Survivor's Guilt ....
I am fortunate, I am blessed. I have single payer, national health care. It is an "unintended consequence" of my wanting to be able to express my antiwar opinions at the dinner table by enlisting in Navy in in Feb '72 two years after my exposure to the lottery.
When I got out of the navy, I got a job at the Brecksville VA hospital. The first day home from work I asked my wife that no matter what that I would never end up in a VA hospital.
Insurance was no problem: at that time every employer offered some sort of health insurance.
Years later, not so much.
I was at fifty-five suddenly without insurance and my wife started the paperwork for me to go to VA. I went because I do know the power dynamics in our home unit. And I knew she'd see how bad it was and that would be the end of it.
In 2012 I had a minor, ignorable sort of symptom of something. No pain, but an occasional dribble of blood in my urine. As soon as I had noticed it several times, I went to VA. It turned out to be bladder cancer.
Five surgeries to remove tumors, one partial excision of my colon, two rounds of BCG (which has a very high rate of success but not for me) and a biopsy later: I still have that cancer.
The biopsy determined that the cancer is not going to be responsive to either chemo or radiation but hadn't broached the wall of the badder.
The theory is that if the cancer is only in the bladder then .....
And so here I am going for at least one more very serious surgery tomorrow.
What my mixed feeling are about are: there's been a lot of money spent to keep me going (has to be close to a million) and I do worry about how many small children could be in a program for wellness with what VA has spent on on this one old man. About how many people much more productive than me are dying over inability to come up with insurance premiums and I am living because I wanted to eat Turkey at Thanksgiving and tell my dad how wrong he was about the war. About a President who is operating contrary to the interests of the majority and even against the interests of his average joe MAGA hat supporter.
No matter what happens there's a terrible killing problem with healthcare in this country but not for me.
Survivor's guilt.
See you all in a week or so.
MFalls.
= new reply since forum marked as read
I know how you feel, due to my poverty I get Medicaid which covers everything and leaves me no co-pays. I wish for everyone to get the same benefits I have.
But anyway, sending good vibes to you and good luck in surgery! I’m sure you’ll do great 
I, for one, am glad you are a survivor
the world is a better place with you sharing the planet with us
Good thoughts...
...
I joined the Navy in 1969. Did 2 Westpac cruises. After St. Ronnie 
changed the rules of eligibility, I didn't think I was eligible. Then, in 2010, I was laid off from my job. My wife had passed away the previous year, and COBRA was unaffordable, so in desperation, I applied for VA care. Imagine my surprise when I was told that, because I had been "in country", and may have been exposed to Agent Orange, I was eligible. 
As it turns out, when they sprayed in in the jungle, it made its way into the groundwater, then into the rivers and streams and finally into the Gulf of Tonkin, where Navy ships desalinated the water for cooking, bathing and drinking.
Thoughts and prayers for your recovery.
And a safe and speedy recovery - we'll need you on MIRT for the election! 
