Valerie Harper's husband says he can't send her to hospice

[Demovictory9]

(CNN)Valerie Harper's husband says he will not follow doctors' advice to put his wife in hospice care.

Tony Cacciotti posted a note on his wife's official Facebook page Tuesday regarding her current medical state.
"I have been told by doctors to put Val in Hospice care and I can't [because of our 40 years of shared commitment to each other] and I won't because of the amazing good deeds she has graced us with while she's been here on earth," the note began. "We will continue going forward as long as the powers above allow us, I will do my very best in making Val as comfortable as possible."

https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/24/entertainment/valerie-harper-hospice/index.html

[Thomas Hurt]

1. Huh? Hospice comes to you.

They are helping with the care of my step dad in home and have been for weeks.

[handmade34]

3. yes

Hospice comes to your home... they have helped with my husband and father... possibly Valerie Harper's husband just refuses to use the word "hospice" as it might indicate giving up and they don't want to believe they are???

[GoCubsGo]

7. Yeah, I read that as "We're not giving up."

It's not that he misunderstands how hospice works. He's saying they don't believe she is at the point where it's necessary.

[Ms. Toad]

36. Which is sad, because hospice makes life so much gentler

that a number of people - especially those who take advantage of early hospice - graduate from hospice.

A friend of mine with a chronic liver disease finally died after as second period in hospice at least 2 years after her first period ended. When she finally allowed herself to stop fighting (the first time) her body had space for some more living.

[customerserviceguy]

4. Sometimes, yes

My Dad had in home hospice care because he and my mother decided on that (well, mostly her, but after sixty years of marriage, you learn not to argue with Mom). But my next-door neighbor, with no one in his home to care for him, and kids living hours away went into the hospice that he himself was part of founding when he was a practicing oncologist.

So, there are two paths, depending on what other resources a dying person has.

[blueinredohio]

9. Here where I live you can have hospice come into your home or

They have a place kind of like a nursing home where they can go. The difference is at home the nurses come to visit but you do most of the work but in a hospice home the nurses do it.

[CountAllVotes]

14. That is how things went w/my late mother

She had six months to live she was told.

Sadly, she could not go back to where she lived for legal reasons (long story).

In any event, she ended up at a place called a "New Beginnings" care home. She was there for two months and passed away.

Hospice came and went.

It was such a tragic situation.

It seems like it was just yesterday but my god, it was almost 20 years ago now.

[uponit7771]

30. +1

[mopinko]

19. in the agency that i volunteer for, about 1 in 10 come to in patient unit

for end of life care. the usual stay in unit is less than 1 week.
by then, even most of those patients have had in home care.

people also spend time on the unit for other reasons; caregiver respite, pain control regimen changes, ancillary care like dealing w infections, catheters, and such.

even tho we take care of some people for years, w alzheimers, als, ms, and such, the average time in our care is only 2 weeks.
this is a great sadness to us, as it is a stat that shows how reluctant folks are to accept our help, how misunderstood what we do is, and how much more we could be doing.

one more thing- while hospice does mean that you are no longer receiving curative treatments, you are certainly free to withdraw at any time if something comes up that you want to try. if it fails, we take you right back.

[Retrograde]

20. It can be done either way

My mother had the option of care at home or in a hospice facility: this was 3 years ago.

[Hortensis]

21. :) A tremendous help, I imagine. This struck me also,

but they're doing a gofundme to raise money for care, and she's presumably in dreadful respiratory condition, so providing adequate high-tech care with normal home hospice may simply be out of the question. Especially if his real goal is to keep her alive until he has to let go.

[lunatica]

27. Yes. My mother had home hospice when she dies quite peacefully

She really hated hospitals so for her it was as nice as it can possibly be. She was comfortable and at ease and passed very gently.

[pnwmom]

35. There are at least two kinds of hospice. One kind is a hospice facility.

Maybe that's what their doctor recommended.

[mopinko]

2. i hope someone sets him straight.

dude, that is not even how hospice works.

[DesertRat]

16. A close relative of mine recently spent his final days in a hospice facility

Previous to that he received in-home visits by a hospice nurse a few times a week. He was transferred to their beautiful in-patient facility when his pain level and personal care became too much for his wife to manage at home.

[Dr Vegas]

5. Hospice

I think he doesn't understand what Hospice is. In New Jersey we had people come to my parents house for both of my Parents.
In fact my Dad wanted to die in his home not in a hospital, which is what he did, two and half years after he started Hospice.
My Mothers Hospice care ended when she moved to a Assisted Living Facility. There the Nuns who ran the place had their own Healthcare workers

[DesertRat]

17. My relative was in an in-patient hospice facility for his final days

https://longleafhospice.com/service/inpatient-hospice-care/

[barbtries]

6. my friend Marcia

had hospice care and never left home. He must know that right??

[Demit]

8. I think he might be referring to the fact that when you agree to hospice care, you

are agreeing to palliative care only. That is, no other treatment or surgeries for the disease.

[maryellen99]

10. That's what I take from it as well

If he puts in her hospice he thinks that he’s “giving up” on her.

[Caliman73]

12. I can see that and I hate to be pedantic but here I go...

It would be more clear if he had said, "The doctor said to put Val on Hospice but I can't do that. We are going to continue to fight for her and try to beat this." or something to that effect.

The options are Treatment, Hospice, or Do nothing and just let the person die in the particular agony that the illness dictates.

[Demit]

13. Why would he have to be clear for anyone? He wasn't exactly giving a TED talk.

I'm sure he knew what he meant.

[lindysalsagal]

24. Exactly. It's a legality. Nothing that prolongs life. You sign off on any life support or they won't

allow hospice to take over.

In hospice, they keep you happy and comfortable, meaning, they can administer drugs that could kill you. If you don't sign off on that, you can't have their care.

[Caliman73]

11. That is what Hospice does...

Hospice in a nutshell, is about dying in comfort and dignity. If the choice has been made to stop treatment, then Hospice is the way to go.

You don't "Put someone into Hospice". Hospice is not a place. Hospice is a program run by an agency that coordinates comfort and palliative care with physicians. You die naturally but with attention paid to pain management and personal, spiritual, and social preparation for death.

Like others have said, I hope someone explains that to him.

[DesertRat]

18. It often is a "place" too. There are different levels of hospice care

Sometimes the pain control and personal care needs are hard for the loved ones to manage at home, even with hospice nurse visits.

https://longleafhospice.com/levels-of-care/

[Hortensis]

26. Yes. Palliative care can also include treatment to extend life,

like palliative chemotherapy, but without curative expectations and sometimes is received as part of hospice care.

[hlthe2b]

15. She had done amazingly well for years, even outliving MTM. I'm sorry to hear she's at her end...

May she pass easily... Much love, Valerie.

[DeminPennswoods]

22. Hospice can be done at home

and it will take much of the burden off the family.

[GusBob]

23. Translation: what I want is more important than everyone else

he is a selfish fool

[cynatnite]

25. Is this his view on those who choose hospice care for loved ones?

Hospice provided so much for me and my family during my mother's final weeks. I'm a little offended by his views.

[FakeNoose]

28. I'm going to assume that he's carrying out her wishes

They must have talked it over, and this is how she wants to go.
We should respect their decision and not intrude.

[rebe303]

29. She is

A very beautiful and talented lady

[lpbk2713]

31. She has always been a fighter.

And I admire her for that.

[MBS]

32. Hospice can make home visits, too

(We did that for our parents; it made all the difference that they could stay at home).

[catbyte]

33. She has to be a real fighter. She was diagnosed with brain cancer in 2013.

Six years is actually quite amazing seeing how many who are diagnosed with the same condition die in as little as 3 months. I wish her a gentle passing.

[elocs]

34. Yeah, you can always depend on the "powers above" to do the right thing. n/t

[The_jackalope]

37. When my wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer

She refused all curative treatment from the outset. The oncologist immediately hooked us up with home palliative care without blinking an eye. The nurses who came to care for her were uniformly wonderful. they taught me about administering medication and the other essentials of home care. When she decided it was time to go, one of the palliative nurses accompanied the anesthesiologist who performed the procedure in our living room.

I was very happy she got home hospice, because it gave us the maximum amount of time together right until the end. Nothing is more important than time together with the person you love.

[Demovictory9]

40. beautiful story

[riversedge]

38. Loved her. I did not know she was ill. Peace to the family

[JudyM]

39. Such a favorite personality. I hope she's using cannabis for comfort and for fighting the cancer.

Assuming it’s not contraindicated for some reason.

[PDittie]

41. "Her family recently announced ..."

"... a GoFundMe account had been established to help pay for Harper's medical care."



Medicare for GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING ALL