It's Time to Come to the Aid of Your "pResident"
With the next presidential election a little more than a year away, it’s time for his supporters to provide the tools he’ll need to run his campaign.
In order to appeal to his ‘base’, his current requirements include:
Videos of crying children – the more traumatized, the better. Audio portion should feature sobs and plaintive cries for mommy and/or daddy. Brown-skinned kids preferred, but hungry white kids who have been denied school lunches because their parents can’t afford to pay for them will do in a pinch. Apparently, the “pResident’s” base just eats this stuff up – so do your bit to help spread the word!
Live babies to be used as props in photo-ops. Infants orphaned by mass shootings preferred, but not a must. (Note: white babies only please!)
Black and brown adults to stand behind Trump at rallies – remuneration commensurate with experience. Bonuses paid for wearing MAGA hats and tees (purchased at your own expense.)
Creative suggestions for placards, yard signs and bumper-stickers. Just complete the sentence ”Trump is the greatest man who ever lived because ______.” No over-the-top accolade refused.
Audio equipment that will play pre-recorded sound of a helicopter when Trump speaks, enabling him to later claim that he didn’t say exactly what he did say.
High-quality photo-shopped pics of Trump crossing the Delaware with George Washington, shutting down airports during the Revolutionary War, addressing the 63,000,000 people attending his inauguration, etc.
Scented stationery for love letters to Kim Jung Un, along with heart-shaped I LUV U! and SWAK stickers to decorate the envelopes.
Knee-pads with presidential seal to be used at upcoming meetings with Putin, plus portable paper shredder to destroy translator’s notes of same.
A list of incompetent, inexperienced people who can be called upon to replace Trump appointees when they are forced to resign due to scandal and/or pending criminal charges.
Pre-printed pardons for Trump cronies currently serving prison sentences – and those who will undoubtedly be indicted before next November.
A copy of the Constitution that Trump keeps telling us actually exists – the one that says a “pResident” can do whatever the fuck he wants, whenever he wants, without limitation.
And don’t forget the importance of financial contributions. Just because your “pResident” doesn’t pay his bills doesn’t mean he can walk around with empty pockets. Don’t forget who gave you middle-classers that massive tax-cut – surely you can afford the maximum donation now that you’re rollin’ in the dough!
Now is the time for all racists, bigots, and low-IQ dumbasses to come to the aid of their “pResident”. Without your help to re-elect Trump, he will be defeated in 2020 – plunging the country into the inevitable chaos of having a competent, truthful, intelligent non-criminal running the country.
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