Mitch McConnell Announces Senate Will Close Until 2021 for Repainting

[Rhiannon12866]

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a move that raised eyebrows in the nation’s capital, the Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, announced on Monday that the United States Senate would be closed until the year 2021, “for repainting.”

Calling the current state of the Senate’s paint job “a national disgrace,” McConnell said that repainting the Senate was “the most urgent problem facing our democracy today.”

“The Democrats can waste their time with all their usual hijinks and tomfoolery, but I cannot stand idly by and watch the walls of this hallowed chamber grow dingy and chipped,” McConnell said.

The Kentucky Republican said that he had not yet selected the shade of white to be used to repaint the Senate, but aides indicated that he had narrowed the choices to Ivory, Seashell, and Mascarpone.

Although the proposed paint job would require the Senate to be on recess for the next fifteen months, McConnell could not guarantee that that would give Republican senators enough time to read the whistle-blower’s complaint.


Short article, no more at link: https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/mitch-mcconnell-announces-senate-will-close-until-2021-for-repainting



Photograph by Chip Somodevilla / Getty

[ffr]

1. Beginning at 10:44 EST Wednesday, no doubt.

That's one way to avoid a vote to convict or acquit on articles of impeachment.

[TexasTowelie]

2. The one thing for which we can be certain is that Mitch McConnell knows all about disgraces

since he is one himself.

[Rhiannon12866]

4. Between his reaction to Obama and now Trump, he's so transparent that it's cringeworthy

I honestly can't believe he's still there!

[Grokenstein]

3. It's sad

...that it actually took me a few seconds to realize this was satire. That's where we are now: there is no scheme too blatant, too preposterous for these swine anymore. The bar has been lowered to the exact center of the Earth.

[BumRushDaShow]

5. Now THAT is a good one!

It's hard for Borowitz and the The Onion to find something to parody because the real goings-on are so insane.

[Rhiannon12866]

6. He is the clever one, LOL

And I've often said the same thing about the late night comedians! They barely need writers these days!

[lindysalsagal]

7. Wonder if Benjamin Moore has one called "Milketoast"?

or, maybe, "Head In The Sand"?

[empedocles]

8. Seems a bit flimsey. Where is the 'Prorogue'?

[Duppers]

9. 😂