, friends and family are more important.

[Jake Stern]

25. I wouldn't break a friendship or familial bond merely because someone supports Trump

The support has to be so extreme that I simply cannot ignore it any longer. With the friend I walked away from her Trumplan bullshit got so bad that it led me to conclude that she was a hopelessly lost cause. There was no coming back.

[Skittles]

27. amazing you can do that

I don't tolerate racist assholes, not friends or family. Not at ALL

[Sea Glass]

60. Yep ... I don't get that "it's just politics" attitude.

No, it's not. It's essential values, like being against racism and sexual assault, and expecting friends to have a basic level of decency.

[CountAllVotes]

62. Nail on head

You are so right.

It really has nothing at all to do with politics but it is all about core values in life, i.e. good v. evil, etc.

You have to wonder what sort of decency these people have in them, if any at all!

The ones I have "lost" mean nothing to me now.

Good damn riddance!!!

[MarcA]

78. +1,000 n/t

[Talitha]

20. Yes I have, and here's the question I always ask myself beforehand.

If I were to meet this person for the first time today, would I care to pursue a friendship with them? If the answer is no, then I cut my losses and move on.

[Freedomofspeech]

21. Yes...

Some high school friends who worship trump. I cannot associate with anyone who lacks a heart and soul. No regrets, just sad this had to happen.

[marlakay]

24. My best friend I had for 25 yrs

Since early 20’s when I met her in church, we stopped being friends because we no longer had religion in common. I stopped going to church early 30’s and we continued for awhile but it just got to the point where I had changed so our friendship did.

I still send her Christmas card and have lunch once every few years but not super close.

[The Wielding Truth]

26. Not my close friends. I chose them for their integrity.

[pbmus]

28. Not only friends but family...

Most of my family are sadly cult members...their entire concept of victimization is paramount to their paranoia which is the core of the sickness that the Con has tapped into...fear of color, immigrants, etc.etc....

[CountAllVotes]

41. That's what I have too

A whole shitload of them.

They all live on a plot of ground and read that bible everyday and the kids are home schooled so no one ever sees them, including me.

What a sick way to live but, they have their guns! Oh yeah baby!!

Guns + dump + tax-breaks = 100% in their little world.

[The Genealogist]

29. My uncle and his brood

They have two topics of conversation: their conservative politics, and their conservative religion. I do my best to avoid them. There was a time when they cared about other things, but those days are long past.

[onecaliberal]

30. Yes, my daughter. Married a religious fanatic. His family are trump cultists as well.

They basically stopped visiting and then communication became less and less until it came to a halt.

[Upthevibe]

76. onecaliberal.....So sorry to hear that

you basically have lost your daughter.

[onecaliberal]

80. Yes and my 2 grandchildren.

[Wounded Bear]

31. Well, not really any "good" friends...

depending on how you define good, of course.

[50 Shades Of Blue]

32. An old friend ditched me when I didn't support her support of Trump.

[Iggo]

33. Yep.

Don't miss 'em.

[MLAA]

34. It really isn't a matter of politics anymore, it is a matter of morals

I have stopped seeing a couple of 30 year friends. Their politics were always a bone of contention but after trump it became a difference of morals.

[nocoincidences]

35. My family is mostly dead already

but I have good friends, including my best friend, who are all militant liberals so we get along fine.

I used to hang out on a current events forum that went right wing and almost all the liberals migrated to other boards. I had one friend from there that really pissed me off a few months ago and I called him a nazi too many times and we no longer speak. No loss really.

I will absolutely not waste a minute of my personal time with anyone with a Trumpian defect, because that is what it is to me. It is a seriously defective character that no amount of love can make tolerable for me.

YMMV

[Kilgore]

36. Never ever

A friendship that cannot handle something as trivial as a political disagreement is not much of a friendship.

[Boomer]

84. Trivial?

There is nothing the least bit trivial about today's politics. For some of us, it's a matter of life and death.

[DiverDave]

37. Yep

Turns out, he wasn't that good of a friend after all.

[Girard442]

38. The problem is that when Trump came along, people felt free to take their masks off.

It's not that "Trump came between us". It's more like, that person I thought I was close to never actually existed. Once you've seen what's under the mask, you can never unsee it.

[CountAllVotes]

42. They all came out of their proverbial closets

Be is the closet of racism, misogyny, xenophobia, etc.

They let it all hang-out for all to see what a shock it has been for me.

I never really knew they were *that* way!

No god damn thanks!!!

[Eliot Rosewater]

51. I had a friend who was a MA hippie pot smoking love love love person who started

watching Fox News and a few years later she described to me why OUR black people were so dumb, mean and useless. It was because when the slave ships brought slaves over they stopped in Europe first and they got the pick of the litter and what we got were the dregs.

I shit you not.

I used to smoke pot with this woman and listen to her go on and on about love and peace, and fox turned her into this.


Oh, yeah, no we are not friends anymore. I wrote her or them a letter and told them I cant be friends with racists but if they want to stop being racists we could be friends again. have not heard back

[JDC]

39. Yes

[Kaleva]

40. No, because the topics aren't discussed. And on the rare occasions they are, I say nothing.

[ooky]

43. Sadly, one.

He became radicalized to the point it had become the elephant in the room. We just finally stopped calling.

[VarryOn]

44. No...

Being from Arkansas and growing up as a Southern Baptist, I had to learn pretty quickly not to let politics and religion interfere with friendships. For the most part, friends and I have agreed to disagree. With my best friend, however, we tease the hell out of each other over politics.

I expect to finally get some great impeachment jibes in tomorrow. I owe him big time over the 201y election!

[Hekate]

45. Because "politics" is one of my filters, only one. We'd been friends for years and worked on various

....social justice and anti-war causes. She's more to the left of me, but that was never an issue. But on the day we had lunch 2 weeks before the 2016 election, she told me all the reasons she never could and never would vote for Hillary, that criminal.

We departed amicably enough on the surface, but somehow I never could bring myself to phone her again.

[Ingersollman]

46. Yes

I have. As far as how I relate to acquaintances who I know are tRumpers, I am polite but unswerving in my disdain for him. If they engage, they get my full opinion. If they do not engage, I refrain.

[RainCaster]

47. Yes, we have lost several

My daughter served on a jury panel this year for her first time. It was an eye opened to her. The biggest surprise was seeing the husband of her former Sunday school teacher tell the judge that he could not be fair and impartial because he hates all minorities.

DFT is bringing out all this hatred into the open. He has to go.

[Jake Stern]

83. Feigning racism is an old dodge to get out of jury duty

Even so that still would make him an epic asshole.

[HAB911]

48. Yes, 5

based on their lack of judgement, and I refuse to listen to their BS

[el_bryanto]

49. Not many but a few. Mostly politics.

I annoy people by asking them for their source if they make outlandish claims (which Republicans and Conservatives in the age of Trump tend to do).

Bryant

[Johnny2X2X]

50. Yes, but kept some too

Totally lost a good friend who just believes crazier and crazier things, she's in the Alex Jones wing of Trumpism.

But have other friends who are Trumpists who we just never talk politics.

[dchill]

52. Yes.

[The Polack MSgt]

53. Friends and relatives. Not recently though. talked about it in 2017

https://www.democraticunderground.com/10029822240

[MaryMagdaline]

54. Yes. 5 or 6

Plus, I will not befriend others. No new trumpers.

[redstatebluegirl]

56. I had a number of good friends that I have lost over my hatred of Trumper.

The one I have managed to keep I have had for over 40 years, she became over the top Trump in 2016. Her husband had just lost his job at age 58 and they were living off the money they saved for his retirement. He got a job a few weeks ago, it doesn't pay what his old job does, but it has benefits.

She had been a lifelong democrat until Trump promised them he would get them all good jobs. I decided her brain quit working due to the stress they were under.

We don't speak about politics at all, that is the agreement we have so we can remain friends and I can help her if needed. Not the best situation but it works for us.

The other ones, I could not work with anymore. Some were friends since High School.

[IronLionZion]

57. I've lost bad friends over Trump

and am better off because of it!

[phylny]

58. I've lost respect for my 92-year-old father.

He loves Trump. He watches Fox and OAN. He's not the man I grew up with. I don't discuss it with him, although he knows my views.

[TommyCelt]

61. I have.

In the last 2 years, primarily. I cannot respect anyone who continues to support this charlatan.

I am an interfaith minister so I am generally tolerant on religion, until a person uses it to try and publicly/legally oppress others. Then we're gonna have an issue.

[Codeine]

64. A few.

They have been enabled to express their inner ugliness by the current social and political climate and I’ve been dismayed by what I’ve seen. I want no part of such people.

[AncientGeezer]

65. No..we know the boundries in my social/family circle...

[Hong Kong Cavalier]

69. I did. In 2007.

Back in late 2003 to early 2004 I was pretty much homeless and couldn't afford an apartment by myself in the city I was living in. I didn't want to move in with complete strangers as the city is pretty much a college city. So my now ex-friend who lived in a nearby town invited me to rent out a room in his basement.

A month later I had to quit my job as one of my co-workers threatened my life; He'd shown up 90 minutes late for his shift and then fiddled around for another 30. When I asked him to help me with the early prep before the restaurant opened, he threatened me by implying that he was going to cut my throat with a chef's knife.

My friend used to want to get into political discussions with me (we'd roomed together in college for a few years) and him, being a conservative and me being a liberal, would never find any common ground. But after I moved into his basement, things were different. He enjoyed goading me into arguments and make outlandish statements to get me angry. I heard him admit this to my friend who was helping me move out; I was in the basement boxing up stuff while he was carrying my computer desk with my now ex-friend's help to the van. I heard him through the window.

My friend Andy confirmed what he'd said after we'd packed everything up and were on the way to my new apartment. I talked with him a few times after that; finding out that he'd 'become' a born-again Christian (who loved talking about his favorite porn stars, still) and by 2007 I'd made up my mind.

I visited the city we'd both went to college in, met him at an excellent burrito place, and had one last lunch with him. Then told him I'd see him next time.

Haven't talked to him since. If he'd wanted an honest discussion/debate, he should have told me.

But he wanted to get me angry because his own home life was a wreck. His son didn't listen to him (granted, the son was 3), his stepdaughter didn't listen to him, and his wife (who he married 'cause he got her pregnant) was sneaking out several nights each week and going to a casino to blow their money there.

Since he had zero control over his family, my theory was that he goaded me into getting furious with him because he could control that.

I'm pretty sure he's a frothing MAGAt, too.

The hypocrisy is that he's a Union bus driver for the city. He loves the job because of (get this) the health benefits. But he hates the union and wants to quit it.

[Raftergirl]

70. I don't have any

friends or relatives who are Trumplicans, but I did fire my lawn mower guy two years ago when he showed up with TRUMP in big letters written on the bag of his riding mower. I told him I didn’t want anyone, even someone just driving by my house, to assume I condoned even another person’s support of Trump.

[Poiuyt]

74. I would have done the same

I used to be self employed. I was always VERY careful about keeping my political views to myself. I didn't want to lose any customer because of my views.

[soldierant]

73. This whole discussion puts me in mind

of the premise that a merciful God doesn't send people to hell.

Well, that's right. He doesn't. People who go there go there by their own choice., often with their eyes open.

Trump supporters may be smug, but they are not happy.There's no room for happiness with all that hate in there. It shows clearly in that they can't even talk about their own views without displaying intense anger and hatred. They are in a hell that they chose, though they don't realize it's hell.

I don't want or need to go there (even to visit.) But it's not them I'm rejecting. It's the place they are in.

[DFW]

75. Yes, but only if all parties put their cards on the table and leave their guns at the door

Quoting obvious lies to make a point poisons the deal.

I am friends with a guy who is so far off the deep end, he is barely on the same planet as I am. He is in his mid-eighties now, and is still sharp as a tack and (unfortunately) very active. He almost singlehandedly took direct mail fundraising from a footnote to a major force that ushered in Reagan's victory over Carter in 1980. If you hear him speak, you'd think the Devil had resigned because he knew he could never compete.

To my great chagrin, I found he is also personable, aware, and a great listener, though be prepared for him to twist anything you say to conform to his point of view.

He, himself, makes no illusions or hides anything, but never shouts or loses his friendly polite demeanor. It's a good thing Fox Noise never hired him 20 years ago, because he would have given the extremist right a congenial, eloquent face that they do not deserve. They deserve (and got) the likes of Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert and Fox and Frauds.

But back to the OP. Have I actually LOST anyone? Well, there was this one "almost (never quite happened)" girlfriend with whom I stayed in contact over the last 46 years. She's Danish but came to the States as a baby, raised bilingually in Utah, had some REALLY bad luck in her personal life, and I don't think she's genuinely thrilled with her situation now, but she has come to terms with it. A confirmed member of the God Squad (thought Reagan was his twin brother), and was delighted when Trump was declared the winner in 2016. I haven't heard any commentary from her on her current opinion, but as she no doubt watches only Fox Noise, I'm sure she is a true believer. She is smart and capable, but also very vulnerable. I know from talking with at least one her children that the daughter is anything but.

We still send Christmas cards, but it has recently dwindled to only that. When we first met, I adored her, and thought what a wonderful life's partner she would make. Maybe, if she had hung around me and my friends instead of the ones she ended up with, it would have even turned out that way. Fate had other plans, and for my part, I couldn't be happier. I'm always noticing how the few people I know who could have gone either way, and went far right, are those who never found personal happiness. They tended to seek promises and assurances that things would get better "if only..." The far right and religion both promise that. Some people, no matter how much innate intelligence they possess, are vulnerable to such promises, no matter how much logic screams at them that they are barking up the wrong tree.

For the record, my wife will never ever vote for a Democrat. She is a German citizen (we live in Germany, for those who don't know), and will not move to the USA. She only votes in Germany (when they let her! But that's another story). She votes Green on the local level, and SPD nationally, although they put up SUCH an idiot candidate last time, she voted for Merkel (first time EVER). For my part, I would move to Mars if that were the only way to stay with her, so Germany was nowhere near as drastic an adjustment (the place DOES take some getting used to, though).

[lkinwi]

79. I didn't speak to my older brother when he continued to support Scott Walker after Act 10.

He passed away suddenly without a reconciliation, so I’m trying to do it differently with my tRump supporting cousins. We’ve agreed to not discuss politics, and if one gets close to spewing something stupid, another shuts them up. It would actually be funny to watch if it wasn’t so sad that they have chosen to support such an idiot. It also helps that we only see each other 2 or 3 times a year. I doubt that it would work if we saw each other regularly.

[moonscape]

81. Yes. An old friend since 1971, and we

had gone through a lot together over those years. The end began the night of 45's victory with a stunning email message.

Too long a story to tell, but it's more than about politics, rather about values, truth, trust, and betrayal that politics unearthed ... and I needed to end the friendship.

While sad, I have no regrets, and decided to remember the love and good times we shared before those days became too buried to accurately recall.

[deurbano]

85. It's like with my wingnut sister. It's more than the politics. It's about who she is. I tolerated a

lot through the years for the sake of family, but that thing's election seemed to give her permission to give up any pretense of being a decent person.

[CanonRay]

82. Several friends, several relatives

If they still support Trump, they're dead to me.

[Boomer]

86. I've lost relatives over our differences in morals and values...

Predictably, I learned of their Trump support later. Politics are a reflection of values, so I wasn't the least bit surprised.

I'm Hispanic, gay, liberal, atheist. They're White, straight, conservative, evangelicals. They started the rift with racist jokes and finished it with their disapproval of my marriage. Their Trump support was just one more sign that we might share some fragments of DNA, but we're not my family.

[Awsi Dooger]

87. A lot more than one

Many friends from college and also Las Vegas. It's more or less acknowledged that we'll never communicate against, due to Trump.

Most of them somehow thought they could babble their typical crap and not earn a response. When I did respond they couldn't handle it so they broke away.

I don't care except for two of them, one male and one female. It might take a while but I hope those friendships can resume some day.

[Blue_true]

89. If dealing with the man and his wife leaves you with many negative emotions that

you have to deal with, them the friendship is not worth your time.