Fear Holds Us Back. Most Americans Are Afraid of Anyone Who Is Unfamiliar.

[MineralMan]

I was thinking about this just yesterday. When I was 21 years old, I was in the USAF and had been assigned to work on a base in Turkey, on the Black Sea coast. I was excited to be in a country where I did not speak the language and where the people were part of a culture different from my own. I was also a bit nervous, because everything around me was different. I was not afraid, though.

So, I took advantage of free Turkish language classes on the base and started exploring as soon as I knew enough Turkish to be polite, ask directions, and count. I spend much of my off-duty time in the city of Samsun, exploring and learning. What I discovered was that almost all of the Turks I met were friendly, curious, and helpful. A lot like most of the people I met wherever I was.

But, here's the odd thing: Of the 600 guys stationed at that remote base in Turkey, a large majority never left the confines of the base. That majority never ventured into the city of about 50,000 people, despite there being a bus that made a continuous loop from the base to downtown Samsun. That majority didn't learn any Turkish, and apparently had no curiosity about the people who lived in the country where we were guests.

I asked some people if they wanted to come with me and explore Samsun. I heard really stupid excuses for not doing so. "The Turks would just as soon slit your throat as look at you." "Samsun stinks." "No way...why would I want to do that?"

Fear. That's what it was. And that's what it is with many people's attitudes toward immigrants who find their way to this country. We are afraid of people who do not look like us, talk like us, and worship like us. We are afraid of people who come here, and they, much more rightly, are afraid of us.

Fear is why we fail.

[Polly Hennessey]

1. I have traveled the world.

When young because of my father, later because of my work. Every country I have lived in I found the local people charming, funny, and gracious. The one exception were the Parisienne’s annoyingly haughty attitude. I do remember a sweet waiter at a restaurant who convinced me to try snails 🐌. Loved them. Perhaps the Parisienne’s have mellowed a bit since last I encountered them. 🥰 The cliche is true: the people are, for the most part, wonderful; it is governments that bring misery.

[MineralMan]

8. Exactly. I've never been to Paris, but I've been

to other places in France. Nice people were the ones I met.

[Igel]

2. I've had students like that.

They're really uncertain.

In some cases, they're new immigrants. Language issues, cultural issues.

In other cases, they've moved to a school with different demographics, and they've only ever been in a school where they were the clear majority, in a segregated neighborhood, frequented businesses in that neighborhood. They're afraid not because of anything actually done or said to them, but because of what they've been told by parents and such that the other students will do and say to them--or, worse, if they don't actually do/say those things, they're certainly *thinking* them. So the new students show up with all kinds of preconceptions, and when one idiot does or says something amiss immediately it's confirmation that that's what *all* of that idiot's group will do/say/think. Often they don't do well and just want to move back to where they feel safe, even if that meant moving back to a much worse school.

[MineralMan]

6. It's difficult being a stranger. Scary, too.

I understand that. Different people handle it differently, I suppose. Some simply avoid dealing with the new surroundings at all, though. It is their loss, in my opinion.

[milestogo]

3. The solution for that is to go beyond one's comfort zone.

Live in a neighborhood or apartment building that is racially diverse. Go to a place of worship or club that is racially diverse. Get to know people of other races.

This involves an intentional commitment, but it works.

[MineralMan]

7. Yes. You have to overcome your fear

and get started. A smile helps. Knowing even a little of a language helps. Even just "hello, goodbye, thank you, I'm sorry, and excuse me" will do in a pinch. You can learn those expressions in five minutes for any language. In most places on this planet, someone will almost always have some English, so you can go from there.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

4. I don't think that attitude is limited to Americans, but

because this country is so large and the only countries you can get to without a long flight or sea voyage are Canada and Mexico, many Americans seldom are exposed to anyone "different." People who live in Europe (which has its share of xenophobes, too), for example, can easily travel from one country to another; we can't. But humans are basically tribal and clannish, and throughout history we have demonstrated that fact; anyone who isn't like us can make at least uneasy and at worst frightened and hateful. America's geography just makes it that much easier to be that way, and the so-called American exceptionalism that's dumped on us from childhood reinforces it. "We're better than those other people in those other places, so why should we visit their shithole countries or have anything to do with them at all?"

[MineralMan]

5. I suppose you're right, but I also think that

a lot depends on the attitude you show in unfamiliar surroundings affects your experience.

In my own experience, it has always seemed that if you go out into strange surroundings with a smile on your face and after learning enough of the local language and customs to be polite, you don't encounter negative attitudes toward you.

I remember going into a local beer hall in a smaller city in Germany once. My German is terribly weak, but I can say hello, please, thank you and understand a little more vocabulary than that. I had been walking through the city and was thirsty, so I walked in to get a beer. Clearly, the place had a local clientele, since the moment I walked through the door, all eyes turned to me, and the expressions were not particularly friendly, but weren't particularly unfriendly. It was more a "Who the heck is this stranger."

So, I sat down at a stool at the counter or bar, a couple of stools from the nearest person. The man behind the bar walked over and looked questioningly at me. "Ein bier, bitte," I said, with a smile. The man asked what I assumed was "Which beer, dude?" I made a shrugging gesture, so the guy drew a pint of his choice. I paid for it. Everyone was still staring at me.

So, I took a healthy swig of my beer, smiled, and said, "Sehr gut!" loud enough for people to hear. Instantly, the normal conversation started up again in the place. The man nearest me struck up a conversation with me in English, and I was no longer some weird stranger there. I stayed for a couple of more beers and chatted with several people who came over and could speak English much better than I could speak German.

Now, I might have assumed that I was unwelcome in that local Bierhalle and might have felt like leaving. I didn't assume that, though, and did my best to show that I appreciated being there. It worked out fine, as I expected it would.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. But people have to seek out those experiences in the first place.

Many people don't go to unfamiliar places at all, let alone with a friendly smile on their faces. I've known people who didn't even want to go to ethnic restaurants where the staff was from another country and the food was unfamiliar. Their idea of exotic cuisine was Taco John's or spaghetti and meatballs at The Olive Garden. The thought of a trip to Eat Street (Nicollet Ave. between Lake and Franklin in Minneapolis, ever been there?) would be disturbing; a trip to Germany frightening; a trip to Thailand unthinkable.

[MineralMan]

11. Yes. Fear keeps them from experiencing anything different.

Too bad for them.

When it comes to food, I'm an adventurer. I seek out the places where I'm the least comfortable and know the least about the cuisine. I can't say I've enjoyed it all, but at least I've tried it.

We are truly blessed in the Twin Cities with a wide range of restaurants from pretty much all cuisines.

[Bayard]

10. I think that is true

It can happen here by just moving or traveling to another part of the country.

The nicest, most accepting and open people I've ever met were in New Mexico. It was obvious even on the flight out there the first time. People from the Midwest (where we were coming from), sat tight-lipped and staring straight ahead. New Mexicans that were headed back home were talking to everyone else, laughing, and meeting no strangers. When we arrived, we were continually invited into people's homes, that didn't know us at all. We almost moved there.

Compared to where we did move in Central Calif. Despite living there for 12 years, we were continually treated with suspicion and downright hatred by some neighbors. We were different, and had the nerve to be continually improving our little farm. Perhaps it was the small town in the mountains.

[MineralMan]

12. That's true. Small towns can be tough to become part of.

[Brawndo]

13. Fear and also many are simply incurious

It comes, in part, from being weened on the assertion that this is the greatest country in the world. The "logic" being, why check out anything non-american if it isn't the greatest? Mental midgets who are either fearful or worse, apathetic.